Yeah, it hurts like you’d think it would

We finally got around to telling kiddo about me leaving and it hurt him so much.  I held it together for the most part and was supportive.   That hurt though.  Seeing him in so much emotional pain was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced.   He ended up getting sick.  Maybe food poisioning or something, but he’s been vomiting all night.   I felt so sorry for him.

There’s also this anger I have for the wife.   How could she be so selfish.   How could she allow her feelings for another man destroy our family.  She might claim it isn’t about him, but yet I can pretty much guarantee he’s the reason she took so long to go to the store and bring him back some supplies to feel better.  Perhaps it’s speculation, but still, putting another man first, just as she did with her first affair partner makes me believe it took her over an hour just to get to a store less than 5 minutes away, get some soup, crackers, and ginger ale because she called him for ‘support’.

I know I gotta let it go.   But it’s so damn hard to know that his interference caused her to be so cold towards me.   I know that this isn’t a good woman for me.  Her loyalty follows her attraction which follows her connection.   She doesn’t express herself very well and unless you’re a mind reader, she gets to a point where she won’t say anything to you.  She’ll go outside and nobody listens better to your problems than a thirsty ninja.   He’ll say anything and I mean anything (except the truth) to get in.

If my family wasn’t affected, I wouldn’t mind so much.  It is what it is.  I mean it still is, but it’s hard not to be resentful when our son hurts so much behind her lack of loyalty.   Not a good day.   Her lack of ‘happiness’, though she claims isn’t about him, imho has everything to do with it.  If she feels that he’ll ‘complete’ her more, then, that’s a real problem.   She isn’t really one to be trusted and even though because she’ll probably start off “happy” with the asshole, sooner or later, just as with us, she’ll grow bored, and want to find that new source of ‘excitement’.

My biggest problem is that instead of trying to fix things, when she figured out she was ‘unhappy’,  she went nuclear, and decided to have an affair.  That further broke things down, and now she’s clinging to the ‘bff’ as if he’s now her savior.   I know I shouldn’t blame the men as it’s not really on them so much.  But still, getting involved with a married woman with a child is a douche move.  Dude you’re helping (regardless of whether you want to admit it) destroy a family.

You won’t be there to wipe the kids tears.  You won’t be there to witness the emotional pain of the one you love the most and be pretty much helpless to do anything about it.    If “falling in love” makes people this cold, selfish, and careless, miss me with it.   This is truly a form of madness.    I know we’ll eventually get through this, it’s just so hard right now.

Now i’m facing the prospect of her bringing him around and having to keep her little secret.  I’m sure she’ll act as if it “suddenly happened”.  That he just came out of the blue to support her while she was down.   As she’s doing now.   Not taking any responsibility for any of this so she can ‘look’ good.   Meanwhile, I miss the access of having my son living under my roof.   The madness comes in in that in her mind, it really happened that way.   I’m sure he’s lying to himself as well thinking, that he was just ‘supporting a friend.’

It’s hard not to think that all women are like this, but looking at the forums where women say they are ‘unhappy’ even though they should be, there always seems to be someone ‘waiting in the wings’.   They’ve either already started an emotional affair or are already engaged in a physical one.    Seriously, I can think of no reason why she was so ‘unhappy’ living in a safe neighborhood, us both working good jobs, having a loving and supportive husband who pays half the bills, does the majority of housework and giving her freedom to do almost anything she wants.    Her lack of happiness, imho comes from the fact that she’s ‘in love’ with someone else.   To that I say that being “in love” is overrated.   How else could you explain not wanting to at least try to work on things so that our son could potentially not have to experience this.

I don’t think she could admit it to herself, let alone to me.  It sucks and we just have to deal with it.   I can take rejection, but when you hurt my kid, and reject our family, it’s hard not to take it personally.   Honestly, we’ve had heart to heart conversations about things like this and so I expected more.   We both acknowledged that ‘forever’ is along time and that if we found ourselves in a situation like this, we’d not do each other like that.  Now it’s like, personal happiness takes priority over everything.

Well we just gotta keep marching.

 

 

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Sometimes the best thing isn’t the Right thing

Sometimes you just gotta eat a shit sandwich and enjoy it.   My wife wants a divorce and is in a full on emotional affair (flirty texts and all) with her so called male bff.   Neither see anything wrong with this since she’s “unhappy” here.   She sees it as a means to vent, he sees it as “supporting a friend.”

I never really liked him because I thought he might have a flame for her and apparently, she has one for him.   I can’t deny the chemistry.   We had it once and I wonder if it went out because we actually lived together and went through real life together.  I mean things aren’t as fun and easy when you go through things and live with each other for a long time.  I told her same thing about her 1st affair partner.    Either way, she’s back in that phase where I can’t tell her anything.

That said, their relationship it totally inappropriate and disrespectful to me.   I ask her not to text him around me since i saw the nature of their texts.  Not my proudest moment, but i grabbed her phone and ran through the texts to see exactly what they were talking about.   She keeps it locked, but is on it all the time, just like when she had her affair.   I told her it’s disrespectful to me to text like that in front of me and our son, especially when we’re all together as a family.   She swears she isn’t talking to him, but of course she had lied about things like that during the 1st affair so I don’t believe her.  Plus the timestamps when i looked proved that it was occasionally a lie.  Now even though I don’t think she’s ALWAYS texting him, I know she does sometimes when I’m around and so whenever she’s on the phone (which is ALWAYS…no seriously….ALWAYS), I’m on edge since she hides the screen.

Anyway, I have a sharp tongue when we’re not around kiddo.  I’m usually pretty cool, but one thing I don’t tolerate very well is intentional disrespect.   Especially when you know what you’re doing is wrong.   She may not be “happy”, but still we have a kid and need to co parent.  If her loser bff really wants to be with her, why couldn’t he just wait until we’ve figured things out before moving in.   It pisses me off because he saw we were more vulnerable than ever after her affair, and then decided to suddenly swoop in and “comfort” her.  No mind that she IMHO caused the huge rift between us.   If she was so unhappy, she could have told me before the affair.   Now that we’re on the rocks, he’ll say things like “she should try to work things out”, while at the same time flirt with her….plan trips, and say if she isn’t happy than she should leave because “life is too short”.

Whenever I think about hurting our son, it pisses me off and it’s hard to just hold it in.  That douche won’t be there when we drop the bomb on him.  He says stupid things like kids are resilient.   Now she’s repeating that dumb ish.   He’s assisting with me losing  access to my son so I feel a certain type of way.

I feel abandoned by her and she uses him as a distraction to avoid the pain (and real conversation) of losing our home.  I mean seriously, how could she be so “miserable”, but she’s always walking around laughing as if nothing is happening.   Whenever she’s in love (in infatuation) she acts stupid and disregards any and everything else but her new “love” interest.  I get how guys can fall for the attention.  Hell, I married her due to it.   Either way, it’s a trap and I don’t think I’ll ever look at “being in love” the same again.

Here is what I’ve learned.  My reactions only drive her to be angry and spiteful.   I feel disrespected and she knows it.  She justifies it by saying that we’re basically done anyway so she should be free to do whatever she wants.  In fact, she’s doing me a ‘favor’ by doing it behind my back instead of “in front of me.”

This is why i have to eat the shitty butter sandwich and just deal with it.  It still hurts and I don’t know why.  I mean I live in the same house, we’re still married, we have a kid.  In my mind, the primary goal of marriage isn’t about our personal happiness and that’s where we seem to disagree.   If the only reason she wants to break up a home is to find happiness (presumably with someone else) it’s selfish to the kids and the person she made vows with.  Of course she claims it isn’t about someone else, but it’s hard to believe her because she’s hell bent on keeping that emotional affair (aka friendship) healthy at all costs.  Including discord, hurt, and confusion in the house.  I call it cognitive dissonance.   But maybe I’m wrong about everything.

I have to swallow my pride in order to keep things cordial.  This is hard.  Again, it’s disrespectful and where I’m from and in my culture, you don’t let people disrespect you.   You “handle” (fight) it or walk away.  I can’t “handle it”without making things worse for my son.  Disrespect comes when you’ve tried to be peaceful and logical.  I’ve told her calmly (many times), given her scripture, given her articles, read articles, given analogies, showed videos….and while she claims to get it, she won’t do anything about it.   It’s disrespectful at this point.  Hell, I’ve even ‘talked’ to him and though he agrees that she’s being disrespectful, and “realizes”  how i see his role could be seen as disrespectful, he maintains that they’re only “friends.”  Plus he keeps up the communication anyway.  More disrespect.

If i fight him, I’ll probably go to jail.  I can’t fight her.  But i can’t just walk away without causing emotional trauma to my son.   If i argue, she gets vindictive and this could easily devolve into a game of tit for tat.   If i sulk about it, she acts like she’s doing nothing wrong and calls me ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’.

My final shitty option is to move out which causes a massive financial and logistical strain.  She wants 7 days on 7 days off, but how is that helping our kid.  He needs somewhat of a stable home environment, plus he’s in school in a pretty expensive school district.  Her long work hows ensure that I gotta pick him after school for a few hours until she gets off.   So even if i were to pay more for a 2 bedroom apt in this district, i’d still have to pick him up on her working days.  I don’t mind this, but it further proves my point that this is more about fuckboy than anything.   More shit sandwiches, I guess kiddo can have them too.   Her thing is that she wants full custody and threatens that if I don’t comply.   Of course, we’ll have to fight it out in court with money we don’t have for lawyers.   Another shit sandwich please.

Meanwhile, it seems to me that her main concern is to spend more time with the douche while saving face (I mean doing ‘us’ a favor) by not bringing him around our son.  Hence the 7 days on 7 days off proposal.    Ok, can I call her bitch yet?

At this point, I’d probably just settle for some ketchup on the shit sandwiches.  Maybe I should just fold.  Well figure out how to fold anyway.  Perhaps the biggest shit sandwich I have to eat through, is my pride.  She painted me into a corner and I don’t have any moves.   I should just take this L and do whatever I gotta do for our son.

Sucks being a man sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness

For some people, it’s really hard to forgive others when they feel that they got screwed over.  I’ve always been pretty easy going about that.  Nothing really mattered that much so it was mostly pretty easy to just let things go.   Being screwed out of something as valuable as my family home is a pretty big freaking deal for me and it’s hard to just forgive.   It’s really the fact that our kid is going to be hurt over this.

I always thought that marriage was forever, but I feel totally screwed that someone else was able to move in (under the guise of being a ‘friend’) while we were having issues and convince her that she’s better off without us.   What a sleazeball.  While he might have feelings for her, it’s a dick move imho.   I could accept the fact, but he really doesn’t give a shit about how much pain he’s causing our family unit.   When you hurt my kid, I take it personally.

Though my wife is just as much to blame, if not more, this asshole uses ‘friendship’ as trojan horse and took advantage.   Now they want to sit on their high horse and say I gotta forgive them.   They expect me to keep their little “secret” from my son (so he won’t lose respect for his mother)….and i agree it might be in his best interest….eat this shit sandwich and just be cool with everything.  They expect me to just be ok with allowing my son to be around this douche who helped cause this pain as if it didn’t happen.

If she had left on her own accord, then that’s one thing.  If she had actually tried saving our family because the distraction wasn’t in the way and it didn’t work out, I could accept it better.   But instead, this manipulative ass decides that he wants her, saw an advantage and took it.   The tears, hurt and pain on my son, just collateral damage.

Her acting like this makes me realize that she isn’t right for me anyway.   I just wish I could walk away.   But for my son’s sake, I can’t.  I’m stuck with knowing that the home I wanted to give him was taken by a pathetic loser….and that pathetic loser is a human being who does shitty things …. sometimes…. as we all do.

In the end, she gets off scott free, looking like the hero who liberated her life all because she ran from her problems, had an affair, and somehow deserves the happily ever ending story.    Meanwhile, I’m humiliated, I lose the thing I loved the most, and even worse, the only lesson i get to learn is how to forgive people for screwing me over…and she wants our son to accept him in her life.

What does she expect, us to be some happily ever after friends bullshit.  Do I have to love her unconditionally even though she had no problems with destroying me the way she did it.   I guess I have no choice.   Ain’t that bitch.

What’s even worse is that i seriously doubt she’ll ever look at what she did and put me through as nothing more than a “oops” moment.

This is what you get for loving, trusting, and marrying someone.

It wasn’t worth it.

SMV inflation, the new economy

I came across a video this weekend where a MGTOW guy was explaining how the sexual market place is so skewed now that it’s impossible for most people to have functional relationships.   In a nutshell, it’s our faults as men.   Our thirst and desire to say and do anything for sex has led women to overestimate their ‘value’ on a 1 to 10 scale.

SMV is a pickup term that means sexual market value.   In other words, where do you rank on a 1 to 10 scale.   I personally give myself a 7 or possible 8.   I’d go as low as a possible 6 to account for personal bias.  I’ve been told that I’m handsome and funny more than a few times.  I have a decent career.  I make pretty ok money on my side job.   I believe I’m pretty smart.  I’m not too socially awkward.  I work out 3 to 4 times a week so my body is in pretty good shape.  I look young for my age.   I’ve also been ‘thanked’ a few times for having a good conversation with people.   (weird, but I drive lyft on the side and it works wonders to help with conversational skills).  I’m a pretty decent human and considerate to my SO.

That said, I’m not a 10.  My confidence isn’t self delusional.   I do feel nervous at times.  I’m not wealthy.   I pay my bills and have enough left over to do some things. I’m not short, but I’m not quite 6 feet.    I’m not the most charming or funniest person in the room, but I’m ok with that.  I’m never the most awkward either.  I’d say that a 7 is about right for me.   Personally, I’d feel that I’d go for a 6,7, or 8 female.  I don’t even want a 9 or 10.

The problem I think is that most women believe they are 8’s or 9’s.  Increasingly more will claim that dime status.   This is where we as men have created this ugly frankenstein monster called the modern western woman.

Our thirst for sex causes us to say and do anything for it.   We will lie and tell average women how beautiful they are in order to get laid.   We will tell them how wonderful and awesome their personalities even though many are boring as shit.  Not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, but we lie in order to get in her good graces.   We won’t call them out for their bullshit because we fear that they won’t sleep with us if we do.   We put up with their bullshit because we fear that they won’t sleep with us if don’t.

Our own lack of self control and discipline when it comes to who we’ll sleep with got us here.   We can easily compartmentalize sex and have it without getting emotionally attached, but that’s why need to have more self control.   Our smv scale for them is skewed because physical beauty seems to be the main prerequisite.   Their view of themselves are skewed because they believe the lies we tell.

We don’t hold them accountable for being selfish or vain.   They are generally way more emotional and we don’t hold them to task for being ‘bitchy’.  In fact, we are ‘wrong’ if we call them ‘bitches’ even if they are acting like one.   We will sleep with the most evil, vain, arrogant, stupid woman as long as she gives up the goods.   She doesn’t even have to be all that good looking.

In general, a man that’s a 9 or 10 will have no problems sleeping with a woman that’s a 5 or 6 and for him, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.   They will still fall for it and swear that the lust is love.

Women on the other hand will typically not go for a guy that’s below their level.   The problem is that their level is usually over inflated by the ‘options’ she has.   Not only will guys on her level want her, but guys above her will give her the time of day sexually.

It would be easier for a woman that’s a 7 to get laid by a 9 or 10 than a man that’s ranked equally.   Life has taught most of us men, that we must be aware of what our number is and choose accordingly.   Because it’s easier for a woman to get laid by that 9 or 10, she will often feel like she’s settling for her 7 (even though she is ranked the same).

Of course this scale is somewhat subjective, but there is a lot of evidence in for this theory.

It’s been said that 80% of women go for 10% of the men.   While roughly 60% of men go for 40% of women.   In other words if you put 100 men and 100 women in a room, 80 of the women will only be interested in the same 10 men.   60 of the men will go for the same 40 women.

A man could be an 8, but statistically, a 6 woman won’t even give him the time of day holding out for that 10.   Keep in mind that she’s competing with women that are 9’s and 10’s.   She’d rather be a top 10% man’s side chick than settle for a top 20% man’s love….. herself being a 60% woman.

In the real world, the 9 and 10 men are usually the players.  They have the most swag, sex appeal, and sometimes money.   They will actually settle for a 6 or 7 because they know they can get away with stuff and she’ll deal with it because she will swear she’s in ‘love’.   I’ve learned that while most women will say that they just want a guy who’ll treat them right, they will compromise that as long he’s rich, attractive, and can make her feel a certain way…. (horny).

Meanwhile, Mr. 7 better bring his A game every time and bend over backwards to ensure she’s ‘happy.’  His margin of error is slim to nil and even if he is able to walk the tightrope, juggling knives while walking backwards, he better make sure to throw a spinning hop in there every now and to make sure she doesn’t get bored.  It doesn’t matter how much he listens, love her, or is considerate, as long as Mr. 9 or 10 might give her a chance to ‘win him and change his ways’,  Ms 7 feels like she’s ‘settling’ for Mr. 7.

The worst part is that Ms. 7 doesn’t necessarily bring anything more to the table than Mr. 7.  In fact, I’d go so far to say that it’s often times less.

The only way to short circuit this it seems to game her or be emotionally manipulative.  The narcissist excels in this arena.

You can sometimes pretend to be a 9% or 10% by selling her a dream and essentially lie to her.   It does appear that the delusions of grandeur of the ‘overconfident’ man seems to work as I know guys who don’t have anything going for themselves can trick women (usually 7’s or 8’s) into giving them everything.   The key is once you have her, you have to start with the narcissistic games.

Narcs have figured out how to pad their number and keep women hooked using manipulative tactics.   These guys usually wreak emotional havoc on females, sometimes give them bastard kids, and make them end up mistrusting men in general.   The women then becomes ‘damaged’ goods and make it absolute hell on the the average/slightly above average guy to get through.   Even if they do manage to get out, their resolve not to ‘settle’ becomes even sharper.   While they may appreciate the 7 , they are more resolute get the man they ‘deserve.’   What they don’t understand is that because of the kid(s) and the emotional issues, they are really no longer 7 themselves and the only thing that makes them a 7 is their looks (if they were able to maintain them).

Welcome to America gentlemen.  The place where the average woman believes she’s a beautiful princess and entitled to a wealthy prince.    The land where lust is love.   Where the heart is fueled by lust (of the flesh, the eyes, and the gut).   And everyone is encouraged to chase this heart regardless of where it leads you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is love stronger than pride?

The way our relationship has devolved has made me realize that my estranged wife was probably never really my friend.   It’s really amazing how people can stay in your life for so long, experience so much with you, and in the end, discard you as if you are a complete stranger.  It’s as if since she’s no longer romantically interested in me, I have zero value to her.  Not even potential value.  I’d go so far to say that she’d treat a stranger with more kindness and respect at this point.

She cheated, broke our vows, betrayed me (see blog post on betrayal), and ultimately screwed me over.   Perhaps, still wanting to see some good in her, I somehow thought that she truly meant it when she says that she “loves”, but isn’t “in love” with me.   Her actions show that she not only isn’t “in love” with me, but she hates me.   Again, she betrayed me.  Shouldn’t I be the one who hates her?  Sure I talk my shit, but it’s mostly because she’s unapologetically disrespectful.   She knows it.  At least i told her and she agreed as if she understands.

This revelation explains a lot and the more I see the new (or possibly old) her, the less I like her has a person overall.   It’s a really shitty thing to betray someone in marriage, even more so to throw away a friendship.  Even more so, because we have to co parent.   I really don’t recognize her anymore.   It’s scary how someone who seemed so authentic, sweet, and real (not perfect for sure) can 180 on you and flip the script to such an extreme, so quickly.

The confusion lies in whether or not she knows what she’s doing.   I mean, she seems there, but isn’t.  Something isn’t right with her eyes.   It’s almost like something has taken over her spirit.   I know it sounds like woo woo or whatever, but it would appear that her affair has caused some demon or something to take her over.   Maybe, I’m tripping because she’s doing stuff to me, but as along as I’ve known her, she never treated anyone with disdain and disregard.  She’s never been a part of the ‘bad girls’ club as far as I could tell.   Her family and friends (as far as I know) would all describe her as a good, sweet girl.

I try to give her advice as I always have, from an older brother or real friend perspective (including on how lying to her “friend” about our relationship) isn’t a solid foundation to start a relationship on.   I always have kept it 100 with her.

If he’s supposedly her bff and (possibly soulmate?), wouldn’t “being real”, no matter how ugly the truth is, be a solid foundation to build on?  How do she really expect a relationship built on lies and deceit (between each other) to possibly last?   What makes her addiction to speaking him regularly any different from her last affair where she finally admitted that speaking to the old affair was like an addiction?  Wouldn’t he respect her more if she admitted that she liked him, but needed time to tie up loose ends at home, and possibly date before getting with him on a serious tip?  Why lie and keep up the communication with him knowing that she is in total violation of her vows and is disrespecting me, our family, and ultimately herself.

I was good to her, she knows it, will admit it, and let him tell it, he knows it too.  He admits that she’s acting disrespectfully.    How could he profess to be a man of faith, but yet not take heed to proverbs 5 where it warns about the adulterous woman?  He seems fairly conscious, tells her that what she’s doing is disrespectful, but yet still initiates conversation with her.   Despite me filling in some of the blanks that she left out to him (i.e. her last affair), he still proceeds as if their ‘friendship’ is so special.

If she can discard her husband, friend, and son’s father so easily, what makes him think that their friendship means anything to him once she’s done or gets ‘bored’ with him.  Or maybe i am overblowing it and he really is acting as friend trying to support her.     They cheated in the past while we were married (i didn’t find out until years later).  He apologized when I confronted him and it seemed sincere.   Though I can somewhat understand (we all make mistakes), I also told him that the fact that they did changes things as far as I’m concerned.  It’s a respect thing and even though I should kick his ass over that and demand no contact, I’ll respect the friendship (as they’ve been friends since long before we met)  as long as he backs way the fuck off.

The man in me thinks that as a man, he should be more responsible if he knows that what he’s doing (i’ve told him that we argue mostly about how much he talks to her) is causing more static in our marriage.

I’ll admit that he probably isn’t the underlying cause of the issue.  This is an issue with her because she allows it to happen.   But as a man, I can’t help but feel that he’s being disrespectful by initiating and allowing her to ‘vent’ to hem when she should be venting to either a counselor, me, a female friend, or God.

I also hate feeling like a saint or martyr, but i honestly cannot see what I’m doing wrong.  Maybe I should just hold my tongue, allow them to text, and ignore her bad behavior.   It hurts like hell, but arguing about it doesn’t help either.   I guess that out of love, I have to humble myself and just allow it.   I can’t say if the situation will continue to escalate from an emotional back into a physical affair.   Either way, I’m just lost.  I don’t want to lose my family.  I don’t want this to hurt our son.    At the same time, I don’t want her to be with me if she isn’t happy with me.   I cannot allow her to ‘cuck’ me either.   If i allow her to disrespect me quietly, how could she ever respect me.  Even more so, how could I ever respect myself?

If it wasn’t for the fact that we have a family, I know that I wouldn’t fuck with her at all.   I can’t say that I’m still in love with her.  I’m not fighting for her, per se, it’s a fight I shouldn’t have to fight, nor would I desire to if we weren’t a family.   But how do you fight for your family when one person no longer wants it?

So complicated.

 

 

 

 

Vanity, Greed, and Narcissism = Winning

These days I’ve been feeling like hot women aren’t really all that hot anymore.  I’ve grown particularly disinterested in social media and reality tv types.  The makeup, fake breasts, fake booties, and caked on makeup look are turn offs.  Filters and augmented rabbit ears or whatever don’t do it for me.   They say that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but some books don’t give me any interest.

Perhaps this is just another manifestation of being treated like ish and devalued by a woman who is into these things.   Maybe it’s triggering my ‘bullshit’ meter.  My wife is a pretty woman, in a standard sense.  She isn’t a dime or anything, but she has a natural beauty.  She doesn’t wear much makeup, but lately has been concerned very much about her appearance.  She follows the Instagram fitness models and is infatuated with reality TV.   She’s also hell bent on getting plastic surgery and gaining weight so she can be “thick” like the archetype.

The thing is that the attitude of women who look like this is very unattractive.  Confidence is cool, but now, a lot of women, especially in the black community are looking to take on the persona of the “the bad bitch.”  In other words, narcissistic.

These women are devoid of feelings, “all about the bag”, sheepish (wanting to look like everyone else, wanting to follow the crowd).   They seem shallow, superficial, and do things for the ‘likes.’   Having a good conversation is like pulling teeth.   The thing is, they don’t care at best, but are most often, oblivious.   Finding one who’s spiritual, but not bat shit crazy is damn near impossible.   I often find myself having to resort to being a clown to ‘entertain’ them.   Self amusement if you will.

They walk around with a sense of entitlement, are drawn to danger, and live as if life is just about having fun and making money.   Amoral at best, they tend to be drawn to guys who are “about that life.”  Regardless of how dangerous or unnecessary it is.   One could excuse young teenage girls who are just beginning to live life, but now, it’s quite common, at least in Atlanta for women in their late 20’s, 30’s and 40’s with a modicum of success to walk around like they are Cleopatra or something.   They want to be bonnie to the clyde who already made it.   Or the guy taking penitentiary chances to maintain a lifestyle of luxury.  I suspect that once these guys get caught up in the streets, (either prison or death), or go broke, they won’t stick around for long.   Maybe this is why thugs use them as they know this is likely the case.

They seem to value their external appearances more than cultivating their inner person.  They don’t read books, aren’t interested in culture.  They mistake traveling for vacationing and say stupid things like YOLO.

Driving lyft on the side affords me the opportunity to speak to many women in an intimate, yet not quite personal setting.   Ask them what they like, the answer is always “travel”.   They are all “foodies”.   They are all “about their money”.   They want a funny guy who can make them laugh, take them on trips around the world, used to have a past (in the streets) but are either out or trying to get out.  They want a man who all other women want, but he’s only faithful to them.   They haven’t seemed to figure out that guys with the most charm and “swag” are typically players and aren’t really interested in being faithful or good to them.   They fall for the same type all the time.

Narcissistic dudes are winning these days.   Their total lack of regard for her and her feelings is a turn on for them it seems.   Being an asshole isn’t about being ‘mean’, but it just means you say what she wants to hear.  Act in an undetached manner and she matters only when you want something from her.  I’m starting to think that these women don’t really want true love, but only the appearance of love.   It does make sense granted that they are for the most part, that way themselves.

Stability is ‘boring’.  Having a decent job and doing what you gotta do to pay the bills….’boring.’ Staying out the streets…boring.   Saving and actually building….boring.   Staying home and helping with the kids…boring.  Basically, doing what you’re supposed to do is ….boring.   On a side note, I’ve had my fill of passionate, exciting, yet dysfunctional relationships and I’ve found that ‘boring’ is good.

In a way, I’m thankful that being a jerk isn’t really natural for me.   I revel in being different and that’s repellant to many women who want to ‘fit in’ to the narrowly defined stereotypes in the black community.