Is Polygamy Justifiable Today?
“Love is Cursed by Monogamy”.
-Kayne West: ‘No Love in the Wild’
Many ancient societies in history have practiced polygamy. Those societies allowed men to have more than one wife. Often, it was based on how financially successful or powerful he was. In modern times, there are a few cultures that still practice it. From all appearances, it seems to be more of a financial arrangement due to women having limited economic opportunities and holding a lower position in those societies.
To be fair, many societies also practiced monogamy regularly and it seems to have been the defacto standard for most societies throughout history. Even though it is illegal in the United States, it seems to be regaining traction.
In more recent times, the practice is generally relegated to fringe religious practitioners and social deviants. However it seems that more and more people are starting to consider the idea as a viable way of life. People are increasingly becoming less and less restricted in their sexuality and the idea of loving people in poly-type relationships are becoming more common place.
But is this simply a sign of the times. Is it a result of the degradation of time honored values? Or is there some practical value to this phenomenon? Here are a few objections and justifications for the practice in today’s society:
As mentioned earlier, polygamous relationships were often practiced in societies where women weren’t didn’t have as many rights and financial opportunities as men. In modern America (while there is still work that needs to be done), women have much more opportunity and freedoms than in those societies.
Because many do not need a man for financial support, many simply will not tolerate the idea of “sharing” their men.
Due to women’s rights, most monogamous couples have both members working full time jobs. Depending on the job, the hours worked often extend beyond the typical 40 hour work week. After coming home after 10+ hours a day, it becomes increasingly difficult stay on top of all the soccer practices, pta meetings, and paying bills. This leaves little time to handle the house hold such as cooking, cleaning,washing clothes and child rearing. Having hobbies or pursuing personal development goals often fall to the wayside because time is at a premium. A second or third wife could hold those things down while allowing the other two bread winners to make money to pay the bills. This should allow a little more time as well as save a few thousand dollars a year in daycare/after care and eating out costs.
It’s just an excuse for a man to cheat
If you have read my article about why men cheat, then you’d know that men simply cheat because they want variety. To recap, a woman could be everything a man wants or desires, but for some reason or another, there seems to be something in us that makes us at least wonder about it. In many cases, a man’s sexual drive is higher than the woman. If so much time and energy is dedicated to work and holding the household down, then it is really no wonder why many wives are too tired to get a quickie in before going to sleep. If she has more time or simply doesn’t feel like it that night, then at least there are options. A little girl on girl action if the man is tired might be a possible scenario.
There is the real possibility for jealousy, but as with all relationships, I’d imagine that communication is key to making it work.
Why can’t a woman have two husbands
The old “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” argument. Hey I don’t judge. That might work for some people. Most straight men I know wouldn’t consider it though. Same sex relations among men is generally frowned on for males. In the case of the women being tired, he isn’t going to try to get it in with the other guy. As of today, most people say that there is no such thing as male bisexuals. A man simply cannot like both men and women sexually….or as eloquently put by Riley Freeman “dat ninja gay”.
That said, I don’t see how a woman would respect a man for doing that. Seriously, I don’t know of any female that would date, let alone marry a guy who got “delivert” unless he was rich. Even then, she’d likely still feel a certain type of way about it. It would also be more difficult to establish paternity should the wife get pregnant. Maybe it wouldn’t matter at that point. But either way, most straight men aren’t with the gay ish. Most would, however make a provision if the wife got it on with another female.
It’s a sin
I’m no longer a christian (long story). But in America, especially in the African American community, the vast majority of people are. This objection would definitely be a real point of contention. Now while I think that black folks out to get out of that mindset, the reality is that most will not. Oddly, most of the Christians that I know who identify with Christians don’t really read the bible. If they did, they’d see that it isn’t a sin at all. In fact King David, Jacob, Solomon, and Abraham all had multiple wives.
While it’s true that Yah didn’t tell them to go out and get multiple wives, he never said that they couldn’t. Plus, he didn’t really give them any flack about it. Either way, it is already a tough sell for most secular people, but with Christians would be damn near impossible. It’s not really about what the bible says (or doesn’t say) as much as which parts agree with what they already think.
It’s against the natural order of things
Men should only have one wife because God or nature intended it to be that way. One man for every woman. The population is generally equal with 50% of men and 50% of women. That’s about a 1 to 1. So there is someone for everybody. Some animals may engage in polygamy, but we’re people, not animals.
I think that we should overcome our baser instincts, biologically, men can impregnate many women at once. A woman has to carry a child for 9 months. Then she will typically need some sort of assistance to care for the child until she is able to get back to work. Obviously it’s in a man’s best interest to help with this. Unfortunately, too many of us shirk our responsibilities and leave it up to the woman to do it without our help.
If he cannot take care of one child, then he definitely shouldn’t be going around having more kids. In nature, all those kids would probably get eaten by a lion or the woman wouldn’t be able to provide the nutrition to raise the child to independence.
From a biological standpoint, that is against nature (survival) as well, so point taken on that.
Women can’t get along with each other
Too many women in the house can cause friction as many are territorial and catty. Now as with probably most of this article, that sounds sexist. But from my observation from school,the workplace, and reality TV, this appears to be true….or at least a half truth.
Not all women are that way most issues would probably arise from insecurity and jealousy. That’s a real problem. All women are like this though. Polygamy isn’t for everyone and it would take the right personalities to pull it off. To simply dismiss all women as catty is a limiting belief and would probably cause such issues to manifest in your life more often than you’d like.
This isn’t a comprehensive list of all the objections and problems that might arise should you decide that it’s right for you. But is a case for possible advantages. It also attempts to answer common objections.
Nothing, even monogamous relationships are guaranteed. The divorce rate in America is around 50%. The cheating rate is probably higher than that. Another point is that it provides that variety that so many men crave… Or it might not…. But either way the startling statistics show that even our time honored traditions aren’t necessarily the best way of doing things.
If communication is key to a successful marriage between two people, it must be infinitely be critical when you start involving more people. I’m not saying that this is a fix to the ills of society, but maybe it would work for some people.