Of the many things that really bother me about my wife’s change in behavior is her lack of compassion in this entire ordeal. I’ve never had to deal with someone who showed me so much blatant and unjustified disrespect. On the outside, she seems pretty normal. Almost naïve in certain ways. I do feel that I’m the more intellectual and empathetic of the two of us. But those superficial differences still don’t account for a total lack of empathy.
It seems that she really just doesn’t get me in a fundamental way. And that lack seems to be contradictory to her response to the ‘wrongs’ that others do. Like how could she be so offended with the b.s. of the current president, agree with her friends on how badly their s/o’s treat them, watch movies where the antagonist antagonize the protagonist and “hate the bad guy”, and generally seem to be normal as far as knowing “right” from wrong”….
And yet feel that it’s ok to offend, hurt, and disrespect me. How can she sleep so well at night knowing that her behavior is the driving force behind the destruction of our home…..knowing full well she hasn’t done anything to fix it, but on the contrary, did everything to break it. How could she simply be ok with being “that” person.
When confronted with such questions, she simply stands there and if she tries to justify her herself, she simply says she’s “unhappy”. She still has no problem with lying to my face and playing like she’s innocent. As in when i confronted her by telling her knew she spent part of last trip in NY with another guy.
The internal inconsistency bothers me. I know I’m wasting my time by explaining these things to her over and over again. The bible verses I give her to back up what I’m saying seem to fall upon deaf ears….yet she claims to be a christian. The videos and articles I send her are unwatched and unread by her. She’ll nod in agreement with my assesments, won’t defend herself….and yet she continues down the same path.
Like what is wrong with her? Am I giving her too much credit.
As I’ve told her over and over again, it’s not about me winning or making the most compelling argument. It’s like when you care about someone, you try to convince them that they are fucking up. We’re all subject to fucking up, so if I ask for examples of why you think I’m wrong then tell me. It’s why I give her examples. This isn’t just me just pulling emotions out of my ass and passing them off as facts. It’s how I make sense of the world. If I show you your internal inconsistencies, it’s not about me saying “ha ha gotcha bitch”. It’s for you to self reflect and either justify/defend your behavior. I might actually be wrong. Or maybe you could be wrong. If you can’t justify it, then there is a high likelyhood that you’re either wrong or haven’t thought your position out fully.
Noone is perfect, but knowing that you’re doing terrible things, and staying the course with no justification makes you a terrible person. I mean how could we ever grow together if we are unable to learn from each other. If you cannot / refuse to tell me where I’m blind at, then how can we make each other better. If you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes, then how can you get better. If there is no trust, no communication, and no attempts to do better, then this relationship is a huge waste of time. Perhaps we have “outgrown” each other. Maybe we are on “different pages.” Maybe we want different things out of life and she simply doesn’t want to attempt to reconcile our differences.
Though I believe that marriage and family does deserve some effort to try to fix it before breaking it, she obviously (another inconsistency in what she says over what she does) feels otherwise.
I can accept it. But what I cannot accept is her disrespecting me as a man and still living with me. I need time away from her to fully get over it. I don’t want to be friends with her. She says she wants us to amicable, yet she feels it’s ok to continue with her relationships with these other men. All the while knowing that men feel superior and uplifted knowing that they have “stolen” a married woman. While the man who lives there, puts up with her ish….paying all the bills, etc….feels emasculated.
I just feel that I deserve more respect and if she cannot provide it, I would rather she leave. She knows this and she also knows that being married, she doesn’t have to leave. She has me by the balls. She’s playing dirty and unfairly, simply because she’s unhappy. She doesn’t care about how it makes me look or feel. And yet she wants to remain friends and amicable?