Princess Syndrome

Many of my married peers have daughters.   I always wanted one, but lately, this red pill stuff has me rethinking how I’d want to raise her.   Pretty much all of them spoil their daughters to death.  Princess this, photoshoot that, I mean the works.   It really is no wonder so many females grow up the entitled princess mentality.   They really go beyond just giving her self esteem.  They dip into making them feel entitled just because she’s somehow just born special.

We don’t do our sons that way.   Men don’t.  Many single mothers do and these boys grow up thinking the world owes them something just because they are them.    It’s a huge problem with most of these women today.    This sense of entitlement tells them that they are special, not for what the bring to the table or what they do, but because they are just them.    Oddly enough, women are attracted to this behavior.    But that’s another blog post.  Hint, it’s closely related to giving her a purpose.

They become conditioned to believe that all they should bring to the table is their looks and appetites.     It’s not about what they can do for the other person, but what the other person should do for them.

In society today, good men are expected to do all of the heavy lifting.  Husbands are to be their wives’ protectors, providers, entertainment, confidant, best friend, counselor, mind reader, and sex God while making sure they don’t get bored in the process.    Meanwhile, most women think that they deserve this simply because other men might be able to provide these things for her a bit better.   Many don’t ask what they are actually bringing to the table themselves.   Many feel that their sacrifices are unjust and unfair and they feel unfulfilled if a few of her needs aren’t being met.

“Good” men are taught to make due.  Grin and bear it.   Man up.    Fix it or deal with it.   Shit or get off the pot.    We don’t have the luxury nor conditioning to simply leave things up to ‘following’ our hearts.   Our hearts are in the fixing of the problem.   We are fixers.  We are taught to fix things that mean something to us.   Not just discard them.  Emotions might guide us as far as figuring out what needs to be done.   But they simply serve as a way of letting us know that something is wrong and we need to fix something.  We are taught “I must”.   We only deserve that we work for.   Even then, life is unfair sometimes, but we make due, fix it and make it better.

Women with this princess mentality are taught that if something isn’t going her way, then it’s ok to follow her heart and walk away.    She is brought up and constantly reinforced with “I deserve”.   It doesn’t matter if she worked for it or not.   People and relationships become disposable.   There is no sense of duty, obligation, responsibility, or loyalty.   Her loyalty is to herself first.    Her beauty and femininity must be preserved at all costs.  Her sexuality is her power.    She must be reminded constantly that she has it.  It’s tied directly into her self esteem.   It’s the reason that vanity is usually a woman’s main weakness.   It’s why likes on the gram mean so much to her.     Unfortunately, the majority of men are willing to do and say anything just to have sex with her.  We will often just deal with her bad behavior just for a chance at sex.  In turn, she never develops other healthier ways to build herself up and bring something of substance to the table.

The combination of vanity and selfishness is the downfall of the modern relationship.

Old school women were ingrained with the idea of family first.    Unfortunately, too many men took advantage of that.    Today, we are paying for the sins of our fathers.   The modern woman’s mother taught her to never be dependent on a man.  We are in essence, useless to them.    We are a luxury or experience.    It’s all about what we bring to the table, not what they bring.

Independent women now have the ability to take care of themselves financially while also retaining the power of the pussy.    In reality bad boys are usually more fun.  They generally handle the need that many of them to have fun.    Good guys (though great father material) are often doing things that make them good which is often seen as boring.   They are put off to the sidelines until these women are ready to have a stable environment for their a family.   Even then though, Ms. Independent still feels that she ‘deserves’ it all.    ‘Settling’ is a bad term for her.   If she must settle, then it must be a lifestyle upgrade.    Even then, many women still find that they are unfulfilled in some way or another and very often find themselves with a great life, but not “happy.”

Do a google search on “No longer in love with my husband”….read the articles and comments.   It’s a very scary yet prevalent thing.  I’d recommend any man interested in getting married to do this before they walk down the aisle.

Unfortunately many don’t realize that in most relationships, we all settle to some degree or another.  I think that men are better equipped to handle this.

There was an old country song called.  “Mama don’t let your baby to grow up to a cowboy….”   I guess cowboys were the gangsters of the old country world.   They should remix the song and adapt it to modern terms.   “Daddy, don’t let your baby grow up to be a princess….”   She will never truly be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Personality to women is what looks are to Men

Swagger or Swag is a term often used to describe some meta aspect about how a man carries himself.   Women love it.   Given their hive like mentality, if you can convince a few in a group that you have it, then they’ll mostly all agree.

Swag in general is an aspect of a person’s personality that hints upon his personal confidence in his sexiness, ability, charm, and charisma.  In short, how confident is he in his game.       His actual looks doesn’t really have much to do with it.    It’s not even so much about his verbal game.   But more about his confidence in it.

I’d bet that women are attracted to this more than money, more than your looks, more than how much you love her, more than your body, more than anything.    A man with game/swag can pull a girl  if he pulls up in a Toyota corolla and an outfit from Walmart faster than a guy who  has none, but pulls up in a Bentley wearing clothes from Milan.      Actually, she’d get both numbers and enjoy the benefits of both.

But the point is that having swag/confidence compels her to want to be with you.  Whereas attraction based on anything else makes her look reasons to want to stay with you.

Women will often leave a good man without swag, whereas they have a hard time leaving a bad man with it.    The good guy may truly love her, treat her well,  and give her what she needs, but if he’s a bit awkward or not so smooth, then she loses attraction for him.  Without that attraction, she cannot love him.  Often she’ll explain it like:  “I love, but I’m not in love with you.” or “You deserve someone who will truly love you.”….    She rather be ” in love” (in lust) with someone than have someone who truly loves her.   And would be willing throw it all away (family and all) just for the CHANCE to be with that lust interest.   But that’s a different topic.

On the other hand, she will submit to, move heaven and earth, follow his bad behavior, ignore red flags, and deal with all kinds of bullshit (including cheating, “break babies”,  lying, whatever) as long the guy has swag.  She will play herself and even play the role of side chick for this guy.

They view swag as we as men often view beauty.    A pretty woman can get away with a hell of a lot more than an ugly one can.   A pretty woman can have a screwed up personality, but she will always have a gang of simps willing to wife her and do whatever she wants them to do.   Likewise, a guy with a lot of swag will have simple women doing the most to be with him.

Swag gives a woman the pussy tingles.  Her heart follows the pussy tingles, and women love to follow their heart.   Doesn’t take much math to see where this going.   If u can stimulate her sexually, then you pretty much have her heart.  Along with heart comes loyalty and her whole mind.  A lot of women lose their common sense when it comes to lust.   This is a real thing and many guys KNOW this. Sex is psychological to her and so with her mind so caught up, she will swear it’s the best sex she ever had.  Being dickmatized is a real thing.   It’s often a temporary insanity thing, but real players know that this is the time to take full advantage.

In the man-o-sphere, the term simping describes the thirsty and self demeaning behavior that men do in order to get or keep a woman’s attention.    There should be a term for women who do the same for ‘attractive’ men.

Fortunately for us men is that we can actually learn swag and charm.   A lot of it is overcoming our own anxiety and insecurities.   It takes work, but I believe it can be done.   Unfortunately, it still means that you cannot ever really love a woman.

The difficulty for a ‘good’ man to have swag is that it often requires you to be a ‘bad’ boy.   It means that you have to look past that pesky need to want to be actually helpful to her.   You stop wanting to be that white knight wanting to save her or make her life easier.    Your inner motivation has to primarily be on hitting it as opposed to wanting a relationship.

I think that the stereotype of men only wanting sex is a lie.  It  doesn’t tell the whole story.  It probably comes from women who primarily deal with ‘bad boys.’  Most women end up messing with the same guys.    Most guys don’t really have a high “body” count.   But guys with high body counts have really high body counts.   If I were to guess, I’d say that the average 30 year old man  probably had sex with between 20 to 60 women.   I’d say that an average 30 year old player has had over 300.    Great players in the high hundreds or thousands.  The majority of women love, or at least at one time loved a few of these guys and so their experience is that most guys are like this.    The average guy usually doesn’t stand a chance in the face of this guy.   Mr. Average Swag barely even enters her radar, so she doesn’t really realize that in reality,  it’s only a few men who get the majority of the women.

But the average guy (i’d say the majority) really only want a good woman they can be themselves with, trust,  treat well,  and of course have sex with.  She doesn’t have to be a dime, but just not ugly.    But that is where most of us fail.

We can’t be as charming, fun, and funny because we actually care about offending her or if she doesn’t like us.   We worry if she’ll actually like us or not as opposed to just assuming that she will (confidence).    We become addicted to the outcome and instead of just enjoying ourselves, we feel like we’re performing or being judged.    She senses our nervousness and takes it on herself.    All of this happens at a subconscious level.    It’s not like we do this on purpose.

The performance of a bad boy (often narcissistic) comes from a place of mischief.   As in “am really I getting away with this…lol” as opposed to “wow, I hope she’s really enjoying herself.” of the nice guy.  We really have to get past the whole worrying about her feelings thing.   We have to get past the being ‘honest’ about how we really feel thing.  We have to learn to hide in the shadows sometimes as opposed to living in the light all the time.

Pick up does a great job of explaining the ‘inner game’ dynamic and maybe I’ll summarize it in a future article.

In short though, just as what  ‘love’ is is  different between men and women, so is attraction.  Attraction is primarily  based on looks for us, but based on personality for them.

We as men have the advantage in that we can learn to be more attractive.   It’s as simple (not easy) as changing our self perception and inner beliefs.  We don’t even have to change our personality in whole, just the aspects that hold us back.

 

 

 

 

Things aren’t as they seem

You would think that the opportunity to be a single man with a job in Atlanta would be heaven for a heterosexual male this day in age.   I’ve heard that there are up to 60000 more single women than men here.   If you also add in the large homosexual population, jobless guys, men in jail, and dudes with multiple baby mama’s you’d think that it would be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

Of course there is a lot of cheating going on.   On one of our hip hop channels, there’s a call in show called “side piece shout out”.   It’s exactly what it sounds like.   People call in and shout out their “side pieces” in all of it’s rachet glory.

Still though, that’s a lot of single women concentrated in one area.   The problem i think isn’t finding a woman.  It’s finding a quality woman.   Most of the women fall into one or several of the below archetypes that disqualify them from being wifey material.

The Rachets.   The long weave, neck rolling, hot headed women with multiple kids living in the hood.   They can be fun, many have emotional issues, and have a thing for hood guys.   Despite their age, they have a really immature mindset.   The sex is usually pretty good, but you’re going to pay for it either directly (paying a bill or two) or emotionally (stupid fights and petty arguments).    This is the last type of woman you want to knock up.

The Gold Diggers.   These women come in a variety of social classes.   They are impressed with a guy’s money.  Some are in denial while others are blatant.   A few tale tale signs is that they are into luxury items (bags, cars, clothes) or expensive vacations.   They also have a “i deserve” mentality regardless of what they actually bring to the table.   Many are cute and keep themselves up, but if you aren’t established financially, then they really don’t want much to do with you.  A tell tale sign is that if you look on their instagram pages, they are posting/posing with expensive bags, exotic locations, fancy hotels, or in front of luxury cars.    She will “love you” as long as you’re giving her a lifestyle, but if you ever lose your money, she’s out the door as well.   That’s if you’re lucky.   Worst case scenario is that she will  begin to see you as a beta male provider and lose attraction for you (aka boredom).   This is when the thugs/fuck boys come in and screw her in your home while you’re at work.   Being a no fault state, she’ll still get alimony and child support if you leave.  Be careful.

 The Bad and Bougie.   I’d say that most women here fall into this category.   They usually have some sort of high paying  career and are well educated.    They work hard and are pretty much dedicated to their jobs.  You can catch them driving the E-class mercades benz.   They are all about the bag.   Many are very book smart.   They also love vacationing (often confusing it with traveling).    Many are also single mothers.   Their problem is that they don’t really need a man for anything unless he can provide her with a higher standard of living.   It’s really hard to form a real connection or bond with them because their kids (as they should be) and their jobs are their priorities.  They don’t have much time for dating.   These are the ‘strong’ black women you often hear about.    They are really more about image than substance.     NEVER disagree with one as they are NEVER wrong….about anything. EVER.   You’ve been warned.   They are sort of like men in that they are often way too independent.    What they have in book smarts, many lack in social intelligence/street smarts.    But again, you can’t tell them anything because they feel that their jobs/money makes them superior if you don’t make as much.    They are usually arrogant and pretentious.  Especially if she looks decent.  They have a real problem with submitting to a man unless he is significantly more wealthy than them.   Many won’t admit it, but it’s been my (along with many men’s experience) that it’s true.  These women tend to get bored in marriage, but are quite boring themselves.    To their credit, i think the problem is just an innate tendency, not necessarily a conscious one.  They are the primary audience of reality TV and beyonce.   They have a very hive like mentality so if you’ve dated one, you’ve pretty much dated them all.

 The Church Girls.  These women praise Jesus all day everyday and twice on Sunday.   You cannot question their beliefs at all.   Again a black woman can never be wrong.   So if you disagree with her about anything religious, she’s pretty much going to have a real problem.    You might be able to fornicate with her, but it’s only after you’ve dealt with all of the other bullshit she put you through.   While these are the most viable options on the list so far, you have to be careful as many are freaks in church girl clothes.  You also have to be prepared to understand that her church (not necessarily you) will the spiritual leader of your home.   Many of these women were once freaks, have several kids by a few baby daddies, and have finally decided to get their lives together.   Often emotionally damaged, they have decided to finally walk the straight and narrow.   If you’re looking for an occasional drinking buddy or someone to engage in other ‘worldly’ things, you may want to reconsider as she’s generally a pretty serious person now.   The good thing is that they appreciate you taking on their baggage.  You seem to be what they were praying for after all.    The verdict is still out on how this ultimately plays out in a long term relationship.

Pussy Power Chicks.    They are often anti-christian and claim to be spiritual.   They claim to have open minds and are generally open minded except to things they’ve been indoctrinated against.   I.e. Christianity, Conservatism.  They’ll be allies with the LGBTQ communities.    It’s not a problem, but they have bought into modern Feminism hook line and sinker.   I generally like their style (piercings, bohemian, artsy, dreadlocks)  and they can be super sweet and interesting, but only if they like you.  Disagree, they will bite your head off, shut down, and attack you mercilessly if you dare disagree with them in any shape form or fashion.   They want men to be true blue pill betas and feel threatened by any simblance of male power.   They will challenge you and take things to the next level if you don’t submit.  If you escalate with them, they won’t hesitate to call the authorities if you choose to go there with them verbally.   They are usually quite artistic and can be found down around little five points or East Atlanta Village.

Many of these Archetypes are overlapping.   Regardless of what main category they fall into they pretty much all have the same vices.

A Hive like mentality, hypergamy, the inability to self correct (be wrong), arrogance, entitlement, and too much independence.  These traits make the vast majority of the modern women here not worth it  for your average guy.     Women complain about a man shortage.  In reality, while the numbers are skewed towards there being more women population wise, their issues cut those numbers significantly leaving  only very few who are actually worth risking becoming a victim to modern day hypergamy.

 

 

 

Red Pill confusion

After reading and absorbing as much Red Pill content I can stomach, I’m still somewhat on the fence about how I feel about women’s nature.   My youtube recommendation list pretty much reinforces the belief that the vast majority of modern women are not worth being in relationships with.

If this is indeed true, then guys who really want to treat a woman well are really just asking to be cheated on or left.    I really don’t want to believe this, but WOW…..watching all the video of ‘side dudes’ stories really scare me.   Women are brutal.   Cheating is rampant.

It’s almost like you have to expect your woman to cheat on you.  To that I say, what’s the point of a relationship anyway.   Love only means that “you make me feel good right now.”  to her.

It is therapeutic to know that I’m not the only husband this happened to.  Looking back at my behavior, I was simping too hard.  I shouldn’t have expected unconditional love.   I should have been more demanding.  I should never have put myself in a position where it would hurt so bad to leave.   I should have been always on the lookout and possibly should have cheated to keep her on her toes.   I should have taken full advantage of the situation while she was “in love” with me.

But I don’t want to believe that most women are like that.   At the same time, I can’t put my heart on the line again.   It would be like quitting an addiction only to get addicted to another drug.    I hate the idea that I have to keep my eyes out.  I’m a one girl type of guy.  I hate lying to people.

So the only recourse of action is to improve myself, but never get into a serious relationship.    I have to make sure that I have at least two women so that I won’t be so desperate to hold on to one.

The goal is to make more money, work on my personality and body and be as attractive as possible.    I have to learn to ‘talk’ to women and put myself out there.  I am feeling a little better these days, but I’m not really stoked about going out with the sole purpose of meeting women.

I like sex like the next man, but apparently, not enough to put myself through the trouble of going out and hunting for women.    Understanding a woman’s true nature does help when I talk to them, but at the same time, I just can’t seem to act accordingly.    I’m still ‘nice’.   I rarely see any women I’m attracted to enough to put myself out there.   I know I need to practice, but at the same time, I am developing this hatred towards them.

Don’t get wrong the ass, tight clothes, sun dresses, all look good to me.  I can now see how many men just see them as objects.   I used to want to find someone I could connect with.   Truth be told, it’s what I really want.   But that’s dangerous.

I can’t even look at my wife the same.  I don’t know how we could ever resolve things between us.   They say that you can either understand women or love them, but not both.    Understanding their nature makes it damn near impossible to trust them.  Without trust, what do we have?  In our community, if a woman cheats on you and gets away with it, it’s like you deserve it.    The unspoken rule seems to be like “oh nigga, you didn’t know that these hoes aint loyal”.

 

 

 

They use your morals against you

I don’t know if there ever has been a time where there was a huge disadvantage to be governed by your morals.   Most of the time, while inconvenient, it does usually end up working out for you in the long run.

These days it appears that it is a huge disadvantage to be bound by them.   Especially when it comes to women.   Women today are amoral at best.   There is no real right or wrong with them, only their “truth”.    Their emotional ‘truth’ doesn’t have to reflect objective, observable, reality.   They can literally bend ‘reality’ to their will by simply not telling the truth.    They act as if lying to themselves can change facts and justifies their hurtful behavior.

You cannot have a close relationship with amoral/immoral people without getting hurt.   Their concept of fairness, loyalty, and friendship are skewed.   While they know what they do is wrong, they give themselves passes saying stupid shit like.  “we’re all human.”   or they just ignore what they are doing all together.  They feel entitled to do this.   They can actually do messed up things and still feel like they are good people.    They can point to someone else doing the exact same thing, judge them negatively, but continue to just as bad or worse without even realizing it.    They don’t have the consciousness (holy spirit) to make them feel bad about it.

They can’t repent because they don’t feel bad about what they were doing.   This isn’t a matter of making a mistake.   This is a matter of being a fundamentally wicked person on the inside.

They will use your integrity, dependability, tendency to forgive, etc. against you.  Not caring that each time you do so, it kills you a bit on the inside.    They lose respect for you and see you as weak instead of admiring or appreciating you for giving them another chance.  They complain about “just being human”, but then view you as weak and deserving of getting screwed over on because you forgive them for “just being human.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that you just can’t trust modern women with love.  No matter how educated, well spoken, or pretty she seems, her lack of values and selfishness, pretty much eradicates any reason to try and build anything with her.    She can’t be trusted and will turn on you if she feels she can get a better deal.    There is no loyalty when it comes to her.   And the worst thing is that she doesn’t even realize this about herself or see this as a problem.   It doesn’t matter if she’s loud or kind of quiet, you can’t trust her not to ultimately act like a woman.

Actually, you can trust her if you know her nature.   Just know that you can’t trust her not to betray you if the opportunity arises.  You have to realize that she loves you until the honeymoon phase wears out.   After that, all bets are off.   Lying, cheating, and the constant need for new stimulation will eventually cause her to lose interest.  Her selfishness and amorality will allow her to say/do things that she knows is wrong.   She can’t be alone and in order to prevent that, she’ll monkey branch to the next guy on deck.

I was thinking of going MGTOW monk and disavowing woman all together, but it might not be necessary.    I just have to realize that when she says she ‘loves’ me means that she loves me the way a woman loves you.   That it only means that ” right now, you make me feel good.”

So the lesson is to basically read the signs.   There really is no point in sticking it out.   There is no point in making vows that she either can’t fulfill or will ultimately make her miserable if she does.   You have to ALWAYS remember, no matter how good it’s going, that she’s never yours, it’s just your turn.

The best you can hope for is that she’s a only 1 guy at a time kind of ride.   Good luck with that though.

Alternative option is to play the game with her.   You have to cheat on women these days, there is no way around it.   This is where the morality part comes in.   Along with cheating comes lying, deception, and not being a man of your word.   When she eventually does cheat, you haven’t fully invested your heart in her so her monkey branching won’t hurt as bad as you’ve already prepared for it and was doing your dirt anyway.   Because you’re unmoved by her “finding her real soul mate”, she might try to crawl back (even more so) because she’ll find the chase more attractive than if you just wait on her.

They will lose attraction if they get the impression that no other woman is checking for you.    They will get lazy and stop doing all of the sexy things they had to do to get you in order to keep you…..If they realize that they have you already.   They will lose respect and appreciation for you if you make them your first.

You can’t love a woman the way that you want her to love you and keep her interested.   That’s boring.  Then she will do all those nasty things that perhaps you didn’t even required to get the new guy locked down.

You have to love her the way she loves you in order to stand a chance at keeping her interested.   You have to keep yourself first.  You have to constantly be looking for a better replacement and following up on better deals if you want her to maintain respect.   She has to know that at any time, she can and will be replaced if she stops doing what you ask of her.   Even if you aren’t that demanding.   You have to test her to gauge her interest levels.  You have to check her at the first sign of disrespect.   Most importantly, you have to be willing and able to walk away at any time, no questions asked.

Marriage is no longer a viable option with the modern woman.   Most of them are spiritually dead.  They’re deluded.   They’re materialistic.  They are rebellious.  They literally lose their minds when they are attracted to a guy.    Their loyalty follows their attraction and attention.   It’s never love.

Raising a family is also fraught with peril.   With family court laws against men, she really has no incentive to stay.    It’s also irresponsible to bring kids into this world knowing that their home will eventually be broken.    Doing so at this point and taking a chance with such high failure rate is stupid.   Would you hop on a plane if the crash rate was at 50 percent?

Would you drive in a car if they exploded 50% of the time?  No matter how committed you were to being a safe drive, you could never be sure if it would be your last drive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The art of small talk

An important skill to have when communicating with people is the ability to riff.   Some call it having a golden mouth piece.   Riffing is the ability to talk on and on about things that are not you.    Conversations with people who just talk about themselves or how things relate back to them come across as boring.

Socially inept people tend to talk about themselves and relate everything back to themselves too much.   Interesting conversation tends to be about things outside of yourself.   You can give your opinions on them, but try not to say the word “I” as much.  Use non personal pronouns (it, they, those, them) way more often than individual personal ones (I, me).

You can riff about any subject or object.   Just talk about it, what you know about it, what you think about it….Just avoid the word “I” as much as possible.    Speculation, scenarios, (real or made up)stories, etc are great ways to riff about subjects.

Jumping from subject/object to subject/object in a decent succession creates multiple threads of conversation.   This is how you create wide rapport with people.   It’s the foundation of ‘small talk’.    Using this method, you won’t run out of things to say and it grants the ability to connect with people.

It can be ok to relate subject/object back to the other person/people if you can talk about how it benefits them in the long run.   Keep in mind though to not stay on a specific topic for too long.    And try not to use the word “you” too much either.

As an exercise practice, find 3 objects in the room and riff about them for 5 minutes straight.   Try avoiding the use of the word “I”.   You’d be amazed at what you can come up with.   You’ll also be surprised at how much better and more confident you feel.    This is a great pre-game exercise before going out in a social situation.

One final warning is to be careful not to dominate the conversation.   Don’t be one of those people who never shut up.   It can be just as bad as not talking enough.

This can also help with approach anxiety when speaking to a girl.   Instead of immediately talking about yourself or her or how she relates back to you,  begin riffing about something in the environment.

Asking questions in reference to objects also helps.   Try not to use the word “you” when asking.   It can be inferred.   But try to avoid it.    For example, say you see a woman with face piercings.   Instead of asking how long did you have them.    Ask, how long does it take for it to heal.    Instead of where did you get them done.    Ask if there is a local place that does them.    Instead of how much did you pay.   Ask how much does it cost?

If speaking on them, don’t say “I like them”, say instead “They look pretty dope”.    If teasing, don’t say, I don’t like your shoes.  Say those shoes look funny.     Avoid I and You  as much as possible until you’ve built up some rapport.    But again, use sparingly.

Using the above principles, you’ll be able to create a bit of rapport before asking for the name or number.   Just keep it brief.

 

 

 

 

 

To wit or nah

Witty banter and fun conversation is a staple of having a worthwhile time with a person.   I believe that people crave it more than anything.  Being competent at it is a key to success.   This ability is the defining characteristic of charismatic and influential people.

It is often more desirable than money and looks.  Especially when attracting women.   Today’s women are often financially independent.   While money can cover a multitude of sins when it comes to women, in order for them to like you for you (as opposed to your money), this skill must be developed.  Looks and muscles can attract a woman at the onset, but personality is what keeps them.

Bad boys are often gifted with this ability which is really the reason why many women won’t choose the good guy over him.    I’m not sure if good guys stay in line because they lack this ability or if it’s because they truly believe in good for goodness sake.   Either way, being good and doing right doesn’t mean being attractive.    That’s a huge misconception that we as men have to face.   Today’s women (given a choice) would rather deal with a fun charismatic guy who cheats over a faithful good guy who can’t give them that experience consistently enough.  Women are highly attracted to this ability.   It is hands down the most valuable weapon to disarm women a man can possess.

The question is if this ability is inborn or if it can be learned.    As someone who has this ability when I drink/do drugs, I decided to take this time to examine what it is exactly, give a few examples,  and tackle the question.   Hopefully this will offer some insights to people may be struggling with this.

Wit is the ability to articulate a situation in a way that not only describes it accurately, but also in a way that causes people to stop and think of it in a different way.   It’s deeper than just agreeing with what someone says or saying what they want to hear.    A huge component of it is humor.   But it’s more than that.

It’s masterfully crafting your responses in real time in order to trap a person into agreeing with you.   It’s very logical, but not serious.  It’s like taking the seriousness and finding the ridiculous in it.   Or taking the ridiculous and making it logical.  Either way, it’s playful logic.

Playful is the key word here.   It does show a level of intelligence.  It’s social intelligence which often times is more important that book smarts.   It’s reading or creating a situation and articulating it back with a twist.   It’s like using language as an art form and not necessarily literally.

It taking what’s understood and saying it indirectly.    For example, sarcasm is saying the opposite of what’s UNDERSTOOD in an interaction.   Annoying people say it and we get it, but masters at it say it in an unoffensive (if the situation calls for it) way.   There is a component reading the social situation correctly.

Another aspect is leading the interaction forward.   Instead of staying on topic about a specific thing, you can’t dwell on a specific topic for too long.   While deep/intellectual conversationalists like to dig in and deconstruct and reverse engineer ideas, the ability to move on to the next thing must also be mastered.

The improv formula of “yes…and….(add something new and relevant)” is a perfect example of this.   The add something new part is often fuddled by “smart people” because they are often contrarians.   We love to point out what’s wrong directly.   We have to learn to be ok with letting the other person be right by figuring out what’s actually right about what they said and expanding on that.

You can make someone be wrong by saying what’s right or just following their line on reasoning down to a ridiculous level.   Stephen Colbert is a master at this when he acts like a conservative.   The latin term is reductio ad absurdum.   It simply means reduction to absurdity.   The key in this is  taking what’s understood (usually the extremist viewpoint) and following that line of reasoning until the ridiculousness is exposed.  Again, it’s taking what’s understood and not saying it directly (unless you’re using it to misdirect in the right direction).

Another example is the double entendre.  They work effectively by articulating the situation, but the words used also have another meaning that applies to some other RELATED context.   Switching topics quickly and relating a double entendre back to a previous one seems to be effective.   But the double entendre can also work if you’re recalling a pop culture theme or meme.  Especially current song or popular movie title.

Speaking directly can work if what you’re saying isn’t the politically correct thing to say.   It takes a lot of social calibration to understand this.   For example, if you’ve been direct with a woman all night, then suddenly say ” I want to have amazing intercourse with you.”  It will probably fall flat.   But if you’ve been flirting with the idea without saying anything directly, she’d expect you stay indirect.   But if you say it jokingly (make sure she likes you already) as she’s flustered, then it will have a different response.

So direct or indirect really depends on being able to accurately read the social climate.     It’s generally advisable to stay indirect though.    But as with most things in life, there is that balance thing.

Pickup Artists generally tell men to never answer questions directly.   They say that it’s the quickest way to bore women.   We have to learn, as men to not use our language to communicate directly.   It takes practice if you’re used to being a ‘straight shooter’.

On a side note, I wonder if most women not only speak indirectly, but also think indirectly to themselves.   It might explain why it’s so hard for them to take responsibility for their actions and quite often seem to lie to themselves.   Do they actually think in “bullshit” terms.  But I digress.

At the end of the day, really, it seems that game is the art of bullshitting.   Not always taking words literally, not saying what’s understood directly, reading social interactions accurately, and saying it without actually saying it.

I’m not if this is a nature vs nurture situation.   I think a lot of it depends on who you’re around and your influences.   But like certain sports, some people are more naturally ‘inclined’ than others.    I think that everyone has the ability to perform at at least an acceptable level.   Those who aren’t ‘inclined’ can learn the skills with practice.   There may be some people who are ‘inclined’ but just haven’t conditioned their minds to go there.

Either way, knowing and doing are two different things.    I just provided a few examples and even though I haven’t really studied it from others, I’m thinking that most people probably employ only a few techniques and get good at those.

A few other examples of humor are 1) taking people’s actual words and flipping them back on them.    2) Mimicking other people’s voices/microbehavoiurs/mannerisms  3)Storytelling    4)Standard Joke telling (setup/punchlines)   5)Playing the dozens    6)having a funny laugh   7)one liners  8)laughing hard without worrying about what others think. 9)change up pitch/tone/tonality while speaking.     There are probably dozens of others.

There are many tools one can put in the toolbelt and many can be combined for added effect.

Wit is the abililty to use one or more of these tools in real time while accurately gauging the social situation to keep conversations/interactions fun, funny, and interesting.

I’d say work on and master a few.  The more the better.    Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning to be the chooser

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the good guy vs bad boy narrative.  Some call it beta vs  alpha.    If we boil each type of guy down to their essential elements, I think we can come to the conclusion that we have the empath vs the narcissist.

It’s been said that empaths attract narcissists and that those relationships are explosive and passionate at the get go.   In the end, they end up toxic and hurtful, especially for the empath.

Empathic women love the explosive passion that these relationships bring in the onset.   The honeymoon phase is usually intense marked by tons of texts, all day conversations, and brilliant interactions.    These relationships become addictive, hot and burn bright.   When shit hits the fan though, it becomes difficult to let go.   The two partners have a real love/ hate relationship with one another, are unable to let the other go.   Usually, the empath, wanting to hold on to what was or what could be will deal with the sudden change that comes along with dating a narcissist.    The narcissist, feeding off the validation,  is empowered by knowing that they are wanted and desired so badly.   The narcissist, often charming and intelligent will find a new source to feed on while the empath tries to keep them there.   Enter triangulation, gaslighting, and other manipulation used by the narcissist to control the empath.

Narc’s have no problem with lying or cheating in order to get their way.   Empaths, in vain, usually try to appeal to the narc’s sense of morality.   Of course the narc won’t make it easy for the empath to walk away unless it interferes with their agenda of obtaining the new “source”.

The narc doesn’t have it easy though.    He is addicted to the feeling of being desired and can’t easily just let a person go who desires them back.   Their vanity and insecurity will keep them from just moving forward if they know that they can run back to the empath.  They will ruin a new relationship based on their vanity.   They can’t help themselves.    Dumping the narc before they have a new source will often lead them to do whatever to secure the empath.   Out of desperation, they might literally become crazy and start stalking or whatever.   The problem is that the empath can’t know whether the narc is sincere or not and will often stick it out with them.   Especially if they haven’t found anyone else.

Here’s the thing, two narcissists generally won’t attract each other for long.  They may hook up, but neither will deal with the other’s bullshit for too long.   Unless one is more sociopathic than the other, it won’t really have a chance to develop into an addiction.    Then again, if they do make it past the initial phase, they can go tit for tat with each other and that relationship could work as neither want to lose.    I suppose it could be pretty intense, and probably never really boring, but I’d imagine, very dysfunctional.

On the other hand, the relationship between two empaths won’t take off because they’d bore each other to death.   They would be both givers and neither would be demanding enough to demand much of each other.   Both would be too proud to put themselves out there like that for each other as an empath usually needs the other person to be vulnerable for them before they really open up.    But if they could, I would imagine that both could learn to appreciate the peace and stability over time.   They’d have to learn to chase each other to keep the other from feeling unappreciated.  They’d have to learn to be more demanding or else they’d risk falling into the ‘friend’ category with each other.   They must have great communication, respect,  and trust for each other or either would be at risk for falling for the intensity of a preying narc.

I think that my wife and I were both empaths and the problem is that she isn’t the self reflective type.   Her narcissistic  affair partner came along during an ebb in our relationship and pretty much turned her against me.   While she loved me, the slow steady burn we had probably couldn’t compare to the bright intensity of the “in love” feeling he made her feel.

As an empathic man, I’ve only had long term relationships with narcissistic women.  They actually put in the effort.   Called me first and seemed a bit ‘needy’ in the beginning.   The attention was flattering.  I never knew ‘why’ they liked me so much, but it seemed that they did.   They often made up shit about me that I knew wasn’t true, but hey, who was I to downplay myself.  Perhaps my experience with these intense relationships in the past kept me from being bored with my wife.

I’ve dated empathic women, but they tended to fizzle out over time.  It’s nothing explosive. We just we gradually stop communicating until I’m scrolling through my texts and realize that we hadn’t spoken in months.  Dunno how the relationship with my wife even came about.   We started out very intense, but it gradually slowed down.   Luckily, we were both pretty empathic….at the time….well actually, my wife isn’t really all that empathic.  She’s probably on the lower end of the narcissistic scale which would explain the intensity in the beginning, and the cold treatment later.

Her narc affair partner is at an extreme and so without the safeguards of a guilty conscious and previous bad experiences dealing with that type, she fell hard for him.

I think that empathic women who aren’t self reflective would find the stability and sweetness of a relationship as boring over time.   It’s not like all empathic people are good people.  They have their issues just like everyone else and can sometimes display narcissistic characteristics at times.

Perhaps, as an empath, I can take learn to chase more.   I mean be intense and deliberate.   Maybe not be so serious and sort of talk my way into feeling things that I don’t.  I have to learn to be more selfish and play the game to win her heart.   I’ve been too proud and fearful to really compete.  I felt as if I shouldn’t have to and that love should just “happen”.    I was afraid of coming across as ‘needy’.    But truth be told, perhaps the only people who will love you just because is your parents and family.

I don’t want to break anyone’s heart and if people love me, it’s hard for me to not love them back and treat them well.    I guess I appreciate and cherish the love in a real way.  Perhaps  my insecurity is thinking that I don’t deserve it, so I appreciate and want to reciprocate.    Narc’s on the other feel that they are entitled to it, regardless.

Empaths (betas) generally allow love to happen while Narcissists (alphas) make it happen.    Ironically, the ones who allow it are the ones who truly love while the ones who make it generally don’t.

Funny how life works.

 

Weak

Went by to drop something off to my wife today for lunch. I feel so weak and insecure. Just didn’t know what to say. I know she’s lying, but I didn’t want to argue with her. I’m in such a negative mood lately and I don’t even feel like ‘having fun’ with her. It’s always a serious discussion. I know it makes me unattractive to ‘lecture’ her about her actions and behavior. At the same time, how can I lead if I don’t address the elephant in the room. She has to respect me, even if she doesn’t love me like she says she does.

Her “friend” called her while I was there and I decided to leave before I got mad again. She asked me to stay and talk about it. She didn’t answer and acted like he’s nothing serious. She claims he’s a player or whatever and he was trying to talk to other girls down there. It still doesn’t excuse her for lying about going to DR with him alone for a couple of days before the girls showed up. She swears that they didn’t have sex, but c’mon. She’s on a tropical island party trip, drinking alcohol, and alone with a guy who she claims has an attractive, fun, personality. She already cheated with him once for sure. She claims he has a lot of ‘girls’ as if that would stop her from sleeping with him.

I don’t believe it and she acts as if she understands why, but at the same time, she insists that “it’s not like that”. “He’s just a friend.” Man, see what I mean. That’s gas lighting. I lied and told her I saw some jordans in the room when she video chatted me. She didn’t deny that I couldn’t have. Gaslighting works so well because of the plausible deniability. She looked me right in my eyes and said that she didn’t sleep with him. Ok, do I look like boo boo the fool.

TBH, it really shouldn’t matter if she slept with him or not, either way, it was disrespectful, their continued communication is disrespectful to me. I told her that I felt it was wrong to allow him to disrespect the boundaries in our marriage. While acknowledging how she could see how I say that, she still insists that there’s nothing going on.

Here is what I know. She’s a liar. I want to believe her on some level, but I’d be stupid to do that. I want my marriage to work, but at the same time, I don’t. How can it work if I don’t trust her. How can it work if she acknowledges the disrespect but continues to do it anyway. She acts as if she’s stupid or naïve or something. She has to know that there are certain behaviors that men don’t do with other men’s wives unless he has an agenda. She harped on and on about how he has ‘other’ girls who he talks to all the time. As if her being married doesn’t cancel out the fact that he’s talking to other women. As if she’s never heard of ‘casual’ sex. As if her last affair partner wasn’t living with his baby’s mother.

So where does this grace thing come in at. Forgiveness is something she has to want. As of now, I want my marriage just bad enough that I could easily catch myself falling back into the sunken place. There is still a good amount of her venom (love) in my system and I can’t afford to relapse. As shitty as this feels, I have to keep crawling out. If she can’t respect me enough, then as heartbreaking as it is, I have to leave her. Without trust what do we have. She has to choose between our marriage and their friendship. Even then, I don’t know if I’d trust her enough to believe that she’d cut him out the picture as she’s lied so much about it. She’d probably end up resenting me in the end if I forced her to make that decision, but she made the choice to overstep our marriage boundaries. Truth be told, I believe that she’d waffle on the fence and forcing her to make the decision now would result in her lying about it all.

I mean all I can do is pray for her. Times like this make me want to find someone else to take the edge off. I don’t have a problem with getting numbers, but I don’t want a relationship. I know that infidelity is wrong so I’d really have to intentionally grieve the holy spirit in me in order to make that happen again. How can I pray for our marriage, but at the same time, be out there looking for a rebound? I don’t trust any woman at this point, but I don’t want to sell my soul by lying about my situation either.

If there is such thing as a soul mate, I wish she’d show up now. Maybe if I met someone who I had that easy connection with, it would take my mind off of this. Maybe the urgency of losing me would become apparent and she’d starting acting….ya know…normal. Or maybe she’d leave. But either way, they say that that many heroin addicts quit by using a weaker drug. This is an addiction complicated by the fact that quitting actually hurts my kid and goes against some of my beliefs.

All these MGTOW, IBMOR, and redpill videos make me feel better on one hand, but feel extremely bitter on the other. Reading scripture and praying makes me hopeful, but I do acknowledge that God won’t interfere with free will. Maybe He can set up the conditions where she realizes that she’s in error and chooses to stop being like that. It would be a testimony to look back someday and say we overcame the brink of divorce. At the same time, it requires me to step back and bite my tongue and overlook the bullshit. The best thing to do is what I have been doing, try to detach myself and avoid her like the plague even though that’s pretty hard. It would be ideal to find someone going through the same thing as me. At least we’d both know where each other is coming from and could provide that support for each other knowing that us being together would probably end up fixing things for at least one of us. We could at least be real with each other as we try to make sense of it all. It would at least give us something in common. And at least have someone to lean on instead of feeling alone at this.

I always heard that marriage is hard, but that’s an understatement if I ever heard one. This feels impossible. I don’t feel confident, I don’t know what I truly want anymore, and I’m hurt and bitter. I’m serious all the time with her. All the things that make men, ya know, unattractive.

Infidelity is Emotional Rape

I read an article this morning about a woman who ended up leaving her husband for her affair partner.  In the end, despite breaking up two families with kids, they both appear to be ‘happy’ now.    She acknowledged that the emotional pain and disruption turned out to be worth it.   She somewhat acknowledged that their ex’s were both deeply hurt by it, but in the end, her newfound happiness was worth it to her.

Most of the comments, from women, were basically saying that we shouldn’t judge her.   That we all make mistakes.   That we sometimes, we hurt people who love us, but if we’ve never been in those shoes, we shouldn’t judge.

Screw that, I’m judging.   In society, we judge people’s actions based on the impact they have on others.   We don’t get to step over and hurt people in order to find our ‘happiness’.   As if life is all about our personal pursuit of ‘happiness.’    I’m sorry, but that’s selfish and wicked.   We judge rapists, child molesters,  murderers, and thieves.   Think about it, a rape is just a few minutes of sex.   I’m not minimizing the fact that it’s nonconsensual.   But the damage is due to the inhumane emotional and psychological damage that it causes the victim.   The impact that it has on it’s victims causes them to suffer many years of mental pain and anguish.

We don’t tell rape victims to just get over it (as we shouldn’t).   We don’t tell the rapist that he’s a good person who just did a bad thing.   We tell them how messed up they are and they should have to pay for that somehow.   When the families of murder victims seek the death penalty for that person who murdered their loved one, we don’t tell them to just “man” up.    We show them empathy while at the same time condemn the murderer to whatever punishment is due.

Affairs and leaving for an affair partner creates massive damage in the lives of our children, left-behind spouses, family, and ultimately, the community.   Families and homes are ripped apart.   I’m not saying that people should never divorce, but leaving your family, lying to your spouse, subjecting them to humiliation, and destroying their home has a massive psychological impact to those who are victims here.   And yes, many times, they are victims.   I’m not speaking in cases where there is abuse, but in the cases where one spouse simply feels bored or ‘unhappy’ and doesn’t choose to address those problems as adults.

Men typically lose out the most.   With no fault divorce laws, men lose time with their children, their home, half their assets, face child support and possibly alimony.   In addition to losing all of that, many lose their jobs due the massive amount of stress they’re under.   Many lose the ability to open up, trust and love again.   Good men pride themselves on the ability to provide and take care of their families.   Many would die protecting their families from any threat.   And yet, an increasing number of wives, out of boredom and selfishness, feeling entitled to “happiness” do this to these men every day.     Many men have committed suicide over this.   This is the dark side that society seems to brush under the rug.

Many people say that both spouses usually had some role to play in the reason why someone had an affair.   That’s really stupid.   It’s like telling the rape victim that if she wasn’t wearing such revealing clothing then he wouldn’t have been attracted to her.   Or telling the victims of a robbery that if they didn’t have so much stuff, then they wouldn’t have been targeted.    In essence, we absolve adulterers from any personal responsibilities.    Even worse, most affairs are deliberate and premeditated.   There are many lies, manipulation, gas lighting, and often times emotional abuse that come along with it.

They say that time heals all wounds, but yet we don’t say that to rape victims and murder victims and victims of sexual predators.   Sure, they may heal over time, but it is truly unfair for the perpetrators to just get off scott free.    Added insult to injury is now, as a faithful spouse, you get to pay alimony, lose half your 401k and see your kids now being spending time with the home wrecker who disrespected your marriage and led to breaking up your home.  Forgot to include to  hours of lost productivity and astronomical lawyer fees that the homewrecker doesn’t face.  He doesn’t see/ nor really care about the financial strain and emotional pain on your children’s faces when you have “the talk” with them.  The cheater doesn’t have to face this alone because they now have the emotional support of their new love.   They look forward to their new future while the victim has to cope with facing losing everything that meant something to them.   It’s a very selfish act and personally, I don’t they are good people who just did a bad thing.

You could argue that Bernie Madoff, Hitler, Stalin, or whoever was a good person who did a few bad things.    But what can you do but grin and bare it.   Society at the end of the day doesn’t care.   We live in a time where we feel that happiness isn’t earned but is a God given right.   Where lust and infatuation means love.   Where our responsibility isn’t to anyone else but to ourselves first.   Where the end justifies the means, no matter what it takes to get there.

The Satanic mantra of “Do as thou wilt, that is the whole of the law.” is in full effect.