A case for the ‘beta’ male

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot memes about alpha and beta’s when it comes to personality types.   In essence, alphas are good, betas are bad.   The theory is that woman are naturally attracted alpha males while will either use or be repulsed by beta males.

Alpha males it seems have certain characteristics that women find irresitable.   They project strength, certainty, confidence, charisma, and are comfortable in all situations.   They may seem brutish, but are protectors.  They are leaders and don’t follow the rules.  They take control of the situation and handle their business.  They don’t care what others think about them.  They are imposing and dominant in social situations.

Betas on the other hand are seen as weak and pathetic.  They are nice, but the niceness is really a survival strategy because they fear confrontation.   They are followers.  They seek to please others.    They will fold or run under pressure so they aren’t really great protectors.   They are weak physically and mentally.    They whine and don’t take responsibility for their lives.

The above definitions give you a basic understanding what’s implied by the two types, i don’t really subscribe to the theory.   I do think that it’s a lot more complicated.  I think the debate of alpha vs. beta  often implies extroverts vs introverts.

Society as a whole takes this way too far.  I don’t like the term alpha and beta because it implies superiority of one personality type over another.

I mean there are guys who are so called ‘betas’ that could probably kick the average ‘alpha’s’ ass in a fight if it came down to it.   Many men think that being boorish and imposing makes a man an alpha.

As usual, many women are caught up in the hype.  But let me make a case for the ‘beta’ types.

I’ve seen some pretty humble/quiet men who could definitely take out a lot of the so called loud mouthed alphas in a fight.   Anderson Silva for instance.  While reserved and quiet and not imposing at all….he’s a beast in the octagon.   Others include Manny Pacquaio and one of my favorite boxers Vasyl Lomachenko.

While many ‘alpha’ types like Connor McGregor and Adrien Broner can back up their talk and are entertaining to say the least.    Their issues come with huge egos which aren’t great for relationships or stable families.

Many of the loudest, flashiest, and ‘alpha’ types I know of are really pussies in real life.   They talk the talk, but won’t walk it.   These are the types that talk all that rah rah, but won’t do anything.    They are ones who snitch after talking about how real they are.  Ever notice how the ‘shooters’ don’t really say much.   Killers are the quiet ones.   The most serious and dangerous people, when it comes to the game are the real ones.   Notice how you often hear the most popular rappers talk about the ‘goons’ and ‘shooters’ they have on the squad.   Often if you meet these people in real life, they don’t have much to say and aren’t clamoring to be the life of the party.

While not the most exciting people in the world, the beta type is often more reliable and family oriented.    They are loyal to a fault often times.   They get the job done, sit back and don’t wait on acknowledgement.   These are the guys you want on your team.  They are also the guys you don’t want to piss off because they’ll fuck you up without saying too much in advanced.   Often times, you’ll have had to coming to you.

As far as dating, there is a difference between good men and nice guys.   Nice guys do things because they expect something in return.   In reality alpha creeps do the same thing.   They are just more upfront with it.    While often confused with beta’s, nice guys aren’t really the same thing.    Good guy betas often do things because they want to, nice guy betas do things because they want the person to ‘owe’ them something.   I could see how there could be confusion as nice guy betas often employ similar strategies as good guy betas.  But there is a difference.  One way you can tell though is that good guys will not just tell you what you want to hear.   It might sting, but it’s delivered in a way to not hurt your feelings, but more as a suggestion.

Nice guys will pretty much agree with everything and not really check you on your bad behavior.   Or they’ll say it in a way to ‘bring you down’ so to speak as a manipulation tactic.

As mentioned earlier, beta types want to take care of their mates.  They aren’t out there looking for several women at a time.  They are family oriented and tend to want to make sure that their family is good.  They enjoy spending quality time with their kids and wife.   They may come across as clingy, but often times it’s due to either having their trust abused in the past or knowing how the game works.

I’d be considered a beta, but I know how game works.   I know it when I see it and many times I’ve debated with myself for ‘snitching’ on a guy who was running game on my girl.   Usually it falls on deaf ears anyway and I was usually always right, but what’s a guy to do?   They always come back.   But loyalty is a big to me and once trust is broken it’s hard to get it back because I bring that to the table and I do expect that back.

Beta males generally don’t like drama.   They are usually peacemakers and are quite diplomatic in their approach.    Equity and fairness are characterstics that also follow them.   While they might not follow the code of society, they usually follow some code of ethics such as the code of the streets.

They usually aren’t flattering, charming, or have the most swag,  but I’m convinced that the personality type of the beta doesn’t make them in any way weaker or inferior to their more flamboyant alpha brothers.

Perhaps the only area is in attracting and keeping women.   But that says more about the society we live in more than the guys themselves.

One would think that a woman would cherish a beta type guy as he’d pretty much deal with her shit if she’s loyal.  He would want to help her be a better person.   You would think that it would be easier to change his weaknesses than it would be change the player into a husband.   Unfortunately, that’s too much like right.

Meanwhile….I guess in order to get laid, I am alpha enough to get attention.   It works because I’m just enough of both to get attention and keep it for a little while.    I do know that even with my knowledge, it’s easy for me to revert back into beta if I fall in love.  The best thing for now is to stay emotionally unattached, use my strengths, do what I do, but never fall in love as she’ll probably end up cheating or leaving me for not bringing that ‘alpha’ drama in to her life.

Lessons learned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Overdosed on the blue pill

It’s weird waking up from the blue pill teaching about women.  All my life, I was taught that part of being a good man was one who put his woman first.   That being nice, providing, helping, and putting her on a pedestal was what she wanted.   That she desired to be treated with kindness by her man.   That we really should try not to hurt her emotionally, be consistent, be honorable, truthful, loyal, her friend, confidant, and lover.    That we should open up doors, pay for dates, pump the gas, buy flowers, and write corny ass love letters (when the time was right of course).  That we should treat her like a princess.

It’s so easy to fall into that trap because society tells us this.  Women often talk about their abusive or cheating ex’s who did them wrong in the past.   My dumb ass used to actually want to show her what it was like to have a man who considered her and treated her well.   In most of my relationships, I wanted to be the guy who actually did ‘right’ by her.  I thought that if she showed enough interest and we started dating, then I should be that guy for her.  That she deserved it.     I thought it would be enough to keep her interested.

Unfortunately, from my experience as well as stories from other men who attempted this, it’s not really what women are attracted to.  Sure it sounds good on paper, but experience shows that this isn’t the case.   In fact, you do these things if you want her to lose interest.     I only technically cheated in one of my relationships and the girl still wanted to try to work on things.   I’ve been cheated on in pretty much every other one.

There I was, the ‘good’ guy, not clingy, giving space, treating them well, considering their feelings before I did things, and acting….ya know….normal.  Selfless and fun.  Giving more than I took.   I think they did love me in a sense, but at the same time, they ended up cheating with some douche or another only to want me back after I found out.

I am/was that ‘sweet’ guy.   Massages, flowers just because, surprise dates, handling the bills, cooking, washing her car, taking it for an oil change, walking her dog, fixing stuff around the house,  faithful….you name it.    I’m not perfect, but I always kept in pretty decent shape, maintained a decent job, and never asked for money or favors unless I really needed them.   Sure, I do drink on the weekends and if they started showing red flags, I snooped in their phones, but still gave them space if they wanted to go out with the girls.   I played fair.   I was honest, but not brutally.   I considered myself in essence a ‘good’, not perfect man.    They’re all still pretty cool with me and have told me later that I ‘am/was’ a good man to them.

The waywardness of my wife was the final straw.  Or so I thought.   It’s so ingrained in me to be kind to women that I find myself doing it by default.   Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that a woman is obligated to want you just because you’re nice to her.   I just wonder why being nice to her seems to cause her to lose that spark of attraction.   Perhaps it’s the idea that they want someone they can change.  Maybe it’s really about the chase.   If that’s the case, then I have to be redpill because I’m not really about the games.   I prefer peace, not to create/fabricate some drama just to keep her happy.

I don’t think I can do it again, it’s also not my personality to be a ‘bad boy’.  I’ve never intentionally used people for selfish gain.   TBH, I’ve never done bad things to anyone unless I felt like they deserved it.   I’m very patient and forgiving. I’m not afraid to fight for what I believe in and I’m quick to stand up for myself.

That said the evidence points to the fact that it probably isn’t everyone else, it’s probably me.   From what I see, being a blue pill beta was probably the issue.    I’m ok with me and I actually want to treat my so with respect.   I don’t think it’s dysfunctional and don’t want to become dysfunctional in order to keep women.   MGTOW pump and dump is the best way forward for me.   NO ATTACHMENTS.

 

 

 

Where are all the good women though?

It kills me when I see my male friends raising their daughters to be little divas and princesses.   They swear it’s the cutest thing.  But for me, seeing a little 4 year old with her hand on her hip, wearing sunglasses, and making a duck face makes me want to slap the beta out of their fathers.   One of my closest friends even referred to is daughter as his ‘little diva.’    For real bruh?

I probably react so negatively on the inside because it seems that this is a real problem.   These little girls are raised to think that they are princesses or something.   Princesses are entitled little brats and usually grow up into narcs.  The world revolves around them regardless of what they actually contribute.

The bigger problem is that these girls will grow up thinking that men should treat them like their fathers.   They should deal with their shitty attitudes and spoil them regardless of how they behave.   Not to mention that their men won’t have the option to discipline them when they get out of hand.  It’s a lose/lose for these women because allowing them to get away with it causes them to lose respect for you and you’re bound to be stepped over or cucked.   If you do address it, then you have handle it with kiddie gloves hoping that she really gets it, most likely she won’t and you’ll either have to deal with it or keep having the same arguments over and over again.   It’s just best to walk away.

Worst case scenario is if you marry into this kind of crazy.  Walking away WILL cost you big and it can have devastating effects on your kids, finances, emotional heath….etc.  We’re also taught not to walk away from your responsibilities and obligations….man it’s a cluster fuck of fuckedupness.

While on one hand, it wouldn’t be an issue because personally, I wouldn’t even be interested in someone with such a temperament, it is because it makes the pool of ‘good women’ that much smaller.    Between the damaged women who’s fathers aren’t there and now the ones who’s fathers turn them into entitled brats, there won’t be much left over for the future generation of men.

Women often wonder where the good men are.   You really rarely hear the question of where all the good women are, but in reality, they are pretty rare in my estimation.   Many women today are either damaged, spoiled, or physically and unapologetically unattractive.

Physical attraction aside, the current norm of arrogance is really a deal breaker and it makes it impossible to really want to even get to know many of them.   I don’t know if it’s their upbringing, a defense mechanism,  or a symptom of low self esteem, but something’s off here.

The dating app okCupid has a question where it asks how your would rate your self confidence.   9 out of 10 black woman rate it as above average.   “Above average”.  How is that normal.  How in TF to you have an above average self esteem.   That’s borderline arrogance.   That implies that you feel like you’re perfect or at least close.   That implies that you can’t learn anything or either won’t take ownership (meaning at least try to modify dysfunctional behavior).   In fact, the biggest issue in the culture today is that we accept immoral/dysfunctional behavior because calling it out means that we’re “hating.”

I’m starting to think that I’m weird in that so many people seem to be ok with this.   Many dudes seem to be ok with women with shitty behavior.   Is the thirst that real?   These women are more masculine than the narcissist male.   They don’t care about anyone or anything but themselves and their money.   And what’s worse is that they’re proud of that.    Are we as men so thirsty for attention, so low on our esteems, that any big butt and smile will cause us to do anything to keep getting it.

I know that all women aren’t like that, but the few that aren’t  seem to be attracted to the worst men out there.   It’s like good / decent girls don’t want good /decent men.  They seem to like the cocky/arrogant types.

It’s like a woman can see a million red flags that this dude throws out….multiple baby mamas with different women, a history of cheating, all of his ex’s are/were “crazy”,  he’s already asking for more credit than he’s built up with her, he dates a ton of women still, he drinks and smokes a lot, he’s on probation, he a grown ass man, but doesn’t have a car or his own place to live, but his outfit costs $500.   But he knows what to say, and really, all he has to do is to be able to make her laugh.    Not hating on him, but this is the reality.  Even good women are attracted to this type and can’t seem to get enough.   On a side note, a man can override this programming by being wealthy already.  Then the question is whether she loves him for him or because he’s wealthy.

Digressions aside, the arrogance and cockiness and foolishness of the modern woman makes a good one rare indeed.   Most women think they are good women but fail to realize that just feeling like you’re a good person and actually being one are two different things.   It’s our fault as a society as we never hold them responsible for their bad behaviors and rather consider them victims to their own bad decisions.  We fail to be there for them as kids or raise them to be divas.  Then, we lust after them insatiably.

When they fall for dirty dick Rodney or Bad Boy Bobby in spite of him dripping with swag and red flags, we feel sorry for them.  She becomes damaged goods, raise her daughters to be too independent and then sets the standards of what it means to be a good man way above what most decent men can or are willing to provide.     Or in the case of the born divas, they have impossibly high standards based on the fairy tale and lies their fathers gave them.

To any man who lucked up and found an actual good woman, I’d say you best treat her right and hold on to her.  If you’re considering leaving her for the hot chick in the office that’s been checking you out, know that it’s statistically probable that it won’t turn out well.      The pickings out here are really slim.

 

 

 

 

Double Minded thoughts of a cheater

After the affairs and betrayal of my wife it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m am healing.   Slowly, but surely, the pain and memories of what happened is fading.   But this process is by no means over.   While I no longer feel the acute pain of infidelity nearly as much, I’m seeing that it may not be possible to repair the damage that was done to our marriage.

Sure, I’m doing my thing on the side now.  It has helped me, at least regain some esteem and a bit of power.  My sexuality is no longer a string she can pull to bring me back in as that part is taken care of….at least for now.    Intimacy is also being looked after and so I don’t know if it’s time, someone else, or a combination of both that’s helping me get grounded again.

Make no mistake about it, my other situation is very likely just a fling and if things end, hopefully we will both be ok with it.   The thing is that i’ve been feeling hypocritical lately in that I am finally getting what I wanted….which is the ability to give up.    In a sense, I wasn’t fighting because I chose to, I did because i was compelled to.   I didn’t want to hurt my son, I didn’t want to give up on marriage.   I felt as if I still owed God to keep pushing as he never gave up on me.  But in retrospect, I was fighting mostly because I couldn’t let go.  I felt like vows were to be taken seriously and I had to have hope.     It was like holding on to an electric fence.  It felt like I literally couldn’t let go even though it was cooking me on the inside.

It’s a shitty thing to cheat on someone and then leave them for the person you cheat with.   All the lies, unfair comparisons, broken hopes and dreams, collateral damage to those close, disrespect,  and seemingly sudden betrayal and abandonment of the one you loved the most is enough to make you crazy.  Let alone the fact that I’m a cancer sign.  I was loyal to a fault.    I was losing it.   I always thought I had the ability to let things go, but apparently, I didn’t.  Perhaps this is the lesson in all of this.  I was too attached.  On a side note,  I wonder if all that emotional trauma does cause one hold on more tightly in a weird ‘Stockholm syndrome’ kind of way.   Maybe I also have some sort of martyr complex going on too.   Shit, I should probably talk to a psychologist or something.

They say that there is fault on both sides when a person cheats.   I disagree, to a certain extent.   I still don’t know what I did so wrong to deserve that.  I honestly don’t know what I could have done differently to not be given a chance to address or fix whatever her ‘deal breakers’ were.   I still don’t and that’s part of the problem with even considering trying to fix this.  She says I did nothing wrong, but there has to be something.  I don’t want to make the same mistake again.   This is probably one of my biggest regrets, but perhaps hindsight will come in time.

As of now, I passed a test of sorts by sleeping in the same bed with her the other night and not trying to come on to her.   We held each other and while sex did cross my mind, I figured that I would have been dishonest to my friend as we promised we would tell the other if we had sex with someone else.   As of now, I have a lot of subconscious animosity against my wife.  No point in adding that to my psyche.

I made good on that promise once with a fling and it pretty much doomed whatever we had.   I didn’t care (i didn’t know she would be that hurt either though) and with this one I do care (if i’m honest with myself), but we both know the reality.   It could end any day.   Here I go being too honest with women again.   I could just lie or lie by omission.   She would probably lie to me and tbh, i somewhat expect it.  As fucked up as it sounds, I really am trying to be as honest with her as possible.    My wife doesn’t know….I don’t think.  She doesn’t ask.

I’m unsure if telling her would have the effect of making her jealous and waking her up that she possibly could lose me or if she’ll see it as justification that she is actually right in doing what she is doing.   I really don’t know if she’d be hurt or if she’d actually feel a sense of relief.   Most likely her ego would be hurt, but it wouldn’t hurt her nearly as much she hurt me.  Perhaps it would be her out.

This is just too complicated.  I’m probably just overthinking it as usual.    I wish i could just find the one for me and not worry about it.    But perhaps all relationships come with some complications.  Those other complications can’t be as complex as this though.   Who knows?

By nature, I’m not a cheater.   For now, I cannot count myself as a righteous person as I am in a full blown affair.  I do however feel justified, I mean we are separated after all.   I did tell her that I didn’t want her seeing anyone else even though she told me that she just didn’t want to know if I did.   I can’t be honest and say that those were terms we officially agreed to, but we did both at least say what we wanted.   If she isn’t ‘talking to” anyone right now, how ironic is that?  Maybe I’m not really cheating after all.

I sometimes wonder if the wife actually decided to act ‘right’ instead of ignoring my needs (sexual and intimate) if I would let the fling go.   IDC what people say, alienation of affection is emotional abuse.  Had she not betrayed me so deeply with her affairs, I wonder if I would have remained faithful through the lack of sex for this long.     If I had done the same thing she did, I shouldn’t be surprised if she got it from somewhere else.

She tells me that her so called ‘best friend’ doesn’t call her as much now.   She claims he has a girlfriend now and i shouldn’t worry about him because she doesn’t want to be anyones’ “side chick”.   Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?

It seems that she’s saying that the only reason she stopped talking to him as much isn’t because their past infidelity makes things unfair to me to have to accept him as her friend, nor that she loves us enough to let that go, nor that she’s sorry for putting me in that situation where I was disrespected.   She won’t admit it was an emotional affair, even though she claims she only slept with him that one time.  It’s because he has a girlfriend now and she feels rejected in a sense.  I guess I’m the possible consolation prize once again.

She won’t admit that it was wrong to lie about him going on the ‘girls’ trip and uses the fact the we were ‘beefing at the time’ as justification.   She wants me to believe they didn’t sleep together in the two days they were down there alone before the girls showed up.    With full knowledge that she just had an affair with someone else so obviously the trust is gone….

Maybe things are ok the way that they are.   Our kid doesn’t know how bad things are and if he has an idea, at least it sort of softens the blow for him should we not work.  Then again,  If I don’t chase the wife and give her affection, then she’ll probably find it somewhere else and that will just ensure that the cycle repeats.

But with her being so aloof about everything, me chasing her will push her away.  She still won’t really talk about things that much.   Conversations looks like me telling her how her actions are basically fucked up and then mostly silence as she doesn’t offer much into insight or how she feels.   I get it, I’d probably be the same way.     She never makes any declarations about wanting to fix things though.   I’m pretty sure that me waiting around on her to make a decision keeps her in limbo.

The best thing at this point is to no longer talk about it with her.   I feel resentment because even though she hears me, I feel like I’m not being acknowledged.  Maybe I should just enjoy the freedom of separation as a single black straight man in Atlanta for now until she decides.   I don’t want to end it, but it does give a license to do whatever as long as I don’t get any babies.

Right now,  I just don’t have it in me to chase her after being betrayed and rejected so many times .    I can’t emotionally invest without some sign of commitment from her.   Because it feels like she just doesn’t get it, she might do it again.   I suffered too much to get out of that hell hole of being hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate.

In the end, perhaps she doesn’t love me.  Or maybe that’s just how she’d “love” anyone.    Even if she does ‘love’ me like she ‘says’ she does, it really isn’t enough if I can’t trust her.  With neither trust nor communication, then how can this ever work.   Between that and the infidelity on both sides at this point, then it certain looks as if this marriage is over.   I can’t say that I still desire her as a wife anymore, but I do feel as if I could if we could somehow work through all of this.

How can I get her to talk to me without her shutting down?   Is this tactical manipulation on her behalf or does she really have a problem with addressing real issues?  Am I really ready to pull the plug on this?

Another layer of limbo…..who knew?