Rethinking Marriage

I always used to think that marriage is forever. I mean outside of infidelity and abuse, the issues that you and your spouse had was no grounds for divorce. It was like either be miserably married OR fix them. No giving up. None of that “we grew apart” stuff. Falling “out of love” isn’t enough.

Marriage was an oath, vow, or covenant of the highest order. Your “feelings” or “desire to quit” wasn’t enough to get out of it. Many many vows include the verse from 1 Corinthians 13:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

This meant to me that no matter how hard things, got, you don’t give up. You burned all of your boats behind you. You keep and have faith no matter what. God will see you through in the difficult times if you you follow and trust in Him. I thought that divorcing someone outside of infidelity or abuse made you a pretty terrible person. Especially if there were kids involved. Marriage is work and sometimes it is HARD. But you signed up for it….in front of God, your family, and friends. Like those vows were really meant to be abided by.

I honestly thought that everyone (well most people) thought like this.

It has become clearer to me that this is NOT the case.

If the statistics are true and 80% of divorces are filed by women, I find it quite ironic that so many of them are pressuring and pushing men into it. It’s said in many redpill spaces that women want to be married, but don’t want to be wives. You would think that it would be the men who motion to file more often. But it seems that men are way more willing to endure the pressure and at times, discomfort of being with a person forever.

It’s been said in the redpill community that women want to get married, but don’t want to be wives. In other words, they want the title, but not necessarily want what comes along with it.

Maybe the youtube/social media algorithms are just showing me one side of the story though. I rarely see actual divorce stories about husbands cheating/leaving, but if I actually search for it, who knows what I’ll turn up. And it could be that since I’m looking into those things, those things come up. In real life, I know a ton of married people who seem to have normal marriages. I’d say more are working than getting divorced. But people also don’t tend to share those types of problems with people they know in real life.

Based on my current knowledge and research though, it seems that a prevailing idea is that divorce is just another normal event. That it’s ok, almost expected to get divorced. That people “should” try to work on things, but they don’t really have to if it’s interfering with their path to personal happiness. That cheating or infidelity is kind of fucked up, but not REALLY that bad. That kids are better off in two seperate households than in 1 with an unhappy or unhappy parents. Perhaps this is modern marriage. It’s microwaved and disposable. It’s a participation trophy kind of deal. It’s casual and convenient.

I’m old school and again, my perception is that my personal happiness in marriage isn’t my primary concern or better yet, it’s my issue to make it right. In this case, if my wife isn’t happy, then yeah, she won’t be making my life happier so I need to get her the help or do what I need to do to make her happy. I have to make the best of this situation because I cannot leave it. I vowed on my word to my God, family, and friends to honor and protect those vows….in the best and worst of times. No matter how I felt about it.

But with so many people feeling this modern era about it…. Personally, I see no point. Why are we wasting money, time, and possibly bringing a family into this if you or me can just decide one day….”I’m done.” … “I’m unhappy.”…. “We grew apart”…. “The grass seems greener over there.” Why are pretending that this thing is going to be forever when we could just so easily walk away. Damned the collateral damage.

We spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, thousands on a ring, then tens of thousands on a divorce. We break promises and vows. We split our families apart. For what, just so she can feel like a queen for a day, wear a over priced ring, and be the center of attention. It’s really fucking stupid and pointless if you ask me. It can be a beautiful thing…..if you are really willing to fight for it….but most people aren’t. It’s like wanting to be a soldier in the military just for all the praise you get, but when it’s actually time for war, you’re ready to desert at the first sign of danger.

And worst part is that noone calls assholes out for this behavior. In fact, i’ve seen tons of websites where women actually condone leaving simply because YOLO….. and saying stupid shit like “how can the kids be happy if the mother isn’t.” As if leaving and burning the house down is the only option. But usually it comes down to her wanting to try another guy or ride the cock courosel to see if she still got it.

I’m not going to change my mind about what I think marriage should be. But I need to make the space to accept this new way of thinking. I don’t respect it though. It makes it stupid, pointless, and I’ll leave it to simps, suckers, and cucks to figure out what’s going on here. The information is out there, so if any man really thinks this is a good idea these days, …. good luck my guy.

Is it Me? Or is the rest of the world crazy?

Lately, I’ve found myself really disliking most women. Not on a personal level insofar as not wanting to be friendly, civil, or cordial. But more like, not wanting to consider a relationship with one. I’d prefer situationships, but it’s like I don’t want to be her ‘man.’

I don’t know if this is redpill baggage or awareness. I will say that I don’t KNOW all women, so I’m sure that there are probably some that I’d consider….but the representation or standard archetype of most modern women seem unappealing to me as far as wifey material.

So when I say women, what I mean is this archetype, not necessarily each individual woman.

That said. These modern women seem like terrible human beings….at least when it comes to being a friend/ let alone a partner. It’s like as men, we’re told that it’s our jobs to make and keep them happy. In the past, I was guilty of thinking that this was my job. I am a self-admitted nice guy. But I don’t think I was intentionally using being ‘nice’ as a means of manipulating women. I just treat people how I’d like to be treated. I thought that it was one ingredient of being ‘attractive’….but not the only one. Of course you need a bit of chemistry, looks, compatibility and so forth. But it does appear that being ‘nice’, is the quickest way to being seen as ‘friends only’ material. I find that women really do like assholes for some reason. But you gotta be a charming asshole. You gotta be somewhat selfish. Moreso than not it seems.

Some people are born with a deficiency of empathy. These guys seem to be doing the best when it comes to getting women. It appears to be a defining characteristic of an ‘alpha’ male. Unfortunately, I have to work on developing my asshole gene. I’m getting there, but I can find myself overcorrecting the ‘nice’ issue and being a straight up asshole. It’s a balancing act and I guess that with any form of self improvement, you’re going to stumble a few times and occasionally bust your ass in the process.

I don’t mind that part. The issue is that I think that most women are selfish, arrogant, materialistic, and have this overwhelming need to always be right. It’s as if though they are ignorant of the fact which makes it even worse. I mean if you’re going to be an insufferable, entitled, and arrogant prick, at least be aware of it. I wonder if changing part of who I am is worth it just to attract someone attracted to that shit anyway. Let alone for someone what also possesses the characteristics i just mentioned.

They think that they are god’s gift to men. Many modern women seem to have this entitlement complex to think that they deserve the best of the best of men….and they’re doing you a favor by ‘settling’ for you. As if we don’t also settle in ways for her. Many seem to think that they are perfect princess who deserve to live a luxury lifestyle with happily ever after vibes. And if a man fails to deliver upon that, he’s a ‘dusty’.

Regardless of her terrible attitude, sense of entitlement, poor communication skills, conditional feminity, mental health issues, less than gorgeous looks, and other ‘imperfections’. For some reason most think they are at least a 7 or above in looks and have the best sex in the world. I never met a woman who said she thinks she’s about average in bed. They all think they are or either are close to the best in the world. This obviously (from experience) and logically is not the case. I don’t care about her money, looks, ambition, or drive. It’s useless to me if she’s going to feel look down on me for not sharing her views about gross materialism.

It seems that in order to measure up to their the standard as a man, you gotta be damn near perfection. It’s like you gotta have looks, money, swag, be a damned comedian, be a corporate thug, a porn star, have ambitions of luxury, be able to fight, be a genius, and have a somewhat a sketchy past. You can’t be a Russel Wison type of guy unless you already have money. But if you’re Nipsey Hustle, then you can have your pick. Peace to king, and may he rest in power, but, it’s unrealistic to think that men who lived that lifestyle is going to turn it around without facing prison or death.

Otherwise, she wants to you damned near be a slave to her wants and needs. And all she brings to the table is ‘encouragement’ (to get more resources) and her unsatiable appetite for MORE. It’s like once you declare your love for her and decide to take her on as your woman….you’re responsible for keeping her happy. A damn near impossible task unless u happen to be good at long term game and stay on top of your shit.

In other words, it’s another job. The stakes for failing to perform in any aspect of this ‘job’ leads to her feeling ‘unfulfilled’ or ‘unhappy’. Woe to the man who actually falls in love with her and feels that he can’t live without her. That fool is put on a perpetual treadmill. She then can use sex/love/attention as a carrot and stick type of deal. Fail or lack in any of these areas, many feel justified in leaving (even if you have a family), or depending on her morals, cheating if another guy can provide one or more of the things you might not be so great at. HER happiness is of paramount importance, superceding family, vows, responsibility, duty, or obligation. The fact that they feel that they ‘deserve’ it no matter what is what turns me off about it. Many people who go through way rougher conditions don’t feel this entitlement.

I’ve learned that being a little toxic and/or emotionally unavailable makes the game infinitely easier to play. I know it sounds fatalistic, but seriously…..most women that I know have had a history of dealing with fuckboys and those men gave them their greatest heartbreaks. As a man, I can generally spot a fuckboy a mile away. It’s not hard. It’s hard to ‘hate’ on them because whatever they are doing seems to work. It seems that women have to force themselves to leave fuckboys while at the same time struggle to find reasons to say with “good guys.” They knowingly choose toxic men out out of lust to sleep with, have kids with, and give their all to…. out of attraction, but when it blows up in their face, they say that ALL MEN ain’t shit.

I digress. The main issue I have with commitment with them is that their love appears to be very much conditional. And then it comes down to “what have you done for me lately”. I refuse to commit to a woman who can so easily discard of me. I’m a human being, not a gotdamned utility. It feels like a fake friendship where you gotta pay to play. Like having a friend who’ll only be nice to you if you do things for them. Like pussy and fidelity should be reward enough for you to deal with all of their bullshit.

It’s selfish.

As another example, they say they ‘deserve’ a man who is on their ‘level’ financially. Yet that same 80k a year chick has NO PROBLEMS dealing with a 300k a year surgeon. The 50k a year guy better have prospects and ambitions of making more if she even gives him a chance.

Yet most men will take her for who she is…. even if she can’t afford his lifestyle on her own. That made sense back in the 40’s or 50’s when women didn’t have the same opportunities as women do now. But today, I find it selfish AF that they have the potential to be the main breadwinner, but feel a certain way about it if they are. How could you be so entitled to demand something from someone that you wouldn’t be willing to give in return? Do women really want equal rights without equal responsibility? What selfish individuals many of them are.

It’s insane how so many (especially those who claim to be ‘world traveled’) can feel so damned entitled, yet victimized at the same time. Do these chicks actually travel … or do they just vacation… (there is a difference). Vacationing obviously doesn’t make you ‘cultured’ as many like to brag that they are. Have they read a gotdamned history book. Don’t they realize how fortunate they are to be alive in America today? Even with all of our problems, we got it good compared 99% of the history of people who came before us. If you’re in middle class america, then you arguably have it better than at least 95% of the world today. These females with this luxury entitlement complex (regardless of their income are selfish AF).

My stbxw once told me that she wanted to take kiddo on a trip overseas on family ‘trip’….. she said that if I wanted to go, I should pay for my own ticket and she was under no obligation to pay for my ticket. While she does have the ‘right’ to feel that way…..I personally think that if we were a family, then it shouldn’t matter. What if our salaries were reversed and I told her that since she can’t ‘afford’ to pay for her own ticket, then she couldn’t go. Wouldn’t that be kind of a dickish move? I’d never in a million years think that it was an option for her not to go for that reason. Her response…. “well it would be your right and you wouldn’t have to pay for me.” I don’t have a 3rd party to say whether I’m right or wrong on this one, but as of now, I think that her kind of thinking is selfish AF. Especially when it isn’t like I’m out here spending an obscene amount of money on myself anyway. Maybe I’m wrong, but I am starting to suspect that a lot of women probably think like her when it comes to this.

The superficial standards that women put on decent men is what’s going to keep a lot of them single and ran through. Especially those entitled women who make decent money. He could have a great heart, be a great husband, great father, but if his finances isn’t up to par with hers, she feels that she can do better and that she ‘settled’. The part that gets me is that even if he could still ‘provide’ a decent life for her, if he isn’t providing the LIFESTYLE she things she deserves based on her income, then she feels ‘better’ than him. A lot of them will choose ‘LIFESTYLE’ over family with a decent guy. Ironically, if a man decided that he’s better off financially without a wife and kids dragging down his finances, and he wanted to leave, he’s seen as an asshole, narcissist, or deadbeat. When women didn’t have equal rights, men were expected to do this which is understandable. But today, we still are.

Am I fucking crazy? The archetype of these modern western women and (if I’m honest), most that I talk to leave me seriously preferring the single life. It’s really no surprise most dudes don’t want to deal with them on a relationship level. Conditional love and marriage/family just doesn’t seem to mix. They are materialistic and unsatiable in the long run. Work too hard, you’re too ambitious, don’t work enough, you’re not ambitious enough. Hence the high divorce rate with 80% of women filing. IDK man, there has to be some good ones out there. I won’t hold my breath in finding one, but if I do, I’ll greatly cherish her and pray that she isn’t too damaged. Meanwhile, situationships seem to be about the best I can do for now.

It’s been a long time coming

This has been quite an ordeal. I am over it, but I’m like over it over it. The more I speak to STBXW, the more I wonder what the fuck I ever saw in her in the first place. She is a totally different person now. I don’t see anything special about her. Her mentality is that of so many modern women who I strongly dislike in so far as wanting a relationship with.

I don’t hate nor do I pity her. She is just who she is. I used to be afraid that she’d find someone and be ‘happy’ with him. But now, I really don’t care. If someone does actually like a woman like that, then he’s actually better for her than I’ll ever be. Maybe she was right, maybe we grew apart. The current incarnation of herself is unattractive as a person (to me) on the inside. She’s loud, hypocritical, annoying, materialistic, shallow, and as of late, it appears that she’s getting ‘old’. At least in the sense that she’s out of shape and constantly complaining about some body ache or another. She lacks that…..whatever it is that makes me want to be with someone as a significant other.

I’d go so far as to say that she’s common issue “for the streets” material. Maybe she isn’t a ho ho. As in sleeping with every tom dick and harry with a little money. But her mentality is far from that of what I’d consider a good wife….let alone real friend. Perhaps her waywardness shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. Then again, I am seeing her through these red pill lenses now. I wish I had worn them sooner. I am in a space where I can say that I am thankful that she gave me kiddo. But outside of that, I really am not interested in anything outside of a co-parenting relationship her.

I could have almost dealt with the selfishness, materialism, entitlement, and self delusion….and probably would have settled for it for the sake of kiddo had she not been constantly unfaithful, untrustworthy, and unrepentant. Despite all of this pain, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise as she’s given me justification to actually divorce her. I’m pretty sure there is no coming back at this point.

It’s been over a year, probably two, since I last slept with her and I really can’t imagine doing it anymore. My recollection of the last few times we did it doesn’t make me desire to do so anymore. In a way, it’s quite ironic that she was quite stingy with the sex, but it wasn’t like it was good (to me) anyway. She’s never been a great kisser and the passion looking back was just ‘meh’.

I think I can say that I’m not in love with her anymore….and I’m glad that my heart finally got the memo. Despite all of that, I do have some level of love for her as she is the mother of my son. But I do need to move on and proceed with divorce.

She’s making it more difficult…once again, due her her selfishness. She mentioned re-signing her travel contract for another year which would make a noncontested divorce very difficult since she doesn’t have a ‘permanent’ residence. Her travel assignment is in New York while currently live near Atlanta. It is required that we have a parenting plan in place and we must be on the same page about custody. How can we split custody if she lives so far away. Does it really make sense for kiddo to spend half the year in NY and the other in GA as he does have to go to school somewhere? He’s at an age now where I think that he can recover from this. Besides, given the state of our estrangement in the last few years, I don’t think he’ll be blindsided by all of this anymore.

Of course, it’s all about the ‘money’ with her and I don’t know how I can convince her to take a pay cut…. at least for a little while, so that we can live closer together. But she only has two options at this point, either give me full custody or move back down where we can split custody. It’s only fair as most of his family is here, he was raised here, and there is no way I’m moving to New York for the first time as a grown assed middle aged man. I have no family nor friends up there. Plus I’ve spoken with quite a few people from New York. Most say that they moved here in order to give their kids a better way of life.

All that to say is that I’m feeling in a much better space now. It’s like recovering from an injured ankle and stepping on it for the first few times without feeling pain. I’m still a bit cautious…especially since I didn’t realize how hurt I still was a few months ago. But I am hopeful and thankful to finally be able to bask in the glow of the light near the end of the tunnel.