I am convinced that most women are not faithful and that falling in love with one is a trap that has sent many men into mental and psychological prison.

      Ive heard and uncovered way too many stories online about the phenomenon of cheating women.   It’s at the point where it’s unsurprising when i hear of stories about women cheating.

      The thing is that is seems that most are either ignorant or uncaring of how deeply this injures a man/husband.  

       It’s so tempting to fall and they can make is so easy….but these days, as men, we must protect our hearts at all costs.    

While being emotionally unavailable seems to be effective in maintaining attraction to a woman…despite their protests…..it is essential if a guy wants to maintain his sanity.

      I’m generally happy for the married men that i know with good(or so it seems) marriages.     They absolutely love and adore their wives.  Yet in a way,  i pity them.   I know that the pain they could potentially get from these relationships should their wives decide to “go rogue” is almost unbearable.

         It’s a precarious position to be in when someone has that much power over you.  we often dont even realize it until it’s too late.   I never thought in a million years that the pain i experienced from my stbxw’s affairs would be that bad.

         Although it’s been four years and I’ve been able to get through it for the most part….i fear that it has affected my ability to love anyone else from such a pure state.   I think I have been damaged in a way that prevents me from wanting to experience that level of deep intimacy with anyone.  

     I fear falling in love like that again.   Im unsure if i can trust anyone like that.    It doesn’t matter what a woman tells me, or how well things go….it’s like a part of me just cannot let go of the idea that she could do what stbxw did to me.

       As an imperfect being,  i know that it would in part be my fault.    So there is a sort of bitterness and jadedness that i feel whenever it would seem that I might be falling for someone. Maybe it’s just me, but if I love someone, I love them….part of love is accepting their flaws while working together. You just dont abandon or hurt them. If you must leave, then it should be handled with as much grace and respect as possible. Commitment requires that you look after their heart if u convinced them to give it to you. Part of that commitment may require a bit of self sacrifice. In essence loyalty. And loyalty isn’t always easy. It’s easy to love someone especially during the honeymoonphase of a relationship…but loyalty is when you choose to love someone in the face of temptation or during hard times.

         I wish I had the personality of a player so that i could easily have/get women. I’d love the ability to make them laugh themselves into the honeymoon phase with me.    Not that im a womanizer, i truly want monogamy…..but only to protect myself from falling so deep.

     It’s been said that the reason why previously permiscuos women aren’t good choices for long term significant others is that they lose their ability to “pair bond” long term.

        Ironically, i find myself in that position right now.   I am double minded in that I truly want to find my “one”, but yet, i fear it so much.    As the scriptures accurately explains it….”a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.”  

    I don’t hate the stbxw as a person.   She did what she felt like she needed to do….but i do hate this effect on me.   I know that im responsible for my life, but yet i don’t know how to get myself out of this current mindset

       It seems so unfair that she gets to mess me up so bad mentally,  destroy our family unit, and walk away either ignorant or apathetic to the pain and trauma she caused.   

We don’t have to get back together. I see no way back nor do i believe she can truly understand the damage she did…..but i wish that she could somehow someday truly understand it.

I fear that life doesn’t work like that though.

This is why i think that the best action is prevention. You can’t be out here loving these women like that. Im not suggesting to be evil, do them dirty, or take it out on them. But i do believe that the risk of falling that hard for someone is not in a man’s best self interests. It’s just too risky.

Perhaps i just don’t have the personality to have love like that. Maybe it’s not in the cards for me in this lifetime. Im still fairly young, so there is still plenty of fun to be had.

But i dont know if i could every truly forgive stbxw for stealing that innocence away from me.

I think I’ve finally gotten over it. Over the last week or so, I haven’t been feeling that annoying anxiety when I think about her. I haven’t seen her in weeks and even though we have talked a few times, here and there on the phone. I don’t feel pain anymore. The bouts’ of anger have majorly subsided. I no longer feel sadness for losing my family. And finally, I kind of feel excited about the future even though I don’t know where I’m going just yet.

It took a LOOONG time to get that poison out of my system. But I’m ready to move on and ahead without her. As I type this, I realize that there could be residual pangs, let’s say if I see her with another guy or find evidence she’s seeing someone. Actually, I may have seen something in her google photos backup….. But tbh, i don’t care.

I realize that there are actually a ton of women like her out there like that. The redpill information along with all the r/ infidelity posts helped me realize that I am not alone. Kevin Samuel’s and other redpill content creators helped me realize that there are many many many women with deep seated mental and emotional issues. Perhaps it was my fault for placing her so high on a pedestal. But now that she’s no longer there, I can see that she’s not anything special. She’s the epitome of the typical woman that so many men complain about.

I chose bad. I fell in love and threw caution to the wind. I payed for it. But I see now that marriage ain’t worth it, especially to a typical woman like that. Idk if all women are like that, but I definitely know at least 1 who is for sure.

I know that I knew all of these things, but something feels different right now. I think that I finally fell out of love with her. I got my heart back.

I Wasn’t even thinking about it….wow!!! Darn. Relief. It’s like nursing an ankle injury and then no longer feeling the pain. But you’re a little nervous to step down too hard. But right now it feels OK. Like You u know u don’t have to limp anymore.

I haven’t felt this way since b4 she dropped the nuke on me. I feel good man. I feel good.

They say that love is pain. I disagree. But love is a curious thing in that sometimes you cannot really know how much you loved until you’ve experienced the pain of losing it. Or rather should I say, losing the object of your affection. I can say that as painful as this thing has been with the STBXW, the reason I know that I loved her so much was because the pain of losing her was so bad.

It was a huge risk and I didn’t realize how vulnerable I was. I say it all the time, love is contact sport. It’s like playing football with no protective equipment. It’s all fun and games until you get hit hard. Concussed. Even worse so when you’re playing unprotected against a fully geared up person.

The analogy being that she hit me in the head while she was the only one wearing a helmet. I think it was intentional, but she swears it was an “accident”. Hence, the whole, I know what I did, but I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you thing. Still no excuses, because even if I were wearing a helmet, she intentionally hit me in the head. I mean even in football, there are still rules against unnecessary roughness. Like boxing and all combat sports, the number 1 rule is to ‘protect yourself at all times.’ I failed to do that and ended up paying severely for it.

Lately, my lover and I seem to be getting more into a space of comfort with each other beyond the intense honeymoon phase lust. I never really entertained the thoughts of being anything more than FWB with her, but lately I’ve been feeling like … IDK, I really need to either shit or get off the pot so to speak.

Truth be told, I’m deathly afraid of committing to her. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be her “man”. I want her to see me as someone she’s proud of. Yet, I know that if I do commit to being the best man for her….committing to making her happy, I’d be making the same mistake as with my wife.

It’s tempting to beleive that she really just wants someone to be dedicated to her and be there for her. Treat her right while maintaining my masculinity. To just take over and be the man. To lead her. That does require a lot of trust and respect. I don’t think that women understand how much we risk and the responsibility and pressure we have to take on when deciding to dedicate ourselves to them for real.

I don’t think that I have what it takes to be her “man.” Not in the sense of I’m not worthy or I’m not smart enough. I just have problems with actually giving enough fucks. I’m too easy going and happy go lucky to argue with people and I have too much pride to try to talk a woman into staying with me if she decides she wants to leave. I’m not great at chasing women. And the worst part it that apparently, if i choose to give someone my heart, I have a big issue in getting it back.

Shit, i gotta admit that for some strange reason….beyond me. If him honest, I still love my ex wife. I won’t do shit if i gotta go out of the way for her. I would never take her back. I don’t respect her. I don’t see any redeeming qualities in her anymore. Not enough to feel the way that I do about her. But it still vexes, grieves, and hurts me when I think about her. Perhaps it’s true that the ‘heart wants what it wants.’ Fortunately for me, I’m not led by my so called heart. I have to control it otherwise, it would destroy me.

I think of her as a weakness of sorts. Like I’m a recovering alcoholic. I can’t touch the stuff. I hit rock bottom with that and I’ll be literally damned if I allow temptation to drag me down that road again. I wish I could shut it off, and perhaps one day, I’ll wake up and it will be gone. But as of now, she serves as an annoyingly constant reminder that you just can’t give your heart out like that. I truly wish I never fell in love like that with her and it’s probably one of my biggest regrets to date.

I would take a chance with another woman before going back to her. I’d rather be by myself. Yet as of right now, I’m facing the consequences of my poor choices and I have to deal with it. Rather than lying to myself, I gotta be real. It’s so hard to just be apathetic because I did love her so much. And I’ve learned that once you smoke that first hit of crack, allow yourself to be given over to someone so much…. it’s a bitch to get over it.

I think I could understand a woman who has gone through that. If she told me she really loved someone and he was like a weakness of sorts….in the past, I would have seen it as a red flag. I actually still would, but not necessarily a deal breaker for now IF she were able to articulate that to me.

      I beleive that my lover is just with me because she hasn’t found a man yet.   I know that my time is limited and has known that for a while.   Shit, I’m surprised we’re still hanging in there.   Yet strangely, the longer we deal with each other, the more attached I get to her.  It’s to the point where I’m beginning to fear losing her.   Scary thought indeed.

         I’ve always loved her.  But from an appreciation pov.   I always knew that our time is limited.   Though I do appreciate her.  The intimacy, the ‘loyalty’, and honesty.  But honestly, I always beleived that I’m cool from a friends with benefits aspect.   Relationship wise though, I don’t see how we could make it.   We’re cool as long as we can keep controversial conversations light.   To be honest, I don’t agree with her on a LOT of issues.   So in a way, she’s right when not wanting to discuss ‘deeper’ issues.   Yet, I’m trying to gain understanding and it seems that she takes disagreements to heart.  In typical black woman fashion.

       Perhaps I’m spoiled by younger sisters.   They seem to be able have a legit debate without taking disagreements personally.   Am I just an asshole?  Like why do most women tend to take disagreements so personally.   I swear it’s like they want dudes (me anyway) to be a “yes” man. 

    Fuck that tho.  I’m going to talk my shit.  Even if it risks fallout.  Perhaps these types of debates are a way of better vetting out who’s good for me or not.  

      It’s not about me being right or wrong.  If I’m honest,  I lose debates with my younger sisters more frequently than I’d like.  For me tho.  Yeah,  I try to win, but it’s not personal if I lose.

   And with them, even when I win, there seems to be no love lost. 

   Or if we come to a stalemate it’s….I respectfully disagree. To be fair though, we’ve been doing this our whole lives pretty much. We know that no matter how much we disagree on a particular issue… we got each other…its a sparring match, not a death battle

    Not with my lover or most other black woman I engage with though.  It’s like keep it ‘fun’, agree with me, or fuck you.

     It’s like they take shit so personally…as if any disagreement is an attack on EVERY THING they stand for.   Their whole soul be hurt.   

     We could be having a great evening,  but God forbid we stumble upon and I disagree on a topic they have an opinion about.   Suddenly,  I’m their worst enemy…unless I shut the fuck up and let them just have it.   

      Now I feel like an asshole for having a different opinion.   Even if I back it with facts.    it’s  like, how are you supposedly so ‘confident’ yet once controversy happens, you shut the fuck down and get so got damned emotional.

      What the fuck is wrong with them?  Or is it just me?  Maybe I’m just an insensitive asshole…yet they have no problems with telling me what’s wrong with my opinion.

        Shit….I truly listen.   I usually get it and even if I disagree,  I can acknowledge the ‘truthiness’ in their rebuttal. 

    I know it sounds arrogant,  but I swear, most of these chick’s are not really THAT intelligent.    Not in a common sense, idealistic sense.   nah, they just get way too emotional. I find it disrespectful bcuz the scorched earth response usually doesn’t warrant the issue of dispute

   Apparently bitches don’t like nuances or real conversations.   It’s like they are too attached to their ideas.  And half of these ideas aren’t well thought out….or oversimplifications of complex issues.

        I’m starting to lose a lot of respect intellectually for many of them.    Sure, they can do their JOBS, but apparently education and salary are not indicators of intelligence.  

       It’s OK, and they don’t have to agree.   I disagree with my male friends a lot….but it doesn’t devolve to … shut the fuck up I don’t want to talk about it…. condescending…. this conversation is beneath me

But the occasional male that does, I mentally consider them a “bitch ass nigga”….not for having a dissenting POV…but based on how they get so emotional and fuck logic and reasoning as they shut the conversation down with ad hominems, threats, and claims of how much money they have  or their street reputation.

      I’m not intimidated usually as I can take an ass whooping but it ain’t gonna be easy gangsta. Respect but u bitch for that type vibe

Either way. Fuck that happy wife happy life shit. Bitch u want equality….u can get this work too…it’s never personal

perhaps this ‘not taking it personal ‘ is one good thing about being a ‘nice guy’ tho it is frustrating as fuck