Traveling Misfits

I’ve noticed that lately it seems that most black women I know have this fascination with traveling for some reason. I’m not sure where it comes from, but because I hear it so much, it’s now becoming a bit of a turn off. When pressed on WHY, they usually say something along the lines of the like ‘experiencing’ something new.

Like bih what???

Ok, there’s nothing per se wrong with experiencing new things. But exactly what are they ‘experiencing’. It doesn’t make much sense to me and I wonder if there is something more at play here. Say we go to Paris. You see the Eiffel Tower. Ok…. now what. You saw something that has been captured millions of times on videos, television, pictures from almost any angle imaginable. And it’s just a freaking tower. Not even that impressive if you ask me. On a side note, I think the Arches in St. Louis looks better as an architectual structure. I’d visit it if I happen to be there, but I’m not going out of my way to see it.

They usually want to go the same places…..Paris, Dubai, Greece, the Maldives, and Punta Cana. Maybe the carribean or something. I mean cool, but got damned, like what. Why are so many obsessed with seeing this shit. When at home, they usually don’t take in what their own city has to offer. And when there, they take the well worn paths of every other tourists.

You’d get more experience and culture by actually reading books imo. Watch a gotdamned documentary about these places and you’d probably get more information than actually going. It’s just weird that this idea of ‘experiencing’ something actually requires you to go there. It’s not even like they journal about it when they get there or return in order to remember it later on. At best, they might post a few pics online about it.

From my view, it just appears to be vanity and superficiality. I could be ok with that except the fact that they seem to look down on people who might not share that same passion for going. They act as if going these places somehow expand their views or open them up to new ‘ideas’ or something. These witches be the same person they were when they come back as they were before they left. Is it status symbol or something? Is it a way to low key brag that they can ‘afford’ it? Is it a way to make themselves feel superior? Maybe they actually feel more ‘cultured’. I don’t know, it just seems weird to me.

As I get older and think about how the typical modern day woman’s mind operate….i find my self more and more like ugh. I mean if it wasn’t for sex, I’d probably not really deal with too many of them unless we were related. To be fair though, I don’t deal with too many people like that either way. But this bougie, superficial, aggressive, shallow, disagreeable, uncooperative, selfish, virtue signaling, I don’t give a fuck, take me as I am, I’m always right, I don’t have to prove anything to you, diva like attitude that a great may of them exhibit is a complete turn off to me. I don’t even really consider this as masculine as even arrogant men tend to have some logical bases and principles that govern their behavior.

Most of these modern witches seem like robots……almost predictable to a certain degree. It’s like they’re the same person just in different bodies in different circumstances. I can see why men who are good with women tend to just want to fuck and keep it moving. I’m ok with them, but it’s a bit harder for me to just use them for sex as I tend to get attached … even if I don’t really care for the negative aspects of their personality. My weakness is that I like who likes me, so if shows me interest…..despite not really caring for the negavitiy, I might find myself liking and accepting that about them.

Ironically, many think that they are individuals. They say they like things like Travel and being foodies as if this is something that makes them unique. In my head when I hear these things, I’m thinking….yeah you and about 8 out of 10 of the rest of yall.

Bad women who think they’re good

It’s amazing how one person can have such an impact on another person’s mental health. STBXW is fucking crazy. The cognitive dissonance in her drives me up the wall and I can’t wait until this page of my life has turned over for good. This chick has the unmitigated audacity to go out and hire are ‘psychic’ in order to break the “spell” that she believes that her new boyfriend is under. Apparently, dude has stopped communicating with her as much and is choosing the mother of his kids over her. From what I gather, she’s worried about him and can’t believe that he’d start treating her that way. I was able to see some of the texts back and forth between them where he tells her to stop texting him so much. Like chick….isn’t this almost exactly what you did to me. Yet it seems that she isn’t adding 2 + 2 together and getting 4. I jokingly once told her that I thought her first affair partner put a voodoo spell on her because she started acting so differently. Dude was hatian and I meant it as a joke mostly. She got offended and told me it was “offensive” to the Hatian people for me to say such a thing. I even saw a text between them where he laughed about it.

It’s pretty sad and pathetic that she’s willing to not only cheat on her husband…again, but also play side chick …again to a guy who is living in the home with his kids and their mother. She’s willing to take my son out of my life (essentially playing russian roulette with his mental health by splitting up his nuclear family), but also willing to split up another household. Where might I add, this guy has daughters who need their father.

How crazy is she in the head? I mean people frown on stuff like that for a reason. Yet she has no problem with being the catalyst in all of this. Let’s say that even IF she is successful and they end up together. Look at how much pain and suffering from kids and betrayed others she caused for her own selfishness. How about the dishonorable way they got together. What if some chick did the same thing to her, should they get together…..and he leaves her for the other chick. In the case of both her and the guy, if they were to succeed, wouldn’t either question if they were capable of showing such disloyalty to their own families, that they weren’t trustworthy in that regard.

As mentioned, in previous posts, I’ve lost all respect for her. I used to want to sleep with her, but she’s disgusting to me. While somewhat appealing on the outside. She is rotten, stupid, evil, sinister, diabolical, and disloyal on the inside. I mean who separates their kid from their parent, break up other families, knowingly play a side chick role, and desperately begs a ‘taken’ man to be with her….especially when she’s already married. Meanwhile, she’s entertaining other men through text messages. Her simp ass ‘best friend’. Despite knowing all of this is still asking her to go on trips with him and despite her not showing much interest in him for now….and the fact that she not only chose Me over him….she also chose her ex (before me), last, and now her current boyfriend over him…. He’s constantly in her dm’s still pursuing her. He knows that the is a cheater. I just found out last week that she was still with her ex boyfriend /fiance when she got with me. I thought that they were done, but now I can see how she was probably blowing smoke up my ass when she said that. She essentially monkey branched to me. She tried to throw it in my face that they were still together when we got together. I had to remind her that she told me that they were not together anymore.

Say what you want about me snooping through her phone at times, I wouldn’t know that she was on the bullshit like that if I didn’t. I’m slowly saving my money up for a divorce attorney and hopefully will have enough by September. Though we have be talking about getting a mediator, I really don’t want her raising my son alone if she has such a loose set of morals. Who knows what sort of code she lives by. For now it seems that she is selfish AF. But the thing that really irks me is how she just walks around like she’s doing nothing wrong. Sure, I mean she does help split the bills and this go round, she hasn’t been texting directly in my face as she once did with her last ‘boyfriend’.

But i gotta get this woman out of my house. There is no peace. The thing irks me is that she walks around like she’s a ‘good person.’ Like she sees nothing wrong. Like sacrificing for your child is only ‘optional’. Then she had the nerve to tell me that she’s not happy in this relationship. What relationship? You mean the one that you burned to the ground and pissed on the ashes? She’s really got me twisted with her simp ass male friend who is desperate for her. I was only suggesting she stay in Atlanta so that I’m not too far away from our son when we split custody. I could NEVER take her back after all of that. The only reasons dudes might consider her is because of her ‘looks’, but IF they knew what I knew about her, they’d never give her a second thought insofar as getting serious about her.

Well I gotta take that back. Some dudes really are that desperate, thirsty, alone, and stupid. Plus, in reality, she’ll never admit to the things she’s done so they’ll be ignorant of her actions. It’s their problem, she’s getting older and maybe she’ll change.

I know it’s wrong to say, but I really wish that karma would come back at ruthlessly kick her right in the teeth. But do so in a way where she can 1)directly see how bad her actions were 2)learn her lesson 3)make her suffer in the way she has made me suffer for the past few years. Humiliate her and affect her mentally in a way that she can now SEE how her actions are that bad. It just seems unfair that she is walking around destroying so many people for her own selfish desires with no regard to how it affects anyone else. How can she not understand that her actions are just wrong. Can she really be telling her ‘friends’ the truth. Or are they also so caught up in darkness that they live in an entirely different world where this type of behavior is acceptable.

I have realized that I cannot judge all women based on my experience with this one. I need to move on. As simpish or bluepilled as it seems, it really do want a significant other, possibly a wife, and a family. I want start over and take the lessons I’ve learned and the mistakes I made and do better next time. I know that I have to be a great father to kiddo and I will be. His mother destroyed our home and unfortunately for him, that was beyond my control. Noone is perfect, I was a good husband, but I could have done things a bit better insofar as being a better leader and having a vision and direction….but I didn’t know that at the time. But I did treat her well and once I figured that out, I would have made adjustments as needed. But she destroyed the relationship completely through her betrayals, lies, unrepentance. I don’t and cannot respect her for how she moves now. I could never trust her as her moral code (or lack therof) is completely different than mine. She’s for the streets and she can’t see it despite her willful actions prove otherwise. I really can’t understand how she thinks she’s a good woman or would be to someone given how she is handling all of this.

I can’t help but wonder if she were the type of woman who really was supportive, really invested into our family, and unselfish…. if we would be better off as a family unit. Maybe if she actually communicated her needs, wasn’t so secretive and didn’t lie to herself so much, she could have given me that push that I needed to ‘step it up.’ , if not for me, but for our family. Perhaps I am not taking responsibility, but I do think that a good woman/wife has the power to inspire and push a man to be greater than he ever thought he could be. That is if the love is true. However, she can also destroy or cripple his potential if she is a bad or selfish woman.

I have to choose more wisely next time and take my time. I can’t solely go off the ‘in love’ feeling that either of may have for one another. Physical attraction cannot be the only metric to judge her by. I really need to see how she processes the world and not rely on her simply parroting back to me what I say. Chemistry is cool, but it can be fabricated and sometimes it is possible to ‘fall in love’ with a bad person…..as evidenced by how I fell for STBXW. There has to be more there. My biggest fear is finding a woman who has all of things I want, but she doesn’t want me back. I mean that’s how it seems to work anyway, so I’d probably have to end up settling in one way or another. As we all usually do in some ways. But the most important aspects must be there which include communication, honesty, chemistry, and shared values.

Divorce Discussion

STBXW came back for a while and we’ve been having on and off disucssions of what divorce looks like. As expected, it’s not easy for me. Her new plan is to move to N.Y. from Atlanta and she wants to take kiddo with her. Her idea is to allow me custody during spring, winter, and summer breaks while she has full custody over him during the school months.

This isn’t appealing to me at all. Originally, she had mentioned moving back down here. I would at least be within driving distance from him. Although she is originally from there, she has close family that also lives here. This includes her mother, a few cousins, aunts and uncles. Most of my family lives here so to me, it would seem that living here would be in his best interests. Him moving would mean that I would miss out on a lot of what he does.

It’s bad enough that she gets to cheat on me, betray me, disrespect me, leave our family, split our home, and not even give a chance to try and fix it. Now she wants to move our son 14 hours away (by car). She claims because she is making more money up there, but she can still make a decent living here. She would have no problem getting a pretty decent paying job here. She’d be closer to her mom. Moving to N.Y. is not an option for me due to the high cost of living, plus, my mother is getting older and I don’t like the idea of being so far away from her. Atlanta is a pretty good city overall compared to many others and there are opportunites here. It all just seems unfair and selfish on her behalf.

Then I think about how so many women complain that there are no “good men” out here. Black women especially complain that black men aren’t there for their kids. Or we don’t want to marry them. Or that we don’t treat them right. Or that we’re lazy and controlling. I’m none of those things and yet I lose my family in the most disrespectful of ways. It’s bad enough that she did it the way she did, but to add insult to terrible injury, she wants to just take my son out of my life. Bad enough that he can’t live under my roof full time, but even worse that she wants to move him so far away. We have a good relationship. My father and I had a terrible relationship and I always wanted to be better for my own son. So far, it’s good. But now, she wants to come between it for her own selfish reasons.

I really can’t believe how selfish this woman is. What’s worse, she walks around like she has the moral high ground. Saying things like we should co-parent responsibly. And that kids are adaptable. And that it will be ok. As if I should just be ok with her and all the bullshit she put me through. Like I’m the one tripping when she stabbed me in the back, twisted the knife, and now feels that she deserves some sort of fresh start. She even said that is pushing for this divorce so she will no longer feel guilty. As if destroying your home, cheating on your husband with a bunch of users and losers, disrespecting your kid’s father, and then taking his son away from him is somehow a thing that divorce that will take away her accountability.

She lacks morals and character….I’ve shown her videos of women doing similar things, and while she agrees with the commentary of people saying that these women are wrong…..she’s doing the very similar things and can’t seem to see it. It just sucks to know that you can walk into a situation with the best intentions…..act upon those intentions…..get fucked over and that person just gets away with it.

This is why I don’t do marriage nor put stock into what a woman tells me about relationships, how she would act, or how she feels about me at any given time. I never in a million years would have thought that she would be capable of such things. Let alone be unrepentant about it. She said all the right things in the beginning. She didn’t put on the persona of a hood rachet. She seemed to have a moral code. There weren’t red flags in the beginning. Even looking back, there were some things that my have be a lil sus….but not enough to think that she’d ever get to this level. I know that people change, but to me, certain morals and values….the things that define you as a good/bad person generally don’t unless under dire circumstances. Family values are important to me….especially within your own home.

But regardless of this….I can’t really be surprised given her previous betrayals. Though she claims that she’ll handle everything financially right now….should I decided to allow her to do this. (including paying for private school, transportation back and forth, and the financial logistics)…. There is no way that I can believe that she’ll keep good on her word. She unrepentantly and mostly unapologetically broke our vows just for her own pleasure. She has shown no empathy towards how this affects me and will ultimately affect our son. If I decide, it must be on paper and legitimized by some court official or something. I don’t trust her word one bit.

This is happening. I can’t bury my head in the sand. It sucks and it hurts. I wish that I never met her. She has caused me more pain and suffering than anything in my life. Yet, I have to deal with it as it was my choice to marry her. Though I feel like she destroyed this thing I cared so much for, I have to survive and move on. I don’t know how that looks though.

I’m trying my best to be cordial. Be understanding. And not give in to the pettiness of it all. I’ve tried to cope. So far, I’ve been doing pretty good. But I feel like a doormat where I’m doing all of the compromising after getting kicked in the face over and over again. If I were to become more toxic….I don’t see how that would help the situation for kiddo. What can I really do? Lawyer up and fight….an expensive endeavor that I can’t afford. Going into debt to fight this thing doesn’t seem to be beneficial either. I’d spend more time trying to get another job, trying to play single father, and I wouldn’t be able to be there for him anyway.

I could just let it happen. I mean there doesn’t seem any way of winning without taking heavy losses either way. Who knows, maybe things will turn out ok. Maybe my pride and fear is what’s making the future seem so terrible. It just sucks right now.