You are not you in an Affair


Men and women fall in love with married people every day.   They don’t care about how hurtful, disrespectful, damaging, nor immoral it is.   All they care about is getting that “hit” from the object of their affection.

Some even see it as a way to make them feel superior to the next man/woman.   “I’m a better man than him because I was able to pull you away” or “I’m a better woman because he wants to be with me more.”

People give all sorts of excuses.   The bottom line is that very few people feel the intensity of “honeymoon love” after a few years.   There is nothing like it.  It’s the most potent natural high you can get.    There is no comparison between the slow burn love of a long time married couple and the intensity of the hot bright love of honeymoon lust.

The thing is, you never know what comes on the other side of that honeymoon lust.   How many couples start off pledging and vowing to always be there for each other, and swearing that it’s the best sex ever, and unable to get enough of each other…..only to later hate each other as passionately as they once loved each other…..or regretting that they ever met that person.

It might develop into something more stable, but again, what happens once you have that family, children, and stable love… and then you fall for attention of that hot new chick in the office who’s been eying you.   Or that charming and mysterious guy who slides into your dm’s.

The honeymoon phase in that situation causes you to cherish the memories and hardships of your current love a little (sometimes a lot less).   Your brain looks for excuses to dislike your current partner.   The once little things that slightly annoyed you become huge problems for you.   Your libido may come back with a vengeance and you begin to think of the new person as you once thought of your current one.

The funny thing about the human mind is that it justifies whatever the hell it needs to in order to get what it wants.   So as you are in the throes of lust for the other person, you don’t think what you’re doing is wrong.   Or at least you justify it to the point where it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

You say things like.    “I deserve happiness.”   (really, at the expense of your family).   “The kids need should have two parents who love each other.” (you do love each other, you just want someone else).    or “I never really loved him/her like that.”  (really, would you have married him/her if you didn’t).      “The kids will be just fine.”  (previously, would you have ever risked putting your kids through that much damage without it being a life or death situation).

Falling love with someone else while married brings the absolute worst in human nature out of the cheating person.   They lie, cheat, gaslight, and blame the current partner for their indescretions.   They don’t care who they hurt and often play the victim in order to justify their immoral behavior.    They are disloyal, treacherous, and the sad part is that they still feel like a good person.

The feel that they were left with no choice.    Their spouse is “unsupportive” or “verbally abusive” in their eyes because of simple disagreements.   And their minds make them actually feel that way.

The cheater is like a drug addict at this point and nothing can make them change.   They become irrational.   They are not themselves.   Their sense of morality is warped.   They kind of know what they’re doing is wrong, but their brains won’t let them really see the truth because it would mean giving up the feeling that the drug (their partner) gives them.

Again, they will lie, gaslight (if they’re caught), blame shift…..even if they were previously a decent person.    Call them out on their behavior, give them examples, show them and they will NOT see it that way…..or they will not care and continue to do it anyways.

Show them this or any article and they will not even care or they really literally cannot see or feel remorse at the moment.  They may not admit it to you, possibly not even themselves.   The human mind is quite remarkable in it’s ability to subconsciously compartmentalize our own wrongdoings.

I’ve read many articles where the spouse says that a person in an affair isn’t the same person they married.   That once sweet, loyal, and moral person become cruel, wicked, and deceitful.  A person who could almost never lie becomes masterful at it.    Again, this is very similar to a person who is addicted to drugs.   People addicted to herioin/crack or any other powerful drug will do anything including steal from their loved ones, perform certain sexual acts,  possibly even kill in order to get their next hit.   They feel justified in doing certain things that their previous selves would have never done.

It’s only until they hit rock bottom will they begin to see the damage and destruction they’ve caused.    Even then, if they acknowledge it, there is no guarantee that they can or will get the help necessary to stop.

I’ve read many affair recovery stories where the person realized the damage they were doing, but felt compelled to continue with the affair partner in secret.   Breaking away to many of them felt some form of psychological rehab.

Seriously ask yourself, when has it ever been hard not to contact someone.    Do you think that it would be difficult not to talk to a good friend or family member for a year?  Sure you  might miss them, but it wouldn’t feel like torture not to hear from them.    Just saying.

I’m not sure why the bond between people enaged in affairs seem stronger than in a regular relationship.  Perhaps it is satan’s version of the true love that man and woman is supposed to have.   As with all things ‘evil’ things are great on he front end, but there’s hell to pay on the back end.

Here’s the funny thing, it’s been reported that if the marriage ends because of the affair.   The affair relationship very rarely lasts for too much longer after that.   No matter how intense it seemed to be in the beginning.    Of course there are exceptions to the rule.   But everyone thinks that they are the exception.

The bottom line is that people no longer respect marriage.   Many think it’s just a game.  They don’t care about the moral implications of breaking up a home and family. However, getting caught up with a married person is probably the most addictive and dangerous thing you can do.  It’s also selfish and immoral.   I mean seriously, just imagine if that married woman/man left their partner to be with you, only to secretly do it to you too.

It would hurt you more than you’d imagine.   Search for it on youtube.









Positive Expectation

Next to self amusement, (basically the ability to make yourself laugh and have fun without the validation of others) is another powerful concept that the PUAs like to call positive expectation.

The simple explanation is that you get what you expect out of any given situation at any given moment.    If you expect things to go well, then they will and if you expect weirdness and awkwardness, then there you have it.

Expectation works on a meta/subconscious level at times and it really ties into to how you feel.    It’s almost as if manifest the conditions to confirm your feelings.

The key here is focusing more on WHAT YOU WANT as opposed to focusing on WHAT YOU DON’T WANT.


Fear what?

Lately, with no modafinil, and very little alcohol in my system, I’ve been noticing that the former fears / problems of my youth seem to slightly creeping up again.    Social anxiety is what they call it even though, I don’t really like to call it that.

It’s strange.  I don’t really feel a fear of people, i don’t think i really care about being judged negatively by others, and I don’t really feel afraid on the inside.   I just noticed that I feel a bit, self conscious.    Now, come to think of it, I did relapse on the no fap commitment over the weekend.    Confirmation that it really does work.    I have been doing it for so long, that I got used to that area of confidence in my life.

That said, I do feel a bit of anxiety about not being able to “think on my toes” as quickly as I’d like to.    This has nothing to do with nofap.   No fap doesn’t seem to make me more sociable, funnier, clever, or more witty, but  I at least I seem to feel more ok about the lack of that ability.

I saw two woman today and didn’t talk /flirt with them.   Of course, I rarely do anyway, but still, today it felt a bit weird because deep down I felt that I should have said ….something flirtatious.

Maybe i just don’t know how.   My conversations seem to be either dry, matter of fact, simply small talk or deep political/philosophical/religous discussions.    I can usually get by on those on a day to day basis with most people in my life as the time of my interactions with them are usually very limited.

But i do wish that I had the lowered inhibitions that alcohol seem to offer.   Oddly enough when on modafinil, I can talk all day and am not necessarily funny or witty, so it seems to mask the lack of lively conversation.

I have to admit that I am a bit jealous of people who have/ can flip those conversations into something clever or witty.    I don’t have to have Mark Twain one liners ready all the time, but at least some of the damn time.   I don’t know if most people have this ability or maybe it’s just that my mind only focuses/remembers those who do.    I don’t really watch interactions that most people have with others (outside tv or the internet) so i can really say if I’m just average/normal in that regard or not.

I assume they have witty/clever things to say or have “personality” with most people they interact with.

The thing is I don’t know how to do this.    It’s been 40 years on this earth you’d think I’d have this figured out by now.   I mean, how can i lower my inhibitions and self consciousness so that I can just flow freely.    I don’t really ‘know’ my own personality.

From what I’ve gathered, it seems just spontaneous.  Almost automatic.   Like walking/running/putting on a shirt or what have you.  You don’t think about it, you just do it.    People just don’t concentrate on “say this” or “I should say that”…’s like, they just say it.

They say to try not to be in your head.   And i don’t.   I don’t have anything to be nervous or anxious about, my mind is blank.   And i do beleive that for the most part, most people’s are.    But it’s as if a spark or something hits them and boom.   Full expression of their personality and if they’re good, it’s funny clever and appropriate.   When i try to do this, I end up saying something stupid or lame.   No….not even like u can play it off…..just stupid and lame.

I saw a neighbor in the store the other day:

Me:    Aye what up bruh

He:     Hey man, I almost didn’t recognize you.   What u been up to?

Me:   Man just trying to get away from all these folks in the quarantine (as i’m walking into the grocery store)….looking all scruffy becuz i can’t hit the barber shops.

He:   Yeah it’s crazy.

Me:   Yeah man, take it easy bruh.

It really didn’t bother me and outside of being kind of a stupid thing to say at the time, as I was actually going somewhere where people were, i dismissed it as acceptable (barely).    At the time it felt awkward and forced, but in retrospect, it was probably not so bad and i know that he probably never gave the conversation a second thought.

I met this girl today at the rim shop where I went to get my tires fixed.  Yeah, she worked there and was probably being a little more flirty to try and make a sale.   Ok, not flirty, but i felt that she was feeling me a bit.  It’s hard to explain.  You just know.   Either way, in my mind, I wanted to say something funny to make her laugh and …. NOTHING.   I had nothing.   I didn’t make it weird or anything, I just kept it surface level, business as usual.

This is the crux of the problem.    Having nothing to say, I say nothing.   I could force it and regret saying something stupid.   I could have asked about her job or something.  Driving lyft has helped be be better at asking questions (it’s been a while, so maybe i’m a little rusty?).    Either way, i wasn’t really trying to go for friendly, but rather funny.

Pickup teaches that self-amusement is the key to all this.   The ability to entertain yourself and feel good about it at the same time is a primary takeaway that the best pickup artists i’ve heard speak on.

Self amusement seems to go out of the window at times though….especially if i’m stuck in the every day grind of life.  Truth be told, i often forget to just have fun throughout the day and im instead passively listening to youtube videos while doing my work all day.

Maybe i gotta work on that.