Selfish Modern Women

I am really starting to get disgusted by the idea of most women in the west. Perhaps it is the rhetoric online. Maybe all or most women aren’t truly like that. But if they are, then I’d rather be alone.

I have no idea why most of these able bodied, grown women, with opportunity to work actually feel that it’s a man’s job to be the sole provider in a family here in America in 2023. It seems that many, if not most, think that going in half of the bills is some sort of insult. As if a man is less than a man if he requires that she gives her best to the relationship.

When in history of the black community in the U.S. has it been that the women just stayed and home while the men worked. It wasn’t like that for my grandparents. But maybe it was for some families. But even if that was the case, the reality is that women did not have the same opportunities back then as they do today. They now have just as much opportunity (arguably more) as men to get out and bring money in to the household.

Many of them today feel as if IF SHE CHOOSES to work, then her money should only be used for the minimal things in the house. The concept of 50/50….(where she pays half) is like a crime to her. Many say that she cannot respect a man if she has to pay 50 percent of the bills.

To be clear, it’s not about paying 50 percent to me. It’s about being willing to contribute what you have to the home. I’d have no problem with paying 90% or even 100% depending on the circumstances. But my mentality is that it’s about us and our family. Not ME and then the family. If we’re married, then it’s OUR money…..no matter who makes the most of it.

What on God’s green earth gives them this sense of entitlement? Like seriously, what on earth makes her think that she is entitled to anybody’s resources when she can go out and get it on her own. Why should a man have to pay her way when she is a full bodied able adult? What do we get in return for all of this? It’s as if she thinks she’s doing us a favor by being with us or something. It’s disgusting. It’s like having an ungrateful, spoiled child who doesn’t really contribute anything, yet feeling entitled to everything you have. I gotta pay you to be nice to me? Then damn right, every interaction would be very transactional.

What is she doing to make a man’s life THAT much better? I understand that some men may not want their wives working, but to me that’s an old school tradition. I really get the sense that MOST modern women really think that they should be on a pedestal looking down on their man. They don’t want partner, they want a slave. They want to be kept. No, they feel they deserve to be kept. In order to justify it, they’ll say bullshit like, “women turn houses into homes”….wtf?

If she does, she’s doing it for her.

Most men don’t care about bullshit like matching bathroom decor and “live, love, laugh” towel racks.

Do they really think that their used up box is really worth slaving away for? Is it their wonderful strong disgreeable personalities what we crave? How about emotional bullshit we have to deal with? Maybe we like having to deal with sassy, smart mouths who are always right. Yeah, we just love the conditional “love” they give us based on our incomes.

The most asinine thing I think that we have taught our sons is to cater to a woman in exchange for conditional love and tentative loyalty.

Seriously man, who wants a “friend” who will only be good to you if you pay to be around them? That really sounds like prostitution to me anyway. May as hire a damned escort or something. Are we as men that lonely and desperate for a big butt and smile that we’d willingly take this sort of treatment?

Then, instead of looking at their success as an opportunity to contribute more to the family, they instead look at it like “his money is OUR money, but my money is my money. God forbid if she makes more of the money. They lose respect for you. How is it that for one woman, 90k a year is sufficient IF she’s making less. But if she’s making 150 or more, it’s not good enough.

Yet they won’t hesitate in dating a man who makes way more than them.

I could be the same man as I am today and win the lottery tomorrow and I guarantee that women would swear they love me and want to be with me. They’d swear it wasn’t for the money, but it’s because I’m me. If I were to share what I had with her and then somehow lose it, they’d also be gone.

It’s sad, disgusting, and almost depressing that their love can be bought by the highest bidder. Yet they think they are ‘good’ people. They think that they deserve the Cinderella treatment, when their hearts are as wicked as the evil stepsisters. They are the reason the Prince of Zamunda in coming to America pretended to be a regular guy instead of a Prince.

I’m just saying, what gives them this ‘entitlement’. Is it simply because she was born with a vagina? I blame simps for this shit who act like vagina is the end all be all of everything. They have women out her acting like she is an actual goddess or something.

I do believe that if I were to ever get stupid rich, I’d Leonardo DiCaprio and deal with the finest chicks until I got tired of her. Fuck marriage though. These rich rappers and celebrities who have all these baby mama’s have the right idea. Women probably wouldn’t deal with them if they didn’t have the money. So why not replace them once it gets old. Why not cheat if they are only with you because you a have a bag in the first place.

Their attitudes about the utility of a man and their immorality makes them disgusting creatures on the inside to me. I see why the passport bro’s want to go overseas to get away from these evil women. They will probably run into the same issues however, but at least those women pretend to respect them.

I wonder if my lover would move back to Atlanta if I won the lottery tomorrow?

I’m really not feeling most of them. I think we should start treating them they way they treat us. If you’re not making the same money as me or better, then I can’t deal with you. I’m better than you. If I can’t do better than you, then I’d rather be alone.

But that would make me just as classist and elitest as them. They complain that there are no good men out there but I’d argue that for just as few “good men” out there in their opinion. There are fewer “good” women.

Getting Unstuck

I think that I gave my power away to STBXW because I never felt that she was truly sorry for how she treated me. I was expecting an apology. I was expecting more respect. When not given that respect that I feel that I deserved….and at the same time, to see her continuously purposely offend me, but yet seemingly get away with it… I think that I wanted to feel some sense of justice.

I was stuck waiting for an apology. Or just wanting to hear her say ” you were right.”

Words like karma or “she’ll be sorry someday” comes to mind. This need for a sincere apology or desire for her to somehow “make it right” or just acknowledgement from her that she was wrong in how she behaved is keeping me stuck in place.

I was wondering how it was that I am still so hung up over her. It’s not that I want her back. I know that I could never trust her. She the type of women that I should have placed myself in such a vulnerable position with. And for that I have to take accountability for getting myself unstuck.

I don’t blame myself for her actions. I wasn’t perfect, but I was good to her. And I feel that I deserved better treatment and more respect. Despite not receiving that, this overwhelming sense of requiring or needing some form of remorse from her is keeping me stuck in this position of extreme vexation with her.

Perhaps this is the final key of completely being “over it”. It’s not really a matter of ‘forgiving’ as I once thought. It’s just a matter of accepting that sometimes, some people can get over on you and there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it except keep it pushing. Sometimes, people can disrespect you, and you’re powerless to do anything about it. I mean you can, but in some instances, it’s better to just let it go….as retaliation isn’t worth the consequences that comes along with it.

Perhaps ‘turning’ the other cheek sometimes means a series of events as opposed to just one incident. As my dad used to say “Pick your Battles.” Sometimes, winning a battle isn’t worth it if you risk losing the entire war. In this case, retaliation (in a self satisfactory way) would promote a toxic environment for kiddo. The question is though; How do I simply accept this without losing self dignity or self respect.

This further begs the question of what is the difference between pride and self respect? In this case, I’d say they my ego definitely gets the better of me at times. In many ways, I get so angry when I catch her in lies and deception because it feels that she thinks that she is “smarter” or “better” than me. Perhaps this is me projecting insecurities in thinking that I am just not “good” enough for her.

How could she truly be smarter or better if I know that she’s lying? How could she be smarter or better is she is willing to compromise her integrity (sell her soul) for superficial things in life. Even if not for me….how could she justify being an adulteress, splitting her home, and leaving her own son for weeks on end for dick and money? She is missing out on him growing up. And again, a woman who I’d consider “good” or “worthy” to carry the title of “wife” could not conceive of doing such a thing.

I can’t respect a person who does not see the value of putting their child’s needs before their selfish wants. How can I respect a person who does not see the difference between their wants and needs? In short, I do think that she is a selfish moron who lacks self reflection. She’s arrogant, has a busted moral compass, and overestimates her own ambition.

Her judgment of me should not have as much weight as it should as I do not see her opinions as worthy of consideration insofar as how I should judge myself. Again, it might be different if I deemed her worthy as a good (hell, even decent) woman. This judgment of her isn’t based on the fact she doesn’t want to be with me. It’s based on her actions. The lies, the affairs, and deceit. This woman is a snake, untrustworthy, and about as deep as a Saharan puddle.

So her “lack of respect” for me shouldn’t hold any weight because based off the way she moves (at least by conventional standards), she doesn’t respect herself. Ironically, I don’t think that she considers what she does as showing a lack of self respect. However, it’s becoming apparent that INTEGRITY isn’t a part of her ethos.

I don’t even respect men who play side dude to a ‘taken’ woman. Let alone one who begs and pleads for the woman to leave her family to come be with him. How much less can I respect a woman who doesn’t mind being a side chick and playing a role in destroying….not only her own household, but that of another woman. People like that disgust me.

I must be careful however to disregard the lessons I’ve learned from this experience insofar as what I could have done better in our marriage. Despite the fact that I don’t think that I brought any ‘deal-breakers’ to the table for a decent woman. I do think that there are things that I would do better next time. I just have to make sure that I do not blame myself for her actions in light of my own short comings.

I think that her power over me is that I am somehow feeling that it’s my fault because of my imperfections. Maybe deep down, I think that she may be justified in her actions. This can’t be the case though. Even if she had left me, she would have moved a LOT differently if she was truly a woman worth feeling bad about losing.

I can only take solace in knowing that if any man does truly “take” her on….then either he knows the truth about what she did and is a damn fool to take chance with her. He is a man of low morals and it’s just a matter of time before it goes down hill. Or based on her past tendencies to be deceptive, she is lying about the true nature of what she did. If that is the case, then it shows that she has learned “nothing” and that relationship is bound to fail based on being founded on lies and deception. The question turns into….who is gonna hurt who the most.

What man would “wife” a woman who had multiple affairs on her ex. Who would willingly leave her own child for so long just to be with another man…under the (self delusion) that she’s doing it for the extra money. And if if the latter was truly the case, what mother would actually be ok with doing that if she could make a decent living without going through such extreme measures.

She missed out on a lot of his childhood due to her greed and selfishness. He missed out on a lot due to her absence and willingness to put her own desires before his needs. She does not understand this because of the type of woman that she is. Selfish and shortsighted. And again, due to this, I think I am justified in thinking that she is NOT a woman worthy of the title of wife.

As much as women these days like to complain about the lack of good/decent men out there, she had one (though not perfect), she had the opportunity to break generational curses, but was too selfish to enjoy or appreciate the opportunity. She also seems to have no problem in preserving a decent friendship despite things not working out. It would take a complete and utter fool to believe that one could treat someone like shit, be unapologetic about it….and expect them to just be hunky dory with the situation. All in all, I think that I didn’t deserve this. Kiddo didn’t deserve it. And she didn’t deserve the opportunity to be with me in that capacity.

Despite all of this, I have to get over the notion that someday, she’ll see it when karma kicks her in the ass. Even if it does, I wonder if he she has the intellectual capacity to see that her misfortune (if it does) was of her own doing. Somehow, I doubt it. And for that, it would seem that waiting on karma would just be me being “a hater”. If she had the capacity for ‘understanding’, she never would have done this in the first place.

For the long haul

I’ve realized that this intense dislike of stbxw may be a life long thing. I think the thing that really disturbs me about her is the fact that I truly believe her ‘lack of respect’ comes from the fact that she mistakes my kindness for weakness.

Amongst men, there is a certain level of respect that we expect and if not given, then there are ways we can retaliate in order to gain it. This typically involves direct confrontation and if no resolution is available, then there is the threat of violence. Or a physical conflict.

I think that because STBXW doesn’t understand this about men. She feels a certain sense of ‘power’ over me as she has put me in positions of disrespect where I couldn’t accurately respond in order to demand respect. On a deeper level, she knows that I should have responded in a way more harsher way. Or “put her in her place”. If not, someone should have taught her a lesson by now. More specifically, if you live by the sword, you die by the sword. Or a hard head makes a soft behind.

She doesn’t respect me because I have been unable / unwilling to respond to it in an effective way. Some people may see retaliation as wrong. But where I’m from, you don’t allow people to get away with disrespect or they will keep disrespecting you. They will see you as weak. And once drunk off of the power, they will get worse and worse with their bad behavior.

White folks be like, just walk away from your bullies or tell on them. In real life, this rarely, if ever works. What works is if you stand up for yourself. You fight back. Whether you get your ass kicked or not. You don’t ever allow people to get away with disrespecting you. I understand turning the other cheek…..once. Or even forgiving ignorance should they accidentally offend you. But once you’ve let them know your boundaries…..OR if they are clearly in violation of them, then you have no choice but to gain your respect by any means possible.

Otherwise you end up in situations like I have with STBXW. Essentially, a bully who does not respect me. You cannot ‘nice’ your way into their respect.

It seems that now, I am subject to have to take the disrespect and lack of accountability. I can’t hit a woman who hasn’t physically attacked me. I don’t have much leverage against her to effectively ‘punish’ her for her behavior. Plus any retaliation only adds to the toxicity of our already fragile co-parenting relationship. It seems that….for now, and for the foreseeable future, that I’m going to have to take the injuries and disrespect in order to go along to get along for the sake of our son.

Her ignorance, lack of self awareness, selfishness, and power tripping pretty much guarantees that she’s going to be thorn in my side for a while. Unfortunately, I can’t think of any effective way to RIGHT this WRONG and the best possible solution is to somehow find a way to find minimalize the way her behavior affects my psychology.

Perhaps a good way to look at it is to view it as losing a championship game due to the other team blatantly and obviously cheating. Yeah, it sucks to lose….especially when you know that you played a good game…..and despite the other team bragging and rubbing it in your face…..you have to find a way to move on from that loss. I gotta persevere and keep it moving. I have to stop focusing on her.

This would be easier said than done, but it seems that the game is still going on. It’s like I’m in a boxing match where she keeps hitting me with ‘low blows’. And any attempt to retaliate will get me banned from the sport forever. She is playing the game foul and dirty.

I have to endure this though. Hopefully this divorce will be the final step in getting get back. At this point, I really don’t care for her AT ALL. Her lack of character in the way she handled all of this is enough to make me realize that I’m NOT losing anything worth keeping. I never thought that I was perfect and I never expected perfection out of her….. but there are certain levels of integrity that are necessary in order for me to value her as a wife.

She single handedly destroyed our family due to her own selfishness, won’t take accountability, and this is mostly due to the fact that we don’t have the same values. Shared values, good faith in one another, accountability, along with good communication, transparency, and honesty are all necessary factors needed in a partner for a successful marriage. She possesses, nor has any interest in possessing any of those.

Though I do wish that someday, she’d look back and see the gravity of what she has done, I’d probably die from holding my breath. I don’t see how a person at her age with that mentality could ever really change. While ultimately, her mentality doesn’t reflect upon me as much it does her….I have to take accountability and get myself out of feeling like a victim. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck still writing these redundant blog posts as a form of therapy for another 10 years.

I am ultimately accountable for getting myself out of this.

For the longest, I had no idea what I was dealing with….and to this day, I’m still unsure. However to do know what I’m not dealing with. I am not dealing with a WIFE or partner. I’m dealing with an emotionally immature, selfish, and shallow individual who lacks self reflection and overestimates herself.

I know fucked up shit happens to people all the time. It’s just not fun when it happens to you.