This post is not to bash you. Even though the tone might seem that way at times, Please understand that it is meant for understanding.
I understand your frustration.
Before I go in,
Here’s my quick background.
I am a black man who did the right thing, got married and had a child…in that order.
I’m not perfect, but I am a good man.
I held down a decent paying job, helped around the house with the kid, never cheated, never abusive, stayed physically fit, and in the end, my wife almost left me for a ray ray knowing that he already has 5 kids by 3 baby Mamas. And he was living with one of them.
It does mess with you and make you think that black women don’t want a good man.
The other women in her family have ain’t shit baby daddies….but they love those dudes…I’ve also noticed this with many of my own family members, acquaintances and female friends.
My wife’s excuse for me is that she “loves, but isn’t IN love” with me.
It feels like we have to hurt you before you can love and desire us. I see it happen way too much, not just to me.
The good dudes end up getting cheated on and left by the “good girls” who desire the street dudes who cheat on, leave, or disrespect them.
Even my own mother stayed with my dad for 40 years throughout all his infidelities and b.s. before he finally left her for someone else. To be fair, she said she did it for us. In that case, I get it, but how many women do that these days?
The worst thing is that even though most seem to acknowledge this tendency in other women, you can’t seem to see it in yourselves. You say one thing, but act another way…. usually either friendzoning the good guys or saying that “something” is missing if you even give him a chance.
Or you put impossibly higher standards on the good guy and expect him to be almost perfect in every area….or else they feel like you are “settling” if someone else comes along seeming to offer more.
It seems that Love for the good guy is conditional (ALL your wants and needs must be met), but the bad men get love and loyalty almost no matter what they do or don’t do.
I personally want to give up on relationships period. I think a lot of decent guys are at the point where we know most women say one thing, but really desire another so we avoid relationships.
We are being conditioned to believe that the only way to keep you interested is by being unavailable and that to truly love a woman means that she loses interest and respect for us.
How is it that when we choose to be respectful, take you out, step up and show you that we’re truly interested….you say that we’re trying too hard. But if we only text if we want sex, be flaky, act unreliable and act like we could could care less….you desire us more?
Sure we all want sex, but the good guy is willing to put in the work and words to earn it, but the swagged out guy’s words only seem to do the trick.
I dunno, but they must be doing something…and it can’t just be sex bcuz I know I hold it down, plus he has to be doing something before you even get to the point of having sex with him.
It’s sad and I want to believe you want the good guys, but until you actually get with that “good” (not nice) guy that holds you down and you still desire him after the newness wears off….
I don’t believe you.
Ive heard it said too often to “follow your heart” and that “the heart wants what it wants.”
Here’s the catch, the heart often wants what it can’t/doesn’t have and so it occurs to me that the key to being and remaining desired means to be unavailable.
Players know this and I too have learned this the hard way.
It is a bitter red pill to swallow as it implies that I can never truly enjoy sharing mutual love and respect with a woman while maintaining attraction.
That good pure part of me is dead.
Dear Black women, you’re killing all the good black men. We are unappreciated and unregocnized today. But When we’re gone, you’ll remember us and tell your grandkids about us and we’ll live forever.