Selfish Love

I was watching IDTV with my lover over the weekend and on it was a show about a guy who’s wife ended up taking on an affair partner. As in these sort of murder/mystery shows, there was all sorts of drama and bullshit.

Basically, you had a man, who was married, had a successful career, bought his family a nice home, allowed for his wife to be a stay at home mom, and from all accounts in the show was there for her and their 15 year old daughter.

The wife basically started seeing a new guy and fell in love with him. This asshole fell back in love and the wife started going back and forth between the husband and affair partner.

The husband in this story paid for marriage counseling and was willing to take the wife back. Things seemed to be turning around for a month or two, but she ended up reaching back out to the affair partner.

The wife, still torn between the husband and lover was going back and forth between the two, started lying to the counselor about the contact she had with the AP. They lived in a small town however and rumors got back to the husband that she started back seeing the AP.

Ultimately, his life falling apart around him, the husband decided to take the wife on a boating trip as a means of reconnecting. While out there, he asked her to tell him the truth about everything. He confronted her with evidence that she was still seeing the guy….and based on the show, she pretty much got upset with him and told him that she wanted out of the marriage and wanted the affair partner.

In the scene, the actors showed that the wife started acting like a bitch towards the husband and showed him no compassion.

The husband threw her overboard, but ultimately decided to rescue her. They returned to shore. Obviously upset that she almost died, she wanted to leave that night. Instead of going to her parents or a freind’s house, she went straight over to the affair partner’s house. Husband found out about it, went over with a gun and ended up killing the guy.

Sad story because the husband, who by all accounts by people in the town was a pretty good man. The affair partner (outside of being a fucking piece of shit) was said to also been a pretty good person. Now you have a dead asshole and the husband is locked away in prison for murder where he cannot be there for his daughter.

My lover was saying how the husband was crazy as hell. Which i can’t disagree. But it seemed that she felt more compassion for the wife. Of course, I felt more sorry for the husband.

It makes me wonder why in the hell do adulterers get so much forgiveness in society. She says that I’m just triggered because my wife cheated on me….and she may be right.

But it also gives me pause. I really hate cheaters and adulterers. I mean next to rapists, child molesters, snitches, home invaders, and crooked cops. These people are bottom of the barrel scum.

Noone ever feels sorry for child molesters nor rapists. Noone ever just tell the victims of those monsters to “just get over it.” Yet people who participate in the destruction of man (or woman’s) family get a pass? Noone cares about the psychological damage of the victims in this case. Noone gives a fuck about how the kids are affected by this.

I mean, if i’m crazy for thinking that family should be preserved by any means. Am I the crazy one for thinking that (outside of abuse, repeated infidelity, or extreme circumstances) that people shouldn’t have the right to abandon their spouse and family. Am I off the reservation for thinking that the pursuit of “happiness” or a new lover at the cost of your family unit is a wicked endeavor. I mean, am wrong for thinking that abandoning your family does indeed make you a terrible person.

We also disagreed on the fact that I also blamed the affair partner for knowingly interjecting himself into the situation. She says the the affair partner was a single man, so he didn’t owe the married guy anything. I disagreed and said that this man was a neighbor (member of the worldwide community) and that we all owe each other some level of respect as men and human beings. That family is off limits. That it is dishonorable and disgraceful to mess with a man’s family.

She then said, they’d still be a family, just not in the same home and that the wife shouldn’t have to stay somewhere she was unhappy.

I try to never compare her to my stbxw. But i told her that she was taking her side. “No I’m not”, she said. “Yeah. This is her mentality.” I dropped it as it was really pissing me off and I was really triggered by her response. Seeing that I was visibly upset, she jokingly suggested that immediately schedule another appointment with my therapist. ” Ha ha, almost funny, but the timing is off, so try again asshole.”

Man, am i really the stupid one though? Am i crazy? Am I missing something here. So are we suggesting that it’s ok to get married, have kids, have them depending on me….or us….then right in the middle of it, meet a new partner who knocks my socks off. Cheat on my wife, abandon my kids, move out, and expect that my old wife and kids should accept this new person.

I mean, if I really wanted, but couldn’t have this new person (because of my marriage), then wouldn’t that automatically necessitate that this would cause a great deal of “unhappiness” for me.

Am I the only person who sees a problem with this? I mean, this excuse just doesn’t fly for me. As men we’re taught to just suck it up and do the right thing by those who depend on us. It is noble, honorable, and expected to sacrifice for your families.

But women are somehow “empowered” if they step outside of societal expectations of them and pursue their happiness by any means necessary. No matter the collateral damage. I’ve heard some say that since many men have done in the past, it makes it ok for women to do it now.

Am i stupid for thinking that is a really stupid argument in support of the women who do this today? It was wrong for those men who did it then, just as it wrong for the women who do it today.

I get it, love is a choice, but when you don’t choose it, doesn’t it make you a pretty shitty person if it means that you get to hurt so many people by choosing yourself over it.

I hate this stupid notion that somehow the kids are better off if the parent is happy. Many times, the parents make themselves unhappy because they act like spoiled assed children by being unhappy that they can’t have their cake and eat it too.

Either way, I’m not convinced that my lover, my wife, nor the bitch on the show is right about this one. If most women these days think like this, I definitely won’t be getting married again. If most women do indeed think this way about family, how in the hell could I ever even consider trusting them in a relationship without kids. It would be selfish and stupid of me to bring kids into this knowing that this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Unless the plan is to make her a baby mama because in my opinion it’s much worse to take a kid’s home away than it is to never have given them one in the first place. Plus I simply don’t believe that the primary purpose of marriage is happiness. Not that you should be miserable, but marriage is supposed to be a forever kind of thing. Your personal happiness doesn’t always come first in this instance.

This selfish mentality is a red flag (to me anyway). It is a sign of emotional immaturity, a lack of integrity and character, and the failure to have internalized the understanding of loyalty. In short, it shows that she is indeed for the streets.

She is the epitome of the red pill notion of “she’s never yours, it’s just your turn.” DO NOT GET ATTACHED….emotionally, financially, or otherwise. Just enjoy your turn and be ready for the bullshit once she finds someone else or gets bored.

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