It sort of hit me as an epiphany of sorts that I never really wanted to just have sex with a woman. Don’t get me wrong, of course I wanted sex. Yes, the first emotion I feel is lust when I see an attractive woman. But I also wanted her to be a potential girlfriend/lover/or long term fwb. I was thinking that she had to somehow at least had to have the potential to be someone I’d like to date.
I still think that way, but I’m painfully realizing that in reality, wanted to be tied down as a man is generally unattractive to a female. I gave off ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ energy which might explain partially why when I did approach, the energy was nervousness. I put too much pressure on myself in fear of being rejected. I somehow had to measure up to all the more handsome, smart, funny, rich, better endowed, better shaped or more personable guys that she likely had coming on to her.
Most of the women I dealt with thought I was a player or either they sensed that I really didn’t want them like that. They made themselves available to me. I didn’t chase so to speak. It was only when I bowed down or gave them commitment did they actually go out and cheat.
The few I approached probably sensed i was husband, boyfriend material, so I had the pressure of working to prove myself.
In my mind, I can see how the anxiety could/should lessen if my goal is simply to have sex and keep it moving. It’s just all a part of having fun. It should be fun and not some daunting task. It’s like playing a video game where even if I die (so to speak) then just respawn and try again. It’s really not all that serious.
In my mind, the very first step in manifestation is ‘knowing what you want.’ Ultimately, what I want is sex with as little effort as possible, and if it’s good or works out for both of us after that, then maybe we can keep seeing each other. But the immediate goal is to have a good time and some fun sex.
I’m probably not her person anyway and she can still keep exploring other options. There is no pressure on me to keep her entertained or be funny, clever, or anything. I don’t have to be successful or a damn comedian. No need to be her Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right now.
Some guys actually want to be faithful Husbands, available Fathers, or a committed relationship. Unfortunately for those guys, there really isn’t much honor in being a ‘family man’ these days. As quiet as it’s kept, in today’s world, those men are considered unattractive or beta. Even if that’s what women say they want, it’s not what they’re attracted to. Look at the increasing number of divorces initiated by women and the staggering number of single mothers out here.
Now compare that to the men you might know who would probably make good husbands or fathers…..why do so many of those men have such difficulty in getting women.
It’s because most women prefer the chase of trying to get you to commit over the actual commitment…..especially if they sense that you have other options. Girls just want to have fun.
The only way you can lose this game is if you don’t participate, desire commitment, or actually give a fuck.
If you commit or fear walking away, there is so much pressure to measure up and keep it up. But if you don’t, as a man, realize that it’s noone’s fault but your own. If she lies, cheats, breaks up with you, breaks your heart, cucks you, whatever…it’s your fault.
Falling in love and catching the ‘oneitis’ is a losing proposition. It truly is a form of madness. While it might feel good at the onset, in reality, you slowly lose your self respect, dignity, freedom and risk the devastating fallout of heartbreak, humiliation, and involuntary cuckoldry. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze, but I suppose that love is a powerful drug indeed. Been there, still detoxing off of it. I’d say that if you can stomach it, go for it, but it’s not the drug for me.
I prefer to just have fun, have safe sex, and avoid the attachments as much as possible.