Last Place

This nice guy/good guy finish last is really real out here.    You seriously have to be a freaking asshole.   Not in the sense of cursing women out and treating them badly (although I hear it does actually work), but in the sense of being dishonest, lying, and apologizing later.

If i hear one more woman tell me that I’m a good guy, I might just body slam her to make a damn point.   If I tell them that good guys aren’t attractive to them, they look at me as if I have a damn horn growing out of my forehead.

Now that I’m separated, I’ve been able to get a few dates with a few women.    I’m a pretty personable person in person.   I’ve been told that I’m funny, smart, pretty good looking, but also, a good guy.   When asked why I’m separated, I’m honest and tell them my story…..well parts of it as i don’t want to throw my wife under the bus so to speak.

While at first, they acted ‘horrified’ to hear what happened, as I should probably expect at this point, I don’t shit on my wife or portray her to be a horrible person. I make her human.    I just explain that while it did hurt a lot, we are all human and make mistakes or bad decisions sometimes.   That I do realize that it probably wasn’t her intention to hurt me so bad.   That I do think that she’s a pretty decent person, though not the Angel I once thought she was.    And that while I still don’t understand or excuse her behavior, I forgive her and will always have love for her.    But as of now, she’s still on the fence about things and I’m not sure if I trust or want to trust her anymore.  That she says that she “loves, but isn’t in love with me”, and we’re just trying to figure out where to go from here as we do have love for each other.   That for now,  I’m just doing me.    I’m really surprised at how they just take my word for it, but then again, I do try to be as balanced as possible.

The number one reaction after all that is something along the lines of….”Awww, I wish I had someone who loved me like that.”    Some even tell me that I should or I am going to give her another chance.  That I should stay, be patient, and hang in there for my family’s sake.    Sure there is some flirting and a few shenanigans that take place, but still, it feels as if they are placing me in that ‘nice guy’ category as they get to know me.

I wonder if it’s a test to see how likely I am to go back.   I really can’t say and I really am torn on the issue.   I let them (one in particular) know my struggle and while she respects me as a person and hopefully a friend…

It’s starting to feel as if the attraction is fading towards me.    And that is the dilemma that I’m facing.   I get that on one hand, they’d want to ‘protect’ their hearts.   On the other, it’s why nice guys finish last.   I’m not a nice guy though. I mean technically, I am cheating.   Technically, I do want sex and I make don’t make it a secret.

I don’t expect attraction just because I treat her with respect or keep it real for real.   It just sucks to have her lose attraction because of it.  How ironic is that on one hand, they respect me more, but lose attraction in that process, but on the other, it feels that my wife respects me less and lost/loses attraction because of it.   Shit, i can’t win.

In my mind, the difference between a ‘good’ guy and a ‘fuck’ boy is that a ‘fuck’ boy will lie, gain her heart, and then pretty much use her for what he wants.   I want to use her for what I want (sex, friendship, ego gratification, and companionship), but at least be real about me, my situation, and what it is.

I know it’s the “righter” thing to do to put it all out on the table, but it seems that I lose out in a way.   Forget all that they’re talking.  Maybe the “real” pillow talk shouldn’t be had.   I should just focus on the fun and not get into details anymore.   Why should I care if they think of me as a ‘bad’ guy or a manipulative bastard.   The end result would be pretty much the same anyway.   In fact they’d lose respect on a certain level, but probably end up disgustedly attracted if the shit hits the fan.    Perhaps the pillow talk should be played as a trump card.

Women are complicated.  Why do you have to hurt them in order for them to stay attracted?   Maybe I’m not really as much of a man as I thought because of how much I care…if that makes sense.  It’s like too much mercy (or concern for others over myself) is a bad thing for real.   I know it sounds pious, self righteous, and like i have a martyr/savior mindset.   Perhaps I do.   I’d probably score pretty high on the empath scale.  I can’t help it.

I’m too good.  Not good as in better than others, but too good as in too goody two shoes when it comes to treating people how I’d like to be treated.    I’ve heard that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I overstand that on a different level now.  In the end, I am a bit of a narcissist in that i do want love, attention, affection, and sex, regardless of the cost.  Despite my wife’s cheating, affair, and subsequent betrayal, I am now technically cheating and looking for sex and companionship outside of my marriage instead of trying to end or fix it.

Despite me wanting her to want it….me not wanting her to want it out of guilt….my fear of opening my heart up until i feel she can show me that she wants to try…..   It makes me just as guilty as her.  I’m not taking responsibility for MY actions and am putting it all on her.  But isn’t on her in a way?   I mean she’s the one who wants to ‘keep her options open’.  The longer she sits on the fence about things, she holding the door open for someone to come in and steal my heart completely (and I get it in a way if she just doesn’t love me like that anymore).   It is a risk she’s willing to take, but yet when it comes to marriage, i’m supposed to be patient and long suffering…..as the example Christ Jesus gave to us(the church, His bride, so to speak).  How much can I really say that I love my family if I can’t wait.   How much am I really trusting in God if I’m not willing to endure.

Am i being a fool for waiting, a coward for not forcing her to make a decision, submissive by not leading by example, a sucker for allowing this to happen twice.  Petty for doing things behind her back(lies by omission).  Respectful for not rubbing it in her face.  Fair for not trying to make her jealous.   Self respectful by taking the steps to forward in a sense.   Or perhaps all of these things.   What should I do?  Keep suffering, wondering, risk resentment.  Keep pushing her.  Chasing when that only pushes her away.

What about my needs?  I can’t lie, it feels really good to feel wanted, desired, and respected, even if I know it’s all superficial for now.   It feels good to not worry about who she’s talking to when I’m not around or who’s texting her.    Or why she’s late or not answering the phone if I call.

To be fair, it does seem that she isn’t doing anything right now with anyone and I even beleive her when she says that her so called “best friend” doesn’t call and text her that much anymore.   She swears they didn’t do anything on that trip.   I don’t believe her even though she does sound convincing.

Or am I just framing this in a way to justify my own behavior as of late.  Either way,  I am no longer a good man in that sense of the word.   I should stop fooling myself.   In reality, honesty does not really make me good in the end.  My actions are wrong though I am justified in being confused.   My intentions are not pure as in the end if I’m honest, I’d rather have a side chick or two while she works through whatever she needs to in order to make a decision.

In the end, I really gotta start looking out for myself more.  As of now, here i sit, the self righteous fool, angry with the world because I can’t decide whether I should put my needs first or last.  Like a sucker assed simp if I put the family first.  Like a hypocrite and a faithless heathen if I don’t.   Like a self righteous martyr if talk about it.    And that no matter which order i decide, i end up feeling or  being guilty either way.

I’m no good guy at all.  Just a pathetic manipulative hypocrite stuck between wanting people to understand my struggle and love me for acknowledging how hard it is.   I talk the talk, but my walk is feeble at best.   I’m that guy who comes to work and barely scrapes by while complaining the whole damn time.    Blaming her while I’m now out here doing the same damn thing.   Using her indecision and past indiscretions as an excuse.    Using my “needs” as justification….as if I was the only person who ever had to endure lack of intimacy, sex, and past humiliations.   As if those things are even really that hard in the scheme of things.    I’m acting like a victim “who overcame” to gain sympathy.   Yup, I’m the quintessential “nice guy” and it is really no wonder why they lose attraction for me the more we talk about this.

Jesus gave His life for me when I was still and am still yet unworthy, yet I call and ask for His mercy every single day.   How can I bear my cross if I’m unwilling to let my ego die for my family.   And yet if she doesn’t love me like that, then how can I hold her hostage to love?

Perhaps I’m wrong for putting me first and wrong for putting her first.   I should put God first and Us second.    In which case, I have to endure for as long as I can.   Shit man, noboby ever said this was going to be easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard.

What a loser.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Back to basics

After 3 months of separation, I’ve gone out and met a few women who seem to like me a bit.   I’m still trying to find the balance between pursuing without overdoing it.   Acting like I care, but not really caring too much.

It’s really interesting to see and contrast their personality differences.   I can’t lie, there are things that I like about all of them, but I find myself falling into the trap of not finding things that I don’t like.

It feels good to be desired by someone though.  Truth be told, I don’t really have high expectations for any of them.   I’m playing a solid game I believe, not too needy, but pursuing enough to show that I’m interested in more than just being friend zoned.  I’m also applying what i’ve learned about inner game and it seems to be working out pretty good so far.

I also catch myself not teasing enough.   But i have come up with a basic strategy that needs a little tweaking.

The thing is, now my wife is starting to warm up to me a little more.   She doesn’t ‘know’ about the others, but at the same time, I don’t know if she really cares.  She once told me that she didn’t care if i went out and had sex with other women, she just didn’t want to know about it.    I don’t know if she meant it, but she did say it a few times, so I can only take her word for it.

My feelings for her are still very raw.   It’s hard to process how I feel about her at times.   Mostly, I feel that I can take or it or leave it.   Then again, i do feel a bit jealous when I think she’s ignoring my calls because she’s talking to other men.   I’m not sure.

One thing has changed is that I don’t really want to look at her phone.   It’s like I want to know, but then again, I don’t.    We still do things as a family together, but 1 on 1 time isn’t really something we plan for.    In all honesty, many times, I don’t really care too much to try to make things happen for us.   I’m still respectful and try not to text anyone in front of her, even though, i find myself starting to ‘sneak’ and do it in front of my son.

I think the biggest thing at this point is the fear of losing the potential of us getting back together.   While it might not be the worst thing in the world as I once feared, it still sort of bothers me.   I fear that I’ll regret not forgiving her and at least trying to fix things while I have a chance.   Not that I’d know exactly how to do this with her anyway.   But still.  I do believe that God can ‘order my steps.’

I fear that I’m falling out of love with her, which is a good thing, but at the same time, I wonder if I have it in me to practice what i’ve been preaching this whole time.   That true love is a choice.   I’ve been hurt so badly and I fear opening back up to her on that level.   I just don’t know if I can trust her.   The focus should be on what i think that God wants and He can see me through.  I think he’d want for me to try it again.   It’s also good for our son.   Well only, IF she is willing to be a stand up wife.

I don’t know if I could ever really love her the same again.   I don’t know if i want to.   It’s not a matter of her not being worthy.   Jesus has shown me that I’m not worthy of God’s forgiveness, mercy, or grace, but this is what love is all about.   If I am to love her as I vowed to, I have to do so, regardless how how badly she hurt and betrayed (crucified) me.  The beauty in the story of Christ’s crucifixion is that it is the ultimate love story.

I just don’t trust her.  Plus I’m not sure if she really loves me.   She doesn’t have to be head over heels in love with me, but I just need assurance that she intends and is willing to try to do right by me.

But I should take her actions out of the equation if I am to place my decisions solely upon the direction of God.   I’m no saint though and this is NOT an easy task as I am susceptible to  temptation.

This now becomes the questions of

1)How much do I trust in God.

2)Am I willing to lay my wants down for Him.

3)Am I finally just getting over this or did I ever really truly love my family.  In other words, was it just a matter of my ego being hurt or did I really truly love my wife, marriage, and family?

 

 

Simp or Swim?

The term word “simp” is a derogatory term in the red pill community that describes men who cater to their women.   It is interchangeable with words such as beta male or cuck.    They are basically used to imply that men who treat women well are inferior men.

The idea is that treating a woman as a queen is the surest way to have her lose respect for you.    Placing her above your own needs makes her lose respect for you even though she may push for that.

Men who have been burned by women they treated well often turn redpill and are considered bitter.   Many of these men come from the position of a ‘good guy’/ ‘family guy’ who’s girlfriend or wife left or cheated on them despite them doing the right thing.   Others, gifted with charisma or the ability to naturally talk women into having sex with them, see how many many women cheat and disrespect faithful men behind their backs.

Good men were raised with the notion that we should cherish, honor, respect, and have patience with our women.   The gestures associated with chivalry often place men in a subservient position.   We are taught be gentle and show her the upmost respect.   We are taught to be providers.  It is instilled within us that ‘she’ is the prize.

Unfortunately, we aren’t taught that most women don’t really deserve nor even desire this.   Society kept a huge secret from us.   The reality is that most women find these characteristics as unattractive.

This is evident in how ‘bad men’ seem to get the lion’s share of women.   Dysfunctional, arrogant, disrespectful men seem to do the best with women.   There are millions of stories about how a good guy comes along, determined to treat a woman better than her lying, cheating, abusive ex  come home and find her in bed with that ex.

The internet is full of stories about women having it all, a loving husband, who provides, help with the kids and around the house while also giving her a home, car, and nice vacations who either cheat or are feeling guilty about not being attracted to them anymore.    Some of these men are funny, still in shape, or at the very least decent overall.

On the redpill side, men complain about giving their wives everything and staying faithful even when she stops giving him sex and appreciation.   Many hurt, but want to stay and try to work things out for the family.   All too often the woman finds someone else she’s interested in, cheats and destroys the family home.  They file for divorce, gain custody of the children and these men end up having to pay alimony and child support.  They have to downgrade their lives and try to pick themselves up and start over.

Many of these men become depressed, some kill themselves, others endure years of emotional and psychological damage.    Many decide to become MGTOW and vow to never get serious about woman again.   Some date and become players.  Others try and remarry.   Many of those have reported that the second marriage eventually ended up like the first one.

This is a silent epidemic going on in America today.   Society, by and large, still vilify men as if we cause most of the relationship problems and broken homes.  They paint us as abusive or cheaters.   Women often ask where the good men are, but yet they all know a good guy who’s willing to try and build with them.  They just aren’t interested.   They know of women who left ‘good’ husbands for selfish reasons.

There are a segment of men who are wicked to women.  The thing is that most women are attracted to the men who carry those characteristics.    Most women find the bad boy archetype irresistible.

While things like honor, stability, and faithfulness are necessary to maintain a stable household.   Most women eventually find stability as boring.   The lose attraction to it. They begin to fill unfulfilled.   They cheat or leave and often both.   They look out on social media for ex crushes and ex boyfriends and entertain them.    They have  perpetual ‘grass is greener’ syndrome.   With a plethora of thirsty males willing to say and often do almost anything for sex, who can blame them?

Men are waking up and learning that while women say they want a good man, they don’t really know how to be a good woman.   They are learning that women will be selfish towards good men while giving their best to a bad boy.

Many men are reporting that once they stop giving a crap about women and start treating them bad, they get more respect from them.  Some men still maintain their values and don’t have it in them to sink to that level.   The understand the nature of most women, but choose not to participate or play the ‘game’ with them.    These are the MGTOW, IBMOR, SYSBM men.

Many date, some are players, but they don’t commit nor lie to women as they know that it’s not worth it in the end.

We are learning that we cannot truly love a woman with our hearts even though we may choose to show love.   In 2018 one of the worst things a man can do is actually ‘fall in love’ with a woman.

Perhaps this is something spiritual, maybe psychological, maybe both, but truly falling in love with a woman is the surest way to make her lose attraction to you.  It happens way more often than not, so regardless of what side of the fence you fall on in your approach, the bottom line is that you have to pretty much expect that she will ultimately betray you.  It’s pretty much foolish not to at this point.

Maybe someone will read this and think to themselves, not me, not my woman.   It sounds like you’re already in too deep.   I don’t wish that pain on anyone, but when shit does hit the fan, which most likely it will, you’ll learn and know that it will hurt like almost nothing you’ve ever felt before.   A LOT more than you ever imagined.   And probably for a long time, but eventually, you will make it out.   A little worse for wear, but more aware.    You will learn to deprogram yourself from the foolish notion that women want good men.

You can then learn to use their programming of wanting a ‘good guy’ to your advantage, but realize that eventually, she will grow bored of it.   So don’t put your heart in.    It’s a tough pill to swallow, but trust me, heartbreak is even worse.

 

 

What are you actually bringing to the table

In the day of the independent woman, one has to ask what can we as men bring to the table for our women.    Historically, we were the protectors and providers.   We set the direction and tone of the relationship.   In return, they were tasked with doing the domestic work, raising the children, and making sure that we were satisfied physically and emotionally.    Women were financially dependent on the man and therefore he had much more say and power over her.    Added to the fact the divorce was very much frowned upon, women had a lot of incentive to comply.

The rise of the independent woman has changed things.

Today, most households have both parents working in order to bring in money for a lifestyle.   Increasingly, especially in the black community, women make more money than their men.    Expectations now have to be re examined.   We are in new territory here.

Ideally, one would think that if a woman worked more often or contributed more finances to the relationship, then the man should contribute more to the domestic roles.  If both parties are working to provide resources to the household, it would only make sense that both share a more equal role in the domestic work as well.    It’s basically just doing what needs to be done for the sake of the family and relationship.   The traditional gender roles become much more fluid.    There may be times when the man has to cook, clean, take the kids to soccer practice while the woman is at work.   Or you might split those duties based off the work schedules or to take turns relieving the other.

While in theory  it should work.   I find that many women these days find it hard to respect a man who habitually takes on domestic roles.    While being that guy who splits cooking, cleaning, laundry, kid duties, while holding down a 9 to 5 might look like a  nice social media meme, women lose attraction to those men who do it too much.

We both contribute different amounts in different ways, but it all goes towards the goal of building a life that satisfies us as well as our family.

Unfortunately, two things work against us men when we try to take this on.   First, our women lose attraction for us.

Many black women find it hard to submit to their men already.    Even more so when they lose attraction.    How much harder is it when society says it’s ok to divorce simply because your aren’t as happy as you think you should/could be.  When if leaving, she’s already guaranteed child support and if he is significantly more wealthy than her, alimony.  Being the good guy and standing on your prinicples (if equity and fairness are your principles) causes them to find you boring.    Being stable, reliable, and fair are great qualities, but it doesn’t really provide the drama or excitement that a lot of women crave.

In addition, I don’t think that most women understand that generational wealth is more than just finances.    It’s also wisdom, tradition, memes, lessons, memories, relationships and other intangibles.    I’m able to teach my son so much more than my father taught me and hopefully, he’ll be able to fill in the gaps of what I missed and pass it on.   Those things take generations and is a way to live on through more than just your dna.

A lot of women don’t seem to understand that being a provider is much more than just providing money.   We as men also provide the discipline, patience, and structure.  As Christians, we are commissioned by God to be the spiritual leaders of our homes.    We are responsible setting the tone and direction of the relationship.    That’s hard to do when your wife doesn’t know how to submit, is rebellious, and doesn’t respect your position.

In the end, I think that feminism has a lot of women confused.   It told them that women don’t have power.   In reality, a woman already had too much power.   She has the power to lift up her man or destroy him.   She has the power to make a good man better or worse.    But I digress.    The patriarchy kept that power in check.   Today’s women are being corrupted as that check is being rapidly removed due to the rise of women’s independence of which black women seem to be at the forefront.

Unfortunately, black women tend to be selfish and short sighted when it comes to building things outside of themselves.   They prefer swag over character.   Smooth talk over hard work.   The superficial over the substance.    Now they are given the power to have kids with dudes who don’t take care of their other kids just because he has charm.   They make a lot of bad decisions due to allowing their emotions to overcome their morals and common sense.  Call them out, then your a chauvinist or bitter.

But ask if they are attracted to “bad boys” while put off by men who would make good fathers and husbands, they’ll tell you overwhelmingly yes if they ‘re honest.   Society keeps giving them passes and excuses, while also giving them more praise and power.   So why should they change?  In short, no one holds them accountable for the personal bad choices they make on one hand, but they all get credit for the good things that others do.   In their view, they cannot ever be wrong, let alone corrected.    They will often resort to new agey ideas like “my truth” being a reasonable substitute for “the truth”.

This means that we have to adapt or face the destruction of the middle class black family.   Given the single household and divorce rate(70% filed by women), it seems that we are rapidly racing towards the latter.

In today’s society, we have to ask.  What are the women bringing to the table.  Looks and finances isn’t enough if we’re trying to build something.   It’s ironic that they bring their best dishes to men who don’t care about those menu items:   Loyalty, intelligence (not just book smarts), morals, and the ability to submit without being a doormat while pretty much bringing their appetites to the table with men who they could actually build with.

Good men have to learn to manipulate their emotions like the bad boy without violating our own personal values.   It’s work.   Is it even possible to play with the pigs without getting dirty?

The bible says that finding a wife is a good thing and a blessing from God.   I wonder if it really was actually trying to say that finding a woman with wifey qualities is a blessing.

Or is there something that a man guided by principles are mistaken in.  Perhaps as men, we shouldn’t really be looking for romantic love to begin with.    Perhaps it isn’t natural for a man to be ‘in love’ with one woman and just be satisfied with her.    Maybe this is why women aren’t attracted to/ lose attracted to men who actually ‘love’ them.    This isn’t biblical teaching though.  It shouldn’t be that way, but perhaps this is just another manifestation of the fallen world we’re living in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still Simpin

I had a discussion with my wife about redpill philosophy, MGTOW, and why this movement and similar movements are rapidly growing.    She isn’t much for words and didn’t offer any substantial feedback.

I told her how many men discover redpill after being dragged through the family court system and gave examples of how many good men were being cheated on and left by their wives.   I told her about the stories of good men, even more successful than me, better husbands than me, were being done wrong by their wives.   How they were humiliated, disrespected, and ultimately kicked to the curb simply because she “fell out of love.”

I told her how their experiences were similar to mine.   Hoping that seeing it from other perspectives, some worse than mine, would help her see how immoral and wrong her behavior was.

I was hoping to put her on game.   Hoping to show her that many men are immoral and will say and do anything to get into her panties.   How they don’t care if she disrespects them, her marriage, or herself in order to get laid.   That once they get what they want, they can’t commit to her knowing that she’s a cheater.    They don’t respect her nor see her as a good woman.    That we as men (in general) will say or do anything to get laid.

I wanted her to see that what is doing isn’t uncommon and that she isn’t a unique snowflake.  That there is a difference between good and bad behavior.   That good men are waking up to this and will hold things like this against her.   That the baggage she’s creating (lies, deception, etc.) will move forward with her.   And that she either has to risk being ‘fake’ in her next relationship by lying about our marriage or risk losing credibility with her next (husband?) if she moves forward.   That she should learn to try and suppress or overcome the wickedness she seems so fond of if she wants to find real happiness with someone else.   Then again, maybe people can change if the right person comes along.    Who knows.

I try to shield her from some of the harder philosophies about how logic and reasoning is really wasted on women.   That their emotions and strong tendency of cognitive dissonance separate them from reality.

I think that red pill has awakened me to many of the simp behavior that I  had and is  inherent in the black community as a whole.    We as black men do the MOST in order to get sex from women.   The majority of our motivation comes from the desire to get laid.   We lay aside morality, ethics, religious beliefs, everything just to get our dicks wet.   It’s really no wonder women are the way that they are.    In short, their power over us comes from our intense desire to get pussy.

I think this is in part biological and in part social.   Of course it’s part of our biological imperative to procreate and reproduce.   Our society also implicitly tells us that the more women we have sex with, the better men we are.

This makes us not hold women accountable for being bitches or acting irrationally.   We cheat with other men’s wives.   Destroy homes and families.  Get unworthy women pregnant.  Marry even though we know that the odds are really high for failure all so we can have pussy.   We cheat, often placing our futures, careers, and families at risk.   All because we want sex and will sell our souls to get it.   It made me ignore the red flags she gave off while we were dating and ignore or excuse some of her selfish behaviors while we were married.     We have to do better.

I’m waking up to the fact that sex is such a powerful motivator often to our own detriment that we have to undo this mental conditioning.   There are way worse things than not getting laid.

If I’m honest, a huge part of my hurt and desire to get back with her is because I want more sex from her.   I’ve entertained (no sex …yet) the idea of just getting someone on the side to get over her.    Of course this conflicts with us getting back together (if i’m trusting in God) even though I wonder if my attention is elsewhere if she’ll act right.    I want a real connection with someone, not just sex, but at the same time, I don’t want a relationship either.   I don’t know what I want.

I think still boils down to why the urgency for sex has to addressed.   I am actually considering to compromise my morals and cheat (separated, but we’re still married)  in order to fulfill this desire in me.    Knowing that it most likely won’t end well.    I’m also disrespecting myself by allowing her to “be on the fence” about this while I am still pretty resolute in wanting it to work.

Ultimately though, this knowledge or awakening has helped me realize that maybe she isn’t a great partner for marriage for me.    I mean, she won’t have serious discussions about the future or even the present for that matter.    She doesn’t seem to think about these things or at  least won’t or either can’t talk to me.    I don’t trust her and she doesn’t communicate with me in a way that brings out the best in me.   Our conversations become a monolog with me dominating the conversation either lecturing her or trying to pry information out of her like an interrogation expert.

My ideal marriage is co-partnership with me of course being the lead, but she needs to play an ACTIVE role in helping me make the best decision for us.   This requires her to put up some emotional energy and offer up some ideas on how we should move forward.   I will admit that I don’t know it all, but it’s not my style to pretend that I do either.    At the end of the day, even if we don’t work it out, we have to co parent and her acting stupid about things makes me think that that will even be difficult.

Even if she decides that she wants to work on things, the question is if she’s even capable of doing what’s needed.   She doesn’t read anything about self growth.   She doesn’t seem interested unless it comes to working out her body.    She’s superficial almost childlike in her approach to this, just letting the cards fall where they may.  Not concerned about how her actions affect our family.      I suppose I was somewhat aloof like that, but I feel that this has awakened me to the fact that I have to take this ‘adulting’ thing more seriously.  It’s a scary thought to think that I’m the most mature one this relationship.   And that’s by a long shot.

The lack of trust has awakened me to the fact that her lack of communication is a huge deal.   Before her affairs, I wrote it off as a personality quirk that we could overcome.   But due to her affairs and broken trust,  her lack of transparency, lack of communication, and selfishness are all on the table.   They hinder any sort of progress we might be able to have in rebuilding this thing.

So with the knowledge that she isn’t quite right for me for marriage.   That me sitting here ‘waiting’ on her to decide if she wants to stay married, even though she had the affairs, broke the trust, and damaged things to this point, is indeed disrespecting myself.  She still doesn’t really address the issues one way or another.   I am still simping.   For love, for lust, for my family, no matter.  I shouldn’t have to simp for my family.    She doesn’t love nor respect me.  How could she when it would appear that she doesn’t really love nor respect herself in a real way.  The worst thing is that she doesn’t even realize it.

 

 

 

 

 

Princess Syndrome

Many of my married peers have daughters.   I always wanted one, but lately, this red pill stuff has me rethinking how I’d want to raise her.   Pretty much all of them spoil their daughters to death.  Princess this, photoshoot that, I mean the works.   It really is no wonder so many females grow up the entitled princess mentality.   They really go beyond just giving her self esteem.  They dip into making them feel entitled just because she’s somehow just born special.

We don’t do our sons that way.   Men don’t.  Many single mothers do and these boys grow up thinking the world owes them something just because they are them.    It’s a huge problem with most of these women today.    This sense of entitlement tells them that they are special, not for what the bring to the table or what they do, but because they are just them.    Oddly enough, women are attracted to this behavior.    But that’s another blog post.  Hint, it’s closely related to giving her a purpose.

They become conditioned to believe that all they should bring to the table is their looks and appetites.     It’s not about what they can do for the other person, but what the other person should do for them.

In society today, good men are expected to do all of the heavy lifting.  Husbands are to be their wives’ protectors, providers, entertainment, confidant, best friend, counselor, mind reader, and sex God while making sure they don’t get bored in the process.    Meanwhile, most women think that they deserve this simply because other men might be able to provide these things for her a bit better.   Many don’t ask what they are actually bringing to the table themselves.   Many feel that their sacrifices are unjust and unfair and they feel unfulfilled if a few of her needs aren’t being met.

“Good” men are taught to make due.  Grin and bear it.   Man up.    Fix it or deal with it.   Shit or get off the pot.    We don’t have the luxury nor conditioning to simply leave things up to ‘following’ our hearts.   Our hearts are in the fixing of the problem.   We are fixers.  We are taught to fix things that mean something to us.   Not just discard them.  Emotions might guide us as far as figuring out what needs to be done.   But they simply serve as a way of letting us know that something is wrong and we need to fix something.  We are taught “I must”.   We only deserve that we work for.   Even then, life is unfair sometimes, but we make due, fix it and make it better.

Women with this princess mentality are taught that if something isn’t going her way, then it’s ok to follow her heart and walk away.    She is brought up and constantly reinforced with “I deserve”.   It doesn’t matter if she worked for it or not.   People and relationships become disposable.   There is no sense of duty, obligation, responsibility, or loyalty.   Her loyalty is to herself first.    Her beauty and femininity must be preserved at all costs.  Her sexuality is her power.    She must be reminded constantly that she has it.  It’s tied directly into her self esteem.   It’s the reason that vanity is usually a woman’s main weakness.   It’s why likes on the gram mean so much to her.     Unfortunately, the majority of men are willing to do and say anything just to have sex with her.  We will often just deal with her bad behavior just for a chance at sex.  In turn, she never develops other healthier ways to build herself up and bring something of substance to the table.

The combination of vanity and selfishness is the downfall of the modern relationship.

Old school women were ingrained with the idea of family first.    Unfortunately, too many men took advantage of that.    Today, we are paying for the sins of our fathers.   The modern woman’s mother taught her to never be dependent on a man.  We are in essence, useless to them.    We are a luxury or experience.    It’s all about what we bring to the table, not what they bring.

Independent women now have the ability to take care of themselves financially while also retaining the power of the pussy.    In reality bad boys are usually more fun.  They generally handle the need that many of them to have fun.    Good guys (though great father material) are often doing things that make them good which is often seen as boring.   They are put off to the sidelines until these women are ready to have a stable environment for their a family.   Even then though, Ms. Independent still feels that she ‘deserves’ it all.    ‘Settling’ is a bad term for her.   If she must settle, then it must be a lifestyle upgrade.    Even then, many women still find that they are unfulfilled in some way or another and very often find themselves with a great life, but not “happy.”

Do a google search on “No longer in love with my husband”….read the articles and comments.   It’s a very scary yet prevalent thing.  I’d recommend any man interested in getting married to do this before they walk down the aisle.

Unfortunately many don’t realize that in most relationships, we all settle to some degree or another.  I think that men are better equipped to handle this.

There was an old country song called.  “Mama don’t let your baby to grow up to a cowboy….”   I guess cowboys were the gangsters of the old country world.   They should remix the song and adapt it to modern terms.   “Daddy, don’t let your baby grow up to be a princess….”   She will never truly be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Personality to women is what looks are to Men

Swagger or Swag is a term often used to describe some meta aspect about how a man carries himself.   Women love it.   Given their hive like mentality, if you can convince a few in a group that you have it, then they’ll mostly all agree.

Swag in general is an aspect of a person’s personality that hints upon his personal confidence in his sexiness, ability, charm, and charisma.  In short, how confident is he in his game.       His actual looks doesn’t really have much to do with it.    It’s not even so much about his verbal game.   But more about his confidence in it.

I’d bet that women are attracted to this more than money, more than your looks, more than how much you love her, more than your body, more than anything.    A man with game/swag can pull a girl  if he pulls up in a Toyota corolla and an outfit from Walmart faster than a guy who  has none, but pulls up in a Bentley wearing clothes from Milan.      Actually, she’d get both numbers and enjoy the benefits of both.

But the point is that having swag/confidence compels her to want to be with you.  Whereas attraction based on anything else makes her look reasons to want to stay with you.

Women will often leave a good man without swag, whereas they have a hard time leaving a bad man with it.    The good guy may truly love her, treat her well,  and give her what she needs, but if he’s a bit awkward or not so smooth, then she loses attraction for him.  Without that attraction, she cannot love him.  Often she’ll explain it like:  “I love, but I’m not in love with you.” or “You deserve someone who will truly love you.”….    She rather be ” in love” (in lust) with someone than have someone who truly loves her.   And would be willing throw it all away (family and all) just for the CHANCE to be with that lust interest.   But that’s a different topic.

On the other hand, she will submit to, move heaven and earth, follow his bad behavior, ignore red flags, and deal with all kinds of bullshit (including cheating, “break babies”,  lying, whatever) as long the guy has swag.  She will play herself and even play the role of side chick for this guy.

They view swag as we as men often view beauty.    A pretty woman can get away with a hell of a lot more than an ugly one can.   A pretty woman can have a screwed up personality, but she will always have a gang of simps willing to wife her and do whatever she wants them to do.   Likewise, a guy with a lot of swag will have simple women doing the most to be with him.

Swag gives a woman the pussy tingles.  Her heart follows the pussy tingles, and women love to follow their heart.   Doesn’t take much math to see where this going.   If u can stimulate her sexually, then you pretty much have her heart.  Along with heart comes loyalty and her whole mind.  A lot of women lose their common sense when it comes to lust.   This is a real thing and many guys KNOW this. Sex is psychological to her and so with her mind so caught up, she will swear it’s the best sex she ever had.  Being dickmatized is a real thing.   It’s often a temporary insanity thing, but real players know that this is the time to take full advantage.

In the man-o-sphere, the term simping describes the thirsty and self demeaning behavior that men do in order to get or keep a woman’s attention.    There should be a term for women who do the same for ‘attractive’ men.

Fortunately for us men is that we can actually learn swag and charm.   A lot of it is overcoming our own anxiety and insecurities.   It takes work, but I believe it can be done.   Unfortunately, it still means that you cannot ever really love a woman.

The difficulty for a ‘good’ man to have swag is that it often requires you to be a ‘bad’ boy.   It means that you have to look past that pesky need to want to be actually helpful to her.   You stop wanting to be that white knight wanting to save her or make her life easier.    Your inner motivation has to primarily be on hitting it as opposed to wanting a relationship.

I think that the stereotype of men only wanting sex is a lie.  It  doesn’t tell the whole story.  It probably comes from women who primarily deal with ‘bad boys.’  Most women end up messing with the same guys.    Most guys don’t really have a high “body” count.   But guys with high body counts have really high body counts.   If I were to guess, I’d say that the average 30 year old man  probably had sex with between 20 to 60 women.   I’d say that an average 30 year old player has had over 300.    Great players in the high hundreds or thousands.  The majority of women love, or at least at one time loved a few of these guys and so their experience is that most guys are like this.    The average guy usually doesn’t stand a chance in the face of this guy.   Mr. Average Swag barely even enters her radar, so she doesn’t really realize that in reality,  it’s only a few men who get the majority of the women.

But the average guy (i’d say the majority) really only want a good woman they can be themselves with, trust,  treat well,  and of course have sex with.  She doesn’t have to be a dime, but just not ugly.    But that is where most of us fail.

We can’t be as charming, fun, and funny because we actually care about offending her or if she doesn’t like us.   We worry if she’ll actually like us or not as opposed to just assuming that she will (confidence).    We become addicted to the outcome and instead of just enjoying ourselves, we feel like we’re performing or being judged.    She senses our nervousness and takes it on herself.    All of this happens at a subconscious level.    It’s not like we do this on purpose.

The performance of a bad boy (often narcissistic) comes from a place of mischief.   As in “am really I getting away with this…lol” as opposed to “wow, I hope she’s really enjoying herself.” of the nice guy.  We really have to get past the whole worrying about her feelings thing.   We have to get past the being ‘honest’ about how we really feel thing.  We have to learn to hide in the shadows sometimes as opposed to living in the light all the time.

Pick up does a great job of explaining the ‘inner game’ dynamic and maybe I’ll summarize it in a future article.

In short though, just as what  ‘love’ is is  different between men and women, so is attraction.  Attraction is primarily  based on looks for us, but based on personality for them.

We as men have the advantage in that we can learn to be more attractive.   It’s as simple (not easy) as changing our self perception and inner beliefs.  We don’t even have to change our personality in whole, just the aspects that hold us back.

 

 

 

 

Things aren’t as they seem

You would think that the opportunity to be a single man with a job in Atlanta would be heaven for a heterosexual male this day in age.   I’ve heard that there are up to 60000 more single women than men here.   If you also add in the large homosexual population, jobless guys, men in jail, and dudes with multiple baby mama’s you’d think that it would be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

Of course there is a lot of cheating going on.   On one of our hip hop channels, there’s a call in show called “side piece shout out”.   It’s exactly what it sounds like.   People call in and shout out their “side pieces” in all of it’s rachet glory.

Still though, that’s a lot of single women concentrated in one area.   The problem i think isn’t finding a woman.  It’s finding a quality woman.   Most of the women fall into one or several of the below archetypes that disqualify them from being wifey material.

The Rachets.   The long weave, neck rolling, hot headed women with multiple kids living in the hood.   They can be fun, many have emotional issues, and have a thing for hood guys.   Despite their age, they have a really immature mindset.   The sex is usually pretty good, but you’re going to pay for it either directly (paying a bill or two) or emotionally (stupid fights and petty arguments).    This is the last type of woman you want to knock up.

The Gold Diggers.   These women come in a variety of social classes.   They are impressed with a guy’s money.  Some are in denial while others are blatant.   A few tale tale signs is that they are into luxury items (bags, cars, clothes) or expensive vacations.   They also have a “i deserve” mentality regardless of what they actually bring to the table.   Many are cute and keep themselves up, but if you aren’t established financially, then they really don’t want much to do with you.  A tell tale sign is that if you look on their instagram pages, they are posting/posing with expensive bags, exotic locations, fancy hotels, or in front of luxury cars.    She will “love you” as long as you’re giving her a lifestyle, but if you ever lose your money, she’s out the door as well.   That’s if you’re lucky.   Worst case scenario is that she will  begin to see you as a beta male provider and lose attraction for you (aka boredom).   This is when the thugs/fuck boys come in and screw her in your home while you’re at work.   Being a no fault state, she’ll still get alimony and child support if you leave.  Be careful.

 The Bad and Bougie.   I’d say that most women here fall into this category.   They usually have some sort of high paying  career and are well educated.    They work hard and are pretty much dedicated to their jobs.  You can catch them driving the E-class mercades benz.   They are all about the bag.   Many are very book smart.   They also love vacationing (often confusing it with traveling).    Many are also single mothers.   Their problem is that they don’t really need a man for anything unless he can provide her with a higher standard of living.   It’s really hard to form a real connection or bond with them because their kids (as they should be) and their jobs are their priorities.  They don’t have much time for dating.   These are the ‘strong’ black women you often hear about.    They are really more about image than substance.     NEVER disagree with one as they are NEVER wrong….about anything. EVER.   You’ve been warned.   They are sort of like men in that they are often way too independent.    What they have in book smarts, many lack in social intelligence/street smarts.    But again, you can’t tell them anything because they feel that their jobs/money makes them superior if you don’t make as much.    They are usually arrogant and pretentious.  Especially if she looks decent.  They have a real problem with submitting to a man unless he is significantly more wealthy than them.   Many won’t admit it, but it’s been my (along with many men’s experience) that it’s true.  These women tend to get bored in marriage, but are quite boring themselves.    To their credit, i think the problem is just an innate tendency, not necessarily a conscious one.  They are the primary audience of reality TV and beyonce.   They have a very hive like mentality so if you’ve dated one, you’ve pretty much dated them all.

 The Church Girls.  These women praise Jesus all day everyday and twice on Sunday.   You cannot question their beliefs at all.   Again a black woman can never be wrong.   So if you disagree with her about anything religious, she’s pretty much going to have a real problem.    You might be able to fornicate with her, but it’s only after you’ve dealt with all of the other bullshit she put you through.   While these are the most viable options on the list so far, you have to be careful as many are freaks in church girl clothes.  You also have to be prepared to understand that her church (not necessarily you) will the spiritual leader of your home.   Many of these women were once freaks, have several kids by a few baby daddies, and have finally decided to get their lives together.   Often emotionally damaged, they have decided to finally walk the straight and narrow.   If you’re looking for an occasional drinking buddy or someone to engage in other ‘worldly’ things, you may want to reconsider as she’s generally a pretty serious person now.   The good thing is that they appreciate you taking on their baggage.  You seem to be what they were praying for after all.    The verdict is still out on how this ultimately plays out in a long term relationship.

Pussy Power Chicks.    They are often anti-christian and claim to be spiritual.   They claim to have open minds and are generally open minded except to things they’ve been indoctrinated against.   I.e. Christianity, Conservatism.  They’ll be allies with the LGBTQ communities.    It’s not a problem, but they have bought into modern Feminism hook line and sinker.   I generally like their style (piercings, bohemian, artsy, dreadlocks)  and they can be super sweet and interesting, but only if they like you.  Disagree, they will bite your head off, shut down, and attack you mercilessly if you dare disagree with them in any shape form or fashion.   They want men to be true blue pill betas and feel threatened by any simblance of male power.   They will challenge you and take things to the next level if you don’t submit.  If you escalate with them, they won’t hesitate to call the authorities if you choose to go there with them verbally.   They are usually quite artistic and can be found down around little five points or East Atlanta Village.

Many of these Archetypes are overlapping.   Regardless of what main category they fall into they pretty much all have the same vices.

A Hive like mentality, hypergamy, the inability to self correct (be wrong), arrogance, entitlement, and too much independence.  These traits make the vast majority of the modern women here not worth it  for your average guy.     Women complain about a man shortage.  In reality, while the numbers are skewed towards there being more women population wise, their issues cut those numbers significantly leaving  only very few who are actually worth risking becoming a victim to modern day hypergamy.

 

 

 

Red Pill confusion

After reading and absorbing as much Red Pill content I can stomach, I’m still somewhat on the fence about how I feel about women’s nature.   My youtube recommendation list pretty much reinforces the belief that the vast majority of modern women are not worth being in relationships with.

If this is indeed true, then guys who really want to treat a woman well are really just asking to be cheated on or left.    I really don’t want to believe this, but WOW…..watching all the video of ‘side dudes’ stories really scare me.   Women are brutal.   Cheating is rampant.

It’s almost like you have to expect your woman to cheat on you.  To that I say, what’s the point of a relationship anyway.   Love only means that “you make me feel good right now.”  to her.

It is therapeutic to know that I’m not the only husband this happened to.  Looking back at my behavior, I was simping too hard.  I shouldn’t have expected unconditional love.   I should have been more demanding.  I should never have put myself in a position where it would hurt so bad to leave.   I should have been always on the lookout and possibly should have cheated to keep her on her toes.   I should have taken full advantage of the situation while she was “in love” with me.

But I don’t want to believe that most women are like that.   At the same time, I can’t put my heart on the line again.   It would be like quitting an addiction only to get addicted to another drug.    I hate the idea that I have to keep my eyes out.  I’m a one girl type of guy.  I hate lying to people.

So the only recourse of action is to improve myself, but never get into a serious relationship.    I have to make sure that I have at least two women so that I won’t be so desperate to hold on to one.

The goal is to make more money, work on my personality and body and be as attractive as possible.    I have to learn to ‘talk’ to women and put myself out there.  I am feeling a little better these days, but I’m not really stoked about going out with the sole purpose of meeting women.

I like sex like the next man, but apparently, not enough to put myself through the trouble of going out and hunting for women.    Understanding a woman’s true nature does help when I talk to them, but at the same time, I just can’t seem to act accordingly.    I’m still ‘nice’.   I rarely see any women I’m attracted to enough to put myself out there.   I know I need to practice, but at the same time, I am developing this hatred towards them.

Don’t get wrong the ass, tight clothes, sun dresses, all look good to me.  I can now see how many men just see them as objects.   I used to want to find someone I could connect with.   Truth be told, it’s what I really want.   But that’s dangerous.

I can’t even look at my wife the same.  I don’t know how we could ever resolve things between us.   They say that you can either understand women or love them, but not both.    Understanding their nature makes it damn near impossible to trust them.  Without trust, what do we have?  In our community, if a woman cheats on you and gets away with it, it’s like you deserve it.    The unspoken rule seems to be like “oh nigga, you didn’t know that these hoes aint loyal”.

 

 

 

They use your morals against you

I don’t know if there ever has been a time where there was a huge disadvantage to be governed by your morals.   Most of the time, while inconvenient, it does usually end up working out for you in the long run.

These days it appears that it is a huge disadvantage to be bound by them.   Especially when it comes to women.   Women today are amoral at best.   There is no real right or wrong with them, only their “truth”.    Their emotional ‘truth’ doesn’t have to reflect objective, observable, reality.   They can literally bend ‘reality’ to their will by simply not telling the truth.    They act as if lying to themselves can change facts and justifies their hurtful behavior.

You cannot have a close relationship with amoral/immoral people without getting hurt.   Their concept of fairness, loyalty, and friendship are skewed.   While they know what they do is wrong, they give themselves passes saying stupid shit like.  “we’re all human.”   or they just ignore what they are doing all together.  They feel entitled to do this.   They can actually do messed up things and still feel like they are good people.    They can point to someone else doing the exact same thing, judge them negatively, but continue to just as bad or worse without even realizing it.    They don’t have the consciousness (holy spirit) to make them feel bad about it.

They can’t repent because they don’t feel bad about what they were doing.   This isn’t a matter of making a mistake.   This is a matter of being a fundamentally wicked person on the inside.

They will use your integrity, dependability, tendency to forgive, etc. against you.  Not caring that each time you do so, it kills you a bit on the inside.    They lose respect for you and see you as weak instead of admiring or appreciating you for giving them another chance.  They complain about “just being human”, but then view you as weak and deserving of getting screwed over on because you forgive them for “just being human.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that you just can’t trust modern women with love.  No matter how educated, well spoken, or pretty she seems, her lack of values and selfishness, pretty much eradicates any reason to try and build anything with her.    She can’t be trusted and will turn on you if she feels she can get a better deal.    There is no loyalty when it comes to her.   And the worst thing is that she doesn’t even realize this about herself or see this as a problem.   It doesn’t matter if she’s loud or kind of quiet, you can’t trust her not to ultimately act like a woman.

Actually, you can trust her if you know her nature.   Just know that you can’t trust her not to betray you if the opportunity arises.  You have to realize that she loves you until the honeymoon phase wears out.   After that, all bets are off.   Lying, cheating, and the constant need for new stimulation will eventually cause her to lose interest.  Her selfishness and amorality will allow her to say/do things that she knows is wrong.   She can’t be alone and in order to prevent that, she’ll monkey branch to the next guy on deck.

I was thinking of going MGTOW monk and disavowing woman all together, but it might not be necessary.    I just have to realize that when she says she ‘loves’ me means that she loves me the way a woman loves you.   That it only means that ” right now, you make me feel good.”

So the lesson is to basically read the signs.   There really is no point in sticking it out.   There is no point in making vows that she either can’t fulfill or will ultimately make her miserable if she does.   You have to ALWAYS remember, no matter how good it’s going, that she’s never yours, it’s just your turn.

The best you can hope for is that she’s a only 1 guy at a time kind of ride.   Good luck with that though.

Alternative option is to play the game with her.   You have to cheat on women these days, there is no way around it.   This is where the morality part comes in.   Along with cheating comes lying, deception, and not being a man of your word.   When she eventually does cheat, you haven’t fully invested your heart in her so her monkey branching won’t hurt as bad as you’ve already prepared for it and was doing your dirt anyway.   Because you’re unmoved by her “finding her real soul mate”, she might try to crawl back (even more so) because she’ll find the chase more attractive than if you just wait on her.

They will lose attraction if they get the impression that no other woman is checking for you.    They will get lazy and stop doing all of the sexy things they had to do to get you in order to keep you…..If they realize that they have you already.   They will lose respect and appreciation for you if you make them your first.

You can’t love a woman the way that you want her to love you and keep her interested.   That’s boring.  Then she will do all those nasty things that perhaps you didn’t even required to get the new guy locked down.

You have to love her the way she loves you in order to stand a chance at keeping her interested.   You have to keep yourself first.  You have to constantly be looking for a better replacement and following up on better deals if you want her to maintain respect.   She has to know that at any time, she can and will be replaced if she stops doing what you ask of her.   Even if you aren’t that demanding.   You have to test her to gauge her interest levels.  You have to check her at the first sign of disrespect.   Most importantly, you have to be willing and able to walk away at any time, no questions asked.

Marriage is no longer a viable option with the modern woman.   Most of them are spiritually dead.  They’re deluded.   They’re materialistic.  They are rebellious.  They literally lose their minds when they are attracted to a guy.    Their loyalty follows their attraction and attention.   It’s never love.

Raising a family is also fraught with peril.   With family court laws against men, she really has no incentive to stay.    It’s also irresponsible to bring kids into this world knowing that their home will eventually be broken.    Doing so at this point and taking a chance with such high failure rate is stupid.   Would you hop on a plane if the crash rate was at 50 percent?

Would you drive in a car if they exploded 50% of the time?  No matter how committed you were to being a safe drive, you could never be sure if it would be your last drive.