Month: April 2024

Provider or Slave

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

One conversation that’s constantly being thrown around in this ‘gender war’ is the the 50/50 question. Should a married couple split the bills 50/50 in a househould? Obviously there are many factors that come into play when asking this question, but, is this an acceptable standard?

In my personal opinion, it’s kind of a nonsensical question on the surface as I believe that couples should go 100/100 in a relationship. 100/100 means that both parties bring their best to the relationship whether it is financial, emotional, or domestic support. From my perspective, this means it’s like an ‘all hands on deck’ type of situation. Whatever talents or resources you have, it goes to the ‘relationship’ first as a general rule of thumb. Sometimes, this isn’t possible or practical, but in most cases, you bring all that you have. Sometimes one person ends up bringing more and sometimes the other, but you give what you can if you have it to give. It’s really more about equity than equality.

50/50 implies (to me anyway), that your job ends when you meet your partner half-way. To me, that’s a losing strategy because in reality, there will be times in a lifetime of marriage where you or our partner won’t be able to meet you halfway. It also seems selfish because your job is to sacrifice to family. It’s not so much about how the marriage serves you, but how well you can serve the marriage. If both people take the onus on them and have the willingness to carry the load, then in theory, it works out better because grudges and score won’t be kept. You just do what needs to be done. This of course only works if both people have the same intent. Both people have to the mentality of a ‘giver’ to the relationship even though there are times where you necessarily have to take. This is like any endeavor where you focus on the ‘love’ of the thing rather than the outcome. Typically, the more love you put into, the better the outcome is. But if your focus is more or less on the outcome than the love, then when difficulties come, you’re discouraged and tend to walk away from it.

The provider male mentality where the man is expected to provide 100% of the lifestyle and income is just another manifestation of 50/50 in my opinion. The typical gender roles don’t address situations where one person is unable to no longer provide the same things that they did. If the man loses his ability to provide the same lifestyle or income, then the woman no longer sees him ‘holding up to his end of the bargain.’ At the same time, it gets exhausting as a woman to have to carry the burden of doing everything around the house and raising the children. What if she gets sick and can’t take care of the house. What happens if she’s going through hormonal stresses and it’s hard for her to get in the mood for sex (assuming she’s not just being a selfish cunt about it). What if he loses sexual attraction to her because he craves variety?

Provider relationships also create scenarios where the woman has barely any negotiation leverage….especially if she doesn’t have money and financial opportunity if he were to leave or become abusive. This is why you have so many women who’s mentality is to have a savings that the man doesn’t know about just in case he decides to leave her. I also think that this is why so many of our Grandfathers were cheaters and abusive. Absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely.

Obviously I am not a fan of thinking that a man should necessarily provide 100% of the income in today’s age. If it makes sense in your household, then there are scenarios where this is perfectly reasonable. But in today’s age, it’s not always a necessary duty in my opinion.

It made sense when women did not have opportunity to go out and get money or resources. These traditional roles were created during traditional times. When I see women still advocating this, I think that many of them are just lazy and want a free ride. When I see men advocating this, I think that it’s just power move. Single mothers have shown that they are perfectly capable of having a job and raising kids on their own. NO it’s not easy to do alone, but it is and has been done. Many American men still believe that “a man’s money is OUR money, but the woman’s money is HER money.”…. Again, this goes against the idea of equity and fairness in a relationship. Who is she “Cleopatra” or something? Does she want a husband or another daddy?

If a man is wealthy and can take on the financial load alone, then fine. I think that he would have a difficult time knowing if his woman is with him for him and the greater good….or if she’s just with him for the lifestyle. But it’s on him, good luck with that. The average person in today’s society however doesn’t have the luxury. I mean why should a man have to work extra hours to support a stay at home woman. Doesn’t he also want to spend more quality time with his children? He also has to find time for quality alone time with his wife.

Some people like to use the bible to support the idea that a man should take on the responsibility of being the sole or primary breadwinner. I haven’t seen any scripture that indicates this. It does say that a man should provide for his family. However, there is so much more that a man can provide other than finances and a lifestyle. Personally, I’d want to provide financially for my family, but I could see the scenario where IF MY WOMAN made way more than me and it was cheaper for me to stay at home and raise the children, then I could for a temporary amount of time until they got old enough to get out of daycare. But this goes back to the utilitarian/equity type of relationship. *The only caveat with this is that i truly believe that most women would end up losing respect based on her subconscious conditioning. It would probably end up detrimental to the relationship for this reason alone.

Another argument is that women say that since they have to bear the children, then they deserve the ‘soft life’. They claim that since the man benefits off of her carrying his ‘legacy’ then he should shoulder most of the responsibility. First of all, most women ALSO want kids. It’s not just his legacy, it’s both of their legacy. That kid contains 50 percent of each person’s dna. In most animals, the female is also responsible for providing resources for the offspring anyway so this isn’t like men or looking for a shortcut to circumvent ‘nature’ or anything. IF anything, we’re creating an artificial environment when we do stay and help raise the kids….if we are looking at nature. Single human mothers have shown that they are capable to doing it alone anyway. So I think that nature argument is bad. Don’t mad at males for not having to birth children. Argue that one with God. But as someone who loves, I take on the responsibility of raising and providing for OUR children. I am grateful, but it still doesn’t make her a God or anything. She’s just a female human/ woman to me. I love and care for her more, but it is what it is.

I don’t know how women could be feminists when feminism was supposed to be about equality. I don’t know how they could co-sign the idea of men being basically financial slaves and ATMs. If she can also work and help provide for the household, then I don’t know why shouldn’t have the responsibility of also sacrificing her resources towards the family as well. It’s OUR FAMILY and therefore OUR responsibility to give what WE have.

I know that men and woman are not the same, but I do consider us as equals. So I expect to treat them with equality. I don’t put them on pedestals. This means that I expect accountability. This also means that she can hold me accountable if I’m not doing the right things. Chivalry is great and all, and I do out of the kindness of my heart. I see it as a gesture of love, but I don’t see it as my duty. Otherwise, we end up how we are today…..Women feeling entitled to it and not showing any gratitude for it.

Men who proclaim themselves as ‘provider’/’traditional’ men say it with pride. If that’s what they want to do, then it’s on them, but I think it’s kind of stupid. We no longer live in ‘traditional’ times. You don’t have to be a slave to a woman’s whims. It’s not noble. It’s just you being doormat. In my opinion, it shows a lack of self respect along with a lack of respect for a woman’s ability to contribute. How can you expect real respect if you have to buy it off of someone? These guys make it bad for the rest of us because they set up unrealistic expectations. They co-sign women’s selfishness and make it seems as if they’re supposed to be on a pedestal. It’s just another form of prostitution if they have to buy their woman’s love.

In reality, if a woman truly loves you, then she wants to build with you. Sure, you can buy one of these demons’ love. But best believe it is transactional and based on superficial conditions. I’d go so far to say that ‘love’ isn’t really a feeling. It’s a principle that guides your actions. Someone can “love” you today and hate you the next. Most people who ‘fell in love’ once felt like they loved their object of affection, but because their feelings got less intense, then so did their dedication towards that person.

If most people’s ‘love’ is just a feeling based on attraction or meeting someone meeting their wants or need at the time, then it’s not something that I could recommend altering your life for. A starving person will eat trash out of the garbage can. But once that hunger is satiated, they aren’t grateful for the food anymore. Love then (as practiced by most it seems) is just a temporary satiation of something they once desired. Transactional and 50/50 relationships therefore aren’t based on the principle of love. It’s based on a temporary feeling of satiation.

This is one reason why I’m no longer so “impressed” or “pressed” when a woman tells me that she “loves me”. I believe her, but I also think that it’s just an intense emotion that she’s feeling at the time and that could change any day. There are certain principles at play for instance when we love our kids, real friends, pets, and even family members. Therefore, we are more inclined to operate with a certain sense of ‘selflessness’ when it comes to what we do for them. Just because they don’t do what we want or they let us down sometimes, we still do what we must do to protect and provide for them.

For me, it’s an automatic red flag when a woman is attracted based on money, status, or superficial reasons. This is why, for the life of me, I cannot understand how men with money AND clout really “fall in love” with a woman who knows about their status. I could feel intense attraction for a woman, but it’s not like I’d put my heart and soul into her. I’ve been there enough to know that those feelings that she has for me are temporary at best and it’s not based on a principle of now that I know you, I want the best for you even if I don’t directly benefit off of it.

My ex-lover is a perfect example of this. We were “friends” for about 4 years. Things got intense, but I never got the sense that she truly loved me as a real friend. She said certain small things that made me aware of it at the time…..ie. she only dealt with me because of the sex and she liked my body…..as if that was supposed to make me feel more deeply for her. But regardless, we went through many things together and have a ton of stories (ups and downs, wins and losses) together.

After realizing that romantic relationship probably wasn’t going to materialize, she decided to completely block me. I never abused her, always kept it real with her, usually there when she needed me to help. I supported her in her endeavors, never discouraged her. I was a listening ear. Dealt with her ‘imperfections’, attitude, mouth. Accepted apologies when she was wrong and apologized when I was. I was quite literally a shoulder she could cry on. I accepted her flaws as a person. But I wasn’t a fool. I figured that despite her constantly telling me that in addition to a lover, I was a great friend to her, ….I knew the love that she had was selfish and that someday….IF she ever had an opportunity for greener grass or if she FELT like I no longer served the needs that I was fulfilling in her life, she’d just abandon me. In the coldest way possible if convenient. Much like STBXW did.

4 good years and now I’m blocked. Not to say that we had to besties….. But if I had taken that ‘pillow talk’ seriously, I’d be really upset about that in the end. She didn’t really love me. I mean she did with her feelings at the time, but not in principle. I’m really not mad about it, but just used it as an illustration to prove a point.

You’d think that she’d occasionally check up on me to see how things were. Not even to get together, but as a ya know….. friend. All that say that despite all of that, if she ever needed me for something, I’d still help if I could. I know that the sentiment of real love/friendship isn’t reciprocated by her, but real love isn’t always reciprocated. I’d just stand on the principle that I know who she is and I accept that. I’m just not foolish enough to trust her LIKE THAT with my heart.

I know that I probably come across as a pretentious ‘nice guy’. But I’m ok with that. I am loyal, to a fault. I think that I truly do love. I accept people who they are, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to be a fool about it. I used to be a man who took “i love you’s” at face value. But now that I understand what most women mean by it, it’s hard for me to quite see them in the same way. I think this is why the mantra, “she’s never yours, it’s just your turn” resonates so well with me. Doesn’t mean that I can’t have love for her, but it does mean that her proclamation of “love” for me doesn’t really say as much as it once did. We may both “love” each other, but it’s not the same. For me, it’s the principle, for her it’s based on her feelings at the time.

She-Robot

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

STBXW came down for the week and this time I decided to stand on business. She is welcome to see our kid anytime, but she can’t stay /spend the night. This is a much easier ask because she hasn’t been helping with any of the bills. I don’t know, maintaining boundaries is much harder and complicated than I thought.

I allowed her to stay the first night because of logistical reasons. I didn’t want to make a big deal about her not staying overnight since her mother also requested to stay overnight. She lives a hour and a half a way, but due to personal things going in her life, it was just much easier for them to stay over.

I informed STBXW that this was the ONLY reason she was allowed to stay that night. She thought that I was being ‘unreasonable’, and I get it, but I have to be. Otherwise, she’ll continue to just take advantage and take my kindness for weakness. Not to say that me standing up will make her change her ways, but I find myself in a lose/lose situation each time. I don’t want to necessarily have to be the asshole. I feel a little bad about still holding things personally. Her father also passed this weekend, but I can’t allow that to change my decision. Things like this happen. I felt sorry for her when her grandmother (who she was much closer to) passed away. I did everything in my power to be there, drove to her home town, attended the funeral, attended the family gatherings, and yet during that time, she continued texting/calling her ‘then’ affair partner updating him about everything. When my dad died, she didn’t even come to the funeral. Not that I needed her there anyway, but just saying.

One of my biggest complaints is that she doesn’t really help in the day to day with our son. I told her under no unclear terms that I don’t respect the fact that I think she’s being very selfish when it comes to me and kiddo. That I believe that the ONLY reason she’s deciding to live so far away is due to someday hoping that her current ‘love interest’ will someday “see the light” and upgrade her to the main girl……and take her out of the side chick position.

Of course she lied and said that she’s no “side chick”. I know that she’s still dealing heavily with the guy, but as not to blow “how I know it”. I didn’t argue with her and told her that she can lie to herself and everyone, but she’s not lying to me. The so called “extra money” that she’s making up there isn’t nearly enough to justify living so far away from kiddo and not being present. If it were, then she should have no problems with providing financial assistance. So obviously, she has alternative motives for being there. Besides, covid has been over with and nurses are no longer getting that astronomical covid pay that nurses were once getting.

It makes it hard on me because I am unable to get a part time job to supplement my income. As of now, I can ‘barely’ make all ends meet alone, but it would be much easier if we could act like co-parents and help each other out. Now that she’s no longer providing financial assistance nor time, then it just feels unfair to have me out here doing everything alone.

She thinks that it’s unfair to have to have pay for half of the bills since she doesn’t live there and in a sense, I could somewhat agree. But in reality, every since she left (and even before, I was paying the most anyway). After all, since I am limiting my income due to time constraints, staying an a more expensive side of town so that he can be in a great school district, commuting 2 hours per day, doing all of the housework, being a chauffer for kiddo, spending extra on his activities, and pretty much acting as a single parent, then the least she could do is send home the money I’m requesting. Not to mention that my personal social life pretty much non existent at this point. Not to mention that even if I do find a woman to deal with me despite my lack of time (and expendable resources at this point), we are still technically married because she won’t sign off on the paperwork. I can’t even tell kiddo that I’m out on a ‘date’ because we haven’t explicitly told him even though I know that he knows we’re not exactly acting like a married couple.

In essence, she’s making my life much harder than it would already be. And the thing that pisses me off the most is that she’s doing it so that she can be some asshole’s (who is also cheating) side chick. I don’t respect that and even if she did grant me the divorce, I still don’t respect people who knowingly engage with ‘taken’ people. It’s like she cares more about the dream of being with him than being here for her own child. It’s still a stretch to say that making more money would justify this. Money isn’t everything, but I could almost forgive it if she were truly making a difference or had a plan to actually better help secure his financial future.

My pride has gotten the best of me in this because after the conversation about sending money home, it pissed me off to where I didn’t negotiate for her to send something. I’m not going to beg her to send anything and not only that, if she is sending something, then she feels that she has the right to come down whenever she likes and spend the night. Even if she were sending money home, I personally don’t want to be around such a diabolical person ….even if it is for the ‘greater good’ of seeing our kid. Besides, in my opinion, if he really meant that much to her, then she’d have been here a long time ago helping me raise him. As a nurse practitioner, there is no reason why she cannot find a great paying job in this area, pay her bills, not pay me anything (as she is doing now), but at least it would give me the opportunity to work extra and make more money. We could split the responsibility of kiddo and neither of us would have to do it all alone. We made him together in good faith, but she reneged on her responsibility.

She gets dickmatized by some douchebag and forgets all of her her responsibility, destroys her own household (and potentially others), friendships, and relationships, all in pursuit of her own “happiness.” It’s like she can’t understand that the reason why she feels so”unhappy” is because she started wanting something that’s not hers and that she shouldn’t have been pursuing anyway. In her mind, I think that she justifies it by believing that if she were happy, then she wouldn’t be doing it in the first place. As if she doesn’t have any moral agency or say in any of this. I don’t buy her version of this chicken and egg story because she never actually sat down with me and tried to ‘fix’ whatever issues she had. The whole time, she had me believing that things were ok with us so I was completely blindsided by the first affair and her subsequently wanting to just burn everything to the ground. Even in retrospect, there is no way that I could have slept next to this woman every night for 7 years and NOT KNOW that she had major issues with the marriage. We didn’t even argue that much for heaven’s sake. We never did since we had known each other.

We fell completely the hell out when she got busted in her first affair because she never took accountability for it and she never stopped acting like she was single since. I could accept that but damn, why not just work with me and sign non contested divorce papers. It makes 0 sense to go 10k plus in debt to hire divorce attorney when she wanted out first and now we BOTH want out.

She is the perfect example of why they say “Men will sacrifice their happiness for his family while women will sacrifice their family for her happiness.”

Her solution to me complaining about all this…..”Well let him move with me.” As if this is acceptable in any kind of way. Most of his close family on both sides live much closer to me and kiddo. He was born here, He was raised here, his friends are here. The schools are great, neighborhood safe, and he has so much diversity unlike most areas. At one time, we both agreed that this is great place to raise a child. It’s not even a option for me to move close to her because the cost of living is way too high for me and I have no family, friends, and less support. Her justification is that other ‘families’ do it separately….. as if could really give a fuck about what other people are doing. I have no idea why she feels that we should uproot our lives so that she can continue being a “side chick.” Especially considering that even IF old buddy is foolish enough to leave his situation, the odds are that they won’t work out for long anyway given both of their characters.

I don’t trust her to do the right thing by him anyway as she tends to allow the tingles in her vjj to lead her actions instead of logic, principle, morals, and just doing what’s right. I can’t trust her with primary custody of our kid. She has obviously shown that what she wants is way more important that what he needs.

She says that my problem is that I act as if I was perfect. To me this is such an disengenous argument because as I mentioned, she knows that i had never cheated on, abused, ignored, nor kept her from pursuing her dreams. I provided, cooked, cleaned, and more than equitably split the household chores. I led us as a family to church and family bible studies. I played a very ACTIVE ROLE in our kid’s life. I supported her when she went back to school…even helping her study sometimes. I wasn’t perfect, but in my opinion (and a few others if you ask them outside looking in), I was a pretty good husband. At least by comparison to what a lot of women/wives tend to complain about.

How could you compare if I….I don’t know, forgot that she told me about an upcoming event or something to lying, cheating, or mentally abusing someone. Noone is perfect and I never said that I was, but anything she might accuse me of seems minor by comparison. There are levels to this and my imperfections do not compare to the fuckery and toxicity she’s introduced into this situation.

Besides, if she’s willing to be a side chick for years now, then I can’t see anything that I allegedly did or not do even come close to what she’s putting up with from him. As a side chick, he isn’t buying her anything expensive. She claims that she wished that we ‘traveled’ more, but from what I can tell, he hasn’t taken her anywhere. She’s sharing him with his girlfriend/baby’s mother, so sexual exclusivity obviously isn’t a deal breaker. I haven’t seen her wear any new jewelry or rocking any new bags. Her hair is usually a mess when I see her. Her bot ass simply sees him on the occasion that he can get away and spend a few hours with her. They aren’t doing REAL life together so it’s much easier for him to put on a facade that everything is great. Hell, if she isn’t requiring much from him and he can still get the booty anytime he likes, then of course things are going to be just fine. I just don’t respect her mentality on this.

I’m not jealous of him because, based on what I can see, he treats her like I’ve treated other women who happened to like me way more than I like them…….I keep it real, and let them know about my situation, but I’m not going out of my way to be with her like that. Of course I like(d) them, to be fair, loved them as individual people sometimes, but those red flags led me to believe that this isn’t someone worth “jumping out of the window for”. In fact, I was willing to let them go if things either got too hard or if they decided that this just wasn’t for them anymore. I wasn’t about to ‘fight’ and do whatever to keep them around. There are just certain character traits (for me anyway) that put a woman in a position of WIFEY or situationship/friend with benefit. I obviously wouldn’t protest against it because I did like the benefits, but I wasn’t necessarily trying to make them change because a person is who they are. If STBXW is being real about me and our kid (probably a stretch that she really is), then I could see how he’d just enjoy the benefits, but not really desire to take her on seriously….even if he and his woman are at odds at times. Even if she is lying about me, then I’m sure he can peep subtext of what she’s saying. I think that men (once we get a certain age) generally can see red flags even if we won’t say anything about them.

Given that it seems to be true that you don’t really have to lie to women (they will lie to themselves if they like you), i think this is what’s probably going on here. She’s lying to herself for sure, I suspect that he knows this or else he would have tried to make her his ‘wifey’. She’s up there playing herself, and as usual, it’s a bad look for me, our son, our family, and mostly her. You would think that if she really was sincere, learned her lesson, trying to repent and become a decent woman, she’d at least try to make things right at home (aka grant the noncontested divorce) instead of still being married in these streets and lying about her efforts in trying to make the divorce happen.

Ironic that as a man… and knowing what I know about her….. I could put her on game, but she wouldn’t listen to me anyway. I suspect that she lies to people close to the situation (or lies by omission)….to be honest, I don’t think she can tell the difference when she’s lying and when she’s telling the truth these days anyway. In addition to being ‘estranged’ from me, it’s like she’s also ‘estranged’ from the truth. I’d almost pity her if it wasn’t so disrespectful to me.

Is it even possible to find the balance between accepting her for WHO SHE IS without enabling her terrible behavior? And is it even worth not enabling her because this doesn’t seem to be a lesson that I can teach her either way? Still though, I have to maintain boundaries because as a man, I have to stand on principle.

304 OD

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

Man, they say that there is nothing new under the sun. When I was younger, I used to LOVE looking at, searching for, and dreaming about hooking up with a ho. Whenever I saw a woman wearing skimpy or revealing clothing, it would drive me wild. I’d stare, sometimes cat call, and basically give her all sorts of attention and validation. I was a lot like those animated cartoons who just lost control at the sight of an attractive scantily clad woman.

These days though, it seems that I find it a bit distasteful and and “simpish” to just chimp out over a woman because of her “assets”. To me, it’s the height and epitome of simp behavior to give women validation simply because she’s showing off her body. I never leave comments under thirst traps and often feel at bit indignant over the guys who leave heart eye and fire emojis.

I think that it’s for several reasons. 1)the validation goes to their heads and they end up thinking that they are ‘better’ than most guys because of the attention they’re getting. 2)It does represent women’s empowerment (in the wrong way) in the sense that it does cause men to become weak and illogical. It implies a loss of self control and 3)There are just TOO many hoes these days and not enough regular decent looking women. If she’s decent looking, then a lot of times, she wants to dress like a hoe in order to get attention. There are even a ton of unattractive women donning hoe attire.

It’s getting to the point….with me anyway, that I’d rather turn my head and act like I don’t see her before I give her any validation. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, it still does cause my heart to race and feel certain “tingles” or what not, but these days I wouldn’t allow this temporary loss of self control to inform my behavior towards her.

I now understand why Islamic cultures require that their women to cover up in public.

My younger sister and I had a debate about this a few weeks ago. She says that she sees nothing wrong with women wearing whatever they want. She also thinks that it’s ok for little girls on dance teams to wear whatever provocative clothing in their dance competitions. She says that men should be able to control themselves.

While I agree that men should be able to control our actions, we can’t necessarily control the biological reactions ….(increased heart rate, possible erection, intruding thoughts, or those tingly feelings in our guts). It’s annoying as hell to me at this point. If I go to the gym to work out, while I don’t mind looking at a woman in skin tight yoga pants (which actually enhances her shape), I don’t want to be distracted looking at her. My heart rate is already up there. In a sense, I do get ‘triggered’ (perhaps not emotionally), but biologically. As a straight man, this is something that I literally cannot help. Blame God.

I know that I sound ‘old’ for saying this, but i don’t think that it’s proper in a public setting. Plus, just because I can control myself, it doesn’t mean that other men can. Women complain that men sexualize them, but in reality, they sexualize themselves. They know damn well that they garner more attention when dressed a certain way. That complaint of being more “comfortable” doesn’t fly with me. They could be comfortable in sweats or even if they like the compression of yoga pants, just wear a pair of gym shorts over them. I do when I wear compression pants to the gym.

I could wear them without gym shorts, but I’m sure that other men don’t want to see my dick print when I’m wearing them alone. I don’t want to see other men’s print when working out so I reciprocate the favor. Plus you never know who might be looking.

I don’t know, I don’t trust women who seek validation for their bodies. It’s sort of like flexing designer clothes or rocking excessive jewelry in public, then getting mad because you are only attracting gold diggers. If women don’t want to keep attracting certain types of men, then you’d think that they’d dress more moderately. Sure many men are simps and will say and do anything to get pussy, but they will attract more of those men if they are dressed like thots.

I guess that now the secret is out that women are out here just fucking left and right, I’m thinking that they don’t really care about the type of attention they get. I’m starting to realize that the average woman is dick hungry and it’s never really a long cool-down period between the penises they ride on and suck.

They usually always have some ‘itch’ scratcher, and that guy usually isn’t in a relationship with them. Many seem to believe that this is ok because as they say ….if they aren’t married, then they are single. I don’t know why being single means that she has to be out here fucking every tom, dick, and harry that she finds attractive. In my perspective, it lowers her value and makes me not want to take a single one seriously. I understand that there are virtually no virgins out here after a certain age, but damn, a lot of these modern women will change dicks more often than the oil in their cars. I don’t care what people say, but it makes them less desirable for a long term situation. A once famous youtuber said that modern black women can’t seem to keep their mouths nor their legs closed. I found the word play hilarious at the time, but over time i found that seems to be truth.

It’s not surprising (to me anyway) that they often end up with men who don’t take them seriously. I mean I know that women have sex with other men, but damn, it’s like I find that the part of me that wants to love on one …. it just kills it for me and it’s hard to not see her as just a ‘fun’ time.

I think I’m not the only who thinks like this. I believe that ‘hook up’ culture and sexual liberation for women has severely diminished the dating culture. Just the idea that other men are blowing her back out and that she’s taking loads to the face from other guys kind of makes me see her as a ho. Even if I’m not paying outright for sex. I mean just imagine that this woman that you’re “in love with” just not even two months ago swallowed or rubbed some guys semen into her skin and she LOVED it at the time. I don’t know man, I probably gotta get over that, but it’s hard to imagine actually putting one on a pedestal and making her your queen….knowing that she was just kneeling b4 some douchebag begging for him to finish in her mouth.

I know what they’ve done to / for me, I know that I’m not really special, and so anything she did to me, I’m pretty sure she does for almost every other swinging dick in her face. Sex sort of loses its specialness in this context and it seems that this connection is just superficial / temporary …. at best. It’s like being hungry and having your favorite meal served to you on a dirty garbage lid. If you’re hungry enough, you’ll eat it, but once the hunger subsides, you’re like damn, that was pretty gross. It sort of ruins it for me, and I guess this is why post nut clarity usually makes me want to immediately pack up and leave.

This could also be another reason why I don’t really pedestalize women like that anymore. They don’t seem special. While I still enjoy sex, it’s like ok…. so…..now what. Perhaps I’m being a hypocrite in that I’ve also participated into the debauchery of a few women with no thoughts of making them a wife…..perhaps this is karma. But at this point, what can I do. Hoes just gonna ho. They’re going to keep ho’ing whether I participate in their whoredom or not. It’s like the only option moving forward is try not to fall in love (which should be pretty easy), realize she’s just my turn, and keep it cool.

Protect All Women

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

I saw a twitter video yesterday where allegedly, a Muslim MMA fighter brutally kicked a ring girl because he was offended by what she was wearing. After losing the fight, he got beat up by the crowd. The comments were ablaze with how much real men hate women beaters.

Actually, he didn’t brutally attack her. He sort of tapped her with a kick on her leg. It didn’t even knock her off balance. If this was his attempt at a brutal attack, then this guy should never come near a MMA ring. While i think it was in poor taste that he kicked her, the reaction of the comments sort of had me shook. The comments were full of people who over reacted, imho to this “brutal attack.”

Again, I thought the kick was in poor taste. I mean even IF in his country/culture, the women aren’t scantily clad….when in “ROME” you respect their customs and traditions. I personally don’t believe that you should go around touching people without their consent….even if it was a playful/passive aggressive tap.

I was a bit surprised by the comments where it seemed that most people were outraged. I wasn’t even mildly disturbed and honestly my first thought was, “what did she do to him.” I’m wondering if I’ve just seen women do too many grimy things to men only to play the victim when he retaliates against her. Being a victim of this several times in my life, I no longer feel this need to be ‘overprotective’ of women and give them the benefit of the doubt when I see these types of things. Unless I know her personally as person who doesn’t start shit with people.

Again, I think he was wrong for that and it was in poor taste. But for me it was just another “well damn” shoulder shrug type of situation.

I’m thinking that the world hasn’t really caught on to modern ‘red pill’ thought when it comes to women and it’s a bit eye opening to realize that for the most part….it seems that most of the world still has a ‘blue pill’ …..believe all women, all women are innocent, delicate creatures who can’t do any wrong type of mentality.

I used to believe this and had an overprotective mentality at some point in my life. But I’ve seen and know too much now. I tend to suspend my judgement these days into waiting to see both sides of the story. I know that some men are really animals and do deserve the judgment/punishment that befits their accusations. I do also know that some women tend to “poke the bear” because society has given them a pass to pretty much do whatever they want to a man while maintaining their innocence. There are typically no consequences; legally or socially when women abuse, lie on, falsely accuse, or instigate problems with men. I understand that historically, women have gotten a bad deal when it comes to these domestic issues, but it seems that pendulum has shifted too far and instead of simply correcting the issue, it has over corrected it. You have a lot of western women now taking liberties that aren’t fair and unfairly overplaying their position. Some really don’t believe that they should be held accountable for their actions simply because they are women. We live in this weird era where a lot of women still feel like victims despite having the law, society, and the court of public opinion heavily favoring their side of the story.

I’m just really surprised at the comments. Moreso how my views are so radically different than so many of the people in the comments. I saw a distasteful tap where as others saw a ‘brutal attack’ because a woman was involved.

It’s probably irony that I feel more like a feminist at this point. I believe in ‘equality’. This works both ways in my opinion. Here in the west, it seems that a lot of women want equality, but only when it works in their favor. It’s like many want equal treatment, but not equal responsibility. As a man, I cannot allow my emotions to get the better of me and act out of them because the consequences could be extremely dire. it’s like a lot of women can act an ass simply because “she’s emotional”.

I expect women to respect me in the same way that they want me to respect them. This is why when I see a woman start a fight with man and put her hands on him, disrespect him, spit on him, or anything else…..It’s hard to have the sympathy when he pushes her through the sheet rock. Not saying that he should exact all of his strength onto her (and I’m being generous with this), but he should be able to check her enough to let her know that “shit ain’t sweet over here” and that that behavior is unacceptable. I mean, if I walked up to a 6 foot 5, 260lb bouncer, smacked him in the face because I didn’t like what he said to me, and he hulk smashed me though the concrete, I’m pretty sure no one would feel sorry for me or even ask for a back story as to why I smacked him. They’d either assume I had it coming, or at the very least call me stupid for testing my life like that.

A few months ago, there as a viral story of a woman who accused a man of hitting her in the face because she refused to give him her number. She claimed that noone helped her as he “brutally attacked” her. There was a huge outcry against him and of course women and many men came to her defense. When I saw her interview, she reminded me of a few toxic women I’ve known and my first thought was that she’s probably lying.

Come to find out, someone had a video and she was instigating some guy, people who know her says that it’s not uncommon for her to “start stuff” with people, and that this wasn’t the first time she tried to scam people by playing the victim after being an instigator.

It’s even to the point now where when women talk about how bad their ex’s were to me, I no longer just take her word for it. Not saying that i necessarily don’t believe her, but I take it with a grain of salt. Especially if I get a certain vibe from her. In the past though, I used to pretty much take the woman’s side in whatever she said. She was innocent til proven guilty and men were guilty until proven innocent when it came to those types of situations.

I’ve gone through, experienced first hand, heard other men’s testimonies, and seen too much evidence on social media at this point to just take what she says as truth. It’s going to be interesting to see if other cultures how haven’t experienced this radical pendulum shift will keep that same energy if these modern times ever catch up with them.

Devil in a Black Dress

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

It’s spooky out here. Back when I was a professing christian, I used to find comfort in knowing that someone was also Christian. Perhaps I naively assumed that there was some level of predictability to their behavior. I knew that noone was perfect, but I think that I figured that at least there would be certain limits to their behavior.

Now days, it seems that as we as a nation are getting away from traditional ideas of christianity, there is no limit to how low people will sink in order to get what they want. STBXW has made me realize that some/many people really have no moral nor ethical reason to behave fairly or in a just manner.

The golden rule of “treat others as you’d like to be treated” isn’t a principle that they operate from. For me, it seems to be still ingrained into my psyche. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that my foundational belief is “do no harm”. I try to be as honest as possible and I don’t go around doing things to people that I wouldn’t want them to do to me.

The other day, I was thinking that perhaps I might be in the minority when it comes to this thought. It seems that many people don’t really give a fuck about you unless you can do something for them. Their love and respect only goes as a far as how much leverage you have over them. This seems to be especially prevalent when it comes to romantic relationships. It makes getting into a romantic relationship a dangerous proposition. The idea that real love exists between men and women seems to be just a fairy tale. If one party can convince the other to give them sincere love while not really reciprocating that sentiment, then they have a easy way to gain leverage and control over others.

It’s like people have no conscious now days and it’s just about what they can get out of others. They have no problem with lying or cheating. They don’t feel guilty or can be shamed into anything. There have no remorse for the actual harm they do and only feel bad if the ramifications somehow come and bite them in the ass.

It’s like, we only care about the money or clout. Character doesn’t really have much bearing over anything. It’s spooky out here. People are now bragging about being “on demon time” or being a demon. They are lovers of themselves and their egos.

As a 40 something year Gen X’er, I am old enough to remember simpler times when people still had a certain level of morals and values. I remember growing up in the 90’s where there was still some semblance of society trying to be better. I also remember the gradual shift from having more conservative christian values to more individual liberal ideologies. Songs like, “Express Yourself” by NWA and “Free Your Mind” by En Vogue encouraged people to start being more individualistic in their thinking. Unfortunately though, instead of just influencing people to be ‘individuals’ it also created an environment where “everything goes”.

One of the most damning memes from that era is when Tupac Shakur said “Only God can Judge Me”. While it does seem empowering on a certain level, if you go deeper, it creates a situation where no one is required to take accountability for their actions; Even if they are harmful to others or society as a whole. Because there is no shame and the most important truth is “my truth”, then people feel justified in all sorts of evils. There is no sense of responsibility to “love thy neighbor”. “Only God can Judge Me.”

Now days, people outright worship money and clout. They’ll say and do anything to get it. People openly have their souls for sale. Almost 30 years after that revolution, we can now see the fruits of that mentality. People really are demonic out here and it is manifesting before our very eyes. At one time, in the black community, people in general didn’t play around with demonic/satanic stuff. I mean some of the stuff was probably not the most wholesome things to do, but people wouldn’t really acknowledge the demonic inspiration it came from. Some stuff may have been unbiblical, but we wouldn’t outright put that aspect into the fore front.

If you look at some of the imagery in many if not MOST of the mainstream hip hop artists today, Demonic/Satanic imagery permeates the visuals. It’s not uncommon to see upside down crosses, pentagrams, 666 symbols and other wicked tattoos on people’s faces. Their ink looks like a ouija board. It looks like you could quite literally perform some sort of satanic /demon conjuring ritual on their bodies.

Women (especially black women) are starting to look like demons themselves with the long claw fingernails, colorful hair, eyelashes, color contacts, and outlandish make up. They really do look demonic and are acting as if they are possessed. They don’t even hide the fact that they are gold diggers who only want men for money or clout. They come online and matter of factly talk about the most depraved sexual acts they can think of. Our generation frequently talks about anal and oral sex on public platforms in such a matter of fact kind of way. Many of the younger women speak of liking to be spit into their mouths during sex. They speak as if having a “hoe phase” should be normal. They are proud to be baby mama’s. They don’t care who goes into their wombs as long as he has money or clout. They proudly proclaim their “love of money”.

Even the kids aren’t safe where it isn’t uncommon to see all sorts of demonic iconography in the anime cartoons and video games. I’m playing a mobile game right now where pretty much all of the main characters are inspired / named after actual demons in the book of demons called “The lesser keys of Solomon”. This is one of the most popular mobile games of this era and the target audience seems to be kids from ages 15 and up.

Yeah, we’re pretty much doomed in the west. There are times that I feel that I’m getting old and wish that I were young. I don’t “feel” old so to speak, but I do feel that I have a lot more knowledge, wisdom, and experience. Many things don’t feel “new” to me, but I have noticed a sort of intensity towards more profane things in this current era.

I wouldn’t even be surprised if homosexuality started to become a trend. As of now, even though it has gained a bit more tolerance, it’s still sort of a taboo for the most part. I fear that this gender war will encourage that type of behavior as more and more people start to accept homosexuality as a norm, sexual promiscuity is encouraged, and men and women are really starting to mistrust/mistreat/ and hate one another. It has to be noted that I don’t hate gay people nor do I fear them, but I don’t promote nor encourage that lifestyle. It’s still wrong in my opinion just as I also believe that people have the right to be racists, but I simply don’t have to agree with their ideology.

The destruction of the nuclear home is another byproduct of this depraved society. Women seem to be on the front lines now days in destroying their homes. It’s no longer uncommon to see women leaving their families and sacrificing their families in pursuit of their own personal happiness. At one time, this was something that was more common amongst “deadbeat” men. Now, women in droves are acting this way and are encouraging it.

Without any shame or repercussions, I think this situation will only continue to get worse. There are even an increasing number of people out here believing that marriage is pointless. Even though I share that sentiment, it’s mostly because of the casual manner in which so many women approach the significance of ‘tying the knot.’ They see it as just a checkmark. They seem to want the wedding (for ego purposes), but the actual marriage itself is optional once the “thrill is gone”

I don’t know where this society is headed. Perhaps society is evolving and we need to find some new standards to keep up with the advances in technology.

No Dog in the Fight

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

Recently I watched a video of a guy calling in to an online talk show looking for dating advice. This guy was a 28 year old college graduate and military vet. He seemed very disciplined, owned a home, gainfully employed, and seemed to have his shit together. He also seemed very well spoken and despite coming across as a bit “uptight”, he was humble enough to literally take notes on what the the host of the show had told him.

He was basically trying to figure out how to properly ‘vet’ a woman considering that he saw himself as a “high value” male.

I’d say that the guy’s biggest problem it seemed that he was a bit on the ‘square’ side. I could see how many women would consider him as lame or corny. He actually responded to my comment about how I thought he’d actually be the type of guy that I’d want my sisters or daughter (if i had one) to marry, but unfortunately, he’d probably be intimidating to a lot of women despite all of his accomplishments.

I’d think that most would probably use the excuse that they don’t feel any “chemistry” with him. This is a big thing in today’s society in that in addition to being successful, driven, and well spoken, men also have to be fun, funny, and charismatic. I told him that despite him having all of those admirable traits as a young man, he doesn’t appear to be fun.

He thanked me for the insight.

“Girls just want to have fun”. and this also rings true for the “Good women” out there. I’d go so far to say that MOST women would actually choose the “fun guy” over a successful and faithful one. I could be wrong, but based on how women typically go for the “bad boy” and how “nice guys” finish last, I don’t think that this is an unreasonable assumption. Not to say either side is mutually exclusive, but in general, that’s just how it goes.

“Bad boys” are just more fun I think. Yeah, from my understanding, there is a lot of bullshit that goes with it, but I think that most women would rather have the emotional roller coasters, highs and lows, and overall “fun” (in good times) offered by the bad boy. The nice guys typically don’t offer that. Though more stable, I think that they end up being bored in the long run. This is why you’ll often hear stories about women leaving “the nice” guy or “husband” after a few years of marriage due to the most asinine reasons. “We grew apart”, “We just weren’t right for each other”, “I need to find myself”, or any other vague womenese reason. Many times, they’ll leave stable stanley only to get back into the streets and get ran through by the “fun bad boys.”

It’s like they’d rather take a chance trying to change “Future” in to a decent guy than to try and give “Russel Wilson” a little more swag. You’d think that at this point with so many women failing to change the bad boy into a decent man, that they’d realize that it’s probably not going to be a fruitful endeavor.

However, as we know about many women, who cares about pesky facts and statistics, when her feelings tell her otherwise. Besides, if you can make a woman’s kitty tingle, then it’s like the logical part of her brain just stops working. The mental gymnastics she’ll perform in order to justify her behavior (to herself) is more impressive than Simone Biles on the balance beam.

It would seem that I’m complaining about “bad boys” when in reality, I really could care less. In fact, if I had the charisma/”it factor”, perhaps I’d be running through a ton of women too. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’d be honest as from my experience, women tend to prefer if you’re honest with them anyway. It typically doesn’t stop them from dealing with you if they find you attractive.

I don’t really respect “nice guys” who use emotional manipulation in order to have women believing that they feel a certain way about her just to have sex with her. I understand that many “nice guys” can’t help their personalities to the extent of being able to be charming, but still, they give the ones who are actually sincere a bad name.

As of late though, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve been overestimating my sexual market value. I never saw myself as a 10, but pretty much considered myself as average…..Maybe around a 6 possible 7. I take everything like my income, looks, personality, height, sex game, etc into consideration. I don’t really think I’m lacking too far off in anything except maybe my charisma. But that’s pretty gotdamn low. I mean it’s enough not to be weird or suck in social settings, but it’s nothing that screams, I’d like to keep hanging out with that guy.

That said, maybe I’m being a hypocrite in that i don’t really have much desire for women that I find “unattractive” or less than average looking. If I’m honest, the women that I’ve been attracting or seem to have a thing for me aren’t really all that great looking. I’d probably say less than average looking despite them being some pretty decent people overall. I know it sounds superficial, and it probably is, but I’m just not physically attracted. I don’t know what to tell you. Most are overweight and I’m just not sexually attracted to overweight women. I can do ‘thick’ as long as the curves are proportionate, but I can’t do fat.

I can’t really be mad if women don’t find me “attractive” either. I mean, nice isn’t enough. Having a decent income and decent looks aren’t enough. Without the right personality or charisma, then I’m kind of like that nice “fat” chick.

So perhaps redpill content isn’t really for me. How can I complain about “modern women” if in reality, most don’t really like me like that anyway? I still refuse to be a sucker and just take what I can get or be a trick. I’m not going to simp out for a woman just to have her “like” me. Best case scenario in that instance would be that I could get her for a moment, but as soon as someone “better looking” comes along, then she’s out the door.

In that case, then I might as well go for younger, hot, hood girls who aint seen much and it doesn’t take much to impress them. I wouldn’t be trying to wife them and even though I might tell them that I want them to be faithful, I wouldn’t really expect it. In my mind, it would be a purely transactional relationship. She’s gone at any and I mean any sign of blatant disrespect because I’m not emotionally caught up and I pretty much expect that a young modern women is gonna do what a young modern women is gonna do anyway. I believe that most would see me as a trick anyway so it’s like whatever.

I never thought that I’d be that older guy tricking off of younger women. I would have liked to have been married to a wife who loved, adored, and respected me in the same way that i loved her. But i guess that dream isn’t for everyone. I mean in reality, there are people out there with life long health conditions and difficulties that make romance difficult for them. Unfortunately, it seems that mine is this ‘square’ ass personality. I don’t know if I’m being realistic about this or if this is just me lacking confidence.

I don’t think I’m the only one suffering from this to be fair even though I don’t think that most would admit it to themselves. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself as I know a few guys who aren’t exactly “lit” but somehow maintained their marriages with their wives. Besides, I don’t really put myself out there like that insofar as searching for women. It’s kind of difficult to do with me being a single parent and pretty much having to do everything on my own. I don’t really have the time. I do think that if I were more charismatic, then it would be much easier though and I wouldn’t need as much time.

Either way, I’m going to cool out on this ‘gender war’ thing because despite me learning how terrible a lot of modern women are, I’m not really “in the game” so I can’t speak to how bad it really is out here.

My Fault

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

While I still don’t think that I deserved to get cheated on and betrayed by STBXW, I can see how certain aspects of my personality may have contributed to the breakdown in my marriage.

They say that men fall in love with what we see and women fall in love with what they hear. I think that rings true in a lot of cases. While I might be a decent looking guy on the outside. Decent career. Decent intelligence and pretty much decent across the board, one thing that I’ve always felt that I lacked was the ability to make small talk and just be funny.

I have a pretty ok sense of humor. I mean I do get jokes and I can appreciate funny comedians. I understand irony and have developed a knack for telling “dad jokes” to kiddo. But I’ve never really been much of a “small talker” nor am I that guy who’s going to sit down and tell stories and jokes that have you holding your side with laughter.

I’ve always been secretly jealous of people who naturally had the ability to do so. Not that I hate them, but I just wish that I could. It doesn’t even seem to be “that hard”. It’s just words right? But as of yet, I haven’t been able to crack the code. I’ve read books on comedy and even taken a few improv classes. For some reason though, I’ve always felt that ‘something’ was holding me back. I roughly understand theories on how something is funny and could probably write a paper about it, but knowledge and application are two different things.

I think it’s why I started drinking. I think it makes me funnier. If not at least it allows me to be able to chat. The only times I’ve been able to just talk with someone for hours on end is when I’ve been drinking. In fact, if I’m honest, many of my longest relationships started because I was able to have marathon conversations with women due to me drinking and talking.

The ironic part is that despite being my “best self” when I’m drinking and women seem to enjoy being around me more when i’m intoxicated, they still complain if they get the idea that I drink too much. Talk about mixed messages. In fact, in the early days of me and STBXW dating, I was probably drinking a lot on those nights that we were on the phone ALL NIGHT.

All throughout my childhood, I was painfully shy. I’m not sure why though. I’ve don’t have any real insecurities that I know of. I wasn’t picked on or bullied. Even though I’ve had “my balls busted” a few times by peers and friends, I never really took it all that seriously. I’ve always been told that I am fairly attractive. I’ve never been overweight. I’ve always been fairly good in sports and overall basically normal I think. People perceived me as ‘smart’ and even though I wasn’t “hood” like many of my peers, I don’t think that it really like put a chip on my shoulder. I had girls who “liked” me, but they didn’t really “know me” like that. I figured that I just did it for them for whatever reason. I think that they thought I was regular. They weren’t a part of my ‘friend’ group so their perception may have skewed. I never put myself out there too much because I was shy.

I wasn’t shy because I was insecure, I was insecure because I was shy….if that makes sense. For some reason, it just always felt like I couldn’t “free my mind” . It’s like there have been guard rails on my mind to prevent me from “just being myself”. Like my “inhibitions” have always held me captive. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that I’m pretty good at “blending in” and not standing out too much. I have a lot more ‘social acumen’ as far as not being “weird” and just acting normally in social situations. I also realized that people really aren’t paying as much attention to me as I once thought they did.

But you’d probably never find me just making people laugh or engaging in ‘long winded’ conversations or telling amusing stories about things. I can be a bit serious at times and I do tend to overthink things. But I’m not really all that funny in ‘real time’ in my opinion. I can crack a funny joke over texts if I have time to think about it, but just being able to “let my hair down” and just talk isn’t something that I’ve mastered yet.

I wouldn’t even say that I’m shy, but I’m just quiet. I don’t have much to say. I’ve found myself in quite a few situations where there were awkward silences. I’ve learned to adapt by asking thoughtful questions and then answering the questions myself once the other person has finished. But this strategy isn’t something that leads into side splitting laughter or humor. While useful to get to know someone, I don’t think it’s enough to sustain a long term relationship. It’s also not the best strategy to use when there are two or more people in a group setting…..especially when you’re supposed to be “out having fun” in a public settings. I have found myself sometimes, even when talking to males, thinking that the conversations ended up being a bit too emotional…..like a therapy session of sorts and I end up kind of regretting having talking for so long. It’s kind of awkward because I end up knowing and sharing more than I really wanted to…..instead of just keeping it superficial. I have to be careful to not to get too deep with strangers, but for some reason, I don’t know why, our chemistry, vibe, often ends up in a deep place if I’m not….too deep for comfort if you ask me. I’d rather just keep things on superficial level.

Because I am thoughtful, I think that some women can end up getting a certain emotional connection with me, but I do think that they eventually end up getting bored. Especially if they are used to being around “funny” guys. I don’t care what you say, there isn’t much worse than having your girl around a guy who can make her laugh way more than you do. I mean, women will laugh if they like you….even if what you say isn’t really funny. But there is a difference between laughing at something because you genuinely find something funny and laughing simply because you like someone.

My ex lover and I had a ton of fun together, but truth be told, we were probably drunk together more often than when we were sober. I really wasn’t the “real me”. There were times when we were together and she asked why I was so “quiet.” I’d joke and say that I’m sober. She’d laugh it off, but I was dead serious. The pressure to keep her ‘entertained’ was pretty high (probably more pressure from me to feel like I had to), but seriously, I couldn’t maintain that. My liver probably wouldn’t go for it. Fortunately for me though, I think that she was developing a problem with alcohol so she wasn’t too judgemental (in fact relieved) that she wasn’t drinking alone.

So yeah, the thing I think that’s holding me back from really “loving” everything about my life is missing the “gift of gab.” I think it’s the missing piece as so much of my life revolves around avoiding crowds and situations where I feel expected to at least be kind of funny. Even family gatherings can be a bit harrowing for me. Although I feel comfortable around them, it just feels weird to be so quiet while others seem to be able to effortlessly crack jokes and just “talk”.

Part of the reason I’m so “nice” is because I really don’t have anything to say. I can’t think of anything outside of thanks, or “appreciate that” or some other obvious “safe” thing to say. I don’t approach many women for that reason. It’s not that I’m afraid of rejection (I don’t think), it’s just that I don’t really have anything to say. I could approach with the direct “I saw you standing over here and thought that you’re attractive” speil……. but that’s pretty corny these days. While some might appreciate the compliment, I just don’t see it working out too well. Small talk into an introduction into a possible compliment would be better. Bonus if I could say something funny or thought provoking….. But that’s easier explained than done. I mean there isn’t but so much that you say about the weather.

While I got the ‘get to know you’ questions down pretty good, it’s just the filler parts of being able to ramble or ‘mindlessly’ talk while making it interesting that seems to elude me. I think that the ‘gift of gab’ is an essential part to getting and keeping a woman’s attention. In fact, I’d go so far to say that it’s actually more important than looks or money. While those things can get your foot in the door, (unless you’re an exceptional specimen of a man, happen to be her type physically, or are stupid rich), it’s not going to really keep her attention for long. You could be “broke” and “ugly”, but if you can make her genuinely laugh…..you got something. We call it “game” in the black community. I think that the kids call it “Rizz” now. *there is a subtle,but important difference though.

As much as I hate to admit it, my lack of “game” probably contributed the most to the breakdown in my marriage. I was a decent husband on paper and I’m pretty sure that if STBXW was the type to sit down and actually think about it, she’d agree. But in reality, when someone came along with “more game”….he probably made her laugh more, it probably made her more aware of what I’m missing. How can you tell someone that I don’t like you anymore because you’re not “funny” to me. I don’t think that I’m lame or socially awkward most of time, but after getting to know me over time, I could see how women might find me as boring or bland, especially (if can even make it there) once the honeymoon phase is over. I’m think that I’m genuinely a ‘nice’ guy, but you can’t just be nice or deep without being funny.

I honestly believe that “humor” on a man is about as equivalent as “beauty” on a woman. They can’t resist it. I’ve heard it said (and I believe it) that you can make a woman laugh right out of her panties. Yeah, you can use money or sometimes raw sex appeal (if you have it like that), but to get her “heart” you gotta make her laugh and the more you do it, the more she’s drawn to you. Combine that with good sex and being a good listener, then you got her. Money and looks are just icing on the cake.

After hanging out with my family over the past week, I noticed that my lil nephew seems to have the complete opposite issue than me. He’s only like 5 years old, but this kid doesn’t seem to have a shy bone in his body. It’s like, he’s aware of possibly being embarrassed by something, but his inhibitions seem to barely register insofar as keeping him from just being himself. The kid will just randomly bust out with a few dance moves in group of strangers, without a second thought.

I’ve also noticed that there are some people who can just talk, talk, talk, talk without ever running out of anything to say. It’s like the more they talk, the more they have to say, and the more they have to say, the more they talk. Some talk too much for me, but I’m usually ok with that because I usually don’t really have that much to say anyway.

I do wish that I could figure out how to tap into that power with a sober mind.

Ambition

/ Isaac Matteo / Leave a comment

Of the things that STBXW ever told me that kind of sticks into my side is the fact that she says that I lack ambition.

She’s right. I mean, I don’t really have as much drive to achieve material success as a lot of people do. I’ve always kind of been that way.

I’m not opposed to people going for it and achieving it, but for me, I’m content and mostly happy. I’m far from rich, but I see things as if I could be worse. Much worse.

When I think about how people in history lived, I think I’d rather be an “average” person of today than a king some 300 years ago.

I think of how Buddha pontificated upon the idea that the cause of suffering is desire.

I think of how terrible it must have been to have been an actual slave or even a serf or peasant in medieval times.

I am grateful for my middle class lifestyle.

Yet, despite that, it seems that there must be something more than just “surviving”…. Based on the fact that for some reason, MOST women think that ambition is an attractive trait in a man. In fact, it’s a deal breaker for most if he doesn’t have it.

Granted, I honestly do believe that most aren’t so much concerned with Ambition, than it is with being able to provide a “luxury lifestyle”.

Many would definitely choose a former NFL/NBA/ONE HIT WONDER who made millions over a school teacher or fireman or something solely based on his salary. Even IF the teacher’s ambition is to change the world one kid at a time, despite not ever getting rich off of it.

It do think it’s disengenous to think that they call it Ambition. If I won the lotto tomorrow (when i do :)), I’m sure that it’s just the money that they love and not my “ambition”. Many would probably “choose” me over the teacher because of my ability to provide a luxury lifestyle.

But I am realistic into thinking that there must be something about “ambition” that has to be relevant.

My perspective of ambition is that one sees a need to change something. They are in a position to see where things could just be better and it may not necessarily make you wealthy to do so.

It seems that they’d prefer a wicked wealthy man over a poor righteous one. Not saying that it HAS to be that way nor that all wealthy men are wicked nor all righteous men are poor. I’m just saying that it’s kind of a problem.

We’d rather “look” rich than to be rich. We seem to be so caught up in this capitalistic system that we lose focus on what is important.

I think this is why so many of us black people are more concerned with the aesthetic or looks of things more so than than the substance of it. We do things for the money instead of the “love” of the thing.

In reality though, I think that the MOST successful people were less concerned about the “money, wealth and accolades” but more about how they could actually solve a problem with humanity and making it better.

Either way, it seems that I’m not so concerned with either. I don’t have a vision of how I could change the world. I’m not passionate about anything for real. I’m pretty good at a lot of things, but I don’t see how I could make the world a better place.

I don’t know all the answers though it might seem that I do sometimes based on my opinions. I do think this is why I’m not necessarily a democrat nor republican because I can see the case that both sides make.

I’m agnostic for similar reasons.

But that being said….am I just a waste of space?

I’m definitely not a “alpha male”, but despite that, when I see “alpha’s”, I’m usually not so impressed. To me, it’s just his opinions and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don’t. He may be successful in his own right, but TBH, many “alphas’” don’t necessarily have it all “right”. Let society tell it, Hitler was alpha simply based on his ambition and ability to execute his “vision”……and I could agree with the definition to that extent…..but I still disagree with his philosophy of exterminating the Jewish people.

But MLK and Malcom X had a vision. I don’t know why I don’t though. I do understand based on their cirumstances…..but I didn’t live in their worlds.

I think that world is just gonna “world”. I think that God has his own plan that may or may not be in line with our own vision of the world. Apathy then sets in.

I don’t think that I’m “soft”, I could be…..but it’s only because I don’t have enough of the “answers” to say what’s actually best. I’m a simple man.

Perhaps it’s an arrogant statement, but I do in a certain way feel like the Buddha to certain extent.He was raised in luxury as an actual prince, but saw the suffering in the world and thought that there must be something more to all of this.

Ambition

It’s not a bad thing I guess. Even Buddha’s ambition was to figure it out.