Pursuing a woman’s heart

Thinking back over my life, I’ve never really pursued a woman. I was just good looking enough to get a few women here and there and usually ended up in long term relationships with them. Between that, the occasional lucky flings, getting back with ex’s, and the fact that there weren’t really many attractive women from where I’m originally from, I never really put myself out there. I had a few crushes, but medium level self esteem, pride, and the fact I was usually getting laid somewhere kept me from overcoming the approach anxiety.

In fact, until very recently, my motto was, “if she rocks with me, she rocks with me”. Because I was already getting laid, I would leave her alone with the first ‘no’. I thought it was corny and borderline creepy to push yourself upon someone who wasn’t initially interested in you. If her interest cooled, then I took it as it was time to move on. Don’t get me wrong, I treated them all well. I was thoughtful and took them out and remembered dates if we were together. I just didn’t pursue.

I just thought it was the way it was. Pursuing a woman isn’t something that I thought most guys did. In fact, even though I wasn’t necessarily red pill back then (didn’t even know what it was), I thought it was a very “beta” thing to do. I thought women did the choosing. I figured if they liked you, they’d be open and if not, changing their minds would be either impossible or futile as she’d probably move on anyway.

It came to me as an epiphany of sorts that I’ve never actually pursued a woman. I don’t know if I know how. I know it involves being direct and not taking ‘No’ as an answer. I know that have to put myself out there and put my heart (at least pretend to) on the line. That’s scary, especially if I really like her like that.

This does open the door to all sorts of possibilities though. No now simply means not right now.

Most pickup advice says that it is generally a bad idea to show too much interest in a woman. It makes you seem needy or desperate. I mean doesn’t pursuing by it’s very nature make you seem needy?

From my understanding, you are supposed to get them attracted first, create rapport, and have them basically pursue you. If they know that they can have you, then they aren’t really interested. The games you play are based on you having the power and keeping them in a lower position as the buyer.

If you do pursue, then you have to keep doing whatever it is that got them and even then, there are no guarantees. But real game is effective technique combined with minimal investment.

This makes sense because no matter how much you invest, she is under no obligation to be with you, stay with you, or even stay faithful these days. In fact, these days, she’s most likely to accept the benefits while still chasing unemotionally available players who gamed, but won’t emotionally validate her.

The fact is that simps, blue pill suckers who love her simply for her beauty, or red pill players validate her enough. Social media likes and other thirsty guy behavior gives her enough validation to keep her in a permanent state of feeling like she can have (so therefore deserves) any man she desires. It’s funny how they can call out the thirsty behavior in guys, but it still validates them. They know dudes will say or do almost anything to get laid and will lay almost anything with hole, but yet feel special when a guy with good game charms them…. as if she’s the only person he’s out there charming.

Simps use the pursue strategy to get laid. Despite being demeaning, unreliable, and costly (emotionally and financially), I’m now thinking that it could work. It’s a long game though.

As a strategy for getting laid, it could benefit as women do tend to fall in love if you’re persistent enough and you’re not too weird. That persistence could pay off by large dividends if you don’t put your heart into it. In fact, nice guy game is viable if you realize that it is just a strategy and not your identity. Realize that she only loves you because of what you do for her, how you make her feel, or whatever need you’re fulfilling at the time. Understand that in the end though, it’s never you for you. Loyalty most likely isn’t on the agenda because if you slip up or someone else begins to simp harder with more resources, her love will fade quicker than a graphic tee in cheap detergent. Never slipping is also perilous because people have a tendency to take things for granted over time. You have to play it the right way….which is ethically questionable IMHO.

For it to work.

At the height of her love, once you’ve worn her down, you have to pull back and take the validation away if you want any chance of keeping her. First of all, you can’t really be afraid to lose her. This is key in any strategy, but especially pursue strategy.

I believe that women really still do love that romantic, you’re the only one for me, we’re meant to be, I’ll treat you better than any other man type, 1990’s boyz to men bullshit. Again, I can’t emphasize enough to remember that is only a strategy. Don’t start believing your own bullshit, especially if it actually works.

Pulling back would have the effect of flipping the script so to speak where the pursuer becomes the prize. She comes to miss or long for the special attention she was receiving. Never give her a chance to take it for granted. Your goal is to actually treat her better (not just financially) than anyone else. Make her feel that she’s the ONE for you. Shit tests in this instance are generally designed to see if she can scare you off. So you only fail if she can actually scare you off. You have to maintain the frame that you know she’s the one or that she’s special while walking the line of not taking blatant disrespect. Reframing helps here. You have to check your ego and remember that it’s only the strategy.

The danger is buying your own bullshit, actually investing too much, and falling in love for real. If the strategy becomes one with your identity, you’re fucked.

You will fail hard if u stay in pursuit. This is a losing long term strategy unless your ultimate goal is to get cucked and fucked by the courts.

Think about it, good guys get laid all the time. We just fail to take female nature into account and fail to take the validation until it’s too late. We actually fall in love too.

Perhaps the takeaway to all of this is regardless of the strategy you use, keep a red pill mindset. She’s never yours, it’s only your turn. Expect resistance, but remember that the goal is to wear her down to ‘prove’ yourself.

This is all theory, but def worth a try. It might be too late for my wife, but I met the cute girl in class last week. Who knows?there is a first time for everything.

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Impose Your Will

One of the hallmarks of being an effective man is the ability impose your will onto others.   For some reason or another, probably due to my upbringing, I’ve been fairly unsuccessful at it.  More accurately, I just don’t really try.   In my mind, I’m a “live and let live” kind of guy.   I let people make their own decisions and come to their own conclusions.  I generally don’t have an agenda for people to follow and rarely ask that they do anything they don’t want.

Occasionally I may want someone to do something, but I have this strong aversion of asking people to do anything for me.   I’d like to think that I’m just being independent.   I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything if they did something for me.   Oddly enough, I don’t really feel like people ‘owe’ me anything if I do something for them.  I take a bit of pride out of being self sufficient.   If something needs to be done, I’d just do it myself.

It worked well enough, but now I’m thinking that as a result, I don’t know how to express what I want from people.  I’m not sure if I just don’t want anything or if I just don’t realize that I want something.  I’m thinking that approach anxiety isn’t as much about me being anti social or fearing rejection as much as it is about going against my core belief of not asking for anything I don’t actually need.

The very first principle of manifestation is ‘knowing what you want.’   I had to include that for me because often times, I’m not really even sure.   Because I don’t know, I just assume I don’t want anything.   The best way to describe it is like being hungry, but not having an appetite for anything in particular.

It probably goes back to being a kid and pretty much getting yelled at for asking for stuff.   As if i’m not deserving of having anything I didn’t specifically earn.   I don’t feel as if I should have to earn someone’s love, so therefore I won’t demand it.  I never chased a woman my whole life.  My thinking was that if she rocks with me she does, if not then I don’t need her.   I still feel the same way, but I wonder how many I missed out on because I took it to the extreme.   Any sign of resistance was enough for me to say screw it, I don’t need it anyway.   It’s a problem because many times, I wouldn’t ‘shoot my shot’ because it didn’t seem likely to hit.

The lazy attempts for me to shoot my shot usually ended up with me being with women who chased me.  I did develop attachments over time, but rarely did I ever end up with who I wanted.  Even then I was never sure why they wanted me.   Rarely did I ever put any effort into pursuing.   I felt unworthy and not good enough.   Thinking back, those thoughts would have manifested and they probably would have left anyway as most of my ex’s did.   Oddly enough though, the one time I did really put myself out there and got rejected didn’t really sting so bad.

The thought that I am enough and probably too good for her is starting to take hold in my mind.  It does give an air of arrogance and cockiness.  Life being subjective and all it really doesn’t matter whether I’m right or wrong.  That inner game, or belief is just a tool for manifestation.   Outwardly, it makes the idea that women love ‘cocky’ or ‘arrogant’ guys make a lot of sense.   If I don’t feel worthy, then she is going to reflect that.

Upon the realization of this, I realize that constantly being rejected by my wife is horrible for my self esteem.   I fight this by thinking that she’s crazy and being a wicked woman.   But deep down, i think it does affect my view of my self worth.   I’ve never doubted my sexual ability, but now, I’m second guessing it.   As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m starting to wonder if every woman I’ve ever had was just faking it.   I’m wondering if she was just faking it in the beginning.  Logically, I know that if it were a real issue, I never would have been in long term relationships.  Still, there are those few flashes of insecurity that drive me crazy.

While I still abhor the idea that people ‘deserve’ anything they didn’t earn (minus basic human rights)… I feel the need to do the inner work to make myself believe I am entitled just for being me.   It’s not really much of a stretch because if guys who’ve accomplished much less than I have….are worse looking….and are not as intelligent are getting laid left and right, doesn’t that say a lot about the women who are choosing?  The only difference is that they believe they deserve it.

Wouldn’t that resolve the inner conflict of getting something I haven’t earned or worked for vs getting something simply because I am me.   Time will tell.  Hopeful that this insight will be valuable in helping me realize what I want so that I can begin the process of being a more effective man.

 

 

 

 

Change

I swallowed the red pill and am going through the natural rage that comes along with realizing that I’ve been lied to my whole life.   While I’ve never been one to intentionally deny reality, there is a part of me deep down hoping and wishing that it isn’t true.  The facts don’t lie and every day (now that I know what to look for) it becomes more apparent.

I’ve tried introducing these concepts to my estranged wife, but her nature doesn’t allow her to even consider that this is true.  In spite of the overwhelming evidence and “unexplainable” reasons for her “unhappiness” with our marriage, she still won’t admit that she’s being selfish.   She won’t admit that she chooses unhappiness.  She won’t admit that she’s sabotaging it with her passive aggressive behavior.  She won’t take responsibility for her life.   She won’t admit that to her, it’s more important to go out and screw around with other men than to build a home for our son.   I’m still baffled at the notion that this aspect of her happiness could take priority over her responsibility as a wife and mother.   But apparently, this is now the American woman’s way.

While I have few doubts that red pill philosophy is true in general.  I do  think that there may be some women out there who are actually good.  I don’t think that she isn’t one of those women.   It hurts because I still love her.   But as each day passes, and she just sits there, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, obsessing over reality shows, neglecting to clean the house, failing to do anything outside of working, neglecting my sexual needs….while accepting all the things I do to keep things ‘afloat’….I am becoming more and more jaded.

I don’t check her phone anymore because what’s the point?  She doesn’t love me, she can’t.   She is incapable.  If she were to ever start back it would be because I became rich or some other superficial reason.  Now that the cat is out of the bag, I don’t know if I even care to put it back in.   But yet, I still want a home for our son.

I didn’t sign up for this.   She doesn’t seem to care that her actions or inaction is stressing me the fuck out.   How could she be so freaking cold?  How could she be so weak?  I need a partner.  A wife.  Not a casual girlfriend.

This happens to too many good guys.   I am beginning to wonder if the ‘good’ women are only ‘good’ because they don’t have a man who actually cares more about their family than himself.   I wonder if I were the douche who kept cheating, barely showed up, didn’t at least try to be a good man, would she love me then.

Thinking back, there were no red flags in her behavior that would lead me to believe that she’d ever have turned out like this.   Every person who knew her vouched and swore to me that she was one of the ‘good’ ones.   How could I ever trust another woman again?  …. When they can just switch up….and not be held accountable.  As if their happiness is the most important thing ever.   Even worse, they don’t have to be responsible for their own happiness.

Why did I have to love this woman?  Why would she give me a family just to take it away?  It happens to others and they made it out somehow.   I suppose I’ll have to figure out how to do the same.  So perhaps the answer is learn how to be an asshole.  Learn how to put myself first.   Learn how to lie and do things behind her back.

It’s almost like I have to learn how to be wicked.  I have to have the desire to cheat and play people’s hearts.   I have to  desire to get my ego stroked by getting women to fall for me and me not really caring like that.  Is this truly the only way to get love.

Maybe this is what the players mean when they say that you have to know a woman’s nature.