This is a topic that has been discussed since the beginning of time.  I’ll bet that right after Adam married Eve, he started wondering how many more ribs he could lose without his chest collapsing.

Seriously though, in the black community, it’s pretty much acknowledged that all of our Grandfathers probably had another family across town somewhere.  “But at least he took care of home.”  Even today, you can’t turn on television, social media, the radio, or even open a book without hearing about some ninja cheating.  Maybe it’s in our genes.

Ironically, almost equally as prevalent is the number of Instagram Memes, Worldstar Videos, relationship books, and old wives tales that tell women how to keep their men from cheating.   Let me tell you, while it’s entertaining and great if you’re the beneficiary of most of this advice, let me let you in a little secret… You Can’t.

Real talk, no matter how much you believe in a guy. No matter how good the sex is, how much you laugh at his jokes, how much you support him, how good you can cook, how good the head is, how often you give up the goods, how good looking, nice, funny, holy, nasty, good, bad, or any other adjective you use to describe a good woman or bad bih….nothing short of tying him up, locking the door, and throwing away the key is going to stop him.  Even then he might go Houdini on you and end up in a netflix and chill session with ThikMoneyChick6 off snapchat.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still highly advisable to be a good woman to your man if you want to keep him.  Some most common complaints/excuses for cheating are that some women are too insecure, too argumentative,too independent, too strong, too hard, or too selfish with the goodies.  But even if you find a way to avoid those problems, there are no guarantees.  In fact being too naive or too chill are also (less common) but sometimes used reasons.

I know of some guys who’s girls who exhibit many positive qualities.  They are  Educated, Successful, Funny, Smart, faithful, and ambitious.  From outward appearances, they seem to have a great balance….but yet he ends up cheating with a chickenhead he wouldn’t even want to tell the homies about.  True stories.

 

It’s not all bad though.

Just because you can’t can’t stop a man from cheating….Not all men cheat.

I know a few guys, self included who don’t cheat.  I personally decided that i’d rather try a threesome before cheating.  Haven’t done it, but if it ever got to that point for me, I’d rather go that route…

(I think most women these days are… at least bi curious.  Besides, the way I see it, three  is better than two, plus you won’t have the added baggage of having to lie and keep it up….but i digress)

Even with the non cheating types amongst my peers, it’s not all fun and games.  I find that generally, the good guys were the “nice” guys their whole lives.  They just didn’t get too damaged from being cheated on the past.  As such, they can still suffer from “nice guy” syndrome and probably are the home body types anyway…(boring/easy going/friend zone potential)…  Let’s just call us regular.   but generally great husbands, dads, and providers …ok…. A regular guy can still cheat, but percentage wise, I’d say that they don’t cheat as nearly as much.

But that’s not to say that an outgoing guy will always cheat, but there goes the odds thing again.

If they keep it real, the cool guy and the regular guys will tell you that they have at least thought about it.  If not, that ninja’s either gay or lying or both.

But Why?

In a nutshell…. I don’t know.  Speaking from the perspective of the nice guy, I don’t know.   There is no real general consensus of why we can have a great women who we love dearly, but sometimes feel the urge to knock another one down.

Here’s what Jodi has to say about it:

 

Yup, that about sums it up.  Real talk, barbershop talk, or whatever you call it.  That’s the answer.   Is it right….nope, should we try to fight with our temptations…absolutely.

Maybe it’s just easier for some than others to overcome their temptations.  Maybe some are tempted more than others.  I’m not sure.  But I do think that men and women generally cheat for different reasons.

Why do women cheat?

I could probably harp on about this subject, but from most of my conversations with women it usually comes down to this.

Women generally cheat because they aren’t happy with something their man is or isn’t doing.  It’s usually out of revenge, desperation, or too much discontent.   You do have your thotlers (but that’s a different animal right there).

But for the most part, it’s due to some perceived fault of the man….usually failing to deliver on some promise he gave her.  Most of the time, when she does cheat, it will be an upgrade for her…. at least in the department he was lacking in.  At that point, she doesn’t really love him anymore.  She’s simply still with him for money, appearances, or convenience.

Men, we could be dating our ideal woman, but still cheat with a busted bodied broad.  We could totally love our woman and be totally convinced and happy that she’s the ONE… but yet for some reason, probably many reasons, consider the side chick a downgrade.  There are exceptions to the rule, but the main point is that most cheating guys aren’t really interested in wifing the side chick and there’s probably a few good reasons for that.

So where do we go from here?

I’m not sure.  But the message seems pretty clear.   1)Avoid loving thots at all cost.  2)Men, get your ish together and 3)Try to have some damn self control.  Seriously, is it worth possibly losing your queen to a pawn?

Women have to know what they are willing and unwilling to put up with.  If he does cheat, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t the apple of his eye.  But there are realities including STD’s and side kids.  That can kind of hurt the finances if you’re trying to build a family.   Plus, today’s women aren’t like big mama who couldn’t get out and get a good paying job herself.  They don’t have to take that because of the financial support.

Placing your significant other higher than your own selfish desires is going to be essential if you’re trying to make something that lasts. Honesty and Overcoming temptation is key for men.  But women need to understand that sometimes it’s not about you…it’s about us and our biology.  We try. Some fail, some succeed, but it’s not always black and white.

….but if all else fails, ask for a 3some….lol….IJS