Back to basics

After 3 months of separation, I’ve gone out and met a few women who seem to like me a bit.   I’m still trying to find the balance between pursuing without overdoing it.   Acting like I care, but not really caring too much.

It’s really interesting to see and contrast their personality differences.   I can’t lie, there are things that I like about all of them, but I find myself falling into the trap of not finding things that I don’t like.

It feels good to be desired by someone though.  Truth be told, I don’t really have high expectations for any of them.   I’m playing a solid game I believe, not too needy, but pursuing enough to show that I’m interested in more than just being friend zoned.  I’m also applying what i’ve learned about inner game and it seems to be working out pretty good so far.

I also catch myself not teasing enough.   But i have come up with a basic strategy that needs a little tweaking.

The thing is, now my wife is starting to warm up to me a little more.   She doesn’t ‘know’ about the others, but at the same time, I don’t know if she really cares.  She once told me that she didn’t care if i went out and had sex with other women, she just didn’t want to know about it.    I don’t know if she meant it, but she did say it a few times, so I can only take her word for it.

My feelings for her are still very raw.   It’s hard to process how I feel about her at times.   Mostly, I feel that I can take or it or leave it.   Then again, i do feel a bit jealous when I think she’s ignoring my calls because she’s talking to other men.   I’m not sure.

One thing has changed is that I don’t really want to look at her phone.   It’s like I want to know, but then again, I don’t.    We still do things as a family together, but 1 on 1 time isn’t really something we plan for.    In all honesty, many times, I don’t really care too much to try to make things happen for us.   I’m still respectful and try not to text anyone in front of her, even though, i find myself starting to ‘sneak’ and do it in front of my son.

I think the biggest thing at this point is the fear of losing the potential of us getting back together.   While it might not be the worst thing in the world as I once feared, it still sort of bothers me.   I fear that I’ll regret not forgiving her and at least trying to fix things while I have a chance.   Not that I’d know exactly how to do this with her anyway.   But still.  I do believe that God can ‘order my steps.’

I fear that I’m falling out of love with her, which is a good thing, but at the same time, I wonder if I have it in me to practice what i’ve been preaching this whole time.   That true love is a choice.   I’ve been hurt so badly and I fear opening back up to her on that level.   I just don’t know if I can trust her.   The focus should be on what i think that God wants and He can see me through.  I think he’d want for me to try it again.   It’s also good for our son.   Well only, IF she is willing to be a stand up wife.

I don’t know if I could ever really love her the same again.   I don’t know if i want to.   It’s not a matter of her not being worthy.   Jesus has shown me that I’m not worthy of God’s forgiveness, mercy, or grace, but this is what love is all about.   If I am to love her as I vowed to, I have to do so, regardless how how badly she hurt and betrayed (crucified) me.  The beauty in the story of Christ’s crucifixion is that it is the ultimate love story.

I just don’t trust her.  Plus I’m not sure if she really loves me.   She doesn’t have to be head over heels in love with me, but I just need assurance that she intends and is willing to try to do right by me.

But I should take her actions out of the equation if I am to place my decisions solely upon the direction of God.   I’m no saint though and this is NOT an easy task as I am susceptible to  temptation.

This now becomes the questions of

1)How much do I trust in God.

2)Am I willing to lay my wants down for Him.

3)Am I finally just getting over this or did I ever really truly love my family.  In other words, was it just a matter of my ego being hurt or did I really truly love my wife, marriage, and family?



Simp or Swim?

The term word “simp” is a derogatory term in the red pill community that describes men who cater to their women.   It is interchangeable with words such as beta male or cuck.    They are basically used to imply that men who treat women well are inferior men.

The idea is that treating a woman as a queen is the surest way to have her lose respect for you.    Placing her above your own needs makes her lose respect for you even though she may push for that.

Men who have been burned by women they treated well often turn redpill and are considered bitter.   Many of these men come from the position of a ‘good guy’/ ‘family guy’ who’s girlfriend or wife left or cheated on them despite them doing the right thing.   Others, gifted with charisma or the ability to naturally talk women into having sex with them, see how many many women cheat and disrespect faithful men behind their backs.

Good men were raised with the notion that we should cherish, honor, respect, and have patience with our women.   The gestures associated with chivalry often place men in a subservient position.   We are taught be gentle and show her the upmost respect.   We are taught to be providers.  It is instilled within us that ‘she’ is the prize.

Unfortunately, we aren’t taught that most women don’t really deserve nor even desire this.   Society kept a huge secret from us.   The reality is that most women find these characteristics as unattractive.

This is evident in how ‘bad men’ seem to get the lion’s share of women.   Dysfunctional, arrogant, disrespectful men seem to do the best with women.   There are millions of stories about how a good guy comes along, determined to treat a woman better than her lying, cheating, abusive ex  come home and find her in bed with that ex.

The internet is full of stories about women having it all, a loving husband, who provides, help with the kids and around the house while also giving her a home, car, and nice vacations who either cheat or are feeling guilty about not being attracted to them anymore.    Some of these men are funny, still in shape, or at the very least decent overall.

On the redpill side, men complain about giving their wives everything and staying faithful even when she stops giving him sex and appreciation.   Many hurt, but want to stay and try to work things out for the family.   All too often the woman finds someone else she’s interested in, cheats and destroys the family home.  They file for divorce, gain custody of the children and these men end up having to pay alimony and child support.  They have to downgrade their lives and try to pick themselves up and start over.

Many of these men become depressed, some kill themselves, others endure years of emotional and psychological damage.    Many decide to become MGTOW and vow to never get serious about woman again.   Some date and become players.  Others try and remarry.   Many of those have reported that the second marriage eventually ended up like the first one.

This is a silent epidemic going on in America today.   Society, by and large, still vilify men as if we cause most of the relationship problems and broken homes.  They paint us as abusive or cheaters.   Women often ask where the good men are, but yet they all know a good guy who’s willing to try and build with them.  They just aren’t interested.   They know of women who left ‘good’ husbands for selfish reasons.

There are a segment of men who are wicked to women.  The thing is that most women are attracted to the men who carry those characteristics.    Most women find the bad boy archetype irresistible.

While things like honor, stability, and faithfulness are necessary to maintain a stable household.   Most women eventually find stability as boring.   The lose attraction to it. They begin to fill unfulfilled.   They cheat or leave and often both.   They look out on social media for ex crushes and ex boyfriends and entertain them.    They have  perpetual ‘grass is greener’ syndrome.   With a plethora of thirsty males willing to say and often do almost anything for sex, who can blame them?

Men are waking up and learning that while women say they want a good man, they don’t really know how to be a good woman.   They are learning that women will be selfish towards good men while giving their best to a bad boy.

Many men are reporting that once they stop giving a crap about women and start treating them bad, they get more respect from them.  Some men still maintain their values and don’t have it in them to sink to that level.   The understand the nature of most women, but choose not to participate or play the ‘game’ with them.    These are the MGTOW, IBMOR, SYSBM men.

Many date, some are players, but they don’t commit nor lie to women as they know that it’s not worth it in the end.

We are learning that we cannot truly love a woman with our hearts even though we may choose to show love.   In 2018 one of the worst things a man can do is actually ‘fall in love’ with a woman.

Perhaps this is something spiritual, maybe psychological, maybe both, but truly falling in love with a woman is the surest way to make her lose attraction to you.  It happens way more often than not, so regardless of what side of the fence you fall on in your approach, the bottom line is that you have to pretty much expect that she will ultimately betray you.  It’s pretty much foolish not to at this point.

Maybe someone will read this and think to themselves, not me, not my woman.   It sounds like you’re already in too deep.   I don’t wish that pain on anyone, but when shit does hit the fan, which most likely it will, you’ll learn and know that it will hurt like almost nothing you’ve ever felt before.   A LOT more than you ever imagined.   And probably for a long time, but eventually, you will make it out.   A little worse for wear, but more aware.    You will learn to deprogram yourself from the foolish notion that women want good men.

You can then learn to use their programming of wanting a ‘good guy’ to your advantage, but realize that eventually, she will grow bored of it.   So don’t put your heart in.    It’s a tough pill to swallow, but trust me, heartbreak is even worse.



What are you actually bringing to the table

In the day of the independent woman, one has to ask what can we as men bring to the table for our women.    Historically, we were the protectors and providers.   We set the direction and tone of the relationship.   In return, they were tasked with doing the domestic work, raising the children, and making sure that we were satisfied physically and emotionally.    Women were financially dependent on the man and therefore he had much more say and power over her.    Added to the fact the divorce was very much frowned upon, women had a lot of incentive to comply.

The rise of the independent woman has changed things.

Today, most households have both parents working in order to bring in money for a lifestyle.   Increasingly, especially in the black community, women make more money than their men.    Expectations now have to be re examined.   We are in new territory here.

Ideally, one would think that if a woman worked more often or contributed more finances to the relationship, then the man should contribute more to the domestic roles.  If both parties are working to provide resources to the household, it would only make sense that both share a more equal role in the domestic work as well.    It’s basically just doing what needs to be done for the sake of the family and relationship.   The traditional gender roles become much more fluid.    There may be times when the man has to cook, clean, take the kids to soccer practice while the woman is at work.   Or you might split those duties based off the work schedules or to take turns relieving the other.

While in theory  it should work.   I find that many women these days find it hard to respect a man who habitually takes on domestic roles.    While being that guy who splits cooking, cleaning, laundry, kid duties, while holding down a 9 to 5 might look like a  nice social media meme, women lose attraction to those men who do it too much.

We both contribute different amounts in different ways, but it all goes towards the goal of building a life that satisfies us as well as our family.

Unfortunately, two things work against us men when we try to take this on.   First, our women lose attraction for us.

Many black women find it hard to submit to their men already.    Even more so when they lose attraction.    How much harder is it when society says it’s ok to divorce simply because your aren’t as happy as you think you should/could be.  When if leaving, she’s already guaranteed child support and if he is significantly more wealthy than her, alimony.  Being the good guy and standing on your prinicples (if equity and fairness are your principles) causes them to find you boring.    Being stable, reliable, and fair are great qualities, but it doesn’t really provide the drama or excitement that a lot of women crave.

In addition, I don’t think that most women understand that generational wealth is more than just finances.    It’s also wisdom, tradition, memes, lessons, memories, relationships and other intangibles.    I’m able to teach my son so much more than my father taught me and hopefully, he’ll be able to fill in the gaps of what I missed and pass it on.   Those things take generations and is a way to live on through more than just your dna.

A lot of women don’t seem to understand that being a provider is much more than just providing money.   We as men also provide the discipline, patience, and structure.  As Christians, we are commissioned by God to be the spiritual leaders of our homes.    We are responsible setting the tone and direction of the relationship.    That’s hard to do when your wife doesn’t know how to submit, is rebellious, and doesn’t respect your position.

In the end, I think that feminism has a lot of women confused.   It told them that women don’t have power.   In reality, a woman already had too much power.   She has the power to lift up her man or destroy him.   She has the power to make a good man better or worse.    But I digress.    The patriarchy kept that power in check.   Today’s women are being corrupted as that check is being rapidly removed due to the rise of women’s independence of which black women seem to be at the forefront.

Unfortunately, black women tend to be selfish and short sighted when it comes to building things outside of themselves.   They prefer swag over character.   Smooth talk over hard work.   The superficial over the substance.    Now they are given the power to have kids with dudes who don’t take care of their other kids just because he has charm.   They make a lot of bad decisions due to allowing their emotions to overcome their morals and common sense.  Call them out, then your a chauvinist or bitter.

But ask if they are attracted to “bad boys” while put off by men who would make good fathers and husbands, they’ll tell you overwhelmingly yes if they ‘re honest.   Society keeps giving them passes and excuses, while also giving them more praise and power.   So why should they change?  In short, no one holds them accountable for the personal bad choices they make on one hand, but they all get credit for the good things that others do.   In their view, they cannot ever be wrong, let alone corrected.    They will often resort to new agey ideas like “my truth” being a reasonable substitute for “the truth”.

This means that we have to adapt or face the destruction of the middle class black family.   Given the single household and divorce rate(70% filed by women), it seems that we are rapidly racing towards the latter.

In today’s society, we have to ask.  What are the women bringing to the table.  Looks and finances isn’t enough if we’re trying to build something.   It’s ironic that they bring their best dishes to men who don’t care about those menu items:   Loyalty, intelligence (not just book smarts), morals, and the ability to submit without being a doormat while pretty much bringing their appetites to the table with men who they could actually build with.

Good men have to learn to manipulate their emotions like the bad boy without violating our own personal values.   It’s work.   Is it even possible to play with the pigs without getting dirty?

The bible says that finding a wife is a good thing and a blessing from God.   I wonder if it really was actually trying to say that finding a woman with wifey qualities is a blessing.

Or is there something that a man guided by principles are mistaken in.  Perhaps as men, we shouldn’t really be looking for romantic love to begin with.    Perhaps it isn’t natural for a man to be ‘in love’ with one woman and just be satisfied with her.    Maybe this is why women aren’t attracted to/ lose attracted to men who actually ‘love’ them.    This isn’t biblical teaching though.  It shouldn’t be that way, but perhaps this is just another manifestation of the fallen world we’re living in.









Still Simpin

I had a discussion with my wife about redpill philosophy, MGTOW, and why this movement and similar movements are rapidly growing.    She isn’t much for words and didn’t offer any substantial feedback.

I told her how many men discover redpill after being dragged through the family court system and gave examples of how many good men were being cheated on and left by their wives.   I told her about the stories of good men, even more successful than me, better husbands than me, were being done wrong by their wives.   How they were humiliated, disrespected, and ultimately kicked to the curb simply because she “fell out of love.”

I told her how their experiences were similar to mine.   Hoping that seeing it from other perspectives, some worse than mine, would help her see how immoral and wrong her behavior was.

I was hoping to put her on game.   Hoping to show her that many men are immoral and will say and do anything to get into her panties.   How they don’t care if she disrespects them, her marriage, or herself in order to get laid.   That once they get what they want, they can’t commit to her knowing that she’s a cheater.    They don’t respect her nor see her as a good woman.    That we as men (in general) will say or do anything to get laid.

I wanted her to see that what is doing isn’t uncommon and that she isn’t a unique snowflake.  That there is a difference between good and bad behavior.   That good men are waking up to this and will hold things like this against her.   That the baggage she’s creating (lies, deception, etc.) will move forward with her.   And that she either has to risk being ‘fake’ in her next relationship by lying about our marriage or risk losing credibility with her next (husband?) if she moves forward.   That she should learn to try and suppress or overcome the wickedness she seems so fond of if she wants to find real happiness with someone else.   Then again, maybe people can change if the right person comes along.    Who knows.

I try to shield her from some of the harder philosophies about how logic and reasoning is really wasted on women.   That their emotions and strong tendency of cognitive dissonance separate them from reality.

I think that red pill has awakened me to many of the simp behavior that I  had and is  inherent in the black community as a whole.    We as black men do the MOST in order to get sex from women.   The majority of our motivation comes from the desire to get laid.   We lay aside morality, ethics, religious beliefs, everything just to get our dicks wet.   It’s really no wonder women are the way that they are.    In short, their power over us comes from our intense desire to get pussy.

I think this is in part biological and in part social.   Of course it’s part of our biological imperative to procreate and reproduce.   Our society also implicitly tells us that the more women we have sex with, the better men we are.

This makes us not hold women accountable for being bitches or acting irrationally.   We cheat with other men’s wives.   Destroy homes and families.  Get unworthy women pregnant.  Marry even though we know that the odds are really high for failure all so we can have pussy.   We cheat, often placing our futures, careers, and families at risk.   All because we want sex and will sell our souls to get it.   It made me ignore the red flags she gave off while we were dating and ignore or excuse some of her selfish behaviors while we were married.     We have to do better.

I’m waking up to the fact that sex is such a powerful motivator often to our own detriment that we have to undo this mental conditioning.   There are way worse things than not getting laid.

If I’m honest, a huge part of my hurt and desire to get back with her is because I want more sex from her.   I’ve entertained (no sex …yet) the idea of just getting someone on the side to get over her.    Of course this conflicts with us getting back together (if i’m trusting in God) even though I wonder if my attention is elsewhere if she’ll act right.    I want a real connection with someone, not just sex, but at the same time, I don’t want a relationship either.   I don’t know what I want.

I think still boils down to why the urgency for sex has to addressed.   I am actually considering to compromise my morals and cheat (separated, but we’re still married)  in order to fulfill this desire in me.    Knowing that it most likely won’t end well.    I’m also disrespecting myself by allowing her to “be on the fence” about this while I am still pretty resolute in wanting it to work.

Ultimately though, this knowledge or awakening has helped me realize that maybe she isn’t a great partner for marriage for me.    I mean, she won’t have serious discussions about the future or even the present for that matter.    She doesn’t seem to think about these things or at  least won’t or either can’t talk to me.    I don’t trust her and she doesn’t communicate with me in a way that brings out the best in me.   Our conversations become a monolog with me dominating the conversation either lecturing her or trying to pry information out of her like an interrogation expert.

My ideal marriage is co-partnership with me of course being the lead, but she needs to play an ACTIVE role in helping me make the best decision for us.   This requires her to put up some emotional energy and offer up some ideas on how we should move forward.   I will admit that I don’t know it all, but it’s not my style to pretend that I do either.    At the end of the day, even if we don’t work it out, we have to co parent and her acting stupid about things makes me think that that will even be difficult.

Even if she decides that she wants to work on things, the question is if she’s even capable of doing what’s needed.   She doesn’t read anything about self growth.   She doesn’t seem interested unless it comes to working out her body.    She’s superficial almost childlike in her approach to this, just letting the cards fall where they may.  Not concerned about how her actions affect our family.      I suppose I was somewhat aloof like that, but I feel that this has awakened me to the fact that I have to take this ‘adulting’ thing more seriously.  It’s a scary thought to think that I’m the most mature one this relationship.   And that’s by a long shot.

The lack of trust has awakened me to the fact that her lack of communication is a huge deal.   Before her affairs, I wrote it off as a personality quirk that we could overcome.   But due to her affairs and broken trust,  her lack of transparency, lack of communication, and selfishness are all on the table.   They hinder any sort of progress we might be able to have in rebuilding this thing.

So with the knowledge that she isn’t quite right for me for marriage.   That me sitting here ‘waiting’ on her to decide if she wants to stay married, even though she had the affairs, broke the trust, and damaged things to this point, is indeed disrespecting myself.  She still doesn’t really address the issues one way or another.   I am still simping.   For love, for lust, for my family, no matter.  I shouldn’t have to simp for my family.    She doesn’t love nor respect me.  How could she when it would appear that she doesn’t really love nor respect herself in a real way.  The worst thing is that she doesn’t even realize it.