Men and women fall in love with married people every day. They don’t care about how hurtful, disrespectful, damaging, nor immoral it is. All they care about is getting that “hit” from the object of their affection.
Some even see it as a way to make them feel superior to the next man/woman. “I’m a better man than him because I was able to pull you away” or “I’m a better woman because he wants to be with me more.”
People give all sorts of excuses. The bottom line is that very few people feel the intensity of “honeymoon love” after a few years. There is nothing like it. It’s the most potent natural high you can get. There is no comparison between the slow burn love of a long time married couple and the intensity of the hot bright love of honeymoon lust.
The thing is, you never know what comes on the other side of that honeymoon lust. How many couples start off pledging and vowing to always be there for each other, and swearing that it’s the best sex ever, and unable to get enough of each other…..only to later hate each other as passionately as they once loved each other…..or regretting that they ever met that person.
It might develop into something more stable, but again, what happens once you have that family, children, and stable love… and then you fall for attention of that hot new chick in the office who’s been eying you. Or that charming and mysterious guy who slides into your dm’s.
The honeymoon phase in that situation causes you to cherish the memories and hardships of your current love a little (sometimes a lot less). Your brain looks for excuses to dislike your current partner. The once little things that slightly annoyed you become huge problems for you. Your libido may come back with a vengeance and you begin to think of the new person as you once thought of your current one.
The funny thing about the human mind is that it justifies whatever the hell it needs to in order to get what it wants. So as you are in the throes of lust for the other person, you don’t think what you’re doing is wrong. Or at least you justify it to the point where it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.
You say things like. “I deserve happiness.” (really, at the expense of your family). “The kids need should have two parents who love each other.” (you do love each other, you just want someone else). or “I never really loved him/her like that.” (really, would you have married him/her if you didn’t). “The kids will be just fine.” (previously, would you have ever risked putting your kids through that much damage without it being a life or death situation).
Falling love with someone else while married brings the absolute worst in human nature out of the cheating person. They lie, cheat, gaslight, and blame the current partner for their indescretions. They don’t care who they hurt and often play the victim in order to justify their immoral behavior. They are disloyal, treacherous, and the sad part is that they still feel like a good person.
The feel that they were left with no choice. Their spouse is “unsupportive” or “verbally abusive” in their eyes because of simple disagreements. And their minds make them actually feel that way.
The cheater is like a drug addict at this point and nothing can make them change. They become irrational. They are not themselves. Their sense of morality is warped. They kind of know what they’re doing is wrong, but their brains won’t let them really see the truth because it would mean giving up the feeling that the drug (their partner) gives them.
Again, they will lie, gaslight (if they’re caught), blame shift…..even if they were previously a decent person. Call them out on their behavior, give them examples, show them and they will NOT see it that way…..or they will not care and continue to do it anyways.
Show them this or any article and they will not even care or they really literally cannot see or feel remorse at the moment. They may not admit it to you, possibly not even themselves. The human mind is quite remarkable in it’s ability to subconsciously compartmentalize our own wrongdoings.
I’ve read many articles where the spouse says that a person in an affair isn’t the same person they married. That once sweet, loyal, and moral person become cruel, wicked, and deceitful. A person who could almost never lie becomes masterful at it. Again, this is very similar to a person who is addicted to drugs. People addicted to herioin/crack or any other powerful drug will do anything including steal from their loved ones, perform certain sexual acts, possibly even kill in order to get their next hit. They feel justified in doing certain things that their previous selves would have never done.
It’s only until they hit rock bottom will they begin to see the damage and destruction they’ve caused. Even then, if they acknowledge it, there is no guarantee that they can or will get the help necessary to stop.
I’ve read many affair recovery stories where the person realized the damage they were doing, but felt compelled to continue with the affair partner in secret. Breaking away to many of them felt some form of psychological rehab.
Seriously ask yourself, when has it ever been hard not to contact someone. Do you think that it would be difficult not to talk to a good friend or family member for a year? Sure you might miss them, but it wouldn’t feel like torture not to hear from them. Just saying.
I’m not sure why the bond between people enaged in affairs seem stronger than in a regular relationship. Perhaps it is satan’s version of the true love that man and woman is supposed to have. As with all things ‘evil’ things are great on he front end, but there’s hell to pay on the back end.
Here’s the funny thing, it’s been reported that if the marriage ends because of the affair. The affair relationship very rarely lasts for too much longer after that. No matter how intense it seemed to be in the beginning. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. But everyone thinks that they are the exception.
The bottom line is that people no longer respect marriage. Many think it’s just a game. They don’t care about the moral implications of breaking up a home and family. However, getting caught up with a married person is probably the most addictive and dangerous thing you can do. It’s also selfish and immoral. I mean seriously, just imagine if that married woman/man left their partner to be with you, only to secretly do it to you too.
It would hurt you more than you’d imagine. Search for it on youtube.