A New Beginning

We’re both unhappy, but I’m unhappy as a result of her constant affairs (both emotional and physical), her never wanting to fix (or even try) to find out why she’s so “unhappy”, not taking responsibility, nor seeming to care to bridge the huge gap caused by her repeated infidelities.

I believe my wife has mental issues. What specifically, I don’t know. I have no idea how she can intentionally disrespect me, our family, or herself for that matter without feeling guilty. Or how she could hurt and betray someone who never did anything to her. Or how she thinks that it’s ok to cheat on her husband just because she’s “unhappy”. At least without addressing the issues and trying to fix them first. I could see if she voiced concerns to me first which I ignored, but to this day, she never explained to me the real reason for her “unhappiness.”

Perhaps she just wants to explore what’s out there while keeping her family in tact. It’s like job hopping, but wanting to keep the security of the current job until the right one comes along. that’s a huge problem because I have feelings and self respect. Plus, she’s not doing what she’s supposed to be doing at her “current” job.

I gotta let her go. It’s so hard not be bitter and angry when her being on the phone and texting other men feels so disrespectful. She is my wife and we still live together. I am a man, a human, and I deserve more respect than that. I make it a point to call her out everytime and let her know that this is NOT OK. I am reasonable, but I don’t yell or fight as not to act out of character in front of the kid. Unforntuatley, she doesn’t seem to appreciate the fact that I’m trying to shield him even though I have informed her several times NOT to do this in front of us.

I can’t believe it’s been over 3 years and I’m still dealing with this. I do think that I am in a decent enough space now to be able to have a reasonable conversation with our son without coming across as bitter. She still makes it hard. I was expecting for her to become rational again…..possibly try fixing things…..or either be amicable and respectful as we figure things out. But i have to realize (and I should have realized this at least 2 years ago), that I am projecting onto her what I want/expect her to be. Reasonable/rational/fair.

But she isn’t and so I am pretty much alone in this insofar as figuring EVERYTHING out.

I don’t want to stay married to her. But I want to have my own place. I want our son to be settled in and used to the new norm. And then we get divorced on paper. I can’t live under the same roof with her as long as she’s seeing other men. Even if we weren’t married on paper.

It’s already bad enough that she is married to me, but I can concede to accept it if we don’t actually live together.

She’s supposed to be going on another travel assignement as soon as she finds a position. That will be a great start and it will give me the opportunity and space to continue to detach. I already expect her to start seeing other guys, but I’m ok with it as I’ve accepted that she’s going to be talking to other men with or without me around. It’s much better for me to sleep alone, than with someone who disrespects me like that.

While for the most part, we get along well, unless she’s on the sneaky phone bullshit in front of me and/ or our son…..we don’t really enjoy each other’s company anyway. I’m super moody when it comes to her because I don’t like being played for the fool. We’re not cool and the notifcations and suspicious behavior is enough to remind me to snap out of it when I starting letting my guard down too much.

If the travel assignment is in New York (we live in Atlanta), I fear that she may start (continue?) a relationship up there and want to actually move there to be with him. I’d be fine with that, but I fear she may want to move our son up there. Just like last time. This is where things can get contentious and I may possibly need a lawyer. Even if we have a custody battle, I think I’d have to give my permission to allow him to live up there.

I’d ask him what he wanted to do. If he wanted to move, then I wouldn’t make him stay here. But if he wasn’t sure, then she sure as hell can’t have custody.

TBH, it would in a way force her to choose between her new “man” or her son. Last time, I almost conceded and let him move up there with her. I reasoned that she is his mother and their relationship meant a lot to her. That would have been a big mistake.

This time though, she can go to hell and there will be not consideration for it. I am curious to see if she really loves him enough to choose him over some new “love” interest. This would be the second time she left him (although last time was temporary), she was willing to lose time with him or disrupt his pretty good life in order to be closer to her affair partner. Dude’s a fucking loser at that and in no way had the ability nor is the type to take care of her. NOt saying it matters, but it does when it comes to me trusting her with custody and making good decisions for our son.

I’m thinking that in one scenario, she stays up there, chooses her new “love” interest over him and once the divorce proceedings happen, I’d ask for full custody (as I am taking care of him while she’s gone like last time) and I would get it.

She would either have to move back to GA if she wanted joint custody or stay up there and grant me full custody. But either way, she couldn’t just take him to stay without my ok. I’d only mess up if i said that she could keep him for a few months or something.

In another scenario, she would move back to GA after the assignment were over and get a home. We could talk about living arrangements then.

At the end of the day, it’s up to her where she wants to live. I’m ok either way, but as long as I can stay steady and consistent (and stay out of trouble), I should be able to keep custody. Possibly getting child support if she acts out of pocket about it. I don’t feel guilty in this because 1)she broke the family without attempting to fix it and 2)she makes more money than me 3)she seems to care more about herself than his well being at his point (see point 1) and 4)her character makes me question her ability to really be a decent single mother.

For now, just keep my nose clean. It’s just me and him and without her bringing me down, hopefully, though I don’t anticipate this will be easy, at least I don’t have the pressure of feeling disrespected in my own home.

We can stay in the apartment for now. I may have to figure out to convince her to help pay for the apartment, but if she doesn’t then, I can get a part time job on the weekend. My only concern is that if she saves up enough money because she’s only paying for her and makes more money, she can lawyer up and when we go to court, I won’t have enough to afford one on my own so she may end up with custody.

If it gets that far, I’ll worry about it then. It’s in God’s hands at that point. As I write this, I’m actually looking forward to her leaving. I was still hopelessly in love with her last time. I still had hope for our marriage and nuclear family. I was hurt beyond belief, probably in denial, and in a very bad place mentally.

Hopefully, I can keep this energy up once she’s gone again. Hopefully I’m not so concerned about if she’s screwing around as worrying about it last time seemed to have no effect on her behavior anyway. Plus now I see how she “really” is. I’ve had more than enough time to process the fact that who I thought she was and who she really is are contrary to one another.

I’m keeping the focus on making him a better man, his education, my job(s), and boxing/jujistu for now. At least until he’s a little older and I can worry about dating then. Dunno, hopefully I can squeeze R in, but I won’t and can’t prioritize it for now. And i can’t expect her to understand (or even if she does) it’s not her responsibility to put her life on hold for us. He comes first right now until he can take care of himself.

I can take this time to make myself a better man as well and what better way to learn than to teach?

Accepting Wap Nature

I’m thinking that I just have to come to the conclusion that pretty much all women in 2020 are hoes. By hoes, I mean, unfaithful, sneaky, opportunistic and disloyal.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s sleeping with every man that she meets nor does it mean that she is sleeping with men for money. It simply means that it’s very likely she’s sleeping with some other man on the side while she’s with you. It could be a situationship, fwb, an ex, her crush, the occasional one night stand, co-worker, whatever.

Even if she isn’t having a physical infidelity, she has someone lined up and ready to go at any time she feels ready to move on. Based on anectodal evidence and several statistics out there, most already have a guy lined up and probably are already in or halfway in a relationship before she breaks up.

Once she loses interests, she’ll hold on to the primary relationship until she has something else lined up. As she lines those things up, cheating (physical and emotional) infidelity is sure to follow. In other words, by the time you finally get around to breaking up, she is already in a relationship with someone else.

She will blow up the primary relationship and move on without any regret, respect, or remorse. Be aware of the signs (not what she says) or else you’ll be there blindsided wondering how she moved on so fast.

If rich, handsome, powerful, and successful men have issues with keeping her, then what chance does the average man have.

Most women today are serial monogamists, who can’t be alone, and once the attraction is gone, so is the respect and morals (as far as interpersonal relationships go).

In other words, even though she says that she hates liars and cheaters, she will become that thing until she gets what she wants. And will deny it even when confronted with the direct evidence. It brings out the worst in her character, and too often men, too thirsty to recognize or care will still justify her behavior because he’s getting sex or validation from a woman he may be attracted to. It will bite him in the ass in the future, but I’m starting to think that most men are stupid and immoral (especially when it comes to women) as well.

This is how the vast majority play the game and this is why men must always be cognizant of red flags. She will never tell the truth and even when confronted with it, she’ll lie, deceive, gaslight, or blameshift.

She will brag or even be proud of the fact that she’s so “strong” or cold hearted. She may even find pleasure in “breaking” the man she discarded though she will fake like it isn’t her “intention” on screwing him over.

The approach for a man these days is internal apathy. In other words, show love, remain stoic, and understand that she’s never yours, it’s just your turn. Men cannot love women the way from an attached way. The idea of a soulmate is about as dangerous of a idea as any bad one.

Now this fact may appear to be coming from a place of bitterness and brokenness, but don’t kill the messenger. Many women will deny the fact that they do this. But it’s 2020, there are few women with integrity and fewer contain the internal self reflection necessary for the type of love that long term relationships and marriage require.

It is to say that loving these women with your heart, in real self sacrificial way is a terrible idea. We must not allow ourselves to get caught up into thinking that the good sex, ego stroking, and compliance she gives when she’s into us is anything other than temporary. It’s not enough to to dedicate your life to her.

Those good morning texts, making her laugh, funny memes, orgasms you give her, gifts, and surprises really don’t mean as much to her as you think they do. Even if she says she appreciates it, trust and believe that you aren’t the first, nor probably will be the last to do that for her.

That special connection that you have right now, well do you think you are the first or last (and now days “only”) one she got going on? Do you really believe that these special moments are enough to keep her respecting you when the honeymoon phase wears off. Once the attraction fades, so does the respect when it comes to women. Always remember that.

While looks, money, and status all play a role in attraction, novelty is also a requirement in order to keep her on her toes.

How many other females have you shared these moments with? How great and amazing was it in the beginning. Texting all day. Great sex, the promises, plans, discovering things about each other, inside jokes….. How did that turn out for you?

What i’m saying is enjoy the moment, but don’t fall for the illusion.

Look at it as a vacation of sorts, but eventually, the trip is over and you have to go home. Relationships are not permanent and the ideas of marriage being a forever thing is detrimental to your emotional well being and health.

Unless you’re willing to concede that your woman will most likely cheat, fall for temptation, get tired of you, and go back on everything she claims to stand for (while she’s under the illusion of being in love), you aren’t really equipped to love her for real for real. You’re going to be hurt if you put those expectations on her. Add marriage, kids, and mixing of finances in the mix, and you’re looking at a disaster waiting to happen.

“Yeah, but our love is different” you tell yourself. Let you and everyone else in love tell it. How about the guy before you?

How about the girl before her? Are you assuming that her ex was an asshole or not man enough, but somehow you are? Pretty sure you think the same about the guy before you this time too, just as you thought the same about the guy your last ex was with.

So when i say don’t love, i say love her for what she is, but never believe for one moment that she is who she says she is. It’s bad out here for relationships. It’s not just me, but so many men out here like me. Many even better than me have learned this the hard way.

Though it is difficult, the best way to move is to love her for what she is, oblivious, deceitful, insecure, beautiful, entertaining. Love the feeling she gives you, but realize that you’re never meant to be permanently attached. It’s just your turn, but instead of being angry or bitter or complaining about it, just accept it for what it is and move accordingly.

Infectious Insanity

Living with my wife for the past 5 years has been the most tumultuous insane period of my life. She’s not who I thought she was, insofar as what’s in her heart.

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have placed such high expectations on her. I was smitten by her beauty and somewhat reserved nature. Still though, I should have peeped the red flags:

No participation during deep conversation, no original thoughts on anything, the fact that she had just jumped out of a long term relaionship directly into one with me, she claimed to be a christian, but didn’t “know” if she was saved or not. The reasons she broke up with her boyfriend seemed dubious at best, in all honesty, he sounded like a pretty decent guy (that one cheating episode aside).

Dating, was probably the furthest I should have gone with her. By the time I proposed, I was already deep in love with her. I did my share of simping, placing her on a pedestal, and made the mistake of loving her with all my heart. She was my world and i would have done anything for her. I felt as if I would forsake everything for her…..all the while deep down, I knew that I loved her a little more than she loved me.

I was clueless about red pill understanding on these matters. I thought she was “the one.” And i was willing to deal with any problems (aside from cheating)…. I wanted to protect and maintain our vows.

That said I loved her too much. I overestimated how seriously she took our vows. I thought that our marriage and family (though not perfect) was much more important to her… at least important enough to fight for when times got rough.

Perhaps she loved me at the time, but at some point, I have to accept that she is who she is and I cannot change that. That said, our views on marriage, love, and loyalty is different.

Her feeling like, loyalty is contingent on whether or not she’s happy. It seems that she feels that cheating is justified if she’s not satisfied. Even if she can’t identify the “why”. Even if she doesn’t express discontent nor tries to do anything to help fix it.

In certain ways, I want her to feel actual remorse about hurting me so bad. The lies, gaslighting, disrespect to me (as a person), our marriage, and family. I want her understand the humiliation she put me through. The mental pain and anguish she’s caused. I want her to actually feel bad about her actions insofar as destroying our relationship and family.

Yet it seems that this won’t be possible this lifetime. I don’t think she’s capable of feeling that deep. Her morals are very loose and she doesn’t have a sense of empathy that will prevent her from doing things that hurt those should mean the most to her. She’s a loose cannon. And no amount of guilt tripping, asking her to put herself in someone else’s shoes, telling or showing her how fucked up it is when others do it others can get her to do better.

It’s a lost cause. Her immediate gratification is more important than the potential long term effects of the dissolution of our nuclear home may have on our son.

She is the “typical american woman” as described in redpill literature. Selfish, deceitful, shallow, ignorant, and proud. Though cute on the outside, especially for her age, on the inside, she’s obliviously wicked and cold.

I cannot allow her to keep cheating. I just don’t believe enough in her anymore. She broke my heart. She doesn’t care if she hurts me. In fact, I think she gets a bit of pleasure from it. I can’t rely on her and I don’t have the fight in me left to pray anymore. Not to say I’ve been perfect in all this, having had my own affair after the fact. But still, she never knew or either didn’t care enough to say anything about it. It never hurt her in any way.

These matters are complicated. I did what i had to do after months of trying to get her to stop and enduring way more pain, loss of confidence, etc.

I blamed not wanting to hurt my son for staying, but I should have manned up and divorced first. I’ll say that I was wrong for that.

Either way, she’s not going to change. She’s moving out soon to take a “travel assignment” as well as (presumably) have more time to get involved with her new interest.

I have to do something, because she’ll eat cake until either he or someone convinces her to leave or I leave myself. I have to put in the work, make plans, and carry all this on my shoulders as she doesn’t care about anyone else but herself.

With that, I guess that I’m right back in position of powerlessness of having to endure the disrespect and disregard for my feelings in the matter. I’m going to have to save myself without her help.

Poisoned by a black widow

Dopesick is a term that’s used when addicts literally feel sick when trying to overcome a drug habit. Depending on the drug and level of dependency, overcoming it can be super hard and possibly fatal. Many people know that the drug is having a negative effect on their lives and yet in order to avoid the dope sick feeling will continue on their path of self destruction.

Falling in love with a certain type of woman is very similar. I’d like to warn men that a large many of these women today are terrible. As of yet, I haven’t figured out if these type of women know it, but are lying or if they truly don’t know themselves. I’d like to call them black widows.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when a person starts believing their own bullshit. Either way falling for one of the terrible ones is like having a drug problem.

Similarly, drugs and love both feel great in the beginning. You feel invincible. On top of the world. It opens up thoughts and creativity in ways you never thought were possible. Your body feels great. Your mind feels sharp. You’re present and feel alive.

But it comes at a price.

You usually don’t become addicted per se to drugs the first or second time you do them. I mean you remember the high, but you’re generally able to function normally without them after the high wears off. You might feel a bit shitty in the following days, but you can pretty much shake it off and be fine.

Addiction happens when you keep indulging in it. The insidious part is that the more you do it, the less high you feel until you reach a point where you have to do it in order to feel normal. And this sort of creeps upon you.

Falling in love is similar. The woman makes you feel so good about yourself. Her smell, the way she strokes your ego, the satisfaction you feel when you fuck her good, the way she sounds when she comes, when she tells you how much she loves you. All those things produce a massive amount of dopamine in your brain. Indulged here and there is fine, it’s a fun night. But too much and you can easily become addicted.

It’s nature. The brain produces all sorts of chemicals during orgasm. Dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin, vassopressin, and probably others that all make you feel good. It’s designed to bond you with a person. The process leading up to sex and then orgasm releases all these chemicals in your brain. And it literally loves those feelings.

You end up become addicted to the feelings she gives you, not her necessarily. But either way, you want to continue to indulge. Be warned, this is a path to addiction. Imagine for a second that the woman is a terrible person, but yet your thirst, ignorance, and her manipulation prevented you from seeing it / believing it.

This is what is happening to so many men these days. Many, many of these women are terrible people who suffer from just being evil or cognitive dissonance. And so many times, men become addicted to her.

How fitting is that the black widow spider (one of the most poisonous spiders here in north america) has an hourglass on her back. Isn’t it amazing how a redpill saying, is that she’s never yours, it’s just your turn) resonates so much with men based on their experiences with women.

When the male black widow spider mate with the females, they end up becoming prey and end up eaten by her. Think about it, he sacrifices his life just to have sex with her. She literally eats him alive….and she does it with no regrets or remorse. Yet the male, is biologically programmed to go on a suicide mission in order to impregnate her.

Many women these days take on the spirit of a black widow spider. It’s scary because it’s almost impossible to differentiate some from a good/decent woman.

Instead of a physical death though, men often suffer a sort of spiritual death. The heartbreak of being consumed by one of these creatures feels like a literal hell. Ask any man, who actually loved a woman how it feels to be betrayed.

Their poison comes in the form of the drug called love and has sent countless men to a spiritual/psychological/financial sometimes physical death.

A woman with this spirit is inviting, tempting, and for all case and purposes resembles something safe. But beware. She poisons you with love. The more time and energy you spend on her, the more she strokes your ego, the more dopamine you release because of her entangles you into her web. Children, Marriage, and Financial Obligation. The longer you stay in it, the more caught up you become.

And when she realizes you’re stuck, she makes the switch (she loses ‘respect’ and becomes bored), your entanglements will lead you to a spiritual/mental/psychological/financial death. She sustains herself on you. You’re a meal to her. She takes pleasure out of devouring you.

These types of terrible women have this black widow spirit in them. Their cognitive dissonance and / or ignorance of self makes them even more dangerous as it allows them to hide their nature so well.

The only people immune to this are other soulless egos who can use her for sex and or money. Your players, pimps, and hustlers if you will. Leave these black widows for the streets. Let the hourglass on her back remind you that you absolutely cannot stay for too long, lest the poison and web entice and entangle you. She’s never yours, it’s just your turn and you will either live or die by that fact.

Be careful, it’s almost impossible to tell a black widow from a regular chick these days. The come in all shapes, Looks, finances, race, classes, religions, etc.

I would say that her level of selfishness would be a start. But even then, you can never really know. Personally, I say fuck trying to figure it out. Just smash and dash. But perhaps I’m getting too old and cynical for all this bullshit.

Thot World

I remember that my first crush was when I was in the 1st grade. To me, this girl was beautiful. One day, her friend told me that she liked me back. I remember being embarassed and telling her, something like “no, I don’t want that nasty girl.” I grew out of that phase as I older.

Now, I’m thinking that I’m getting back to that. Women are still beautiful, but for some reason, I think I’m starting to feel disgusted by them. The idea that other men have lain up in her turns me off for some reason.

I had a conversation with co-worker about how I’m not feeling the WAP song and how I feel that it makes women look like whores when they start feeling it. I mean, the song starts with “there some hoes in this house”, and these women go crazy. I told her how i lose a certain level of respect or attraction for women who do this.

“It’s 2020 and women have the right to express themselves sexually.” She responded. “True, but what happened to being a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.” I replied.

I don’t have a problem with women expressing themselves sexually. Actually I do. Well, I don’t, but I do. As an adult, I know that 90% of women aren’t pure angels. Pretty much all of them have had dicks in their mouths, had guys bust on their faces, engaged in one night stands, had unprotected sex with strangers, swallowed cum, been f*cked in the ass, had sex in cars, nightclubs or bars, been choked, had MWM threesomes, trains, etc….probably multiple times for many of these acts.

And while it’s their right to do whatever the hell they want to do….I find the idea that there is some dude(s) who can say they did this to a girl that I’m claiming disgusting. I literally feel nauseous to my stomach if I think about it too long….how much more if I am currently dealing with her. TBH, I think i’m going to stop eating pussy and kissing.

It’s pretty degrading, like putting my mouth on the crotch of a pair of used underwear. In my past/present life, for some reason, it gave/gives me pleasure to please her by any means.

But I’m starting to understand how when some dudes call a woman a “bitch” or any other derogatory term, they feel it from a certain place. It’s not in a sense of being “a disagreeable woman”. But from a place of feeling confused and angry, like one hand, she’s disgusting, yet I lust over her.

My major issue is that sex isn’t a sacred act. It means nothing, and in many cases, at least for me, i start to feel unnecessarily bonded to her over the fact…. especially if she’s the only one I’m dealing with at the time.

Despite CONCEDING the fact that, in her past, she’s probably engaged in all sorts of sexual depravity, I feel like I don’t want her doing sexual things with anyone else while I’m with her. ESPECIALLY if I claim her … i.e. public relationship, marriage, etc….. or as I’ve recently learned about myself, a long term fwb situation.

It’s not her fault per se. It’s mine. I really shouldn’t be kissing these broads and in special cases, eating them out. I actually enjoy it,so I think I’m pretty good at it. Perhaps that’s the beta in me.

So the conflict is that I enjoy engaging in an act that i find disgusting and degrading. I wouldn’t mind if she were mine forever, but given the modern woman’s tendency to get bored if she’s with you for long enough….her many options….and right/ability to lie, cheat, and or terminate the relationship at any time, I shouldn’t subject myself to such a personal and self inflicted wound….”Bitch”.

I now know you shouldn’t place a woman (or anyone for that matter on a pedestal). Outside of “game” strategy, this is a personal reason. These bitches are for everybody.

I regret getting married and creating a family with my wife. I mean, there is still some beauty in the fact that we provide a safe home and environment for our child. Certain family moments are amazing and at times it seems worth the effort.

But given her capricious nature. the fact that she had an affair before, and I can no longer trust her makes me look at her like one of these “bitches.” All it’s going to take is either her ex AP or some dude who she’s attracted to, has sufficient charisma, and the balls to talk to her ….and she’s back on the bullshit.

I feel that no matter what I do for her, no matter the sacrifices, our family…. (let’s also be real ME)…. is not important enough for her to keep her from doing whatever with whomever.

So I just cannot “love” her or any woman in that matter in the sense of how I used to. At least not voluntarily. I was taught the love is an action word. In other words, you don’t just say that you love someone, you show them…..usually through some sort of voluntary sacrifice or by putting them ahead of you sometimes. The type of Love i desire requires trust and I just don’t trust them.

I now realize that it doesn’t matter what you do, if a bitch lusts or are ” in love” with you, you don’t have to do much at all. TBH, in the end, it’s only temporary so it doesn’t mean much in the long run.

Plus, they take the idea that just because a nice guy does something nice for a woman doesn’t mean she owes him anything. Surface level, it makes sense, but in a deeper sense, it does imply that nothing he does, sacrifices he makes, bullshit he deals with obligates her to love, respect, or be real with him.

In fact, the more you do for her, the less she’s attracted to you. This is one case in life where doing the bare minimum will get you far. They’d rather hear you say how much you care for them and not actually show it, than the reverse. It is what it is, but it does require a level of emotional / intellectual dishonesty that I don’t know if I’m built for long term. I actually do start caring and end up having to pretend that I don’t give a fuck. I still have that “nice guy” thing going on. She doen’t owe it to me to be with me, but she does owe me respect and honesty. But I realize that’s too much to expect these days. “Oughts” count for nothing.

Due to the thirst, loneliness, and depravity of men, women can pretty much operate with impunity. It doesn’t matter how badly she treated/treats her current man. She’ll always have a sucker ready to wife/bed her.

And while I truly don’t give a fuck when it comes to my wife…..she really broke my heart and humiliated me, so I can’t even pretend to care or not. Like, I don’t even want to put up any effort at all. I don’t care enough outside of hoping she won’t humiliate me again. I don’t care if she finds me attractive or not. I don’t feel like she’s attracted enough anyway and even if she were, I will never allow myself to be put in position to trust her like that again. My new vulnerability is based on title and pride. Not love at this point, and the same way for any future relationship. The very idea of trusting or loving someone so deeply brings me a level of deep down discomfort where I get cannot even begin to entertain it. I’m not saying that others shouldn’t do it, but for me…..the conclusion is a resounding HELL NO.

Call me a pussy/bitter/toxic all u want, but I cannot go through that indescribable pain again. Knowing what women are capable of and having no real way of distinguishing the authentic from the fake.

So for me….Marriage is pointless.

Outside that though, How in the hell could I have gotten away with an affair for two going on 3 years and she never even questioned me. I’ve never even gone though any extraordinary lengths to hide it. She couldn’t really give a fuck about me….and it shows that we definitely aren’t connected like that.

Sure, my AP has hurt me in the past, but she’s a “bitch” too. But the difference is that I don’t claim her like that and I’m not under the illusion that I can truly trust her. I realize that the only reason, my pride could be hurt by her is because I kiss and have oral sex with her.

So, that said, truly, no fap has to be implemented. I have to get to the point where regular (PIV) sex …. no making love…. turns me on enough to make it worth it. And if it doesn’t then perhaps I shouldn’t be having it.

Perhaps I have to learn that the intimacy I love and crave will always come at a cost to my mental health, well-being, pride, and manhood. I love love and that’s a problem. I hate the attachment that “love” creates to these bitches. Making love is off the table because it don’t want to fall in love.

I’m tired of relationships/situationships/bullshit and everything with these women. I’d rather be single and deal with them on my own terms in my own time. From what I see, It’s so much better and easier to have several in rotation. None are worth it as none are really trustworthy. And i’m cool with that, but at least I’d have the option to move how I want to and walk away if she starts acting out of pocket. Ironically, i believe it’s the only way to keep her in pocket….and if I’m wrong, then at least i won’t risk falling too hard for someone who changes her mind about me later.

Chasing is cool, as long as it’s not coming from a place of sincerity. I’d just rather be single. As an introvert, I don’t have the energy to want to be around some judgemental, untrustworthy, unfaithul, illogical, broad all day. Who has no problem with subjecting me to more humiliation by cheating or dealing with other men, then lying about it.

Again, do you. I’m not judging you. But it’s a problem when I’m stuck in a situation where I cannot walk away once her true nature begins to shine through.

Why Moden Marriage is a Bad Joke

I always thought that marriage was an important institution necessary to establish and maintain communities by providing stable environments/homes for children.

Sexual fidelity (unless agreed upon by both parties) as well as open and honest communication is a necessary part of making it work.

It is work maintaining a household responsibly. Happiness….though ideal, isn’t the primary goal of marriage.

Yet in today’s society, it seems that people seem to believe that it is.

There are at least two conflicting schools of thought when it comes to marriage.

1. We can’t get divorced. (unless there are extremely serious issues…..like repeated infidelity or abuse)…..

And

2. We can and should get divorced if we are unhappy or grow apart.

I personally believe in the former…..but im starting to see that many, if not most people believe in the latter.

If 2nd position is the lens by which we view this…..then to me….marriage is pretty much pointless.

It’s just an expensive and meaningless ceremony sanctioned by the state that keeps lawyers pockets lined with money from family court hearings and divorce proceedings.

The vows taken …. (for better or for worse or till death do u part)….is simply an empty promise made during an emotional high. Those words really mean nothing.

And in a society where personal happiness and obligation isn’t always (most times not) mutually exclusive….and the former is the “law of the land” so to speak….. it’s really all pointless.

Not to say that marriage has to be terrible…..but often times….over time….the level of satisfaction with a single person does decline a bit.

People who have a lot of options tend to view what they dont have as favorable. And it very often leads to an elevated sense of dissatisfaction…..leading to a sense of unhappiness….which affects the lens by which they view their marriage.

This gives rise to all kinds of fuckery….including infidelity, falling in love with someone else, selfishness, or justification for being an asshole to their spouse.

Too many people feel like they are special snowflakes who deserve the most optimal level of comfort and convenience without having to put in any work.

They ask, what is the relationship doing for me vs what am I doing for the relationship. Self first and family second….and they come up with all sorts of justifications to enable these beliefs while never admitting that fact.

I’m not bucking against this trend.

People can do whatever the hell they want. I find the self serving pov of marriage as pointless and a waste of time though.

If we should just destroy the nuclear family because we want to try something new since sacrifice and obligation makes us unhappy then there really is no point.

Why put yourself through the drama, pain, and inconvenience of divorce when you already have the notion that it is an option.

It’s stupid. And on top of that….if you subscribe to the former definition of marriage….where we gotta do whatever we gotta do to make this thing work bcuz our kids, family, and community depends on us…and the other person doesn’t…..

You’re forced to make the tough choice of either staying with someone….who at the very least isn’t willing to treat u fairly…..doesn’t want to be there and has no problem with accepting the benefits without the accountability or violating the vows.

Often times, they will resent you for it. Will constantly cheat and treat you like dirt. Their self imposed misery will transfer onto you and you end up miserable as well.

Now you’re torn between obligation and ironically “happiness”….. by defacto, you become a hypocrite by wanting to give up.

As a man, you’re seen by society as a cuck or a beta simp…..

And added insult to injury….there is a legitimate case to made that there is something wrong with holding someone in a relationship that they don’t want to be in.

A double minded man in unstable in all his ways….

After being unstable for so long….I feel that im starting to lose it. I’ve already taken the low road insofar as having an affair myself in order to alleviate the pain associated with this…..as well as try to emotionally detach myself from my wife.

I know this is wrong on a certain level….but even if this “justification” is indeed just “an excuse “… i accept the badge of hypocrite without excuse nor apology.

Marriage just ain’t worth it and I’d like to seriously warn anyone considering it to think 2, 3, 4 times about it.

There is no honor is staying nor in leaving…..just pain and suffering.

To be clear, I’m not asking for sympathy nor feel that I deserve it….I’m just warning you

Puppy Kicker

So the wife has been much more open to talking and making plans for the future.   She has expressed that she wants things to work out with us.

I still don’t trust her.  My cousin summed up my trepidation by saying that it seems that she expects me to simply forgive her and that she didn’t even really show that she was sorry.   His words specifically, was that she didn’t even grovel and beg for forgiveness.

Yup,  as petty as it sounds, I think that is most of the issue.   She hasn’t shown me that she was really sorry.   I know people express things their regret differently, but the way she expressed it to me is no different from a person who isn’t sorry would.

I wanted her to voluntarily grant me access to her phone, send me articles or videos about how to heal and forgive, maybe get a counselor, or marriage counselor.    How about sex on demand for a  few months.   How about some head without asking.   Maybe writing a thoughtful letter or email…. something

As of now, all I get is the occasional, are u ok?   She wants things just to go back to normal.    But meanwhile, i did catch a glimpse of her phone one day and she’s still entertaining some guy.   When i called her out on it, she has the nerve to say….”oh that’s nothing.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe… for now anyway, just ride it out.   I mean even if I were single, I’d still have a LOT of responsibility in caring for our son.  meaning no time for a relationship anyway.   I’m not trying to fall in love with anyone.    At least i’d get to have my son under my same roof.

I don’t really love her anymore.  I read a verse in the book of ecclesasticus saying that if you don’t love your wife, don’t trust her.    I guess it implies that sometimes you are married to people you don’t love.    I don’t really trust her.  I know that I can’t.   But I wonder when the next dude comes along, how will I handle it.    I mean, I do know what i’m dealing with now, but at the same time, just as with the current guy, I can’t help but feel a little upset about it anyway.

She called me out the other day for not wearing my ring anymore.   I haven’t put it back on since the affair.   I tried once during her affair when i first thought it was over only to find out she was still seeing the asshole.   This was before the actual betrayal.

I personally think that she’s a psychopath.   She lacks empathy.    She’s codependent.   She’s sneaky and has no qualms about lying or cheating…..as long as she’s the one doing it.    There isn’t much depth to her emotionally and I really wonder if she actually thinks about anything.   I admire the fact that she definitely doesn’t overthink things and can shut her brain off.   But   I could see how it would be fairly easy for a manipulative person to take advantage of her.    Knowing what I know now, it’s not really hard to imagine that a person could get her to betray her family.

She might be a fun girl to have a good time with.   She’s not bad looking, but definitely not  wifey material.   At least to me anyway.   A wife for me, has to be trustworthy and loyal at least.   She should be empathetic….smart.

Beauty is wasted on a bad woman.  It’s like a streak dinner served on a garbage can lid.  Fortunately for her, a lot men don’t realize this and will do/say whatever to get sex and validation.   Thirst is the way of the world  it seems.

At this point, I’d be willing to take a bowl of chicken soup in a clean bowl over filet mignon served on a dirty plate.

A lot of guys say they don’t want a woman who is emotional.   I need a woman who can express her emotions and at be empathetic enough to understand that cheating breaks the person you’re with down.

Some people don’t kick puppies because they feel empathy for it.   Some people don’t because society frowns upon it.    If society thought it were ok, you’d a a lot more people out here playing kick puppy.    I desire someone in the former camp…..who wouldn’t do it, even if society thought it were ok.    (not saying she wants to kick a puppy, just an example of how she is ok with justifying bad things she feels she can get away with)

What I won’t do is go in on a mortgage with her.   If she wants me to stay, then fine, I’ll help with the bills.  But if things get too disrespectful, i just can’t take it anymore…..or if i do meet someone who does really love me like that (and the feeling is mutual), I need to have the financial freedom to bail to my own place with the minimal about of financial backlash.

It does eat at me to have to stay in this farce of a marriage though.  We play a good act.  I’m still convinced that he has no clue as to how serious things are.   Not a day goes by where I don’t regret falling for her and getting caught up in this situation with her.   But i guess that’s just life.

I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not doing this for her.  I”m doing it for our son.   Many people say that you shouldn’t stay married for the sake of the kids, but I wonder how many people do.  What secrets lie beneath that seemingly good 30 year marriage.   It’s not like our marriage is toxic on the surface.   Hopefully, I’m not subconsciously imparting negative behaviors into him.   Personally, I’ll tell him to never get married when he gets older.   Or rather at least try and vet the girl to the best of my ability.

Somebody pass the Henny.

 

 

 

 

Falling in love while married

It’s been said that love is one of the most powerful drugs known to man.    Many of us have been there.   Brighter days, exuberance, passion, spikes of creativity, and wanting to put our best foot forward.    The sex is nothing less than AMAZING.   We feel happy.   Fulfilled even.   The object of our affection is LOVE personified.   It’s like heaven on earth.  We’re more confident than usual.  Family, friends, and acquaintances may even say that we are ‘glowing’.

Beneath the surface, our brains are flooded with drugs such as oxytocin, dopamine, and vasopressin.   At the time, it feels that this love will last forever.  We couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.   We’ve found our ‘person’ and during this period which can commonly  last up to 3 years, we may get engaged/married, move in together,  have kids, and begin our lives together.

It’s a constant high.   The honeymoon phase of relationships bring out the best in us.   Unfortunately, it doesn’t last forever and as with all drugs, we eventually plateau off and begin to descend into a state of normalcy.   A new norm if you will.

Usually, the descent into normalcy isn’t abrupt.  We gradually sink into it.   That’s when we begin to notice things that annoy us about our partner.   While time and experiences have bonded us, we aren’t as “in love” with them.  The love is still there, just not as intense.  The new norm takes about 3 to 4 years after the honeymoon phase to reach a baseline and this is what many refer to as the 7  year itch.

As our partners grow familiar to us, we settle into a certain lifestyle and patterns.   We may take them for granted.   We put on a few pounds.   We become a little more selfish.  We begin to seek a sense of identity separate from our significant other/ family.   The sex starts to fall off a bit.  Instead of going at it like rabbits several times a day, we settle for once or twice a week.  The energy that carried us during the honeymoon phase diminishes ironically around the time our responsibilities increase due to kids, bills, and family life.

We know everything about that person.   Familiarity begins to breed contempt.   The relationship starts to feel more like an obligation than a vacation.   This is the time where marriage starts to take work.   Habits and rituals such as date night become very important.    A good sense of humor here can go a long ways.  It’s not easy, but this is where true love actually lives.

True love is a choice, where as being in love isn’t.   True love isn’t easy, being in love is.   True love almost always require sacrifice.   The sacrifices made for the sake of being in love doesn’t feel sacrificial.  If you’re reading this while in the throes of being in love, it may feel that this day will never come…and that’s natural.  Your love cycle isn’t really different (no matter how it seems at the time).    That day will come.    The best you can do at this time is prepare for the day by implementing positive habits and rituals now.

Unfortunately, most people don’t and when the time eventually rolls around, many people end up contentious and divorced.

One of the biggest mistakes people make during that time is taking on a lover or possibly falling in love with someone outside of the relationship.    If being in love while single is like cocaine, falling in love with someone else while married is like crack.  It is extremely sinister and is the cause of many broken homes.

Despite the intensity of having that “in love” feeling being gone, a solid spouse does fulfill many needs that we might take for granted over time.   They aren’t perfect, but due to it always being there, we often overlook or even minimize the contributions they make to our lives.   A new person may fulfill the desire for novelty in the bedroom or otherwise, but foolishly we can overlook what else they can bring to the table.

In their lustful desire for the new person, we can forget the importance of the family unit.   We magnify our spouses problems to justify being with this new person.   Just as we once did with our spouse, we are blind to this new person’s problems or issues (or either they seem cute or quirky).   The sex feels amazing.   The secrecy and novelty makes it seem even better.   We don’t feel as judged by that person ( knowing that we have a ‘safety net’ at home) so we feel more free to let our hair down so to speak.    We lust them more than our spouse.    We even bond over that fact that we’re doing something wrong together.   It feels so wrong, but good at the same time and those opposing dynamics spike an already intense honeymoon phase.

Normally, neither we, nor our lover can explain the intensity of our chemistry.  Those spikes of intensity can make us forget about the honeymoon phase we once had with our spouse.    They may be even more intense due to the situation.    Ignorant of the why, we’ll often chalk it up to finally finding our true soulmate.

We begin to justify our transgressions by exaggerating our spouses problems and downplaying their contributions.    Our brains may even rewrite history.    If our spouse begins to notice lies or subterfuge, they may begin to question us.   This causes even more issues and problems in the primary relationships.   Despite us being the cause of the problems, we’ll simply tell our lover that the marriage is having issues.   We begin to neglect our spouse, lie to them, and even gaslight them.   During this time of duress (probably brought on by us and our actions), they may begin to lash out at us.   Even more justification to continue seeing the lover.

This can happen to the most upright person if they allow themselves to fall in love while married.   While falling in love while single brings out the best in us, falling in love while married brings out the worst.   In order to continue to feel that feeling, we lie, gaslight, blame shift and effectively abuse a person we vowed to love forever.   We lie to ourselves and do things to others that we wouldn’t want done to us.

We somehow forget that we are effectively hurting our spouses and children by destroying their family unit.  It is no longer important enough for us to work at….even though we might “go through the motions” to justify why the marriage couldn’t be saved.  Many times while still seeing/communicating with our lovers.   We become extremely irrational and blind to the emotional abuse we’re causing our spouse.

The was a reason that many ancient civilizations punished marriage infidelity through shaming or even death.

The intensity of honeymoon phase love is truly a drug.   Even when exposed, many spouses still secretly try to see their lover.   If no contact with the lover can be enforced, many of the cheating spouses feel lethargic or depressed.   There have been many accounts where cheating spouses feel that they are addicted to their lovers and simply can’t let go despite knowing the damage they’re causing.    This is due to the chemical cocktail still in their brain.   Quitting during this phase is very much like the withdrawal process when trying to get off of an addictive drug.

This is not to say that the new relationship would have flourished though.   Many reports show that relationships that begin from infidelity often fizzle out and the fallout is much worse than a regular breakup due to the cheater finally realizing the cost of their actions (destroyed families, damaged children, abusive behavior,  etc) once it’s all said and done.

While there are exceptions to the rule, it rarely turns out that someone isn’t negatively affected by all this and it usually takes the form of psychological issues with the children.    It can take the jilted spouse years to get over this and depending on how old they were when it happens, many may never recover fully.

With divorce and infidelity on the rise, this is becoming a new norm.   Broken homes, child support, and spousal support are becoming common terms in today’s society.   Movies and television normalize this even further.   Many people are taking cues from the lives of dysfunctional celebrities and feel that it’s no so bad.

If you find yourself falling in love with someone while married and with kids, you should really consider what you’re doing to yourself.   You’re truly walking a very thin line and it will very likely result in extreme pain for your spouse and children.   This new person is NOT special.  Your love is NOT special.   It will likely end badly for everyone involved.   Nearly everyone thinks that it will work out in the end, but it rarely does.    In fact reports show that relationships that begin in this manner have a higher failure rate than average.    This is due in part to the fact that cheaters as by evidenced with their infidelity have poor boundaries and poor coping skills.   As it is often said, “If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.”

Despite feeling like it, you are not thinking clearly.   .   GetYou are a drug addict who justifies harmful or wrong actions in order to feel good help.   All relationships have issues.   These actions are causing you to become an effective psychopath who is unable to empathize with those you harm.   

It’s been said that the actions taking during war changes people.   These actions are changing you into a person who can hurt people in order to get your way.   The abuse of your spouse and death and destruction of your family unit at your hands is something that will either haunt you forever or allow you to be able to do it again.

On the flip side, if they can do it to someone as important as their family, they will also have the capability of doing it to you once the honeymoon phase subsides.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Same ish new day

The problem with cheaters and liars is that they don’t always lie to you.   In fact, I’d say that they probably speak mostly the truth about most things unless they are pathological.  But for the most part, they speak the truth except in cases where it really matters.

Being on the fence this long has gotten me to realize that I don’t really want things to work out with my wife anymore.   I’ve heard enough lies that I really can’t trust her.  I’ve watched enough videos online to know that cheaters will continue to lie, even though they promise you the truth.   And even in the face of evidence, they will justify, rationalize or outright deny unless you catch them in the act.   Even then, from what I’ve seen over and over it’s “wait….it’s not what it looks like.”

My lover is pulling away and I don’t know if it’s because she’s going through something, simply wants to distance herself, or has potentially found someone else.  I’m ok with it.  At least rationally as I really can’t see how our differences could keep us together for long.  There has to be much more to a relationship than great sex.   I’m hoping that my emotions won’t get the best of me.   We’ll see how it works out, but for now, I’ll fall back and let her reach out if she feels like it.

My therapist  says that kids tend to bounce back as long as the parents aren’t bitter.  I’m hoping that he’s right.   He asked if i had thought about what life would be like if we divorced.   I hadn’t, I just get to the point in my mind where i see the awful conversation and think about other things.   But now, I’m thinking, I’m going to have to rip the band-aid off as this thing could become a festering wound if i don’t take action.

The truth is that me and her are not good for each other.   While I hate to be just another divorce statistic, I really can’t trust her in fidelity.  This causes me to pull away from her.  I’m not in love with her, and this isn’t about happiness….it’s about being in a situation that’s beneficial for both of us.   She can’t be happy, even though from my eyes, she keeps shooting herself in the foot through the lies.

She’s really just like most of the women out here that men be complaining about.

She’s emotionally vapid and i’m too empathic.   This is a toxic combination where I end up worse off.    My pride and ego is obviously greater than my love for her and possibly the love i have for our family unit.

So at this point all talk of buying a house after this leasing term is up is out of the picture and I need to start figuring out where I’m going to stay.   Logistics on custody and after school care and finally how to actually get the divorce.

This does require that I face certain truths head on.  If I tell her my plan now, I have to accept the fact that she may double down on dealing with whomever it is that she’s entertaining now.   I have to accept the idea that she may and likely will begin to start lining up / more aggressively begin the campaign of getting with him.   Strangely enough, while I don’t really want her like that, i don’t want to be living with her while she dates another man.

He probably doesn’t care.  I’ve come to the conclusion that most men put thirst before honor.   A large number of men are simps and never consider that if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll probably cheat on you….or, they simply say that these women are for the streets and tell her whatever she wants to hear in order to get into her panties.   Not sure where he lies on that spectrum, but I suppose it really has nothing to do with me at this point.

Eventually though, I will move on and perhaps this short term disgrace will turn itself around when I finally regain my independence.

 

 

You are not you in an Affair

 

Men and women fall in love with married people every day.   They don’t care about how hurtful, disrespectful, damaging, nor immoral it is.   All they care about is getting that “hit” from the object of their affection.

Some even see it as a way to make them feel superior to the next man/woman.   “I’m a better man than him because I was able to pull you away” or “I’m a better woman because he wants to be with me more.”

People give all sorts of excuses.   The bottom line is that very few people feel the intensity of “honeymoon love” after a few years.   There is nothing like it.  It’s the most potent natural high you can get.    There is no comparison between the slow burn love of a long time married couple and the intensity of the hot bright love of honeymoon lust.

The thing is, you never know what comes on the other side of that honeymoon lust.   How many couples start off pledging and vowing to always be there for each other, and swearing that it’s the best sex ever, and unable to get enough of each other…..only to later hate each other as passionately as they once loved each other…..or regretting that they ever met that person.

It might develop into something more stable, but again, what happens once you have that family, children, and stable love… and then you fall for attention of that hot new chick in the office who’s been eying you.   Or that charming and mysterious guy who slides into your dm’s.

The honeymoon phase in that situation causes you to cherish the memories and hardships of your current love a little (sometimes a lot less).   Your brain looks for excuses to dislike your current partner.   The once little things that slightly annoyed you become huge problems for you.   Your libido may come back with a vengeance and you begin to think of the new person as you once thought of your current one.

The funny thing about the human mind is that it justifies whatever the hell it needs to in order to get what it wants.   So as you are in the throes of lust for the other person, you don’t think what you’re doing is wrong.   Or at least you justify it to the point where it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

You say things like.    “I deserve happiness.”   (really, at the expense of your family).   “The kids need should have two parents who love each other.” (you do love each other, you just want someone else).    or “I never really loved him/her like that.”  (really, would you have married him/her if you didn’t).      “The kids will be just fine.”  (previously, would you have ever risked putting your kids through that much damage without it being a life or death situation).

Falling love with someone else while married brings the absolute worst in human nature out of the cheating person.   They lie, cheat, gaslight, and blame the current partner for their indescretions.   They don’t care who they hurt and often play the victim in order to justify their immoral behavior.    They are disloyal, treacherous, and the sad part is that they still feel like a good person.

The feel that they were left with no choice.    Their spouse is “unsupportive” or “verbally abusive” in their eyes because of simple disagreements.   And their minds make them actually feel that way.

The cheater is like a drug addict at this point and nothing can make them change.   They become irrational.   They are not themselves.   Their sense of morality is warped.   They kind of know what they’re doing is wrong, but their brains won’t let them really see the truth because it would mean giving up the feeling that the drug (their partner) gives them.

Again, they will lie, gaslight (if they’re caught), blame shift…..even if they were previously a decent person.    Call them out on their behavior, give them examples, show them and they will NOT see it that way…..or they will not care and continue to do it anyways.

Show them this or any article and they will not even care or they really literally cannot see or feel remorse at the moment.  They may not admit it to you, possibly not even themselves.   The human mind is quite remarkable in it’s ability to subconsciously compartmentalize our own wrongdoings.

I’ve read many articles where the spouse says that a person in an affair isn’t the same person they married.   That once sweet, loyal, and moral person become cruel, wicked, and deceitful.  A person who could almost never lie becomes masterful at it.    Again, this is very similar to a person who is addicted to drugs.   People addicted to herioin/crack or any other powerful drug will do anything including steal from their loved ones, perform certain sexual acts,  possibly even kill in order to get their next hit.   They feel justified in doing certain things that their previous selves would have never done.

It’s only until they hit rock bottom will they begin to see the damage and destruction they’ve caused.    Even then, if they acknowledge it, there is no guarantee that they can or will get the help necessary to stop.

I’ve read many affair recovery stories where the person realized the damage they were doing, but felt compelled to continue with the affair partner in secret.   Breaking away to many of them felt some form of psychological rehab.

Seriously ask yourself, when has it ever been hard not to contact someone.    Do you think that it would be difficult not to talk to a good friend or family member for a year?  Sure you  might miss them, but it wouldn’t feel like torture not to hear from them.    Just saying.

I’m not sure why the bond between people enaged in affairs seem stronger than in a regular relationship.  Perhaps it is satan’s version of the true love that man and woman is supposed to have.   As with all things ‘evil’ things are great on he front end, but there’s hell to pay on the back end.

Here’s the funny thing, it’s been reported that if the marriage ends because of the affair.   The affair relationship very rarely lasts for too much longer after that.   No matter how intense it seemed to be in the beginning.    Of course there are exceptions to the rule.   But everyone thinks that they are the exception.

The bottom line is that people no longer respect marriage.   Many think it’s just a game.  They don’t care about the moral implications of breaking up a home and family. However, getting caught up with a married person is probably the most addictive and dangerous thing you can do.  It’s also selfish and immoral.   I mean seriously, just imagine if that married woman/man left their partner to be with you, only to secretly do it to you too.

It would hurt you more than you’d imagine.   Search for it on youtube.