Can Polygamy Work in Today’s Society

 

 

 

 

Is Polygamy Justifiable Today?

 

“Love is Cursed by Monogamy”.

-Kayne West:  ‘No Love in the Wild’

Many ancient societies in history have practiced polygamy.  Those societies allowed men to have more than one wife.  Often, it was based on how financially successful or powerful he was.  In modern times, there are a few cultures that still practice it.  From all appearances, it seems to be more of a financial arrangement due to women having limited economic opportunities and holding a lower position in those societies.

To be fair, many societies also practiced monogamy regularly and it seems to have been the defacto standard for most societies throughout history.  Even though it is illegal in the United States, it seems to be regaining traction.

In more recent times, the practice is generally relegated to fringe religious practitioners and social deviants.  However it seems that more and more people are starting to consider the idea as a viable way of life.  People are increasingly becoming less and less restricted in their sexuality and the idea of loving people in poly-type relationships are becoming more common place.

But is this simply a sign of the times.  Is it a result of the degradation of time honored values?  Or is there some practical value to this phenomenon?  Here are a few objections and justifications for the practice in today’s society:

Women’s Rights

As mentioned earlier, polygamous relationships were often practiced in societies where women weren’t didn’t have as many rights and financial opportunities as men.  In modern America (while there is still work that needs to be done), women have much more opportunity and freedoms than in those societies.

Because many do not need a man for financial support, many simply will not tolerate the idea of “sharing” their men.

Objection:

Due to women’s rights, most monogamous couples have both members working full time jobs.  Depending on the job, the hours worked often extend beyond the typical 40  hour work week.  After coming home after 10+ hours a day, it becomes increasingly difficult stay on top of all the soccer practices, pta meetings, and paying bills.  This leaves little time to handle the house hold such as cooking, cleaning,washing clothes and child rearing.  Having hobbies or pursuing personal development goals often fall to the wayside because time is at a premium.  A second or third wife could hold those things down while allowing the other two bread winners to make money to pay the bills.  This should allow a little more time as well as save a few thousand dollars a year in daycare/after care and eating out costs.

It’s just an excuse for a man to cheat

If you have read my article about why men cheat, then you’d know that men simply cheat because they want variety.  To recap, a woman could be everything a man wants or desires, but for some reason or another, there seems to be something in us that makes us at least wonder about it.  In many cases, a man’s sexual drive is higher than the woman.  If so much time and energy is dedicated to work and holding the household down, then it is really no wonder why many wives are too tired to get a quickie in before going to sleep.  If she has more time or simply doesn’t feel like it that night, then at least there are options.  A little girl on girl action if the man is tired might be a possible scenario.

There is the real possibility for jealousy, but as with all relationships, I’d imagine that communication is key to making it work.

Why can’t a woman have two husbands

The old “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” argument.  Hey I don’t judge.  That might work for some people.  Most straight men I know wouldn’t consider it though.  Same sex relations among men is generally frowned on for males.  In the case of the women being tired, he isn’t going to try to get it in with the other guy.  As of today, most people say that there is no such thing as male bisexuals.  A man simply cannot like both men and women sexually….or as eloquently put by Riley Freeman “dat ninja gay”.

I am delivert

That said, I don’t see how a woman would respect a man for doing that.  Seriously, I don’t know of any female that would date, let alone marry a guy who got “delivert” unless he was rich.  Even then, she’d likely still feel a certain type of way about it.  It would also be more difficult to establish paternity should the wife get pregnant.  Maybe it wouldn’t matter at that point.  But either way, most straight men aren’t with the gay ish.  Most would, however make a provision if the wife got it on with another female.

It’s a sin

I’m no longer a christian (long story).  But in America, especially in the African American community, the vast majority of people are.  This objection would definitely be a real point of contention.  Now while I think that black folks out to get out of that mindset, the reality is that most will not.  Oddly, most of the Christians that I know who identify with Christians don’t really read the bible.  If they did, they’d see that it isn’t a sin at all.  In fact King David, Jacob, Solomon, and Abraham all had multiple wives.

While it’s true that Yah didn’t tell them to go out and get multiple wives, he never said that they couldn’t.  Plus, he didn’t really give them any flack about it.   Either way, it is already a tough sell for most secular people, but with Christians would be damn near impossible.  It’s not really about what the bible says (or doesn’t say) as much as which parts agree with what they already think.

It’s against the natural order of things

Men should only have one wife because God or nature intended it to be that way.  One man for every woman.  The population is generally equal with 50% of men and 50% of women.  That’s about a 1 to 1.  So there is someone for everybody.   Some animals may engage in polygamy, but we’re people, not animals.

Objections:

I think that we should overcome our baser instincts, biologically, men can impregnate many women at once.  A woman has to carry a child for 9 months.  Then she will typically need some sort of assistance to care for the child until she is able to get back to work.  Obviously it’s in a man’s best interest to help with this.  Unfortunately, too many of us shirk our responsibilities and leave it up to the woman to do it without our help.

If he cannot take care of one child, then he definitely shouldn’t be going around having more kids.  In nature, all those kids would probably get eaten by a lion or the woman wouldn’t be able to provide the nutrition to raise the child to independence.

From a biological standpoint, that is against nature (survival) as well, so point taken on that.

Women can’t get along with each other

Too many women in the house can cause friction as many are territorial and catty.  Now as with probably most of this article, that sounds sexist.  But from my observation from school,the workplace, and reality TV, this appears to be true….or at least a half truth.

Not all women are that way most issues would probably arise from insecurity andimage jealousy.  That’s a real problem.  All women are like this though.  Polygamy isn’t for everyone and it would take the right personalities to pull it off.  To simply dismiss all women as catty is a limiting belief and would probably cause such issues to manifest in your life more often than you’d like.

Conclusion

This isn’t a comprehensive list of all the objections and problems that might arise should you decide that it’s right for you.  But is a case for possible advantages.  It also attempts to answer common objections.

Nothing, even monogamous relationships are guaranteed.  The divorce rate in America is around 50%.   The cheating rate is probably higher than that.  Another point is that it provides that variety that so many men crave… Or it might not…. But either way the startling statistics show that even our time honored traditions aren’t necessarily the best way of doing things.

If communication is key to a successful marriage between two people, it must be infinitely be critical when you start involving more people.    I’m not saying that this is a fix to the ills of society, but maybe it would work for some people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Valentine’s Date Conversation Starters

 

 

You’re out on a valentine’s date with your significant other (S.O.) and you’ve been seeing each other for quite some time time.  Over the years, you’ve gotten to know each other very well.  Almost too well.  She’s heard all your stories.  You know about hers.  At this point, conversation is mostly about bills, kids, work, and facebook notificatons.   KILL ME NOW.

 

 

      Date night for long term couples don’t have to be canned, half hearted attempts at conversation and parent talk.   It’s easy to fall into a routine of talking about the same things over and over again. Even worse, all too often, I couples sitting at dinner tables silently staring at their phones.  (Are they texting each other?)   But fret not.  With a little bit of research and preparation(I’ll get you started here) you can get those old “honeymoon/getting to know each other” phase conversations going again.

Just a side note  “game theory” suggests that you have some canned material prepared in approaching women.  You shouldn’t rely on it soley, but have it there to spark conversation where you both can enjoy getting to know each other.

Social Psychologist Arthur Aron came up with “36 Questions To Fall in Love” nearly twenty years ago. These are great questions and should spark interesting conversations for you mate and your mate to get to know each other all over again.  I’ve chosen my top ten favorites and listed them below:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

  2. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?  Why?

  3. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

  4. If you were able to live to the age of 90 but could only retain the mind or body of a 30 year old for the next 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

  5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

  6. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

  7. What do you value the most in a friendship?

  8. Make three true “we” statements…for example, “we are both in this room feeling…”

  9. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

  10.  If your house, containing everything you own caught on fire.  After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to save any one item.  What would it be?   Why?

 

Try peppering these in questions over the night instead of banging them out back to back.  Or you could say something like you were reading an interesting article on the subject as to frame it so you don’t look like some weird armchair psychologist.  If he’s hesitant about answering, answer them yourself using as much detail as possible.  Comment on her answer without being judgemental.  Remember this is supposed to be fun.


With valentine’s day right around the corner, surprise your mate not only with a great dinner, but excellent conversation.   Maybe you can both learn a little more about yourselves and each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Do Men Cheat

 

 

    

 

This is a topic that has been discussed since the beginning of time.  I’ll bet that right after Adam married Eve, he started wondering how many more ribs he could lose without his chest collapsing.

Seriously though, in the black community, it’s pretty much acknowledged that all of our Grandfathers probably had another family across town somewhere.  “But at least he took care of home.”  Even today, you can’t turn on television, social media, the radio, or even open a book without hearing about some ninja cheating.  Maybe it’s in our genes.

Ironically, almost equally as prevalent is the number of Instagram Memes, Worldstar Videos, relationship books, and old wives tales that tell women how to keep their men from cheating.   Let me tell you, while it’s entertaining and great if you’re the beneficiary of most of this advice, let me let you in a little secret… You Can’t.


Real talk, no matter how much you believe in a guy. No matter how good the sex is, how much you laugh at his jokes, how much you support him, how good you can cook, how good the head is, how often you give up the goods, how good looking, nice, funny, holy, nasty, good, bad, or any other adjective you use to describe a good woman or bad bih….nothing short of tying him up, locking the door, and throwing away the key is going to stop him.  Even then he might go Houdini on you and end up in a netflix and chill session with ThikMoneyChick6 off snapchat.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still highly advisable to be a good woman to your man if you want to keep him.  Some most common complaints/excuses for cheating are that some women are too insecure, too argumentative,too independent, too strong, too hard, or too selfish with the goodies.  But even if you find a way to avoid those problems, there are no guarantees.  In fact being too naive or too chill are also (less common) but sometimes used reasons.

I know of some guys who’s girls who exhibit many positive qualities.  They are  Educated, Successful, Funny, Smart, faithful, and ambitious.  From outward appearances, they seem to have a great balance….but yet he ends up cheating with a chickenhead he wouldn’t even want to tell the homies about.  True stories.

 

It’s not all bad though.

Just because you can’t can’t stop a man from cheating….Not all men cheat.

I know a few guys, self included who don’t cheat.  I personally decided that i’d rather try a threesome before cheating.  Haven’t done it, but if it ever got to that point for me, I’d rather go that route…

(I think most women these days are… at least bi curious.  Besides, the way I see it, three  is better than two, plus you won’t have the added baggage of having to lie and keep it up….but i digress)

Even with the non cheating types amongst my peers, it’s not all fun and games.  I find that generally, the good guys were the “nice” guys their whole lives.  They just didn’t get too damaged from being cheated on the past.  As such, they can still suffer from “nice guy” syndrome and probably are the home body types anyway…(boring/easy going/friend zone potential)…  Let’s just call us regular.   but generally great husbands, dads, and providers …ok…. A regular guy can still cheat, but percentage wise, I’d say that they don’t cheat as nearly as much.

But that’s not to say that an outgoing guy will always cheat, but there goes the odds thing again.

If they keep it real, the cool guy and the regular guys will tell you that they have at least thought about it.  If not, that ninja’s either gay or lying or both.

But Why?

In a nutshell…. I don’t know.  Speaking from the perspective of the nice guy, I don’t know.   There is no real general consensus of why we can have a great women who we love dearly, but sometimes feel the urge to knock another one down.

Here’s what Jodi has to say about it:

 

Yup, that about sums it up.  Real talk, barbershop talk, or whatever you call it.  That’s the answer.   Is it right….nope, should we try to fight with our temptations…absolutely.

Maybe it’s just easier for some than others to overcome their temptations.  Maybe some are tempted more than others.  I’m not sure.  But I do think that men and women generally cheat for different reasons.

Why do women cheat?

I could probably harp on about this subject, but from most of my conversations with women it usually comes down to this.

Women generally cheat because they aren’t happy with something their man is or isn’t doing.  It’s usually out of revenge, desperation, or too much discontent.   You do have your thotlers (but that’s a different animal right there).

But for the most part, it’s due to some perceived fault of the man….usually failing to deliver on some promise he gave her.  Most of the time, when she does cheat, it will be an upgrade for her…. at least in the department he was lacking in.  At that point, she doesn’t really love him anymore.  She’s simply still with him for money, appearances, or convenience.

Men, we could be dating our ideal woman, but still cheat with a busted bodied broad.  We could totally love our woman and be totally convinced and happy that she’s the ONE… but yet for some reason, probably many reasons, consider the side chick a downgrade.  There are exceptions to the rule, but the main point is that most cheating guys aren’t really interested in wifing the side chick and there’s probably a few good reasons for that.

So where do we go from here?

I’m not sure.  But the message seems pretty clear.   1)Avoid loving thots at all cost.  2)Men, get your ish together and 3)Try to have some damn self control.  Seriously, is it worth possibly losing your queen to a pawn?

Women have to know what they are willing and unwilling to put up with.  If he does cheat, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t the apple of his eye.  But there are realities including STD’s and side kids.  That can kind of hurt the finances if you’re trying to build a family.   Plus, today’s women aren’t like big mama who couldn’t get out and get a good paying job herself.  They don’t have to take that because of the financial support.

Placing your significant other higher than your own selfish desires is going to be essential if you’re trying to make something that lasts. Honesty and Overcoming temptation is key for men.  But women need to understand that sometimes it’s not about you…it’s about us and our biology.  We try. Some fail, some succeed, but it’s not always black and white.

….but if all else fails, ask for a 3some….lol….IJS