Not so shocking Revelations

I went to pick up stbxw and kiddo from the airport late last night. She had him over spring break. Their flight was delayed so they didn’t arrive until around 1:30 am. When she told me that the flight was delayed, it sort of pissed me off because I had to go to work early. It made me realize how much she relies on me to do things for her and yet she still takes me for granted. In a sense, I was feeling used and unappreciated. I have mixed feelings on this but she had kiddo. But after what I discovered, I should have made her pay for an uber to drive them. Sure, it might have cost her a cool $100 or so, but since she had kiddo, I decided to make the trip all the way to the southside to pick them up.

When I got there, a text came in saying, ” I just landed with my son.” Warning bells went off as she refers to him by his name with family and friends. Obviously the text was meant for someone else. Pissed because I rode all the way the fuck that way just for her to be texting (in my mind) some dude. A few minutes later, she called to tell me she had arrived. I asked about it and she claimed that her phone sends “ghost texts sometimes.” I wasn’t going for it, but on the way home, she started showing the me phone and it was acting wonky. Even though I was driving, I did manage to look over and see it doing weird shit….typing out random numbers and letters, but she actively pressed the send button to my phone. I don’t think she saw me watch her press send. Her response, I just wanted to show u what it was doing…. hmmm….. ok. This is the insanity and dumb ass reasoning I’ve grown accustomed to.

Either way, “just landed with my son” isn’t random. Sooo…. i made it up in my mind that I wanted to check out the phone. I took a shower and hopped in the bed. She crawled in after me a few minutes later, but I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with her. Plus it was a good opportunity to check the phone since she left it in the living room. I had suspicions that something was up…..so I told asked point blank if she was texting another guy….and if she was out there fucking someone. Of course, the anwser was an adamant NO….and she acted insulted that I would ask her such a thing.

I know it shouldn’t be looking, but damn, she just got in town 45 minutes ago and I had already felt gaslit like 3 times already. So, when she went to sleep, I got in. I don’t think she knows that I know her passcode. But I checked it…. and it’s worse than I thought. She is getting AROUND. I saw texts to 4 guys that were very sexual in nature….in it she’s claiming how much she misses them. How much she wants to suck them off. Invitations to her air bnb’s and hotels (she’s a travel nurse)….. The kicker is that she’s also talking to her ex. When asked about me, she responds that she’s not happy, …. we grew apart…. i’m not ambitious (oh the irony, you’ll see why in a second)….yada yada yada. We’re not having sex……Along with inviting him out to meet her.

The texts from the other guys, it not only appears that she’s sexting them. She’s also Inviting them out to the air bnb and paying for food and liqour. They all were asking her to loan them some money. She complained that one didn’t pay her back. She got caught up in a scam with another. And she was just paying for the 3rd one’s food and liqour. In all 3 text threads, she’s texting… good morning handsome. I’m thinking about you. I want to suck your d….. Can’t wait to see you again….and so forth. I even saw a meme…. not sure if it was a shot at me where she was asking to suck some guy’s d and he responded with a meme of Jada Pinkett with a mouth full of hotdogs with the caption “keep my wife’s name out your mouth.” A lot of times when they text wyd, she responds with thinking about you or thinking about that dick. 2 of these guys have girlfriends, so she doesn’t mind being the side chick. They sent pictures of themselves…..they are not as handsome as me nor fly (not being cocky but it’s true. they look dusty as fuck!!!) and it appears, since they’re constantly asking her for money, that they’re broke. Looks wise, she’s definitely above their level. Seriously, these dudes are busted. I could admit if a guy looks better than me. Still doesn’t mean he’s better than me. Maybe she likes the fact they might look up to her because of that.

You can’t make this shit up. It writes itself with her.

Despite reading these texts….

I wasn’t angry or anything. I felt a weird sense of calm.

The worst part of it all for me is that she keeps sending these dudes pics of our son. A few of pics were ones that I sent to her of him at his concert a few weeks ago. That part pisses me off, like why the fuck is she sending pics of our kid to these dudes. It makes it even worse that I sent her some of them. I think that she is gaslighting them.

Ok, i kind of figured that she was talking to one dude. I knew that she was in the past when she first moved there, but 4 guys. She’s a little to gotdamned old to be going through a ho phase. Come to think of it, That Jada Pinkett meme is hilariously ironic.

Though I know that there is no chance in hell we’d ever fix our marriage…..there is absolutely no way in the hell I want to have sex with her. I feared that we might someday have sex…which might lead to the ‘hysterical bonding’ sex that a lot of couples go through after an affair…..but after seeing that she’s basically fucking the starting lineup of a basketball team….that’s definitely an easy pass. I like making love and all that….but it would literally be like making out with a prostitute. One of the dudes even was saying that’s what he wanted to eat her out. Like, bruh, IF YOU ONLY KNEW….but then again, some dudes really don’t be caring like that.

It’s embarrassing to know that she carries the title of my ‘wife’ though. Especially considering she’s for the streets for the streets. This has made me realize that she’s lost her gotdamned mind. Or was she always a ho like that. If my son wasn’t the splitting image of me, I’d be seriously considering a dna test at this point.

She slept on the bed last night, I’m considering burning it.

I took pictures of the texts with my phone for leverage…..maybe I can threaten to expose her to all of them….or maybe facebook….or some of her family and friends. But who knows, maybe some of them already know….. either way, I didn’t know she was getting around around like that. It’s even worse than I thought.

I realize now that I gotta divorce her ASAP. IDGAF if she hasn’t figured out her living situation yet. She’s gonna have to just give me primary custody until she figures it out. Unfortunately for him, Kiddo had a great time with her over the last week. Despite her offloading him at her cousin’s house a few times while she was allegedly “at work”. I’m at work now, but I’m seriously thinking about kicking her out this evening.

Damn man, if we didn’t have a kid….this would be a no brainer. But how can I explain to my 12 year old son that his mom is basically a thot pocket. He misses her and keeps talking about how much fun they had over the break. Regardless, either way, I sent her the paperwork for a non contested divorce and will print them out also. We are filling this out tonight. If I don’t kick her out, I’ll probably stop by the store on the way home and invest in some paper plates and utensils.

These hoes man….

Rethinking Marriage

I always used to think that marriage is forever. I mean outside of infidelity and abuse, the issues that you and your spouse had was no grounds for divorce. It was like either be miserably married OR fix them. No giving up. None of that “we grew apart” stuff. Falling “out of love” isn’t enough.

Marriage was an oath, vow, or covenant of the highest order. Your “feelings” or “desire to quit” wasn’t enough to get out of it. Many many vows include the verse from 1 Corinthians 13:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

This meant to me that no matter how hard things, got, you don’t give up. You burned all of your boats behind you. You keep and have faith no matter what. God will see you through in the difficult times if you you follow and trust in Him. I thought that divorcing someone outside of infidelity or abuse made you a pretty terrible person. Especially if there were kids involved. Marriage is work and sometimes it is HARD. But you signed up for it….in front of God, your family, and friends. Like those vows were really meant to be abided by.

I honestly thought that everyone (well most people) thought like this.

It has become clearer to me that this is NOT the case.

If the statistics are true and 80% of divorces are filed by women, I find it quite ironic that so many of them are pressuring and pushing men into it. It’s said in many redpill spaces that women want to be married, but don’t want to be wives. You would think that it would be the men who motion to file more often. But it seems that men are way more willing to endure the pressure and at times, discomfort of being with a person forever.

It’s been said in the redpill community that women want to get married, but don’t want to be wives. In other words, they want the title, but not necessarily want what comes along with it.

Maybe the youtube/social media algorithms are just showing me one side of the story though. I rarely see actual divorce stories about husbands cheating/leaving, but if I actually search for it, who knows what I’ll turn up. And it could be that since I’m looking into those things, those things come up. In real life, I know a ton of married people who seem to have normal marriages. I’d say more are working than getting divorced. But people also don’t tend to share those types of problems with people they know in real life.

Based on my current knowledge and research though, it seems that a prevailing idea is that divorce is just another normal event. That it’s ok, almost expected to get divorced. That people “should” try to work on things, but they don’t really have to if it’s interfering with their path to personal happiness. That cheating or infidelity is kind of fucked up, but not REALLY that bad. That kids are better off in two seperate households than in 1 with an unhappy or unhappy parents. Perhaps this is modern marriage. It’s microwaved and disposable. It’s a participation trophy kind of deal. It’s casual and convenient.

I’m old school and again, my perception is that my personal happiness in marriage isn’t my primary concern or better yet, it’s my issue to make it right. In this case, if my wife isn’t happy, then yeah, she won’t be making my life happier so I need to get her the help or do what I need to do to make her happy. I have to make the best of this situation because I cannot leave it. I vowed on my word to my God, family, and friends to honor and protect those vows….in the best and worst of times. No matter how I felt about it.

But with so many people feeling this modern era about it…. Personally, I see no point. Why are we wasting money, time, and possibly bringing a family into this if you or me can just decide one day….”I’m done.” … “I’m unhappy.”…. “We grew apart”…. “The grass seems greener over there.” Why are pretending that this thing is going to be forever when we could just so easily walk away. Damned the collateral damage.

We spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, thousands on a ring, then tens of thousands on a divorce. We break promises and vows. We split our families apart. For what, just so she can feel like a queen for a day, wear a over priced ring, and be the center of attention. It’s really fucking stupid and pointless if you ask me. It can be a beautiful thing…..if you are really willing to fight for it….but most people aren’t. It’s like wanting to be a soldier in the military just for all the praise you get, but when it’s actually time for war, you’re ready to desert at the first sign of danger.

And worst part is that noone calls assholes out for this behavior. In fact, i’ve seen tons of websites where women actually condone leaving simply because YOLO….. and saying stupid shit like “how can the kids be happy if the mother isn’t.” As if leaving and burning the house down is the only option. But usually it comes down to her wanting to try another guy or ride the cock courosel to see if she still got it.

I’m not going to change my mind about what I think marriage should be. But I need to make the space to accept this new way of thinking. I don’t respect it though. It makes it stupid, pointless, and I’ll leave it to simps, suckers, and cucks to figure out what’s going on here. The information is out there, so if any man really thinks this is a good idea these days, …. good luck my guy.

Is it Me? Or is the rest of the world crazy?

Lately, I’ve found myself really disliking most women. Not on a personal level insofar as not wanting to be friendly, civil, or cordial. But more like, not wanting to consider a relationship with one. I’d prefer situationships, but it’s like I don’t want to be her ‘man.’

I don’t know if this is redpill baggage or awareness. I will say that I don’t KNOW all women, so I’m sure that there are probably some that I’d consider….but the representation or standard archetype of most modern women seem unappealing to me as far as wifey material.

So when I say women, what I mean is this archetype, not necessarily each individual woman.

That said. These modern women seem like terrible human beings….at least when it comes to being a friend/ let alone a partner. It’s like as men, we’re told that it’s our jobs to make and keep them happy. In the past, I was guilty of thinking that this was my job. I am a self-admitted nice guy. But I don’t think I was intentionally using being ‘nice’ as a means of manipulating women. I just treat people how I’d like to be treated. I thought that it was one ingredient of being ‘attractive’….but not the only one. Of course you need a bit of chemistry, looks, compatibility and so forth. But it does appear that being ‘nice’, is the quickest way to being seen as ‘friends only’ material. I find that women really do like assholes for some reason. But you gotta be a charming asshole. You gotta be somewhat selfish. Moreso than not it seems.

Some people are born with a deficiency of empathy. These guys seem to be doing the best when it comes to getting women. It appears to be a defining characteristic of an ‘alpha’ male. Unfortunately, I have to work on developing my asshole gene. I’m getting there, but I can find myself overcorrecting the ‘nice’ issue and being a straight up asshole. It’s a balancing act and I guess that with any form of self improvement, you’re going to stumble a few times and occasionally bust your ass in the process.

I don’t mind that part. The issue is that I think that most women are selfish, arrogant, materialistic, and have this overwhelming need to always be right. It’s as if though they are ignorant of the fact which makes it even worse. I mean if you’re going to be an insufferable, entitled, and arrogant prick, at least be aware of it. I wonder if changing part of who I am is worth it just to attract someone attracted to that shit anyway. Let alone for someone what also possesses the characteristics i just mentioned.

They think that they are god’s gift to men. Many modern women seem to have this entitlement complex to think that they deserve the best of the best of men….and they’re doing you a favor by ‘settling’ for you. As if we don’t also settle in ways for her. Many seem to think that they are perfect princess who deserve to live a luxury lifestyle with happily ever after vibes. And if a man fails to deliver upon that, he’s a ‘dusty’.

Regardless of her terrible attitude, sense of entitlement, poor communication skills, conditional feminity, mental health issues, less than gorgeous looks, and other ‘imperfections’. For some reason most think they are at least a 7 or above in looks and have the best sex in the world. I never met a woman who said she thinks she’s about average in bed. They all think they are or either are close to the best in the world. This obviously (from experience) and logically is not the case. I don’t care about her money, looks, ambition, or drive. It’s useless to me if she’s going to feel look down on me for not sharing her views about gross materialism.

It seems that in order to measure up to their the standard as a man, you gotta be damn near perfection. It’s like you gotta have looks, money, swag, be a damned comedian, be a corporate thug, a porn star, have ambitions of luxury, be able to fight, be a genius, and have a somewhat a sketchy past. You can’t be a Russel Wison type of guy unless you already have money. But if you’re Nipsey Hustle, then you can have your pick. Peace to king, and may he rest in power, but, it’s unrealistic to think that men who lived that lifestyle is going to turn it around without facing prison or death.

Otherwise, she wants to you damned near be a slave to her wants and needs. And all she brings to the table is ‘encouragement’ (to get more resources) and her unsatiable appetite for MORE. It’s like once you declare your love for her and decide to take her on as your woman….you’re responsible for keeping her happy. A damn near impossible task unless u happen to be good at long term game and stay on top of your shit.

In other words, it’s another job. The stakes for failing to perform in any aspect of this ‘job’ leads to her feeling ‘unfulfilled’ or ‘unhappy’. Woe to the man who actually falls in love with her and feels that he can’t live without her. That fool is put on a perpetual treadmill. She then can use sex/love/attention as a carrot and stick type of deal. Fail or lack in any of these areas, many feel justified in leaving (even if you have a family), or depending on her morals, cheating if another guy can provide one or more of the things you might not be so great at. HER happiness is of paramount importance, superceding family, vows, responsibility, duty, or obligation. The fact that they feel that they ‘deserve’ it no matter what is what turns me off about it. Many people who go through way rougher conditions don’t feel this entitlement.

I’ve learned that being a little toxic and/or emotionally unavailable makes the game infinitely easier to play. I know it sounds fatalistic, but seriously…..most women that I know have had a history of dealing with fuckboys and those men gave them their greatest heartbreaks. As a man, I can generally spot a fuckboy a mile away. It’s not hard. It’s hard to ‘hate’ on them because whatever they are doing seems to work. It seems that women have to force themselves to leave fuckboys while at the same time struggle to find reasons to say with “good guys.” They knowingly choose toxic men out out of lust to sleep with, have kids with, and give their all to…. out of attraction, but when it blows up in their face, they say that ALL MEN ain’t shit.

I digress. The main issue I have with commitment with them is that their love appears to be very much conditional. And then it comes down to “what have you done for me lately”. I refuse to commit to a woman who can so easily discard of me. I’m a human being, not a gotdamned utility. It feels like a fake friendship where you gotta pay to play. Like having a friend who’ll only be nice to you if you do things for them. Like pussy and fidelity should be reward enough for you to deal with all of their bullshit.

It’s selfish.

As another example, they say they ‘deserve’ a man who is on their ‘level’ financially. Yet that same 80k a year chick has NO PROBLEMS dealing with a 300k a year surgeon. The 50k a year guy better have prospects and ambitions of making more if she even gives him a chance.

Yet most men will take her for who she is…. even if she can’t afford his lifestyle on her own. That made sense back in the 40’s or 50’s when women didn’t have the same opportunities as women do now. But today, I find it selfish AF that they have the potential to be the main breadwinner, but feel a certain way about it if they are. How could you be so entitled to demand something from someone that you wouldn’t be willing to give in return? Do women really want equal rights without equal responsibility? What selfish individuals many of them are.

It’s insane how so many (especially those who claim to be ‘world traveled’) can feel so damned entitled, yet victimized at the same time. Do these chicks actually travel … or do they just vacation… (there is a difference). Vacationing obviously doesn’t make you ‘cultured’ as many like to brag that they are. Have they read a gotdamned history book. Don’t they realize how fortunate they are to be alive in America today? Even with all of our problems, we got it good compared 99% of the history of people who came before us. If you’re in middle class america, then you arguably have it better than at least 95% of the world today. These females with this luxury entitlement complex (regardless of their income are selfish AF).

My stbxw once told me that she wanted to take kiddo on a trip overseas on family ‘trip’….. she said that if I wanted to go, I should pay for my own ticket and she was under no obligation to pay for my ticket. While she does have the ‘right’ to feel that way…..I personally think that if we were a family, then it shouldn’t matter. What if our salaries were reversed and I told her that since she can’t ‘afford’ to pay for her own ticket, then she couldn’t go. Wouldn’t that be kind of a dickish move? I’d never in a million years think that it was an option for her not to go for that reason. Her response…. “well it would be your right and you wouldn’t have to pay for me.” I don’t have a 3rd party to say whether I’m right or wrong on this one, but as of now, I think that her kind of thinking is selfish AF. Especially when it isn’t like I’m out here spending an obscene amount of money on myself anyway. Maybe I’m wrong, but I am starting to suspect that a lot of women probably think like her when it comes to this.

The superficial standards that women put on decent men is what’s going to keep a lot of them single and ran through. Especially those entitled women who make decent money. He could have a great heart, be a great husband, great father, but if his finances isn’t up to par with hers, she feels that she can do better and that she ‘settled’. The part that gets me is that even if he could still ‘provide’ a decent life for her, if he isn’t providing the LIFESTYLE she things she deserves based on her income, then she feels ‘better’ than him. A lot of them will choose ‘LIFESTYLE’ over family with a decent guy. Ironically, if a man decided that he’s better off financially without a wife and kids dragging down his finances, and he wanted to leave, he’s seen as an asshole, narcissist, or deadbeat. When women didn’t have equal rights, men were expected to do this which is understandable. But today, we still are.

Am I fucking crazy? The archetype of these modern western women and (if I’m honest), most that I talk to leave me seriously preferring the single life. It’s really no surprise most dudes don’t want to deal with them on a relationship level. Conditional love and marriage/family just doesn’t seem to mix. They are materialistic and unsatiable in the long run. Work too hard, you’re too ambitious, don’t work enough, you’re not ambitious enough. Hence the high divorce rate with 80% of women filing. IDK man, there has to be some good ones out there. I won’t hold my breath in finding one, but if I do, I’ll greatly cherish her and pray that she isn’t too damaged. Meanwhile, situationships seem to be about the best I can do for now.

It’s been a long time coming

This has been quite an ordeal. I am over it, but I’m like over it over it. The more I speak to STBXW, the more I wonder what the fuck I ever saw in her in the first place. She is a totally different person now. I don’t see anything special about her. Her mentality is that of so many modern women who I strongly dislike in so far as wanting a relationship with.

I don’t hate nor do I pity her. She is just who she is. I used to be afraid that she’d find someone and be ‘happy’ with him. But now, I really don’t care. If someone does actually like a woman like that, then he’s actually better for her than I’ll ever be. Maybe she was right, maybe we grew apart. The current incarnation of herself is unattractive as a person (to me) on the inside. She’s loud, hypocritical, annoying, materialistic, shallow, and as of late, it appears that she’s getting ‘old’. At least in the sense that she’s out of shape and constantly complaining about some body ache or another. She lacks that…..whatever it is that makes me want to be with someone as a significant other.

I’d go so far as to say that she’s common issue “for the streets” material. Maybe she isn’t a ho ho. As in sleeping with every tom dick and harry with a little money. But her mentality is far from that of what I’d consider a good wife….let alone real friend. Perhaps her waywardness shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. Then again, I am seeing her through these red pill lenses now. I wish I had worn them sooner. I am in a space where I can say that I am thankful that she gave me kiddo. But outside of that, I really am not interested in anything outside of a co-parenting relationship her.

I could have almost dealt with the selfishness, materialism, entitlement, and self delusion….and probably would have settled for it for the sake of kiddo had she not been constantly unfaithful, untrustworthy, and unrepentant. Despite all of this pain, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise as she’s given me justification to actually divorce her. I’m pretty sure there is no coming back at this point.

It’s been over a year, probably two, since I last slept with her and I really can’t imagine doing it anymore. My recollection of the last few times we did it doesn’t make me desire to do so anymore. In a way, it’s quite ironic that she was quite stingy with the sex, but it wasn’t like it was good (to me) anyway. She’s never been a great kisser and the passion looking back was just ‘meh’.

I think I can say that I’m not in love with her anymore….and I’m glad that my heart finally got the memo. Despite all of that, I do have some level of love for her as she is the mother of my son. But I do need to move on and proceed with divorce.

She’s making it more difficult…once again, due her her selfishness. She mentioned re-signing her travel contract for another year which would make a noncontested divorce very difficult since she doesn’t have a ‘permanent’ residence. Her travel assignment is in New York while currently live near Atlanta. It is required that we have a parenting plan in place and we must be on the same page about custody. How can we split custody if she lives so far away. Does it really make sense for kiddo to spend half the year in NY and the other in GA as he does have to go to school somewhere? He’s at an age now where I think that he can recover from this. Besides, given the state of our estrangement in the last few years, I don’t think he’ll be blindsided by all of this anymore.

Of course, it’s all about the ‘money’ with her and I don’t know how I can convince her to take a pay cut…. at least for a little while, so that we can live closer together. But she only has two options at this point, either give me full custody or move back down where we can split custody. It’s only fair as most of his family is here, he was raised here, and there is no way I’m moving to New York for the first time as a grown assed middle aged man. I have no family nor friends up there. Plus I’ve spoken with quite a few people from New York. Most say that they moved here in order to give their kids a better way of life.

All that to say is that I’m feeling in a much better space now. It’s like recovering from an injured ankle and stepping on it for the first few times without feeling pain. I’m still a bit cautious…especially since I didn’t realize how hurt I still was a few months ago. But I am hopeful and thankful to finally be able to bask in the glow of the light near the end of the tunnel.

Overcoming the bitterness

Was hanging out with stbxw this weekend on some last minute, “I’m coming for my birthday this weekend.”

Some people feel like I shouldn’t hang out with her. I understand where they are coming from. They are afraid that she might ‘decide’ to reel me back in. And/Or perhaps I might somehow still want to be with her. But either way, both boil down to the fact that they think I could be vulnerable.

TBH, there is more temptation than I suspected….at least for sex. I mean I flirt with the idea. Fortunately for me, she doesn’t initiate…but it also lets me know that she isn’t really feeling me like that.

I mean, for her forego sex or at LEAST at not attempt it…..means that she just ain’t feeling me like that. I know what it feels like to be ‘wanted’ sexually. But it also shows me that maybe, we’re sexually incompatible….at least as far as how much we want sex. After the honeymoon phase was over, I wanted it more often than she did. Our first major blow up was over that.

By that time though, she already had a fling or two with a so called ‘riend’ and was at least ‘talking’ to her affair partner. Idk, but maybe the decline in sex indicated the loss of her sexual attraction to me. Plus someone else was able to seduce her. 2x even.

Morals aside….I could see how losing attraction for your spouse could possibly happen.

I never tried to intentionally ‘win’ her tho. I thought we just connected. I didn’t know that I needed to ‘be a certain way’…. I figured we ‘connected’ and in that process grew to ‘LOVE’ one another like for real. Especially after a family, kids, ups, downs, and I felt that I really TRIED to treat her well. My intentions and ACTIONS were on point as far as treating her “right”.

I never cheated, always worked and contributed money into the household. Most/If not all FR of my check. I helped with the household work….MORE OFTEN than she did even….I was involved with raising our kid. I asked her if she was ok. I was a true friend to her. A listening ear. I forgave things without keeping score of my disappointments. I wan’t exactly a doormat about it, but I didn’t ‘hate’ her or anything. Even miscommunications didn’t BLOW up like that.

I Truly LOVED HER. So perhaps I couldn’t even SEE her. “Love covers a multitude of sins” as in says in the scriptures. Perhaps it’s more literal than we think.

I accepted how she didn’t really seem to “think deeply” about issues. We never had any philosphical disuccsions. My sex drive was higher than hers after a while. She didn’t seem as ‘invested’ as far as being cooperative. She seemed to be more concerned with the surface level “stuff” more than the substance of it. As a metaphor….prefering a “house” over a “home”.

She bought into the GLAM behind BUZZ words like “black excellence” ,”power couple”,”generational wealth” and so forth….but seemed not as focused on the reality of what it takes to get there. Like work and quite a bit of luck. She is misaligned and seems to have bought in with the thinking of the “masses”…..

As of now, she seems to lack the concept of ‘family’, ‘loyalty’, and ‘honor’. Like ‘respect’ seems t\o come from a place of fear rather than love, duty, or obligation. She isn’t a TEAM player, but it’s all about “HER” and “Her happiness.”…. no matter what it takes to get it….and her lack of ‘intelligence’ is whatmakes Me think is the root of all of this.

and it comes back her her ‘attraction’….maybe with her love is based on attraction … thus attraction comes first….then the love later. But with me it’s the opposite….the more I love you, the more I am attacted to you. At least as far as ‘wifey’ goes. Her love is based on lust.

I dig loyalty, understanding, support, honesty, reciprocity. The rest is superficial.

I accepted the bullshit from her even though I felt she didn’t provide those things. I did it because….Love covers a multitude of sins….

That said, while I do still love her. Any attempt at reconciliation would be superficial at best. I really can’t trust her and she’s shown me no sort of real repentance. It’s like she knows she fucked up in how she handled everything….but it’s like she doesn’t UNDERSTAND WHY.

She doesn’t ‘feel’ it. And maybe it’s just not ‘in her’ like that to feel the ‘WHY’…. i think she’s a covert narc tbh….but she literally cannot see it.

I mean I love her, but she just isn’t the right woman as ‘wifey’ for me. I didn’t see it because I did love her, but she never really was right for me. Narcs to tend to ‘lovebomb’ you as she once did to me. I didn’t even know what that was at the time.

I fell in love and gave my power away. And though she knows what it is….she was made that way…..staying angry is like BEING angry with a pet tiger for almost killing you some random day though u thought you were ‘friends’.

She just like it literraly did what they are programmed to do. Just like I did, in a way. I love for real. She’s a narc like for real.

I just don’t know if ALL WOMEN are like that. Redpill makes me think that perhaps they are. But tbh, I didn’t VET her like I do other women. I never wanted to be marrid until I met her. But she was first one that I got that I …REALLY… wanted….and she happened to look just like one of the ones I really WANTED but got away.

It should have been a RED FLAG that our conversations weren’t nearly as deep. I just let her in without realizing she didn’t belong there. Out of lust or perhaps desire for the Original. So now I suffer.

Women don’t seem to understand that I can love you….but I can’t wife you unless ‘it’ is there. It’s nothing personal….I don’t even expect to find ‘it’….but a man does get lonely…and I’m not waiting around for ‘it’ and NOT have sex.

‘IT’ has nothing to do with her as a ‘person’. Yet, I’d like to hope that my morals would overrule ‘IT’…. so i can’t get married or be in a relationship.

I’m not her “IT”….and tbh, my “IT” would rcciprocate willingly and automatically. She’d have to be as I did … push me to make her cheat… cheat on me to try to get over me…. cheat bcuzve made it clear that I don’t respect her… cheat bcuz I really don’t want her like that.

MY STBXW.

She wants out…She really couldn’t love me like that….AND perhaps she’s the type of woman who can’t. It automatically makes her not wifey material. Even though I respect the maritial bond…..she felt a certain way enough to BREAK it….without trying to fix it first.

AND THAT IS JUST WHO SHE IS….

S

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Top 10 Problems with Modern Western Women

Even though it feels that I’m pretty much over the redpill rage, I am not the same as before. I find myself really disliking a lot of women…at least as far as thinking that I would not want to be in a relationship with one. I know that ALL women aren’t terrible like the ones I often hear about and experienced (at least I hope not), but my tolerance for the bullshit is pretty low and at this point, I don’t know if I will be able to find a woman to ….ya know, actually want to be with relationship wise. My issues with a lot of modern women are:

1)They are too entitled. They feel like they deserve the best of the best regardless of they type of person they are or their accomplishments. They feel they don’t have to bring anything but pussy and their appetites to the table. If if they have resources or money , it’s not on the table. Your money is “yall’s”money. Their money is their money.

2)They are too arrogant. You have average chicks (looks and personality wise) believing that they are too good for an average guy. Just because guys want to sleep with them doesn’t mean that she’s somehow a princess or anything. Dudes will sleep with just about anyone and will say almost anything to get it. It doesn’t make her Cleopatra just because several men want to sleep with her. Her plethora of ‘options’ are simply thirsty men who want to get between her legs, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to be with her like that. Yet because they get some sexual attention, they believe they are Beyonce or something thinking they deserve a Jay-Z or rich millionaire who only wants to spend on them. Most average women don’t know that they are are actually average. But who’s gonna tell them?

3)They try to be too funny. Funny women aren’t really that attractive to me. It’s ok, I suppose, depending on the kind of funny. Most aren’t really all that funny anyway. STBXW thinks she’s hilarious. She’s actually more annoying. Dunno, but somewhere in the relationship, she developed this loud obnoxious mean girl sort of laugh. It’s rediculous when they don’t take anything seriously and always want to make jokes. Maybe it’s attractive / cute to them when men do it, but as a man, it’s annoying AF….even if my male friends do it.

4)They are superficial. Many have an unhealthy obsession with money. It’s the ‘get the bag’ generation. Am I the only one noticing that people are starting to worship money these days? Don’t get me wrong financial security is important. But despite having their needs mostly met….at least from a Maslow’s heirarchy point of view, they still crave MORE and MORE. Financial security and ambition are now code words for wealthy or either doing whatever it takes to be wealthy. While nothing is wrong with being wealthy on it’s face, but it’s like, they’re putting the cart before the horse. They seem obsessed with traveling (or should I say vacationing), luxury, and whatever other bullshit shiny things they see on reality TV. Most people who became successful did so because they came up with something that changed or at least contributed to changing the world for a lot of people. Often, the money wasn’t the primary motivator. It was like they discovered their purpose or passion first, saw where it could be useful to others, worked at it and the money came later. I’m pretty sure one can have passions that aren’t lucrative financially, yet just as fulfilling. Yet if it doesn’t make money, it doesn’t count.

5)They are ignorantly selfish. The rise of women in the workplace is evidence of this. Many women want financial equality, yet when it comes to contributing financially to the household, they feel that they man should be the primary breadwinner, regardless of her earning potential. The double standard is that they wouldn’t mind if their man made exponentially more money than them and in fact would expect him to carry the load of the financial burden if he made the most most money. Added insult to injury is that men typically don’t have as high as a lifestyle requirement as women. Also, many women will NOT do anything they don’t feel like doing. They won’t even try it. Ever ask a woman who isn’t into hiking to go hiking. Yet she expects you to go to the damned spa or something. Compromise typically goes only one way. You compromise with her, not the other way around.

6)They are greedy and expensive. Why would we even need a half-million dollar home with only 1 or 2 children anyway? Why work so damned hard for these material possessions when we can’t even really enjoy the fruits of our labor? Do we really need to keep up with the Jones’? Who the fuck pays 1500 for a handbag anyway? Why do u need ALL of these damned clothes that you don’t wear/ wore only once anyway? Why do u need all this expensive makeup when you actually look better without it? And why do we need to pay $25000 for a freaking wedding? Why do you want an expensive Range Rover and a 1.2k a month car payment? Don’t tell me it’s because of the fine English mechanics. Yet, even if can manage to afford to have / do all of this, they still end up miserable. According to some reports, they file for divorce a whopping 80% of the time. This number doesn’t even include the one’s who are cheating on their husbands or just afraid to leave despite being miserable anyway.

7)It’s your job to keep her happy. As her man, you’re expected to be her counselor, porn star, entertainer, provider, protector, alpha beta, and whatever the fuck else she requires in order to keep her happy. You better also have a shit ton of game and make sure you pass all of her shit tests. Fail in any of these, then she feels justified in cheating or leaving. Give her 8 out of the 10 things on her list and someone else comes along tempting her with the other 20%, it’s like all the other shit you do goes out the window. You don’t make enough money, you’re not funny enough, you’re not good enough in bed, you don’t pay enough attention to her, you’re too needy, you don’t help enough with the kids, you’re not ambitious enough, you’re too ambitious. Even if you happen to be able to juggle all the balls without dropping one, you still have to worry about the number 3 relationship killer….BOREDOM. Yup, you could be perfect, but she could just get bored with you. Then she starts feeling unfulfilled, claims to be a shrinking violet, and needs to “find herself”. Good luck with that.

8)You can’t tell them anything. Have you ever tried to tell a woman over 33 anything? Yes and you did exactly that…. ‘TRY’. These modern middle aged women are extremely stubborn can’t learn anything new. They won’t take accountability and are NEVER wrong about anything. I’ve heard so many black women say that they’re never wrong about anything that it’s not even funny anymore. I thought they were joking at first, but no, keep prying and you’ll eventually discover they are serious. You can give them examples, tell stories, give analogies, show facts….. it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t line up to ‘her truth’. With such fragile ego’s it’s really just best a lot of times to give up and let it go if it isn’t worth the argument. Ad hominems, deflection, and blame shifting are their responses of choice. As they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, the same can be said for middle aged women.

9)Being in love is only temporary. When a woman is in love with you….she LOVES you. You can’t do wrong. But it’s pretty much over when she falls out. Her loyalty is based on how much she is IN LOVE with you. But once the sparks disappear, she’s liable to do anything, including check out, stop giving you sex, give you the pity pussy. … and that’s if you’re lucky. Many will just cheat on your goofy ass until they find someone else to take her on. It’s like she doesn’t have the ability to love on her own free accord. It must be based on emotions and attraction only. Lose that then, you’re in for a shitty ride….especially if you aren’t the primary breadwinner who is providing the LIFESTYLE she thinks she deserves. This is one reason I cannot condone marriage this day in age. They will check out emotionally and even if you try to straighten up, it’s usually too late by then. They cannot bring themselves to love you on their own. You can think that she’s your ‘best friend’ and that your relationship is deeper than the superficial, but I have a million stories out here of men warning you otherwise. Redpill theology says it best. “She’s never yours, it’s just your turn.” It is one thing they definetely get right.

10) These women have too many gotdamn bodies. It’s already pretty gross that you have to have to acknowledge that she’s most likely has a history of sleeping with many men. Do you know how many dicks have been in her mouth, gallons of nut that’s been pumped into her body and down her throat. All the nasty freaky shit she did with other men before you? And you still want to kiss her in the mouth or eat her out? How disrespectful is it to have her cheat on you after accepting her past and have her do it while you’re with her. Imagine kissing her in the mouth just a few hours after having her lips wrapped around another man’s member. Or eating her out days after some douchebag ejaculated inside of her. It’s disgusting. Like wearing another man’s underwear or something. You think that sex is special somehow just because she screams your name during sex? How many other men made her moan with pleasure? Spit in her mouth, and poked every hole in her body. Stuck a finger or two in her butt while she was bent over. Yeah. That’s your WIFE now. How many men did she lead to believe that the sex with them was the most incredible or special thing she’s ever experienced? Newsflash dummy, you weren’t the first and most likely won’t be the last. Sex really isn’t that special to her my guy, no matter how she pretends yours the best thing since sliced bread. If sex is the bond or glue that ties you two together as something more than just friends, today it is the elmer’s kindergarten class project glue. Maybe it’s more like used scotch tape if we’re honest.

All of this said, relationships aren’t really special. Love is just temporary lust and biochemicals mixing in your brain. A drug. Women don’t love you, they just lust you sometimes temporarily. They don’t need you these days and even if they do, they usually grow resentful or ungrateful over time. Love doesn’t necessarily mean loyalty and is usually temporary. It’s not about what you actually do, but how can make her feel. She may love you for a season or two, but it’s just temporary. They’d rather be in love (lust) which is usually outside of their of control and are mostly incapable of loving someone for real (choosing it). For these reasons, I’m not sure if I’m just jaded and bitter of I’ve finally waken to the fact that Santa ain’t real.

It’s come to this

The latest incarnation of the de-evolution of the stbxw has me realizing that there is no coming back for her. I can only assume that she is only going to get worse.

She is becoming a caricature of the evil antagonist in my story.

I’ve often been intrugued at how the the ‘bad’ guy of the film became the way that he was. Villians like ‘The Joker’, Lex Luthor, Dr. Octopus of comic book lore all have some sort of background that somewhat explains why they are hell bent on destroying the earth or some bullshit. Even Satan himself has some back story where one could say, “well, I kind of get it.”

Yet I see no / have no apparent explanation as to why the STBXW has chosen to act in such an evil way. It’s as if she’s possessed by a demon or someting. She’s not the same person. Her moral / ethical compass appears to have just broken.

I don’ know who this new person is, perhaps it’s been there the whole time. Personally, I don’t like her. Maybe I should have expected this. I’ve never seen intelligence as a moral attribute, however, it does appear that one has to have some level of emotional intelligence in order to understand the ‘evils’ that they do.

Yet she seems completely and utterly ignorant and incapable of understanding how fucked up she behaves and treats me. It’s as if she can’t really grasp how selfish she really is. And this ignnorance of her selfishness will prevent her from ever being trustworty as a friend….let alone a significant other.

I’ve tried to send her articles, videos, and media in hopes that it could jog something inside her mind….yet she refuses to read or watch them. If she truly felt the need to self improve, self reflect, or even defend her actions, one would think that she’d at least look at them…if not superficially to prove me wrong or correct my ‘inaccurate’ assessment.

Yet she refuses to defend herself or her actions. She is the woman who the scripture warns us men about. “She doesn’t consider the ways of life.” She’s like a zombie… a little bit above an animal.

Proverbs 5:6 “She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it”

This verse pretty much sums her up as succicently as anything I could say about her.

I have to really have keep this in mind when dealing with her. It’s probably generally a good idea to avoid these types of people whenever possible. They can fuck your life up with little thought into what they do. Yet I have to co-parent with her.

Hopefully rememberance of this verse will come in handy in times when I get frustrated with her being a cunt for no apparent reason. Allowing her to upset me is like allowing a special needs person (one without common sense anyway) to get under my skin.

She’ll get her karma. Most likey, it will come in the form of her doing something stupid. Though she probably won’t see it as ‘karma’ per se, tbh, i think she’s too stupid to see correspondence between her outcomes and her actions. Most likey, she’ll try to keep it a secret and /or rug sweep it as if it didn’t happen as long as she thinks noone knows about it.

This is what happens when people are never held accountable….but at this point, holding her accountable isn’t likely to teach her anything anyway.

She is a black-blonde. At one time i thought that her naivety was endearing….and in ways it is. However, it is dangerous as it it likely activated my ‘protector’ instinct when it came to her. But now I see that this is actually a liability as well as a danger as she lacks the moral integrity and emotional intelligence to not throw you under the bus as an instictive reflex should temptation come her way.

Perhaps I was bit naive myself when it came to her. I do wonder if others can see it in her. But we as men can be really stupid and selfish as well when it comes to ‘beautiful’ women at times it seems. Though her looks are fading quickly as she hits the wall, there will probably be no shortage of ‘wolves’ willing to take advantage of her lack of common sense and sense of moral integrity.

The thing I have to accept that there will most likely never be a “come to Jesus” moment with her. Though I’ve pretty much given up on us being a ‘family’ like we once were, I always expected that she’d someday look back and actually sincerely apologize for her role in the destruction of our family and friendship. I was actually hoping that perhaps this could give me some sort of closure and we could co-parent in somewhat a satisfactory manor.

I am starting to realize that this cannot happen due to the way her mind works. I am going to have to accept that something is missing in her. I cannot make her be a ‘decent’ person. I have to learn how to create boundaries with someone who cannot truly understand the need for them. I’m fighting with a domestic terrorist who doesn’t care about collateral damage, reasoning, nor standard conventions of war. Unfortuately, without any way/power to enfornce these boundaries, and with limited means of reasoning…..this is going to be hard.

I can’t believe that I actually once believed that this woman was special. She is a standard issue narc who thinks she’s special. I was such a fool.

0

A Deal With the Devil

I’ve been listening to a ton of stories about narcissism and infidelity due to the YouTube algorithm populating my recommend list lately. In many of these stories, the men getting cheated on very often report that their wives/long term partners seem to have changed. It’s not uncommon to hear them say things like “I’ve never known her to be this way” or “This isn’t the woman I married.” It’s quite interesting how the actions and behaviors of these women are so similar in these stories. They’re becoming quite predictable. It’s as if a similar energy or spirit possess these women.

My stbxw also seemed to experience this transformation. It’s like their character fundamentally changes at the core. At one time they had trouble lying, now, they do so with no guilt. The were once fair, but now selfish. Once stand up, now manipulative. Genuinely kind, but now somehow it’s fake. The lack remorse, empathy, or care for someone who had been their “best friend” and closest ally over sometimes a few decades. You rarely hear about these women feeling any sincere remorse or guilt for hurting her man or destroying her family. Any show/display of remorse comes from either getting caught, having to eat humble pie because it doesn’t work out with the other man, or because she stands to lose either resources, reputation, or both. It’s not from a place of being genuinely apologetic for the damage they cause. Spoiler alert: they always end up doing it again if you do take her back.

Our 13th anniversary was on Dec. 12 and i told her that never in a million years did I think we would be in this place. She agreed and said before the affair, she never would have thought so either. Yet she doesn’t have any remorse for destroying our family. The cognitive dissonance she has is amazing. She describes how “unhappy” she was, yet can’t give a single example/reason to explain or justify the reason for this unhappiness. At least not to the point of justifying such betrayal and the consequences of destroying our family. In infidelity/affair literature, it’s called rewriting history. It’s something that wayward spouses do to justify their behavior where they make things seem worse than what they actually were. It’s a form of self brainwashing. I know she’s doing this because as I said, she cannot give any specific examples of anything that was so bad / miserable about about our marriage and family life.

It’s like invasion of the body snatchers where the very thing that made you consider actually marrying them in the first place has been replaced with something sinister and wicked. Their values change. They lose their integrity and moral compass. I have a theory on this and it’s a bit woo woo, but hear me out.

I believe that once they cross the path into infidelity, they open themselves up to something akin to a demonic spirit that’s quite similar to that of a narcissist. Many people believe that narcissists are demon possessed individuals. They lack compassion and empathy for their own families. Now on it’s head, it doesn’t seem too significant of a claim. Typically, narc’s are just like that. But what makes this quite concerning is the fact that this change happens during the affair period. Many call it “the affair fog”.

I think what happens is that they take on the spirit of the guy they are cheating with. There is an exchange of spiritual energy that occurs when two people sleep together. Any man who sleeps with another man’s wife already has a spirit of disrespect, manipulation, deceit, cruelty, and wickedness. The woman (being the weaker vessel spiritually speaking) takes on this spirit and it basically possesses her. She becomes corrupted and compromised. She is no longer the woman you married. She quite literally sold her soul. She is like him now.

Another common thing reported is that she does things sexually with him that she never did with you or things that she claimed disgusted her. How is it possible that you’re that close and intimate with someone for YEARS and they never mentioned doing those things. Or even if you did, they weren’t interested, yet only after a few weeks/months of meeting someone, they are doing them? Do you think they were lying to you at the time when they had no reason to? I’m pretty open sexually, but I do have my boundaries. They don’t change for new people.

They say that once a good girl goes bad, she’s gone forever. And once a cheater, always a cheater. This is because that spirit that she absorbed from that guy is in her. It’s taken over her mind, heart, and soul. While it does share many of the characteristics of the woman you once married, she is infected with a demonic entity. Unfortunately, you can either learn to deal with it or leave. But know that this entity will flare up and a true reconciliation isn’t really possible. Her mind and heart is no longer with you. You cannot love that demon out of her.

I’ve heard so many stories of false reconciliations where the woman through the motions of the counselors or pastors only to lie to them. They will either go back to the OM or move on to another man after a few months or so. My STBXW actually lied directly to a pastor in the church about her involvement with her affair partner as she was still dealing with him. This is a woman who once respected the faith.

These women become irrational to the point where you really have to wonder if there is some mental illness going on. Some of the things they say seem so illogical and unreasonable that it’s not uncommon to wonder “How did I miss all of these red flags.”

I really don’t think they were there, I think she changed….and for the worst as far as character goes.

STBXW really believes that she deserves “love” and a man to swoop in and “rescue” her. She believes that destroying her family for her own selfish lusts and desires is just some trivial thing. She once told me that people cheat sometimes, that’s just what it is. Yet, before all of this occurred we’ve had numerous conversations about how much we despise cheaters. She’s seen and witnessed the first hand the destruction the emotional damage such a thing has on the victims. Yet today, she’s justifying that sort of behavior. She’s even gone on so far as to cheat with 2 guys who she knew were in relationships with other women with kids. When confronted by one of these women, she told her that she was still going to see him regardless of what she thinks about it. Sounded very similar to her second affair partner when I confronted him.

This is not the woman I married. She wasn’t like that.

It boggles the mind and perplexes me how I could have missed these red flags in her. Even my closest friends and family are surprised by her. Her side of the family can’t know how fully depraved she’s become. Knowing them, they would cut her off. Yet, her justification of “I’m not happy.” seems sufficient enough for them. She lies by omission and if they only knew what she is doing now, I’m sure they wouldn’t be so lenient as for as not calling her out.

That said, I can no longer trust in anything she says. Fully corrupted and demonic, I have no clue what she’s capable of anymore and I really don’t trust her with our son. I don’t think she’d physically hurt him, but psychologically, I think she is capable of damaging him if it serves her selfish wants. I can’t say for sure if she would, but given the cavilier attitude she has about breaking his home, her lack of effort in trying to fix it before burning it down, and unrepentant selfishness she’s displayed so far, I can’t put it past her.

It’s like There is no amount of logic and reasoning I can do with her can get her to see the harm she’s done/doing . Her moral agency is corrupted. She’s angry with me because I won’t stand for her bullshit and I’m probably the only person who knows and will call her out on it. She’s now for the streets and I cannot save her.

This may make co-parenting a difficult task to undertake because I refuse to capitulate to her bullshit. I’m relearning which battles are worth it and which ones aren’t. It’s hard to negotiate with terrorists though. While I know that my testimony is one-sided and there are multiple sides to every story, I’m trying to be as objective as possible as I type this out. I have resolved to divorce her in the upcoming year. Things are looking pretty bleak for a noncontested, but I have to do what I need to do and hire a divorce attorney. Hopefully, this can help with some of the closure that’s needed to close this chapter of my life.

This lesson has taught me that marriage isn’t a viable option for me. It’s not that I don’t trust women carte blanche. I just can’t see myself putting that much emotional investment into a person who can just change into an unreasonable and corrupt monster overnight. It’s just not a wise choice to give someone that much power over you and your life. I have to have the power to walk away without it affecting those around me who depend on me.

Falling in love and marrying someone is like owning a pet tiger, sure, the “right one” may never turn on you, but if it does and you never know if it will, it’s too late by the time you find out and the consequences can be very detrimental.

It could all be so simple

“But you’d rather make it hard….loving you is a battle, where be both end up with scars.”

-Lauryn Hill

I don’t know why so many women in the black community seem to think that their ‘temper’ or inability to control their mouth is a ‘cute’ or ‘quirky’ thing. I know so many women who humble brag about their tempers or anger issues. Many are also low key proud of the bullshit they be on when it comes to relationships. Songs like, ‘back up on my bullshit’ and so forth are anthems for them. They are materialistic, loud, overtly aggressive, and always ‘chasing a bag.’ They like to use current pop lingo/slang and seem to think that this behavior is somehow appealing. Their role models are Niki Minaj, Meg the Stallion, Rihanna, or Lizzo. They seem to think that expressing their feminine power is being overtly sexual and selfish.

They are loud, permiscuous, lacking morals, and overtly materialistic. I really don’t see the appeal. Yet, they wonder why men only want sex from them. I mean seriously, who the fuck wants to deal with all of that toxic ass behavior. To be honest, it’s a real turn off for me these days. When I see a woman who acts/dresses in a certain way, i am starting to bet repulsed by it.

The fake nails, fake hair, fake eyebrows, bbls, waist trainers, and so forth make them look like common street walkers or many times, transexual men. When I see a gang of them hanging around with these ho uniforms all loud and obnoxious makes me want to walk in a differerent direction.

I mean seriously, what dude really wants to wife a woman like that? My lover, despite all of my protests seem to think that this is what we like. She is a another example of someone experiencing cognitive dissonance when it comes to this. Even though she has toned down how she dressed since she’s met me…. At least when I can see what she’s wearing when she goes out…..she still seems to think that men like this.

I’m like the men who do actually like this ‘persona’ are probably men you wouldn’t want to get serious about. They all need to stop watching these reality tv shows because I’m starting to think that they think that this is real life. As a man, I’ve talked to men about the eyelashes, nails, and attitudes and the vast majority > 90% never say that they like those things. At the very least, the most understanding (blue pilled) say that it’s their right to wear what they want as long as it makes them happy. Still though, most of them won’t go so far as to say that they actually like it.

It seems that immoral, rachet, and loud women are the prototypes of what many females want to become. They are cold hearted and act like they want to be gangsters or female thugs or something. It’s like way too much masculine energy. It really pisses me off sometimes because these women want to act masculine, but don’t seem to understand that that the ‘loud mouthed’ arrogant guys who really be talking shit like that is either extremely rare or either a characature in movies and rap videos or locked up and in constant trouble.

Most dudes know that being reckless with his mouth or behavior (unless he’s really about that life)…. can get him into serious shit. He might get beat up, jumped, shot, arrested, or even killed if done to wrong person. You have a few ‘tough guys’ out there, but for the most part, we know that as men, that we have to show a certain level of restraint. you just aren’t going to be running your mouth at people on average….especially if you have something going for yourself. We will generally (normal guys, not street dudes) try to avoid voilence or situations where violence can occur. This isn’t out of fear of the next man per se, but it’s because the outcome isn’t worth it (win or lose). We’re talking, jail, possibly prison, having to kill someone, paying court fees, paying a lawyer, and bad things on our record. These things actually can hinder us and set us back a few years either emotionally or financially.

Yet, they want this bad boy who doesn’t care in the name of ‘feeling secure’ and protected. Protection from….what again….we live in a safe time. It’s all fun and games until he turns up on her….and then she gets to play victim. What a confusing time. It seems just easier to just not give a fuck as far as not caring what their feelings are. This way, you don’t have to capitulate to the pressure of walking that fine line. And ironically, it seems that the less you give a fuck, the more she likes you.

Then if you are foolish enough to take on the risk of catering to her in the name of ‘love’ you absolutley must walk in perfection. You’d better be making the right money, keep her entertained, fuck her good when she wants it, buy her nice gifts, take her on exotic trips, stay masculine (whatever her version of it is), and anticipate her wants/desires before she does. You better make good money AND somehow carve out enough time for her. Yet, maintain an air of mystery. Basically, become a suffering/ yet eager super man servant to her needs without coming across as too desperate for her. Then, should someone else come along who provides something you may lack…. or he happens to have better ‘game’, or promises her ‘better’ than what you can offer…..All of the dragons you slayed, your achievements, or your history together means nothing.

It’s your job to keep her ‘happy’ in this day of the promise of greener grass at every turn. She’s a princess who “deserves” the best of what life has to offer after all and fail to meet that expectation, then she feels justified to turn her back on you. Seriously, who the fuck wants to sign up for that? Your contributions, feelings, desires for the best for her mean absolutely NOTHING….even if you were foolish enough to put up with all her bullshit in the name of love. Maybe i have abandoment issues, but it does seem that way to me.

To me, it ain’t worth it. At least not to the point where I’d put my heart on the line again. If she ain’t making it easy, i ain’t chasing shit because often times, the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. Loyalty is a good man’s downfall these days. It truly is a case of ‘she’s never yours, it’s just your turn.’….that is of course, unless you pay the price….and there is still no guarantees with that. … and guess what, there is NOTHING you can do about it. But if you do happen to win….your prize?…..to keep doing it over and over day after day, year after year……hoping that you can maintain.

Yet they wonder why men don’t even try these days? I can’t say how many women are like this but I can say for sure that I don’t see women calling this bullshit toxic behavior out. Many men will at least ‘white knight’ or pretend at least just to get some ass. But you rarely if ever see women call toxic/terrible women out on their behavior….to the contrary, you see many of them endorse this behavior.

Not saying that all women are like this, but you can never really know because 1)there are a ton of chameleons out there (narc’s are notorious for that and 2)people do change. I wouldn’t recommend putting everything on the line for something so fickle and uncertain….but to each his own.

Truth or Red Pill Indoctrination?

They say that love is the thing that makes you accept the worst out of a person and still want to deal with them. In marriage, this gets exponentially harder as the lust factor fades, familiarity increases, and the pressures of life begins to mount up. You have to learn to accept your spouse, and their changes, for better or for worse for the sake of the family unit. Hopefully, that person’s changes won’t be deal breakers and you can grow together.

I’m starting to wonder if she hadn’t cheated / had an affair, could I have a taken the STBXW’s changes. I am at the point where it fees like she’s just not right for me. I wouldn’t marry her today if I knew her. Especially knowing what I know about her now.

But I have to admit that I don’t know if I’m really good for anyone in a relationship context.

However, I also have to admit that lately, I have developed an aversion to loving a woman. Ok, rather, being in love with a woman. This failed marriage and the internet has really changed my perspective of relationships and women in general. I always thought that in general they were fair minded, self sacrificing, oppressed individuals who just wanted a fair shake in love.

Today, I hold a wildly different view. It appears (at least based on my experience with STBXW and the view of many men social media) that they are actually selfish, materialistic, cold hearted, narcissists who only live for the principle of self. They are generally sneaky cheaters who only love what you can do for them and think that the universe revolves around them. They are ignorantly narcistic, virtue signaling, self victimized, spoiled princesses who feel that they deserve the lifestyle of the rich and famous. They can’t be wrong, like ever. In essence, many are like spoiled children with too much power and expect for men to bow down to them as they complain about said men, while at the same time feeling like they can treat men any way they feel…..often based on superficial values such as attractiveness or wealth accumulation.

I don’t know how many more videos I have to see of wives cheating on/ humiliating their husbands…..getting in a man’s face and talking shit, sometimes even hitting him, knowing he can’t really do anything about it…. or simply going online and complaining about the ‘lack of good men’ while always being attracted to ‘bad men’ who they already know are ‘bad’. They swoon for the attractive womanizer knowing his reputation in advance, seeing all the red flags, but when it blows up in their faces, they want to complain about ALL men……while either ignoring or friend zoning the guys (simps imho) who might actually treat them right.

But if they do choose one of those guys, they want money, more money, excitement, adventure. They want…no they feel that they ‘deserve’ a man who is attractive, wealthy, charming, understanding, passionate, a porn star in bed, and desired by other women while he only has eyes for her. And they should not settle for less than perfection (though often claiming that no man is perfect). These average women all think they are somehow above average and that average is somehow an insult these days. Too many think they are 8’s or 9’s and marriage material, no matter how shitty their morals, values, actions, and behaviors are.

For this, I blame the terrible ‘simps’ who tell women anything so that they can get laid. All up in their inboxes calling them ‘queens’ or ‘beautiful’. Noone is checking them and often the media panders and caters to them. Yet many still have the unmitigated gall to complain that the ‘patriarchy’ is oppressing them simply because they choose to engage with ‘bad men’ or would rather put the magnifying glass on they few bad men that actually oppose them.

They claim that men own most of the wealth when in reality it’s only a few men who own most of the wealth. Yet they conveniently ignore the fact that most men get raped in family court (often times for trying to do the right thing for their families)….most of the homeless people are men….. most suicides are committed by men….. 80% of divorces are initiated by women…. and let’s not forget that many of them feel entitled. The mere accusation of an average man doing something hurtful to a woman will often land him in hot water even before the evidence can be weighed out…..(yet they want to only spotlight high profile cases with powerful men….as if this is the norm).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for ‘equal rights’ for women, but equal rights should not infringe upon a man’s rights to exist.

Oddly enough, despite all of these negative feelings I have against women in general. The ones that I encounter in real life seem pretty decent on the surface. With a few exceptions. I’ve pretty much discovered to avoid controversial topics or debates and let them talk without giving my true opinions if they are in opposition. I do believe that most women over 28 can’t learn anything and think that they know everything.

It’s like thoughts like “i don’t know” or “i could be wrong” never cross their minds. And it does really seem that it’s really pointless to have a real conversation or offer anything to the talk outside of what they already believe. Instead of listening, they want you to agree. If they start losing logically, they create “my truth” scenarios, deflect to different subjects, shut down completely, or become extremely insulting.

Perhaps I’m mysogynistic, but if it’s mysogyny to call it how I see it, then I’m guilty as charged. But imho, many women are just terrible…. at least in a relationship context. I couldn’t imagine being married to such a selfish, emotions driven, narcissistic, materialistic, cognitive dissonant, self absorbed individual again.

It really does make a guy only want them for one thing and as I get older, IDK if they are getting worse or if I’m just getting old….but I’m starting to wonder if that’s even worth it at times.