Don’t be her man, be her friend

Society often teaches men that grand gestures of love and romance are needed in order to make a woman fall or stay in love.  The problem is that it really isn’t true.   Because I’m going through what I’m going through with my wife, I’ve been somewhat emotionally unavailable.  This put me in a space of wanting relations without the relationship.   From there and knowing the fact that I’m not really emotionally available,   My female friends sort of give me the skinny of how they feel on certain topics, especially ‘nice guys’.   Here’s what I’ve learned.

We/They are just too damn clingy.   If i can be real, even though I tried to give my wife freedom or space to go out with her friends or hang out or whatever, I  cared too much about her.  It gave the impression of desperation.

Women don’t like to be held to a higher standard.    They want to have the freedom to just be themselves without the pressure of feeling judged.  Being too nice makes them feel that they have to play the role of a princess.   It explains why they are attracted to the ‘bad boy’.   If he has a lot of ‘options’ or is seen as attractive, she’ll have sex to see what it’s all about.  You just can’t give off desperation to be with her.     The key is not to get attached to them or see them as wifey material.   The ‘temporariness’ of the whole situation makes them feel more comfortable.

She can be human without the added pressure of hurting someone.  Not saying that they are all hoes or thots or whatever (not saying they aren’t either).  They just like the idea or option of being able to exercise that right that without crushing someone’s world.   The nice guy gives off the impression that if they exercise that option, he’d be crushed and hurt.  That’s a lot of pressure in the current environment of infinite options for many of them.

You have to maintain a sort of aloofness when it comes to dealing with them.  Even though it might seem that they want the dedicated guy.  In actuality, they don’t.   In fact you have to maintain a certain distance in order to get closer.   You really can’t give a fuck about what she does in order to stand a chance.  Even that doesn’t guarantee anything, but a sure way of getting rejected is making her think that she is your world.

She doesn’t want your love man.  We as man often exchange love for validation.  That’s unattractive.

I’m not saying don’t be nice or cool or friendly.   In fact, be those things.    All I’m saying is that we have stop the notion of trying to control her.  Control actually comes from not caring and the less you care, the more control you have ironically.   We have to learn to not get attached or possessive.

We have to love from a distance, allow her to pretty much do whatever the fuck she wants to do, but always stand up and be upfront for what we want.   Most importantly always willing to walk the fuck away if she gets out of pocket.    Never take it personally.   Just be cool.

 

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