Reality is plastic



Here is a neat little concept that is helping me tremendously on my spiritual journey.

To sum it all up, one simply has to understand that reality and actuality are two different things.

There is a lot of woo woo out there where charlatan take advantage of people’s misunderstandings of this essential concept.

The purpose of this article is to show how this can apply in a real and practical way.

But before we dig into the nuts and bolts, let’s define the terms.  Or at least my interpretation so that we can be on the same page  .

In essence,  actuality is the way that things actually are.  Realty is how we perceive actuality.  It’s easy to confuse the terms on the basis that we often use the two interchangeably in modern English.

There is a lot of overlap between the two so it’s understandable.  But understanding the subtle nuances of the two is where we can begin to see how this thing works.


When dealing with actuality, it’s important to understand that we cannot grasp it.   As soon as you behold it, you corrupt it.  Let me explain.

We all see actuality through the lens of our perceptions.  These perceptions are made up of our learning, experiences, beliefs, prejudices, and understanding.  No two people see the world in exactly the same way due to our perceptions.  And this fact causes us to view actuality slightly (sometimes radically differently) from one another.  Now there is a lot of overlap.

Maybe more accurately, we experience actuality differently.  Now matter how it’s experienced though….it is only what it is.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I think this is what the Tao te Ching means when it says that “The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao The name that can be named is not the eternal Name.”


Reality is the lens from which we perceive actuality.  It’s distorted as we can never truly see the whole picture.  We lack omniscience.  Some are more studied and learned on certain phenomena, but all observers of said phenomena interpret it based on what they do or do not know.

I call it reality because it’s real to them.  (unless they are lying to themselves).  Actuality is like a mirror that reflects the mind of the observer.  The reflection is called reality.


A perfect example of this in action is religion.  There are hundreds, if not thousands of christian denominations.  They all purport to worship the same God, read the same bible, and very often claim to have a personal relationship with their God.  Even though there are a lot of overlap and similarities in their beliefs, most disagree on many aspects of what true Christianity is.

All claim to have the one truth despite major disagreements on the proper meaning and understanding of the bible.   Most sincerely believe they know the truth.  Their entire world view is shaped by their beliefs and many interpret reality from that lens which somehow reinforces their beliefs.

Politics work the same way.  It’s a wonder how people can view the same events and interpret it so differently.  Typically, these views converge on which ever side of the political party line you tow.  It’s amazing.

Some people absolutely hate president Obama, while to others, he’s the best thing since pre-plastic surgery Michael Jackson.

The negative views of the racist, while rediculous to some, are very real to them.  They interpret the world based on these sincerely held beliefs and actuality seems to show them things that reinforce their beliefs.

Some may dismiss this as cognitive dissonance, but nonetheless, their reality makes it seem true.  Perception after all, is reality.

Practical Uses

One last thing to note about Actuality…. there are some aspects that we have no power to control.  A lot of new age beliefs kind of leave this part out which does the seeker a disservice.  There are certain universal truths that cut through the veil of our perception and (as far as I know) cannot be changed.

These things can be generally discovered by consensus.  These are facts that cannot easily be denied and easily proven over and over again.  Even still, one must be sure that the interpretation of said facts isn’t just cognitive dissonance rearing it’s deceptive head.  It’s easy to fall into group thought sometimes, so general consensus  and accepted facts cannot always be seen as the most reliable test.

You have to be careful not to fall into those traps as they are the building blocks of reality.

Now that this understanding is established, the larger question is….How can we use the plastic nature of reality to our advantage.  This is where the matrix ish comes in and things might get a little spooky.

Watch out for Traps

As hinted earlier, parts of Actuality is interpreted through our personal perspective lenses.  While we cannot change certain aspects, there are certain aspects that we can change.  In fact as we learn, our perspective changes.  Along with these changes comes changes to our reality.
  Once you realize that there is really no way we can interpret actuality accurately, the next step is to realize that we are free to interpret it any any way we desire.  Now it gets a little tricky here.

Books like “The Secret” or theologies like the “name it claim it” gospel essentially boil  down to the concept of “Change your beliefs, change your reality.”  while the object of faith may differ, depending on what flavor of teachings being taught, they all pretty much ask the believer to faith that they either will receive or have received something.

Unfortunately, It’s not just as simple as repeating something over and over again or visualizing that you have the object of your desires.  This is a part of it, but a few essentials are missing.

It’s almost impossible to consciously change some beliefs.  No matter how many prayers, mantras, positive thoughts, hours spent in mindfulness, or any other methods, your mind knows when you’re lying to yourself.  This comes from reference experience. We tend to believe what we see and actuality shows you what you believe, not what you want to believe.  Keep this in mind because it’s important to getting this.

It’s been said that “a lie repeated enough times becomes the truth.”  This quote is often used when describing how Hitler convince the Germans to comply with the extermination of the Jews during the Halocaust.  While somewhat factual, it leaves out two essential ingredients to account for the effectiveness of the tactic i.e. Ignorance and Fear.

While both emotions are ingrained into our minds and are often used nefariously, we can actually leverage these emotions to help change our beliefs.

Knowing and using the correct tools to actually change your beliefs are absolutely essential.    I’ll go over these tools in subsequent articles, but for now, here’s a quick summary of the concepts needed.  They are all quite natural and don’t require memorization.  Keep in mind, this is a personal journey to being the best you, so take what works for you, and leave the rest.  But here is the list:

1)Breaking the cycle of reference experience

2)The power of placebo

3)Leveraging Cognitive Dissonance

4)Reprogramming the subconscious mind through learning/unlearning

5)Leveraging the power of Emotion

Many of these techniques I’ll show are used in different religions, magic systems, therapy sessions, and hypnotic techniques.  Unfortunately, these systems are commonly dogmatic in their respective approaches.  I’ve taken what I’ve learned from each of these approaches and combined the most effective techniques to allow for maximum efficiency while reducing the time wasted going though all of the “filler” material.

It’s sort of like taking the mixed martial arts approach to fighting.  I strip down the traditional styles to the most effective techniques they have to offer while discarding the unusable forms, patterns, and fancy super secret b.s. that require 20 years to master.

While this might not work for everyone, it works for me.  It’s a Jeet Kune Do / Chaos Magician approach to the self help/ new age stuff out there.  I will attempt to explain the practical application of psychology and different”magic” systems without all the woo woo stuff.  There is a lot of literature on each subject out there, so if you want to dig deeper, just google or read about it on it on Reddit.

Even if you find that my method doesn’t work for you, hopefully, you can find something that will assist you in your journey.

Good luck.



















Can Polygamy Work in Today’s Society





Is Polygamy Justifiable Today?


“Love is Cursed by Monogamy”.

-Kayne West:  ‘No Love in the Wild’

Many ancient societies in history have practiced polygamy.  Those societies allowed men to have more than one wife.  Often, it was based on how financially successful or powerful he was.  In modern times, there are a few cultures that still practice it.  From all appearances, it seems to be more of a financial arrangement due to women having limited economic opportunities and holding a lower position in those societies.

To be fair, many societies also practiced monogamy regularly and it seems to have been the defacto standard for most societies throughout history.  Even though it is illegal in the United States, it seems to be regaining traction.

In more recent times, the practice is generally relegated to fringe religious practitioners and social deviants.  However it seems that more and more people are starting to consider the idea as a viable way of life.  People are increasingly becoming less and less restricted in their sexuality and the idea of loving people in poly-type relationships are becoming more common place.

But is this simply a sign of the times.  Is it a result of the degradation of time honored values?  Or is there some practical value to this phenomenon?  Here are a few objections and justifications for the practice in today’s society:

Women’s Rights

As mentioned earlier, polygamous relationships were often practiced in societies where women weren’t didn’t have as many rights and financial opportunities as men.  In modern America (while there is still work that needs to be done), women have much more opportunity and freedoms than in those societies.

Because many do not need a man for financial support, many simply will not tolerate the idea of “sharing” their men.


Due to women’s rights, most monogamous couples have both members working full time jobs.  Depending on the job, the hours worked often extend beyond the typical 40  hour work week.  After coming home after 10+ hours a day, it becomes increasingly difficult stay on top of all the soccer practices, pta meetings, and paying bills.  This leaves little time to handle the house hold such as cooking, cleaning,washing clothes and child rearing.  Having hobbies or pursuing personal development goals often fall to the wayside because time is at a premium.  A second or third wife could hold those things down while allowing the other two bread winners to make money to pay the bills.  This should allow a little more time as well as save a few thousand dollars a year in daycare/after care and eating out costs.

It’s just an excuse for a man to cheat

If you have read my article about why men cheat, then you’d know that men simply cheat because they want variety.  To recap, a woman could be everything a man wants or desires, but for some reason or another, there seems to be something in us that makes us at least wonder about it.  In many cases, a man’s sexual drive is higher than the woman.  If so much time and energy is dedicated to work and holding the household down, then it is really no wonder why many wives are too tired to get a quickie in before going to sleep.  If she has more time or simply doesn’t feel like it that night, then at least there are options.  A little girl on girl action if the man is tired might be a possible scenario.

There is the real possibility for jealousy, but as with all relationships, I’d imagine that communication is key to making it work.

Why can’t a woman have two husbands

The old “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” argument.  Hey I don’t judge.  That might work for some people.  Most straight men I know wouldn’t consider it though.  Same sex relations among men is generally frowned on for males.  In the case of the women being tired, he isn’t going to try to get it in with the other guy.  As of today, most people say that there is no such thing as male bisexuals.  A man simply cannot like both men and women sexually….or as eloquently put by Riley Freeman “dat ninja gay”.

I am delivert

That said, I don’t see how a woman would respect a man for doing that.  Seriously, I don’t know of any female that would date, let alone marry a guy who got “delivert” unless he was rich.  Even then, she’d likely still feel a certain type of way about it.  It would also be more difficult to establish paternity should the wife get pregnant.  Maybe it wouldn’t matter at that point.  But either way, most straight men aren’t with the gay ish.  Most would, however make a provision if the wife got it on with another female.

It’s a sin

I’m no longer a christian (long story).  But in America, especially in the African American community, the vast majority of people are.  This objection would definitely be a real point of contention.  Now while I think that black folks out to get out of that mindset, the reality is that most will not.  Oddly, most of the Christians that I know who identify with Christians don’t really read the bible.  If they did, they’d see that it isn’t a sin at all.  In fact King David, Jacob, Solomon, and Abraham all had multiple wives.

While it’s true that Yah didn’t tell them to go out and get multiple wives, he never said that they couldn’t.  Plus, he didn’t really give them any flack about it.   Either way, it is already a tough sell for most secular people, but with Christians would be damn near impossible.  It’s not really about what the bible says (or doesn’t say) as much as which parts agree with what they already think.

It’s against the natural order of things

Men should only have one wife because God or nature intended it to be that way.  One man for every woman.  The population is generally equal with 50% of men and 50% of women.  That’s about a 1 to 1.  So there is someone for everybody.   Some animals may engage in polygamy, but we’re people, not animals.


I think that we should overcome our baser instincts, biologically, men can impregnate many women at once.  A woman has to carry a child for 9 months.  Then she will typically need some sort of assistance to care for the child until she is able to get back to work.  Obviously it’s in a man’s best interest to help with this.  Unfortunately, too many of us shirk our responsibilities and leave it up to the woman to do it without our help.

If he cannot take care of one child, then he definitely shouldn’t be going around having more kids.  In nature, all those kids would probably get eaten by a lion or the woman wouldn’t be able to provide the nutrition to raise the child to independence.

From a biological standpoint, that is against nature (survival) as well, so point taken on that.

Women can’t get along with each other

Too many women in the house can cause friction as many are territorial and catty.  Now as with probably most of this article, that sounds sexist.  But from my observation from school,the workplace, and reality TV, this appears to be true….or at least a half truth.

Not all women are that way most issues would probably arise from insecurity andimage jealousy.  That’s a real problem.  All women are like this though.  Polygamy isn’t for everyone and it would take the right personalities to pull it off.  To simply dismiss all women as catty is a limiting belief and would probably cause such issues to manifest in your life more often than you’d like.


This isn’t a comprehensive list of all the objections and problems that might arise should you decide that it’s right for you.  But is a case for possible advantages.  It also attempts to answer common objections.

Nothing, even monogamous relationships are guaranteed.  The divorce rate in America is around 50%.   The cheating rate is probably higher than that.  Another point is that it provides that variety that so many men crave… Or it might not…. But either way the startling statistics show that even our time honored traditions aren’t necessarily the best way of doing things.

If communication is key to a successful marriage between two people, it must be infinitely be critical when you start involving more people.    I’m not saying that this is a fix to the ills of society, but maybe it would work for some people.









Valentine’s Date Conversation Starters



You’re out on a valentine’s date with your significant other (S.O.) and you’ve been seeing each other for quite some time time.  Over the years, you’ve gotten to know each other very well.  Almost too well.  She’s heard all your stories.  You know about hers.  At this point, conversation is mostly about bills, kids, work, and facebook notificatons.   KILL ME NOW.



      Date night for long term couples don’t have to be canned, half hearted attempts at conversation and parent talk.   It’s easy to fall into a routine of talking about the same things over and over again. Even worse, all too often, I couples sitting at dinner tables silently staring at their phones.  (Are they texting each other?)   But fret not.  With a little bit of research and preparation(I’ll get you started here) you can get those old “honeymoon/getting to know each other” phase conversations going again.

Just a side note  “game theory” suggests that you have some canned material prepared in approaching women.  You shouldn’t rely on it soley, but have it there to spark conversation where you both can enjoy getting to know each other.

Social Psychologist Arthur Aron came up with “36 Questions To Fall in Love” nearly twenty years ago. These are great questions and should spark interesting conversations for you mate and your mate to get to know each other all over again.  I’ve chosen my top ten favorites and listed them below:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

  2. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?  Why?

  3. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

  4. If you were able to live to the age of 90 but could only retain the mind or body of a 30 year old for the next 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

  5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

  6. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

  7. What do you value the most in a friendship?

  8. Make three true “we” statements…for example, “we are both in this room feeling…”

  9. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

  10.  If your house, containing everything you own caught on fire.  After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to save any one item.  What would it be?   Why?


Try peppering these in questions over the night instead of banging them out back to back.  Or you could say something like you were reading an interesting article on the subject as to frame it so you don’t look like some weird armchair psychologist.  If he’s hesitant about answering, answer them yourself using as much detail as possible.  Comment on her answer without being judgemental.  Remember this is supposed to be fun.

With valentine’s day right around the corner, surprise your mate not only with a great dinner, but excellent conversation.   Maybe you can both learn a little more about yourselves and each other.







Is College Worth It Anymore?


The narrative sold to Gen X’rs over the course of our young lives is that going to college and getting that graduate degree would pretty much guarantee our success in life.

I graduated from high school way back in 1997 and 18 years later (damn i’m getting old) the same story is still being told by parents, teachers, ICDC tech commercials, and pretty much everyone else indoctrinated into the college is key to success ideology.

Given the strong indoctrination, subconscious memes, and general collective conscious of the time, few people, with the opportunity pass up on it.  I mean seriously, I’ve heard of people arguing that high school NBA or NFL potentials should forego 4 years of possibly making millions of dollars in order to go to college first.  (Now some might argue it would help with their game, but this isn’t the argument of “intellectuals”).  I was told by my parents to get a degree right out of high school so that I wouldn’t get caught up with being an adult and not have the ability to go back.  I do understand where they were coming from, but thinking back, I wonder how sound that advice was.

Now I’m not saying that noone should go to college, but let me explain why college probably isn’t for most people. If you are thinking about taking the plunge,  here are ten things to consider before jumping off that cliff.

1. It costs….A Lot


        Uncle Sam aint playin about his money.  College costs continue to skyrocket each and every year.  Most students opt to use student loans to make up the costs they can’t afford.  The average debt for a college grad is around $30,000.   This doesn’t include credit card or other loans they have taken out.  Keep in mind that this is the average amount.  You are on the hook to pay this back, with interest regardless of whether you succeed or not.  There are many people with much much higher debt.  How much harder is it to start your adult life that deep in the hole?


2) College vs. Education

Most people never really stop to think about the distinction.  At the end of the day, all a college diploma is is a piece of paper saying that you completed the coursework and passed the exams.  It really speaks nothing to your grasping or understanding the material.  Most people go in with the mindset of doing whatever it takes to pass the classes to graduate.  They then forget most of what was learned by next semester.  Because the focus is on passing and not passion, most grads learn to be great “worker bees”.  Unless you’re going in order to learn something that will help develop your passion, then it might not be for you.

3)All Majors aren’t created Equal

A lot of people didn’t (and still apparently don’t) know this, but a Sociology degree isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.  That goes for psychology (in most cases), criminal justice, English, African American studies, history,  computer information systems, business, and hospitality (is that a real degree).  These jobs are either too low paying, too competitive, too general or just irrelevant in today’s workforce.


4)You probably won’t end up working in your Major

Now this is a very common occurance.  The reality is that a college degree is often required if you want to even get considered for a decent job.  It  MIGHT get your foot in the door.  Most jobs want some sort of experience in that field and the million dollar question I’ve heard from most all grads I’ve met is:   “How to get experience, if everyone wants you to have experience?”  You take that entry level job that’s not in your major and end up moving up from there if you’re lucky.  But very often, you end up right there in that entry level E-learning development position letting all of that forgotten Criminal Justice knowledge go to waste.

5)Corporate Life Sucks

You pretty much need a bachelor’s to land that perfect corporate or government job.   All those fancy suits, big offices, and nice job titles all seem like fun and games until you realize that post grad degrees are mostly salaried.  This pretty much means that there is no such thing as a 40hr work week.  Yup, think 60+ hours per week working.  That’s a lot of hours.  3 week vacations don’t cut it and higher you go, expect to be answering calls and finishing deadlines on some of those days.  Now some executives have it gravy, but the vast majority work their asses off.

You get married, buy a nice house, a couple of cars, have some kids, and don’t forget those student loans….pretty much kiss your free time goodbye.   You got the dream…now you gotta maintain it.  Smile… Would you like that with or without vaseline?  And maybe you can retire someday.

6)Don’t sleep on the Certs.

Recognition for certifications are becoming more and more common place.  As an IT professional, I can pretty safely assure that a CCNA with with 2 years of networking experience will land you a 60k networking job much sooner than a 4 year degree in Computer Information Systems.  In fact in the I.T fields, getting certified in cisco, microsoft, security, cloud services….etc is more often preferred by employers.  Certs are often much cheaper, take less time, and generally give you a much better idea of what you’re doing on the job.

7)Vocational Trades FTW

Obtaining a good trade (not all trades are equal) can land a pretty decent job with a pretty livable wage.  They are often hourly, but the overtime can earn you some serious pay.  On top of that, these jobs are practical in the real world so you can also earn some side cash if times ever get tight.  Learning a trade at a technical school is relatively cheap (often free) and given the right one, you’ll be guaranteed to find work almost anywhere.  People in the south will THROW money at you to fix their A.C.’s in the summer.

HVAC techs, Electricians, Mechanics, Plumbers, and Welders are pretty much needed everywhere.

8)You can teach yourself pretty much anything online.

This goes back to the c0llege vs education thing.  You can pretty much find books, videos, and audio books on almost much any subject you have interest in.  Self education is the order of the day and with the world of information at your fingertips, instant communication with subject matter experts, and fairly cheap computing….one can teach themselves as much if not more than a traditional professor could.  Now instead of wasting time on  the non related/ pre requisite Trig. and Biology classes, you can now watch, read, and intereact with that coding stuff you were dying to learn… free of charge.


There is a pretty good chance that the founder of your company was either a college dropout or never went.  There are so many success stories of people who didn’t go to college and made something out of nothing.  Even though many started from meager means, they followed their passions and applied their time coming up with ways to turn their dreams into reality. Technology has made it that much easier to obtain information and reach out to people who can help make that happen.  However, it’s much harder to focus  when you’re studying 8+ hours a day or working 10+ for someone else.

10)Graduating from college should be a safety net, not the end goal

Unless you plan to major in a degree that actually does require extensive training…i.e.doctors, nurses, dentist, psychiatry, etc, college usually isn’t required to learn a skill.  People rarely use the things they learn in class in the real world anyway.  This being the case, all of that wasted time and money is pretty much so that you can land a job working to make others richer.  You might earn a decent salary, but securing that job will ultimately cost you more than the money you’ll probably earn.    Once you get caught in the rat race of making money to pay for things you don’t need to impress the people you don’t like, it’s pretty much all down hill from there.  Your time is lost…your soul sold.  You wake up some 30 years later.  Your kids are grown and you wonder why you never really accomplished anything important.  Your job/career should be something that you use to support yourself until you can actualize your dream.  Unfortunately, most people get stuck on the j.o.b. (just over broke)  stepping stone.

As far as we know, this is the only life we have.  Instead of spending all of your time crunching numbers for a corporation or overseeing some institutional process, wouldn’t the world be a better place if you realized your talents and developed them for the betterment of mankind?

….but then again, Uncle Sam ain’t playing about his money.








Why Do Men Cheat





This is a topic that has been discussed since the beginning of time.  I’ll bet that right after Adam married Eve, he started wondering how many more ribs he could lose without his chest collapsing.

Seriously though, in the black community, it’s pretty much acknowledged that all of our Grandfathers probably had another family across town somewhere.  “But at least he took care of home.”  Even today, you can’t turn on television, social media, the radio, or even open a book without hearing about some ninja cheating.  Maybe it’s in our genes.

Ironically, almost equally as prevalent is the number of Instagram Memes, Worldstar Videos, relationship books, and old wives tales that tell women how to keep their men from cheating.   Let me tell you, while it’s entertaining and great if you’re the beneficiary of most of this advice, let me let you in a little secret… You Can’t.

Real talk, no matter how much you believe in a guy. No matter how good the sex is, how much you laugh at his jokes, how much you support him, how good you can cook, how good the head is, how often you give up the goods, how good looking, nice, funny, holy, nasty, good, bad, or any other adjective you use to describe a good woman or bad bih….nothing short of tying him up, locking the door, and throwing away the key is going to stop him.  Even then he might go Houdini on you and end up in a netflix and chill session with ThikMoneyChick6 off snapchat.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still highly advisable to be a good woman to your man if you want to keep him.  Some most common complaints/excuses for cheating are that some women are too insecure, too argumentative,too independent, too strong, too hard, or too selfish with the goodies.  But even if you find a way to avoid those problems, there are no guarantees.  In fact being too naive or too chill are also (less common) but sometimes used reasons.

I know of some guys who’s girls who exhibit many positive qualities.  They are  Educated, Successful, Funny, Smart, faithful, and ambitious.  From outward appearances, they seem to have a great balance….but yet he ends up cheating with a chickenhead he wouldn’t even want to tell the homies about.  True stories.


It’s not all bad though.

Just because you can’t can’t stop a man from cheating….Not all men cheat.

I know a few guys, self included who don’t cheat.  I personally decided that i’d rather try a threesome before cheating.  Haven’t done it, but if it ever got to that point for me, I’d rather go that route…

(I think most women these days are… at least bi curious.  Besides, the way I see it, three  is better than two, plus you won’t have the added baggage of having to lie and keep it up….but i digress)

Even with the non cheating types amongst my peers, it’s not all fun and games.  I find that generally, the good guys were the “nice” guys their whole lives.  They just didn’t get too damaged from being cheated on the past.  As such, they can still suffer from “nice guy” syndrome and probably are the home body types anyway…(boring/easy going/friend zone potential)…  Let’s just call us regular.   but generally great husbands, dads, and providers …ok…. A regular guy can still cheat, but percentage wise, I’d say that they don’t cheat as nearly as much.

But that’s not to say that an outgoing guy will always cheat, but there goes the odds thing again.

If they keep it real, the cool guy and the regular guys will tell you that they have at least thought about it.  If not, that ninja’s either gay or lying or both.

But Why?

In a nutshell…. I don’t know.  Speaking from the perspective of the nice guy, I don’t know.   There is no real general consensus of why we can have a great women who we love dearly, but sometimes feel the urge to knock another one down.

Here’s what Jodi has to say about it:


Yup, that about sums it up.  Real talk, barbershop talk, or whatever you call it.  That’s the answer.   Is it right….nope, should we try to fight with our temptations…absolutely.

Maybe it’s just easier for some than others to overcome their temptations.  Maybe some are tempted more than others.  I’m not sure.  But I do think that men and women generally cheat for different reasons.

Why do women cheat?

I could probably harp on about this subject, but from most of my conversations with women it usually comes down to this.

Women generally cheat because they aren’t happy with something their man is or isn’t doing.  It’s usually out of revenge, desperation, or too much discontent.   You do have your thotlers (but that’s a different animal right there).

But for the most part, it’s due to some perceived fault of the man….usually failing to deliver on some promise he gave her.  Most of the time, when she does cheat, it will be an upgrade for her…. at least in the department he was lacking in.  At that point, she doesn’t really love him anymore.  She’s simply still with him for money, appearances, or convenience.

Men, we could be dating our ideal woman, but still cheat with a busted bodied broad.  We could totally love our woman and be totally convinced and happy that she’s the ONE… but yet for some reason, probably many reasons, consider the side chick a downgrade.  There are exceptions to the rule, but the main point is that most cheating guys aren’t really interested in wifing the side chick and there’s probably a few good reasons for that.

So where do we go from here?

I’m not sure.  But the message seems pretty clear.   1)Avoid loving thots at all cost.  2)Men, get your ish together and 3)Try to have some damn self control.  Seriously, is it worth possibly losing your queen to a pawn?

Women have to know what they are willing and unwilling to put up with.  If he does cheat, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t the apple of his eye.  But there are realities including STD’s and side kids.  That can kind of hurt the finances if you’re trying to build a family.   Plus, today’s women aren’t like big mama who couldn’t get out and get a good paying job herself.  They don’t have to take that because of the financial support.

Placing your significant other higher than your own selfish desires is going to be essential if you’re trying to make something that lasts. Honesty and Overcoming temptation is key for men.  But women need to understand that sometimes it’s not about you…it’s about us and our biology.  We try. Some fail, some succeed, but it’s not always black and white.

….but if all else fails, ask for a 3some….lol….IJS