I have never met another person whom i really dislike more than my wife. It’s terrible and it’s a strange feeling to have such a repulsive/antagonistic view of someone. Like, if she fell off the earth tomorrow, I wouldn’t even care.
Not to say that I want anything bad to happen to her. I just don’t like the chick. Like it’s a certain level of contempt that I feel for her. Like, I think she’s stupid, superficial, and selfish. To be fair, maybe I judge her way too harshly.
TBH, there are a lot of people I’d probably feel that way about if I were stuck around them. We definitely need space. Even though I feel justified in my feelings about her. I’m thinking that the majority of the ill will I feel against her is based on the sense of powerlessness of having to live under the same roof as her….. with the betrayals, lies, gaslighting and her failure to own up to the broken condition of our relationship, marriage, and family as a whole. Having to constantly deal with the humiliation of knowing that my “wife” is out here cheating is something she could care less about. And having to stay in a condition where it seems that what she knows what she’s doing is wrong (she admitted she wouldn’t want someone doing it to our son), having the power to stop, but not caring enough about me to just do the right thing.
It feels disrespectful at this point. I feel powerless to stop the disrespect without needlessly dragging our son into the situation (possibly creating a rift between them) or creating a condition where I might go to jail. and she seems to be taking advantage….as if I’m doing this for me or her. it again shows her lack of regard for anyone else in this whole situation except her and her new “interests”.
I know that I’m not perfect. But the way she operates seems unreasonable and selfish. I mean who breaks up a family based on unreasonable and (self admitted) selfish reasons. Who actually feels that it’s justified to ‘cheat’ because they are unhappy when it was them who waited until getting into a full affair to say that they were unhappy.
As a few more examples, she wants the kid to go to a private school. We both have student loans and yet she still wants to pay the tuition for it. Yet, we already live in one of the most sought after public school districts in the nation. She uses that as an example of how we are both on “different pages”. She can’t articulate “why” private school is worth the money either. Plus, with these private schools, they expect a much higher level of parent participation in the school. She barely does anything now.
Another is that she wants to move back to NYC, her hometown. Yet our kid was born and raised here, we have close family on both sides here, this area has a lot of growth, job opportunities, diversity, it’s a great place to raise a child, relatively low crime, and amazing schools. I also have a pretty respectable job with the county with good benefits. I’ve spoken to many transplants from New York who also agree that this would be a better place to raise a child.
Her argument is that she feels stuck and that I’m closed minded. She wanted to move to a place to buy a house we could barely afford, in a much worse school district, pay for private school over there, while at the same time wanting to take international vacations more often, eat out pretty much whenever she feels like it, and drive a luxury car…. all the while saying, she’s willing to work an extra job or two for those things…..and suggesting that I should be willing to do the same. Or if we were on the same page, I’d be wanting those goals as well.
All this, she wants me to do …. after cheating, having an affair, currently engaged in another (emotional possibly physical) one. And while I can concede that her “unhappiness” may have contributed to the cheating/affair. I cannot excuse her for it…..especially given she didn’t communicate that she wanted those things before she started cheating. Never showed any remorse, and tbh, though things might have “ended” with the other guys, she is still “entertaining” other guys.
Her smug attitude as if she’s doing nothing wrong really pisses me off. As if simply having a sense of “general unhappiness” is legitimate to warrant breaking up our home without trying to fix it…..and even worse, justification for lying, gaslighting and cheating.
It really pisses me off and I am no longer in love with her for that reason….in fact, I can’t say i even love her at all at this point. She may fool other men….she confessed that she simply tells them that she’s “unhappy”. Alluding to the idea that I’m not “ambitious” enough for her.
And apparently, that’s satisfactory to these thirsty simps. Did they ask her “why”….or “what she did to try and fix it”…. or even ask why, if she was so “unhappy” if she ever asked for a divorce or separation.
She even said that she’s willing to lawyer up in order to move our son from here to NY if she decides to move up there. Who in the hell takes a kid out of their parent’s life(especially knowing how important our relationship is to him and me)…..after already breaking up the home, without any attempt to fix it…..away from where he was born and raised simply because it what she thinks will make “her” happy.
Who does she think she is? She’s cute, but her character is all out of sorts. Her laid back persona hides the selfishness of her true nature. Here you have a pretty good looking woman (physically), laid back personality, well educated and gainfully employed woman with a sort of a naivety that can easily fool a man into thinking that she’s a “good” one. IMHO, this chick isn’t even decent.
I suppose that i can’t be mad at dudes for falling for it. Hell i did. The only difference is that she wasn’t married at the time I met her. Maybe i would have too. But despite all of her good attributes, all of those are worthless in the end. It’s definitely not enough to lose self respect over. In fact, all of the positive are neutralized by the way she handles the situation. And given what’s at stake, she’s completely blown it with me. Perhaps she can fool them, but she and I know the truth.
We didn’t have to stay married if she wanted out that bad. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want nor respect me back. I loved her enough to let go if the marriage was that bad for her,all she had to do was communicate with me, all I would have asked was for a chance…. ….not just for me, but our family….. perhaps we could have salvaged at least a friendship out of the situation.
I mean damn, I had always been there for her. It doesn’t mean we had to stay together if I made her unhappy, but shit, didn’t our relationship and friendship at least deserve some level of respect. Did i really deserve to be betrayed and crushed as if 12 years and a family meant nothing? I’m a pretty reasonable guy, I really try to see things from all sides before passing judgment. She knew that about me. She had to. She saw how I handled difficult multi-faceted situations.
I’m not perfect, but I know that I’m not a bad catch for the right woman. I am patient, understanding, confident and secure in myself, trustworthy, loving, and generally have control over my emotions. Yet, even if she fell out, she acts as if I’m completely valueless. As if I didn’t bring any value to her life. And even if my “ambition” to get the “next level” didn’t match hers, does that make it so that I deserved this kind of treatment from her?
Yet perhaps we’re not right for each other other and like I said, if she told me she felt that way, then sure, I would have tried to find counseling, taken trips, tried to figure out if whatever her issues were with me were in my power to change (of if I’d even be willing to)…..but at least we could have been cordial. I didn’t need her outside of keeping our family together for our son’s sake. I did love her, but again, why keep someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
She didn’t owe it to me to stay, but she did owe me respect. I earned that shit. She owed our family respect. Our son didn’t deserve this and she doesn’t want to take any responsibility at all. To me, she’s disloyal, dishonorable, and disrespectful (to herself, me, our family and so by proxy, our son).
Education doesn’t equal intelligence. Charm isn’t a substitute for character. Salary doesn’t equal ambition. I’m thinking that someday she’s going to have to look back and see how bad she treated me, disregarded our marriage (and friendship), and family, and be ashamed (perhaps not necessarily wanting the marriage back)…..that’s karma enough for me.
I’ll be in a place of apathy by then. She’s not going to stop me from living my best life. Or she’ll never feel ashamed nor truly remorseful which also works because it does prove that she lacks a conscious.. I don’t need an apology or closure on this either way.
Either way, our friendship is done. We’re like Israel/Palestine, living in the same place, out of necessity and trying to be cordial until we can figure out how to separate (again). Hopefully, it won’t be too long from now as she alleges she’s trying to take a travel assignment to NYC ASAP.
I really didn’t want this thing to become contentious. But how else can it be when she’s so unreasonable and selfish. I know there are two sides to every story and I wish she had the wherewithall to articulate hers.
Unfortunately, it seems that people engaged in this type of behavior rarely, if ever give any insight into their motifs.