Strength

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

-Prayer of Serenity

Even though I’ve pretty much determined that STBXW is a lost cause, the fact that she’s out here cheating vexes my spirit for some reason. She’s practically begging the new supply to leave his girl to get with her. Yeah, i snooped through her phone, sue me. She even went so far as to ask one of the other guys she flirts with if his girl (she sent a picture of her) was attractive. On a side note, the guy asked who the girl was and she said it was a random girl on the internet. The fact that she sent two pictures of the girl should have tipped off that this was personal, but who knows. The guy pretty much said that the girl was ok looking, not his type, but when it comes to choosing a girl, looks aren’t as important as some women think they are. I wholeheartedly agree with that. STBXW may be a little better looking physically, her character is ugly. Can she not see this in herself? Then again, how can people who lack self reflection ever truly know what they look like on the inside.

This is pretty pathetic imo. First of all, her new supply isn’t much of a looker himself, unless he’s just not all that photogenic. Looks are subjective though, so I can’t say much on that front. Secondly, the guy and the girl has a kid together and have been “together” for a while. Why is she even entertaining the idea of trying to steal him. Third, this isn’t the first time she did this as her first affair partner was living with one of his children’s mothers and she had no problems sneaking about with him….even picking him up and dropping him off from their shared home. 4th, why in the hell isn’t she divorcing me. I’ve been active in trying to get a noncontested divorce….going so far as printing out the paperwork and sitting down with her to go over the details. Why is she so noncooperative in assisting me. You’d think she’d be as enthusiastic as I am about it. 5th he told her that he wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. 6th he’s not the only person she’s texting talking about she wants to have sex with them. 7th her texts are usually very explicit where she initiates the sex conversations. 8th why in the hell is she always sending pics of our kid to these dudes. 9th they don’t send pics of their kids to her. 10 they know that she’s still married….. with her aggressiveness towards trying to hook up, then they probably know that she’s not a victim in all of this. Of course they’ll smash if sex is on the table. I think they’re normal guys though and even though they’ll entertain sex, I really can’t see them taking her on seriously as ‘wifey’….but then again, you never know. But knowing what I know about her, I honestly don’t care and sometimes I do wish one would take her on. Maybe then she’d finally be more cooperative insofar as getting this divorce. She’d be their problem.

Yes, I know that snooping into her personal life is probably a bit toxic on my behalf. Perhaps this is a case of what i don’t know won’t hurt me. But she lies so much that I really need to know what’s going on. I do fear that time may cause me to forget her transgressions and even though reconciliation isn’t on the table for now. Her demeanor makes her pretty easy to get along with, so I while I think those guys are wrong for cheating with a married woman, I can understand how they might see her as a decent person. If I ever thought that she had a change of heart (which she sometimes suggests), I’m afraid that I might be tempted to consider it. Doubtful, but still, call it preventative maintenance. In the unlikely event i did consider it, I could easily test her by asking her questions about the truth since I know way more than she thinks that I do. I still test her at times, just to see if she’s lying and if I didn’t know better, I’d think she was telling the truth. So yeah, I know that snooping is wrong, but in this case, i believe it is a necessary evil since she does have me trapped and remains dishonest.

I still don’t know how she could maintain a level of self respect knowing that she’s married and is doing the things that she is doing. These guys aren’t really expressing interest in her like that….based on the texts anyway. What makes matters even worse is that she knows that these men have girlfriends/wives and she has no problems with trying to steal them away.

What in the hell is going on with her mind? Has she no shame or self respect for herself? I guarantee that publicly, if she had a friend who told her about a desperate married chick trying to get her man, she’d condemn her for it. Especially if the main girl was a decent/good girl to him.

While it does bother me to know that she’s out here playing ‘desperate housewife’ as if I’m some abuser…..it makes me think that I am too much of a simp. Perhaps I am too weak. All I do is complain and try to lecture her. Yeah, I’ve done my thing on the side too in response to her treatment of me, but I haven’t left yet. She has me trapped and she knows it. She’s still using kiddo as a human shield so to speak. She knows that if I pull the trigger, he’s standing in the line of fire.

How did I marry such a wretched and immoral woman? She had me fooled for sure. But if any of these guys knwoing that is is married takes her seriously, then he got it coming. At least they had some warning.

I gotta get out of this. I don’t want her back at all knowing this. She is completely and 100% not a woman I would want to deal with. I am ashamed to be associated with her in this capacity. Kiddo was 8 years old when this started. He’ll be 13 this year. 5 years and many men later, I’m still here and that is shameful on my behalf. As much as I am talking shit about her, this shoudn’t have lasted for so long. My only saving grace is that I think that the ages between 4 and 12 are crucial during child’s mental development. I couldn’t blindside him with divorce as he (as did i) think that we had a pretty happy home. He only knew mommy and daddy. He loved/loves both of us….our family. He loved his home as much as I did. I didn’t want him to feel the pain that I felt. I made the decision for both of us to stay and my only regret is the dignity I willfully lost trying to protect him. I am a protector. I’d die for that kid. But as a young man, he has to learn that change is inevitable and sometimes pain comes along with it. He’s always been smart, yet he was protected from “that life.” We had a loving house hold, we didn’t argue much, we did things as a family, we tried to teach him morals and values. He has matured a lot since being that little 8 year old boy.

Though it won’t be easy, I think that he is old enough for it not to affect him psychologically as bad as it once would have when he was younger….even if the truth has to come out. She’s had 5 years to get her shit together. My youngest sibling was still in high school when she started and she graduates college in a few weeks. Enough has been enough. Since she won’t grant me an amicable divorce, I cannot afford a lawyer, I’m going to have to take it into my own hands and hope for the best. Even if I lose custody of kiddo, it will be worth it to gain my freedom and peace back. Should we worst occur and she get full custody, then I’m confident that the lessons I’ve taught him will keep him in line. I’ll always be there for him either way.

Even if she finds “happiness” with someone else. I KNOW her lack of character and integrity. Her lack of empathy. Her desperation. Her lying. Her inability to see how she disrespects herself. She’s going out bad and taking us all out with her. I cannot allow this generational curse to continue and if I truly love kiddo, I must stand up and do something. Even if it does hurt him in the short term. I’ve already hurt him and myself so much by staying. I’m setting the example of rug sweeping by being a damned doormat all in the name of keeping the peace.

I’m not worried about losing a good woman as a good women wouldn’t / couldn’t put herself into these positions. A good woman would have tried to fix her marriage instead of cheat. A decent woman would have at least left or if she did cheat once, she would have stopped or divorced. She would have taken ownership of destroying her home and hurting her husband. And at least understood that the best thing to do would be take responsibility for her decisions. A good/decent woman would/could not be willing to immorally hurt others, break up her own household, and other households for sex and attention. Despite outside appearances, this woman is wicked in the inside. Something is missing in her head and in her heart. She may hide it well to many. But woe be the tithes to any man who gives his heart to her.

She is the unreasonable one in all of this. I am actually following her lead by not standing up for myself. Toxicity has been introduced and either way this is going to end up messy. This is not my fault as I’ve bent over backwards trying to keep things cordial. She’s taken my kindness, love, and patience for weakness for too long. I will no longer stand by and be humiliated by her lack of empathy, self respect, and lack of respect for our family. I have a son who I must lead. This also goes to leading by example. Though I’m not perfect and have handled this badly so far, I have to fight for our honor and dignity. I fought and struggled to detach emotionally a while ago, but now is the time to take action. That battle has been won, but this war is still isn’t done until I can legitimately say that she is my ex wife.

The fight continues!!!

I cannot change her, but I can change our proximity. God grant me the strength to change the things I can change.

Deeper Radical Acceptance

I still haven’t confronted STBXW about the contents of her phone. I’m not mad. It’s actually kind of entertaining to ask her questions, spin truths as hypotheticals, and ask her take on possible scenarios. Just to see her lie. I explain how cheaters operate. I explain how they often lie, gaslight, and pretend they are no longer having affairs. I’ve even asked if she did any of those things as people who cheat tend to operate from the same playbook. As usual, there are just more denials and lies.

It’s somewhat scary to see how easily people can just lie and it not bother them. Even with me knowing this, I checked the phone again and it showed just last week where her new AP was like, “why didn’t you delete the texts if you knew he had access to your phone.” In her mind, she thinks I just saw his name on the recents screen. She maintains the lie that she no longer talks to him and says that iphones just do that. To be petty, I was almost tempted to send him screenshots of the texts between the other guys….but tbh, it’s his problem as he knows she’s married…..and since he’s wanting to help keep it a secret, it shows that he isn’t just some sap being lied to at about me.

I’ve come to accept that this is just how the minds of some people work. They’re texts are reminscent of her first AP….where he also was cheating on his girl with her. This new guy is cheating on his girl with her as well. It’s sick and disgusting. It’s not surprising as both of them belong to professions where cheaters are very common. Law enforcement and nursing.

It was her idea to take kiddo to church this weekend for Easter Services. I shouldn’t have gone. On the way in, she tried to hold my arm to escort her into the church which I pulled away. I mean come on dude. Though I am starting to understand that cheaters/narcs are just who the fuck they are….I still don’t get how they can sleep at night.

I gotta endure this until I can get this divorce. I still can’t afford it, i already owe hella student loan money and she’s not being helpful with the noncontested divorce process.

But TBH outside of her infidelity, lying, and gaslighting attempts, she’s ok. She’s not an unsufferable person to deal with. She’s pretty easy going, helps with the bills, seems to care for kiddo, and pays for things. She doesn’t argue much and doesn’t harrass me about what I be doing.

Even though I’m not sure how karma works or even if it’s a real thing, I take come comfort in knowing that she’s not just like that because of me. That any guy who would be foolish enough to trust her would ultimately and most likely get cheated on. She isn’t consciences. She lacks integrity, empathy, and morals regardless of what type of situation she’d be in. If this wasn’t the case, then she would actually feel bad about doing what she does. Any good woman/wife worth marrying would not have operated the way that she did/does. Self respect and empathy would have just come naturally to her. It’s not something you can teach. It’s either in you or not. I don’t think this is a phase, it is who she is and she’s probably always been and unless some come to Jesus moment happens, she’ll always be that way.

That said, she is who she is. And though I judge her based upon my personal set of standards about integrity and truth. It’s only because she’s married to me and it looks like i’m going out bad.

Personally, I cannot let it bother me that a zebra has stripes or a leopard has spots so to speak. It is what it is. I picked bad, and it’s making me look bad, but it’s out of my hands. There is nothing I can do short of leaving. No pick me dances here. No trying to change her. She either cannot change or truly sees nothing wrong with what she’s doing. There is nothing I can do to change that. But it’s assuring to know that I didn’t fuck up in the sense of making her do these things. I didn’t force her hand AT ALL. Her choices and actions were and are entirely up to her to own or not.

The enforcement of personal boundaries is all i can do at this point. I refuse to sleep in the same bed with her. No cuddles though she wanted to last night. I was tempted as she was naked. Shit man, Idk why I am so weak for sex. I’m glad I didn’t because if she rejected me for sex, it would have made me angry based on the principle.

I asked her how would it make me look cuddling next to her, doing all of this stuff I do for her, laying next to her… only to have her leave and give sex and oral to a guy who isn’t doing any of that. She may not respect me, I got way more self respect than that. = Of course she lied and denied very convincingly saying that she doesn’t deal with him anymore…..but I got evidence. I wasn’t even mad, I just responded with “yah ok”. and proceeded to sleep on the couch. I know who she is now. I don’t think she even thinks about those things the way I do, but that goes back to her lack of empathy and awareness.

If I’m honest, I do want to fuck her (no love making)…but really it’s just to get back at him. Ideally she’d give me oral and go back and kiss him in the mouth. I’m not putting my lips anywhere near hers. Sleeping with her could prove detrimental to my healing….so IDK if it’s a great idea. Plus, she doesn’t strike me as the type who would use protection. So possibly detrimental to my health. Given all the dudes she’s having sex with/ potentially having sex with. Based on their dispositions it seems that they are bottom scrapers who will sleep with anyone and not worry about protection either.

None of that sharing drinks, staws, utensils, dipping sauce or anything. I’m careful to make sure kiddo doesn’t share anything with her either.

If she was only a baby mama, I’d be much better mentally. Divorcing her probably would ironically make me seem like a threat to them as they might worry if she was sleeping with me. It seems more believable that she isn’t sleeping with her husband when she visits, but it seems less believable if I was just her cool “baby daddy.”

My story is showing how marrying the wrong person can fuck you up in so many ways. Be careful out there.

Will Smithed

I downloaded the custody forms and took them home to go over with STBXW. This chick actually sat there and went to sleep on around the 3rd question. Like bruh. It’s 6pm. Seriously, why is she like this? I grant that it does take time to go through the questions and think these things out, but come on, this is kind of important. Midway through, I got frustrated with her non participation, playing on her phone, and dozing off. I’m going to have to get a mediator. It’s impossible to fill out scheduling and custody arrangements if I don’t know where she’s going to be living and she’s barely helping me out with the questions.

Why is she like this? Because she is. The only conclusion is that she’s for the streets. This isn’t an just an insult. It’s a fact. I married a wanna be party girl. The only thing she takes seriously is her job. She wants everything to be fun….like all the time. She doesn’t contemplate life. I don’t really know what or even if thoughts run across her mind. Neither one of us are what you’d call long term planners. We’re both kind of fly by the seat of our pants, go with the flow kind of people. Therefore we don’t balance each other out. We’re not really good for each other.

The difference is that I’m a bit more self reflective. I accept this about myself and understand that I have to deal with the consequences. I know that if I want certain results, I have to put in the work, deny myself, or whatever it takes it get it. If things don’t work out, I generally know why and it falls on me. Her on the other hand doesn’t acknowledge this about herself and therefore she lacks accountability.

I generally care about how I treat others and my rule of thumb is the golden rule of treating others the way I’d like to be treated. Her biggest issue is that she just doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll hide things to protect her so called image. But in her head, if she didn’t get caught, it didn’t happen. And if she does get caught… deny, lie, or gaslight. If successful, it didn’t happen in her mind. This makes her for the streets. If u can’t trust someone to at the very least take ownership of their shit, then forget about honesty, open communication, and trust. She’s cool, but not as a wife or reliable friend.

The dudes fucking with her probably just want some pussy, head, and money from her. They are probably just using her to get the most, while giving as little as possible to get it. I’d be a hypocrite to say that I wouldn’t do the same thing. I can’t be mad at them….. because if we weren’t married, I’d do the same damned thing. I wouldn’t consider wifing her. She’s the fun girl. The escape. I’d milk that shit till the wheels fell off or she walked away. Especially if she made it so damned easy.

In the south, we used to call a naive person a ‘lick’. I recall thinking to myself when I was getting to know her that a lot of dudes would see her as a ‘lick’. As in, they could easily use her. At the time, I thought it was endearing. Like she needed protection. But now I realize that even though she is a ‘lick’…. she’s selfish, immoral, and easily corrupted.

Her levels of manipulation are crude, but effective in the sense of she just doesn’t give a fuck. She doesn’t respect herself, doesn’t realize it, so how could she ever really respect a significant other? Perhaps I was the ‘lick’ in this instance in that I completely underestimated her. She love bombed the fuck out of me in the beginning and I fell hard for it. If I didn’t know her like I do, and she gave me that sort of attention….. in short, she can be dangerous to a good hearted person.

I was drinking last night and told her that IF she treated the guys she’s talking to the way she treated me AND they were stuck in a marriage with her, they probably wouldn’t like her either.

I’d guess that those guys would be shocked to know that he isn’t the only Good Morning handsome and I want to suck your d texts that she sends out. She’s love bombing them too with the texts, gifts, and almost effortless pussy. I wonder if they are hip to it or if they are falling for it.

I actually saw a text exchange between her and one of women of one of the guys. In it she told the girl that she was still going to deal with him anyway so it was no point in complaining to her about it. This is the level of savagery I’m currently tied to. She’s a side chick, knows it and doesn’t give a fuck and still deals with other dudes on the side. None seem to have ‘fallen’ for her so far, but again, who’s going to turn down free pussy, a free room, free liquor, and a chick telling them how much she wants to have sex with them.

Knowing this about her, like I said, she is who she is. Why is she like this? Who the fuck knows, and it’s not really a question worth answering at this point because she doesn’t seem to care enough to want to change. She’s a demon and has been dragging my soul through hell because I was foolish enough to start a family with her.

But, understanding this, I realize that the reason I’m so upset isn’t because she’s like this. It’s because she’s like this and I’m MARRIED to her. I probably would have been upset had she changed in the middle of a relationship, but I could have easily just walked away. If she was a fling, side chick, friend with benefits/ situationship….. I could walk away once I found out how far in the streets she was. I’m not into sharing women so that side dude thing wouldn’t cut it with me. I’d just have wished her a good life and kept it moving.

Even if she was just my kid’s mother, I could deal with it because it ain’t on me what the hell she’s out there doing. Just make sure kiddo is safe. As of now though, it’s disrespectful because I’m placed in a cuckhold position against my will. It’s humiliating and an embarrasing. She can walk around in this degraded / low value position all she wants, but now, I’m attached to it. Some dude(s) actually get off more knowing that some guy’s wife is sucking him off. He gets more pleasure based on my pain and suffering. His ego is stroked at the cost of my self respect as a man. Ultimately, the desire to want to keep my family together and he gets more pleasure from it. It’s sick and disgusting. And to that end, she doesn’t give a fuck….and in fact it goes to further her agenda of providing maximum pleasure in her attempts to love bomb these guys.

What kills me most is that she claims to love our child, but yet doesn’t even consider how disrespectful it is to allow for his father to be humiliated like that. It doesn’t even bother her one bit to allow the one guy he looks up to the most, the one who loves and cares about him the most, the one who takes care of him, teaches, guides, and mentors him to be disrespected like that. All on behalf of her wicked twisted sense of pleasure. She has us all out here looking like some damned idiots. This is another reason why I’m gonna have to rip the band aid off. Though kiddo doesn’t know all of this, there are principles involved.

She’s for the streets for sure and I don’t have a problem with women like that per se. But when the cost of you not respecting yourself also brings shame and humiliation upon your family (more specifically, my family) that’s when I have to draw the line.

I need this divorce ASAP and it’s on me to get it knowing that she’s not going to help….AT ALL.

I think am going to stop typing and complaining on here and start doing something.

It has been a good outlet to vent, but I think i’ve said everything I needed to say about this issue.

Strange Fruit

It’s a hard to thing to accept that my stbxw is a whole ho out here.

Whenever I think the bar is low, she comes back and sets it even lower. What the fuck could possess a woman to be so damned, disgraceful? Like how doesn’t she find her actions reprehensible. Like how can one be aware of morals and values, act offended when they see others “doing wrong”, and yet not bat an eye or lose sleep over sinking so low herself. Does she not know that her value is lowered? Does she not feel bad about lying to people like that? How could she respect herself? I mean even if others don’t know ( i still haven’t told her that I know)….she does. Women generally don’t sleep with a bunch of guys like that unless there is something going on upstairs…. i don’t think.

Is this some sort of mental illness. Is she possessed? Is she on drugs? Early onset of some sort of degenerative brain disease? Did she fall and bump her head? Or maybe this is just another strange condition of the human psyche. What’s obvious is that she really doesn’t give a fuck. It’s easy to judge her, but I really don’t understand what the fuck in going on in her head. Like lady, you’re losing it. Like that thing that makes us decent human beings is lost. That light that she once had is replaced by darkness and she can’t even see it. Am I tripping? Is this just a case of a woman ‘claiming’ her sexuality?

How many women are out here like this, but like her, hides it. My cousin once told me that she is moving like a “dude”. He doesn’t know how right he is. She’s moving like a fuck boy. I don’t know who this woman is. I haven’t known her in a while. But it seems that as time progresses she’s moving further and further from the woman I once knew.

I don’t know what happened to her. I know that people change over time, but this seems drastic. I wonder if she’ll ever wake up some day and regret this time period in her life. Or will she continue to suppress it and continue on as if nothing even mattered. This can’t be normal. It seems unhealthy. She’s too damned old to be going through a ho phase. She’s losing her mind. It appears that she’s lost her soul. She is actually for the streets!!! She’s a demon inside of a human body. Lust has completely overtaken her it seems. Her morals and values….gone. The real things that once made her ‘worth it’ totally destroyed. It’s really sad to see her go out like that.

It would appear that she’s headed down a path of self destruction. Only time will tell though. If she ever does come back to the light, will she able to look at herself in the mirror without regret? Or perhaps she’s on the path of becoming (if not already become) a full fledged demon.

I need a divorce and some holy water ASAP.

I’m just trying to make sense of it all.

Not so shocking Revelations

I went to pick up stbxw and kiddo from the airport late last night. She had him over spring break. Their flight was delayed so they didn’t arrive until around 1:30 am. When she told me that the flight was delayed, it sort of pissed me off because I had to go to work early. It made me realize how much she relies on me to do things for her and yet she still takes me for granted. In a sense, I was feeling used and unappreciated. I have mixed feelings on this but she had kiddo. But after what I discovered, I should have made her pay for an uber to drive them. Sure, it might have cost her a cool $100 or so, but since she had kiddo, I decided to make the trip all the way to the southside to pick them up.

When I got there, a text came in saying, ” I just landed with my son.” Warning bells went off as she refers to him by his name with family and friends. Obviously the text was meant for someone else. Pissed because I rode all the way the fuck that way just for her to be texting (in my mind) some dude. A few minutes later, she called to tell me she had arrived. I asked about it and she claimed that her phone sends “ghost texts sometimes.” I wasn’t going for it, but on the way home, she started showing the me phone and it was acting wonky. Even though I was driving, I did manage to look over and see it doing weird shit….typing out random numbers and letters, but she actively pressed the send button to my phone. I don’t think she saw me watch her press send. Her response, I just wanted to show u what it was doing…. hmmm….. ok. This is the insanity and dumb ass reasoning I’ve grown accustomed to.

Either way, “just landed with my son” isn’t random. Sooo…. i made it up in my mind that I wanted to check out the phone. I took a shower and hopped in the bed. She crawled in after me a few minutes later, but I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with her. Plus it was a good opportunity to check the phone since she left it in the living room. I had suspicions that something was up…..so I told asked point blank if she was texting another guy….and if she was out there fucking someone. Of course, the anwser was an adamant NO….and she acted insulted that I would ask her such a thing.

I know it shouldn’t be looking, but damn, she just got in town 45 minutes ago and I had already felt gaslit like 3 times already. So, when she went to sleep, I got in. I don’t think she knows that I know her passcode. But I checked it…. and it’s worse than I thought. She is getting AROUND. I saw texts to 4 guys that were very sexual in nature….in it she’s claiming how much she misses them. How much she wants to suck them off. Invitations to her air bnb’s and hotels (she’s a travel nurse)….. The kicker is that she’s also talking to her ex. When asked about me, she responds that she’s not happy, …. we grew apart…. i’m not ambitious (oh the irony, you’ll see why in a second)….yada yada yada. We’re not having sex……Along with inviting him out to meet her.

The texts from the other guys, it not only appears that she’s sexting them. She’s also Inviting them out to the air bnb and paying for food and liqour. They all were asking her to loan them some money. She complained that one didn’t pay her back. She got caught up in a scam with another. And she was just paying for the 3rd one’s food and liqour. In all 3 text threads, she’s texting… good morning handsome. I’m thinking about you. I want to suck your d….. Can’t wait to see you again….and so forth. I even saw a meme…. not sure if it was a shot at me where she was asking to suck some guy’s d and he responded with a meme of Jada Pinkett with a mouth full of hotdogs with the caption “keep my wife’s name out your mouth.” A lot of times when they text wyd, she responds with thinking about you or thinking about that dick. 2 of these guys have girlfriends, so she doesn’t mind being the side chick. They sent pictures of themselves…..they are not as handsome as me nor fly (not being cocky but it’s true. they look dusty as fuck!!!) and it appears, since they’re constantly asking her for money, that they’re broke. Looks wise, she’s definitely above their level. Seriously, these dudes are busted. I could admit if a guy looks better than me. Still doesn’t mean he’s better than me. Maybe she likes the fact they might look up to her because of that.

You can’t make this shit up. It writes itself with her.

Despite reading these texts….

I wasn’t angry or anything. I felt a weird sense of calm.

The worst part of it all for me is that she keeps sending these dudes pics of our son. A few of pics were ones that I sent to her of him at his concert a few weeks ago. That part pisses me off, like why the fuck is she sending pics of our kid to these dudes. It makes it even worse that I sent her some of them. I think that she is gaslighting them.

Ok, i kind of figured that she was talking to one dude. I knew that she was in the past when she first moved there, but 4 guys. She’s a little to gotdamned old to be going through a ho phase. Come to think of it, That Jada Pinkett meme is hilariously ironic.

Though I know that there is no chance in hell we’d ever fix our marriage…..there is absolutely no way in the hell I want to have sex with her. I feared that we might someday have sex…which might lead to the ‘hysterical bonding’ sex that a lot of couples go through after an affair…..but after seeing that she’s basically fucking the starting lineup of a basketball team….that’s definitely an easy pass. I like making love and all that….but it would literally be like making out with a prostitute. One of the dudes even was saying that’s what he wanted to eat her out. Like, bruh, IF YOU ONLY KNEW….but then again, some dudes really don’t be caring like that.

It’s embarrassing to know that she carries the title of my ‘wife’ though. Especially considering she’s for the streets for the streets. This has made me realize that she’s lost her gotdamned mind. Or was she always a ho like that. If my son wasn’t the splitting image of me, I’d be seriously considering a dna test at this point.

She slept on the bed last night, I’m considering burning it.

I took pictures of the texts with my phone for leverage…..maybe I can threaten to expose her to all of them….or maybe facebook….or some of her family and friends. But who knows, maybe some of them already know….. either way, I didn’t know she was getting around around like that. It’s even worse than I thought.

I realize now that I gotta divorce her ASAP. IDGAF if she hasn’t figured out her living situation yet. She’s gonna have to just give me primary custody until she figures it out. Unfortunately for him, Kiddo had a great time with her over the last week. Despite her offloading him at her cousin’s house a few times while she was allegedly “at work”. I’m at work now, but I’m seriously thinking about kicking her out this evening.

Damn man, if we didn’t have a kid….this would be a no brainer. But how can I explain to my 12 year old son that his mom is basically a thot pocket. He misses her and keeps talking about how much fun they had over the break. Regardless, either way, I sent her the paperwork for a non contested divorce and will print them out also. We are filling this out tonight. If I don’t kick her out, I’ll probably stop by the store on the way home and invest in some paper plates and utensils.

These hoes man….

Rethinking Marriage

I always used to think that marriage is forever. I mean outside of infidelity and abuse, the issues that you and your spouse had was no grounds for divorce. It was like either be miserably married OR fix them. No giving up. None of that “we grew apart” stuff. Falling “out of love” isn’t enough.

Marriage was an oath, vow, or covenant of the highest order. Your “feelings” or “desire to quit” wasn’t enough to get out of it. Many many vows include the verse from 1 Corinthians 13:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

This meant to me that no matter how hard things, got, you don’t give up. You burned all of your boats behind you. You keep and have faith no matter what. God will see you through in the difficult times if you you follow and trust in Him. I thought that divorcing someone outside of infidelity or abuse made you a pretty terrible person. Especially if there were kids involved. Marriage is work and sometimes it is HARD. But you signed up for it….in front of God, your family, and friends. Like those vows were really meant to be abided by.

I honestly thought that everyone (well most people) thought like this.

It has become clearer to me that this is NOT the case.

If the statistics are true and 80% of divorces are filed by women, I find it quite ironic that so many of them are pressuring and pushing men into it. It’s said in many redpill spaces that women want to be married, but don’t want to be wives. You would think that it would be the men who motion to file more often. But it seems that men are way more willing to endure the pressure and at times, discomfort of being with a person forever.

It’s been said in the redpill community that women want to get married, but don’t want to be wives. In other words, they want the title, but not necessarily want what comes along with it.

Maybe the youtube/social media algorithms are just showing me one side of the story though. I rarely see actual divorce stories about husbands cheating/leaving, but if I actually search for it, who knows what I’ll turn up. And it could be that since I’m looking into those things, those things come up. In real life, I know a ton of married people who seem to have normal marriages. I’d say more are working than getting divorced. But people also don’t tend to share those types of problems with people they know in real life.

Based on my current knowledge and research though, it seems that a prevailing idea is that divorce is just another normal event. That it’s ok, almost expected to get divorced. That people “should” try to work on things, but they don’t really have to if it’s interfering with their path to personal happiness. That cheating or infidelity is kind of fucked up, but not REALLY that bad. That kids are better off in two seperate households than in 1 with an unhappy or unhappy parents. Perhaps this is modern marriage. It’s microwaved and disposable. It’s a participation trophy kind of deal. It’s casual and convenient.

I’m old school and again, my perception is that my personal happiness in marriage isn’t my primary concern or better yet, it’s my issue to make it right. In this case, if my wife isn’t happy, then yeah, she won’t be making my life happier so I need to get her the help or do what I need to do to make her happy. I have to make the best of this situation because I cannot leave it. I vowed on my word to my God, family, and friends to honor and protect those vows….in the best and worst of times. No matter how I felt about it.

But with so many people feeling this modern era about it…. Personally, I see no point. Why are we wasting money, time, and possibly bringing a family into this if you or me can just decide one day….”I’m done.” … “I’m unhappy.”…. “We grew apart”…. “The grass seems greener over there.” Why are pretending that this thing is going to be forever when we could just so easily walk away. Damned the collateral damage.

We spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, thousands on a ring, then tens of thousands on a divorce. We break promises and vows. We split our families apart. For what, just so she can feel like a queen for a day, wear a over priced ring, and be the center of attention. It’s really fucking stupid and pointless if you ask me. It can be a beautiful thing…..if you are really willing to fight for it….but most people aren’t. It’s like wanting to be a soldier in the military just for all the praise you get, but when it’s actually time for war, you’re ready to desert at the first sign of danger.

And worst part is that noone calls assholes out for this behavior. In fact, i’ve seen tons of websites where women actually condone leaving simply because YOLO….. and saying stupid shit like “how can the kids be happy if the mother isn’t.” As if leaving and burning the house down is the only option. But usually it comes down to her wanting to try another guy or ride the cock courosel to see if she still got it.

I’m not going to change my mind about what I think marriage should be. But I need to make the space to accept this new way of thinking. I don’t respect it though. It makes it stupid, pointless, and I’ll leave it to simps, suckers, and cucks to figure out what’s going on here. The information is out there, so if any man really thinks this is a good idea these days, …. good luck my guy.

Is it Me? Or is the rest of the world crazy?

Lately, I’ve found myself really disliking most women. Not on a personal level insofar as not wanting to be friendly, civil, or cordial. But more like, not wanting to consider a relationship with one. I’d prefer situationships, but it’s like I don’t want to be her ‘man.’

I don’t know if this is redpill baggage or awareness. I will say that I don’t KNOW all women, so I’m sure that there are probably some that I’d consider….but the representation or standard archetype of most modern women seem unappealing to me as far as wifey material.

So when I say women, what I mean is this archetype, not necessarily each individual woman.

That said. These modern women seem like terrible human beings….at least when it comes to being a friend/ let alone a partner. It’s like as men, we’re told that it’s our jobs to make and keep them happy. In the past, I was guilty of thinking that this was my job. I am a self-admitted nice guy. But I don’t think I was intentionally using being ‘nice’ as a means of manipulating women. I just treat people how I’d like to be treated. I thought that it was one ingredient of being ‘attractive’….but not the only one. Of course you need a bit of chemistry, looks, compatibility and so forth. But it does appear that being ‘nice’, is the quickest way to being seen as ‘friends only’ material. I find that women really do like assholes for some reason. But you gotta be a charming asshole. You gotta be somewhat selfish. Moreso than not it seems.

Some people are born with a deficiency of empathy. These guys seem to be doing the best when it comes to getting women. It appears to be a defining characteristic of an ‘alpha’ male. Unfortunately, I have to work on developing my asshole gene. I’m getting there, but I can find myself overcorrecting the ‘nice’ issue and being a straight up asshole. It’s a balancing act and I guess that with any form of self improvement, you’re going to stumble a few times and occasionally bust your ass in the process.

I don’t mind that part. The issue is that I think that most women are selfish, arrogant, materialistic, and have this overwhelming need to always be right. It’s as if though they are ignorant of the fact which makes it even worse. I mean if you’re going to be an insufferable, entitled, and arrogant prick, at least be aware of it. I wonder if changing part of who I am is worth it just to attract someone attracted to that shit anyway. Let alone for someone what also possesses the characteristics i just mentioned.

They think that they are god’s gift to men. Many modern women seem to have this entitlement complex to think that they deserve the best of the best of men….and they’re doing you a favor by ‘settling’ for you. As if we don’t also settle in ways for her. Many seem to think that they are perfect princess who deserve to live a luxury lifestyle with happily ever after vibes. And if a man fails to deliver upon that, he’s a ‘dusty’.

Regardless of her terrible attitude, sense of entitlement, poor communication skills, conditional feminity, mental health issues, less than gorgeous looks, and other ‘imperfections’. For some reason most think they are at least a 7 or above in looks and have the best sex in the world. I never met a woman who said she thinks she’s about average in bed. They all think they are or either are close to the best in the world. This obviously (from experience) and logically is not the case. I don’t care about her money, looks, ambition, or drive. It’s useless to me if she’s going to feel look down on me for not sharing her views about gross materialism.

It seems that in order to measure up to their the standard as a man, you gotta be damn near perfection. It’s like you gotta have looks, money, swag, be a damned comedian, be a corporate thug, a porn star, have ambitions of luxury, be able to fight, be a genius, and have a somewhat a sketchy past. You can’t be a Russel Wison type of guy unless you already have money. But if you’re Nipsey Hustle, then you can have your pick. Peace to king, and may he rest in power, but, it’s unrealistic to think that men who lived that lifestyle is going to turn it around without facing prison or death.

Otherwise, she wants to you damned near be a slave to her wants and needs. And all she brings to the table is ‘encouragement’ (to get more resources) and her unsatiable appetite for MORE. It’s like once you declare your love for her and decide to take her on as your woman….you’re responsible for keeping her happy. A damn near impossible task unless u happen to be good at long term game and stay on top of your shit.

In other words, it’s another job. The stakes for failing to perform in any aspect of this ‘job’ leads to her feeling ‘unfulfilled’ or ‘unhappy’. Woe to the man who actually falls in love with her and feels that he can’t live without her. That fool is put on a perpetual treadmill. She then can use sex/love/attention as a carrot and stick type of deal. Fail or lack in any of these areas, many feel justified in leaving (even if you have a family), or depending on her morals, cheating if another guy can provide one or more of the things you might not be so great at. HER happiness is of paramount importance, superceding family, vows, responsibility, duty, or obligation. The fact that they feel that they ‘deserve’ it no matter what is what turns me off about it. Many people who go through way rougher conditions don’t feel this entitlement.

I’ve learned that being a little toxic and/or emotionally unavailable makes the game infinitely easier to play. I know it sounds fatalistic, but seriously…..most women that I know have had a history of dealing with fuckboys and those men gave them their greatest heartbreaks. As a man, I can generally spot a fuckboy a mile away. It’s not hard. It’s hard to ‘hate’ on them because whatever they are doing seems to work. It seems that women have to force themselves to leave fuckboys while at the same time struggle to find reasons to say with “good guys.” They knowingly choose toxic men out out of lust to sleep with, have kids with, and give their all to…. out of attraction, but when it blows up in their face, they say that ALL MEN ain’t shit.

I digress. The main issue I have with commitment with them is that their love appears to be very much conditional. And then it comes down to “what have you done for me lately”. I refuse to commit to a woman who can so easily discard of me. I’m a human being, not a gotdamned utility. It feels like a fake friendship where you gotta pay to play. Like having a friend who’ll only be nice to you if you do things for them. Like pussy and fidelity should be reward enough for you to deal with all of their bullshit.

It’s selfish.

As another example, they say they ‘deserve’ a man who is on their ‘level’ financially. Yet that same 80k a year chick has NO PROBLEMS dealing with a 300k a year surgeon. The 50k a year guy better have prospects and ambitions of making more if she even gives him a chance.

Yet most men will take her for who she is…. even if she can’t afford his lifestyle on her own. That made sense back in the 40’s or 50’s when women didn’t have the same opportunities as women do now. But today, I find it selfish AF that they have the potential to be the main breadwinner, but feel a certain way about it if they are. How could you be so entitled to demand something from someone that you wouldn’t be willing to give in return? Do women really want equal rights without equal responsibility? What selfish individuals many of them are.

It’s insane how so many (especially those who claim to be ‘world traveled’) can feel so damned entitled, yet victimized at the same time. Do these chicks actually travel … or do they just vacation… (there is a difference). Vacationing obviously doesn’t make you ‘cultured’ as many like to brag that they are. Have they read a gotdamned history book. Don’t they realize how fortunate they are to be alive in America today? Even with all of our problems, we got it good compared 99% of the history of people who came before us. If you’re in middle class america, then you arguably have it better than at least 95% of the world today. These females with this luxury entitlement complex (regardless of their income are selfish AF).

My stbxw once told me that she wanted to take kiddo on a trip overseas on family ‘trip’….. she said that if I wanted to go, I should pay for my own ticket and she was under no obligation to pay for my ticket. While she does have the ‘right’ to feel that way…..I personally think that if we were a family, then it shouldn’t matter. What if our salaries were reversed and I told her that since she can’t ‘afford’ to pay for her own ticket, then she couldn’t go. Wouldn’t that be kind of a dickish move? I’d never in a million years think that it was an option for her not to go for that reason. Her response…. “well it would be your right and you wouldn’t have to pay for me.” I don’t have a 3rd party to say whether I’m right or wrong on this one, but as of now, I think that her kind of thinking is selfish AF. Especially when it isn’t like I’m out here spending an obscene amount of money on myself anyway. Maybe I’m wrong, but I am starting to suspect that a lot of women probably think like her when it comes to this.

The superficial standards that women put on decent men is what’s going to keep a lot of them single and ran through. Especially those entitled women who make decent money. He could have a great heart, be a great husband, great father, but if his finances isn’t up to par with hers, she feels that she can do better and that she ‘settled’. The part that gets me is that even if he could still ‘provide’ a decent life for her, if he isn’t providing the LIFESTYLE she things she deserves based on her income, then she feels ‘better’ than him. A lot of them will choose ‘LIFESTYLE’ over family with a decent guy. Ironically, if a man decided that he’s better off financially without a wife and kids dragging down his finances, and he wanted to leave, he’s seen as an asshole, narcissist, or deadbeat. When women didn’t have equal rights, men were expected to do this which is understandable. But today, we still are.

Am I fucking crazy? The archetype of these modern western women and (if I’m honest), most that I talk to leave me seriously preferring the single life. It’s really no surprise most dudes don’t want to deal with them on a relationship level. Conditional love and marriage/family just doesn’t seem to mix. They are materialistic and unsatiable in the long run. Work too hard, you’re too ambitious, don’t work enough, you’re not ambitious enough. Hence the high divorce rate with 80% of women filing. IDK man, there has to be some good ones out there. I won’t hold my breath in finding one, but if I do, I’ll greatly cherish her and pray that she isn’t too damaged. Meanwhile, situationships seem to be about the best I can do for now.

It’s been a long time coming

This has been quite an ordeal. I am over it, but I’m like over it over it. The more I speak to STBXW, the more I wonder what the fuck I ever saw in her in the first place. She is a totally different person now. I don’t see anything special about her. Her mentality is that of so many modern women who I strongly dislike in so far as wanting a relationship with.

I don’t hate nor do I pity her. She is just who she is. I used to be afraid that she’d find someone and be ‘happy’ with him. But now, I really don’t care. If someone does actually like a woman like that, then he’s actually better for her than I’ll ever be. Maybe she was right, maybe we grew apart. The current incarnation of herself is unattractive as a person (to me) on the inside. She’s loud, hypocritical, annoying, materialistic, shallow, and as of late, it appears that she’s getting ‘old’. At least in the sense that she’s out of shape and constantly complaining about some body ache or another. She lacks that…..whatever it is that makes me want to be with someone as a significant other.

I’d go so far as to say that she’s common issue “for the streets” material. Maybe she isn’t a ho ho. As in sleeping with every tom dick and harry with a little money. But her mentality is far from that of what I’d consider a good wife….let alone real friend. Perhaps her waywardness shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. Then again, I am seeing her through these red pill lenses now. I wish I had worn them sooner. I am in a space where I can say that I am thankful that she gave me kiddo. But outside of that, I really am not interested in anything outside of a co-parenting relationship her.

I could have almost dealt with the selfishness, materialism, entitlement, and self delusion….and probably would have settled for it for the sake of kiddo had she not been constantly unfaithful, untrustworthy, and unrepentant. Despite all of this pain, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise as she’s given me justification to actually divorce her. I’m pretty sure there is no coming back at this point.

It’s been over a year, probably two, since I last slept with her and I really can’t imagine doing it anymore. My recollection of the last few times we did it doesn’t make me desire to do so anymore. In a way, it’s quite ironic that she was quite stingy with the sex, but it wasn’t like it was good (to me) anyway. She’s never been a great kisser and the passion looking back was just ‘meh’.

I think I can say that I’m not in love with her anymore….and I’m glad that my heart finally got the memo. Despite all of that, I do have some level of love for her as she is the mother of my son. But I do need to move on and proceed with divorce.

She’s making it more difficult…once again, due her her selfishness. She mentioned re-signing her travel contract for another year which would make a noncontested divorce very difficult since she doesn’t have a ‘permanent’ residence. Her travel assignment is in New York while currently live near Atlanta. It is required that we have a parenting plan in place and we must be on the same page about custody. How can we split custody if she lives so far away. Does it really make sense for kiddo to spend half the year in NY and the other in GA as he does have to go to school somewhere? He’s at an age now where I think that he can recover from this. Besides, given the state of our estrangement in the last few years, I don’t think he’ll be blindsided by all of this anymore.

Of course, it’s all about the ‘money’ with her and I don’t know how I can convince her to take a pay cut…. at least for a little while, so that we can live closer together. But she only has two options at this point, either give me full custody or move back down where we can split custody. It’s only fair as most of his family is here, he was raised here, and there is no way I’m moving to New York for the first time as a grown assed middle aged man. I have no family nor friends up there. Plus I’ve spoken with quite a few people from New York. Most say that they moved here in order to give their kids a better way of life.

All that to say is that I’m feeling in a much better space now. It’s like recovering from an injured ankle and stepping on it for the first few times without feeling pain. I’m still a bit cautious…especially since I didn’t realize how hurt I still was a few months ago. But I am hopeful and thankful to finally be able to bask in the glow of the light near the end of the tunnel.

Overcoming the bitterness

Was hanging out with stbxw this weekend on some last minute, “I’m coming for my birthday this weekend.”

Some people feel like I shouldn’t hang out with her. I understand where they are coming from. They are afraid that she might ‘decide’ to reel me back in. And/Or perhaps I might somehow still want to be with her. But either way, both boil down to the fact that they think I could be vulnerable.

TBH, there is more temptation than I suspected….at least for sex. I mean I flirt with the idea. Fortunately for me, she doesn’t initiate…but it also lets me know that she isn’t really feeling me like that.

I mean, for her forego sex or at LEAST at not attempt it…..means that she just ain’t feeling me like that. I know what it feels like to be ‘wanted’ sexually. But it also shows me that maybe, we’re sexually incompatible….at least as far as how much we want sex. After the honeymoon phase was over, I wanted it more often than she did. Our first major blow up was over that.

By that time though, she already had a fling or two with a so called ‘riend’ and was at least ‘talking’ to her affair partner. Idk, but maybe the decline in sex indicated the loss of her sexual attraction to me. Plus someone else was able to seduce her. 2x even.

Morals aside….I could see how losing attraction for your spouse could possibly happen.

I never tried to intentionally ‘win’ her tho. I thought we just connected. I didn’t know that I needed to ‘be a certain way’…. I figured we ‘connected’ and in that process grew to ‘LOVE’ one another like for real. Especially after a family, kids, ups, downs, and I felt that I really TRIED to treat her well. My intentions and ACTIONS were on point as far as treating her “right”.

I never cheated, always worked and contributed money into the household. Most/If not all FR of my check. I helped with the household work….MORE OFTEN than she did even….I was involved with raising our kid. I asked her if she was ok. I was a true friend to her. A listening ear. I forgave things without keeping score of my disappointments. I wan’t exactly a doormat about it, but I didn’t ‘hate’ her or anything. Even miscommunications didn’t BLOW up like that.

I Truly LOVED HER. So perhaps I couldn’t even SEE her. “Love covers a multitude of sins” as in says in the scriptures. Perhaps it’s more literal than we think.

I accepted how she didn’t really seem to “think deeply” about issues. We never had any philosphical disuccsions. My sex drive was higher than hers after a while. She didn’t seem as ‘invested’ as far as being cooperative. She seemed to be more concerned with the surface level “stuff” more than the substance of it. As a metaphor….prefering a “house” over a “home”.

She bought into the GLAM behind BUZZ words like “black excellence” ,”power couple”,”generational wealth” and so forth….but seemed not as focused on the reality of what it takes to get there. Like work and quite a bit of luck. She is misaligned and seems to have bought in with the thinking of the “masses”…..

As of now, she seems to lack the concept of ‘family’, ‘loyalty’, and ‘honor’. Like ‘respect’ seems t\o come from a place of fear rather than love, duty, or obligation. She isn’t a TEAM player, but it’s all about “HER” and “Her happiness.”…. no matter what it takes to get it….and her lack of ‘intelligence’ is whatmakes Me think is the root of all of this.

and it comes back her her ‘attraction’….maybe with her love is based on attraction … thus attraction comes first….then the love later. But with me it’s the opposite….the more I love you, the more I am attacted to you. At least as far as ‘wifey’ goes. Her love is based on lust.

I dig loyalty, understanding, support, honesty, reciprocity. The rest is superficial.

I accepted the bullshit from her even though I felt she didn’t provide those things. I did it because….Love covers a multitude of sins….

That said, while I do still love her. Any attempt at reconciliation would be superficial at best. I really can’t trust her and she’s shown me no sort of real repentance. It’s like she knows she fucked up in how she handled everything….but it’s like she doesn’t UNDERSTAND WHY.

She doesn’t ‘feel’ it. And maybe it’s just not ‘in her’ like that to feel the ‘WHY’…. i think she’s a covert narc tbh….but she literally cannot see it.

I mean I love her, but she just isn’t the right woman as ‘wifey’ for me. I didn’t see it because I did love her, but she never really was right for me. Narcs to tend to ‘lovebomb’ you as she once did to me. I didn’t even know what that was at the time.

I fell in love and gave my power away. And though she knows what it is….she was made that way…..staying angry is like BEING angry with a pet tiger for almost killing you some random day though u thought you were ‘friends’.

She just like it literraly did what they are programmed to do. Just like I did, in a way. I love for real. She’s a narc like for real.

I just don’t know if ALL WOMEN are like that. Redpill makes me think that perhaps they are. But tbh, I didn’t VET her like I do other women. I never wanted to be marrid until I met her. But she was first one that I got that I …REALLY… wanted….and she happened to look just like one of the ones I really WANTED but got away.

It should have been a RED FLAG that our conversations weren’t nearly as deep. I just let her in without realizing she didn’t belong there. Out of lust or perhaps desire for the Original. So now I suffer.

Women don’t seem to understand that I can love you….but I can’t wife you unless ‘it’ is there. It’s nothing personal….I don’t even expect to find ‘it’….but a man does get lonely…and I’m not waiting around for ‘it’ and NOT have sex.

‘IT’ has nothing to do with her as a ‘person’. Yet, I’d like to hope that my morals would overrule ‘IT’…. so i can’t get married or be in a relationship.

I’m not her “IT”….and tbh, my “IT” would rcciprocate willingly and automatically. She’d have to be as I did … push me to make her cheat… cheat on me to try to get over me…. cheat bcuzve made it clear that I don’t respect her… cheat bcuz I really don’t want her like that.

MY STBXW.

She wants out…She really couldn’t love me like that….AND perhaps she’s the type of woman who can’t. It automatically makes her not wifey material. Even though I respect the maritial bond…..she felt a certain way enough to BREAK it….without trying to fix it first.

AND THAT IS JUST WHO SHE IS….

S

l

Top 10 Problems with Modern Western Women

Even though it feels that I’m pretty much over the redpill rage, I am not the same as before. I find myself really disliking a lot of women…at least as far as thinking that I would not want to be in a relationship with one. I know that ALL women aren’t terrible like the ones I often hear about and experienced (at least I hope not), but my tolerance for the bullshit is pretty low and at this point, I don’t know if I will be able to find a woman to ….ya know, actually want to be with relationship wise. My issues with a lot of modern women are:

1)They are too entitled. They feel like they deserve the best of the best regardless of they type of person they are or their accomplishments. They feel they don’t have to bring anything but pussy and their appetites to the table. If if they have resources or money , it’s not on the table. Your money is “yall’s”money. Their money is their money.

2)They are too arrogant. You have average chicks (looks and personality wise) believing that they are too good for an average guy. Just because guys want to sleep with them doesn’t mean that she’s somehow a princess or anything. Dudes will sleep with just about anyone and will say almost anything to get it. It doesn’t make her Cleopatra just because several men want to sleep with her. Her plethora of ‘options’ are simply thirsty men who want to get between her legs, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to be with her like that. Yet because they get some sexual attention, they believe they are Beyonce or something thinking they deserve a Jay-Z or rich millionaire who only wants to spend on them. Most average women don’t know that they are are actually average. But who’s gonna tell them?

3)They try to be too funny. Funny women aren’t really that attractive to me. It’s ok, I suppose, depending on the kind of funny. Most aren’t really all that funny anyway. STBXW thinks she’s hilarious. She’s actually more annoying. Dunno, but somewhere in the relationship, she developed this loud obnoxious mean girl sort of laugh. It’s rediculous when they don’t take anything seriously and always want to make jokes. Maybe it’s attractive / cute to them when men do it, but as a man, it’s annoying AF….even if my male friends do it.

4)They are superficial. Many have an unhealthy obsession with money. It’s the ‘get the bag’ generation. Am I the only one noticing that people are starting to worship money these days? Don’t get me wrong financial security is important. But despite having their needs mostly met….at least from a Maslow’s heirarchy point of view, they still crave MORE and MORE. Financial security and ambition are now code words for wealthy or either doing whatever it takes to be wealthy. While nothing is wrong with being wealthy on it’s face, but it’s like, they’re putting the cart before the horse. They seem obsessed with traveling (or should I say vacationing), luxury, and whatever other bullshit shiny things they see on reality TV. Most people who became successful did so because they came up with something that changed or at least contributed to changing the world for a lot of people. Often, the money wasn’t the primary motivator. It was like they discovered their purpose or passion first, saw where it could be useful to others, worked at it and the money came later. I’m pretty sure one can have passions that aren’t lucrative financially, yet just as fulfilling. Yet if it doesn’t make money, it doesn’t count.

5)They are ignorantly selfish. The rise of women in the workplace is evidence of this. Many women want financial equality, yet when it comes to contributing financially to the household, they feel that they man should be the primary breadwinner, regardless of her earning potential. The double standard is that they wouldn’t mind if their man made exponentially more money than them and in fact would expect him to carry the load of the financial burden if he made the most most money. Added insult to injury is that men typically don’t have as high as a lifestyle requirement as women. Also, many women will NOT do anything they don’t feel like doing. They won’t even try it. Ever ask a woman who isn’t into hiking to go hiking. Yet she expects you to go to the damned spa or something. Compromise typically goes only one way. You compromise with her, not the other way around.

6)They are greedy and expensive. Why would we even need a half-million dollar home with only 1 or 2 children anyway? Why work so damned hard for these material possessions when we can’t even really enjoy the fruits of our labor? Do we really need to keep up with the Jones’? Who the fuck pays 1500 for a handbag anyway? Why do u need ALL of these damned clothes that you don’t wear/ wore only once anyway? Why do u need all this expensive makeup when you actually look better without it? And why do we need to pay $25000 for a freaking wedding? Why do you want an expensive Range Rover and a 1.2k a month car payment? Don’t tell me it’s because of the fine English mechanics. Yet, even if can manage to afford to have / do all of this, they still end up miserable. According to some reports, they file for divorce a whopping 80% of the time. This number doesn’t even include the one’s who are cheating on their husbands or just afraid to leave despite being miserable anyway.

7)It’s your job to keep her happy. As her man, you’re expected to be her counselor, porn star, entertainer, provider, protector, alpha beta, and whatever the fuck else she requires in order to keep her happy. You better also have a shit ton of game and make sure you pass all of her shit tests. Fail in any of these, then she feels justified in cheating or leaving. Give her 8 out of the 10 things on her list and someone else comes along tempting her with the other 20%, it’s like all the other shit you do goes out the window. You don’t make enough money, you’re not funny enough, you’re not good enough in bed, you don’t pay enough attention to her, you’re too needy, you don’t help enough with the kids, you’re not ambitious enough, you’re too ambitious. Even if you happen to be able to juggle all the balls without dropping one, you still have to worry about the number 3 relationship killer….BOREDOM. Yup, you could be perfect, but she could just get bored with you. Then she starts feeling unfulfilled, claims to be a shrinking violet, and needs to “find herself”. Good luck with that.

8)You can’t tell them anything. Have you ever tried to tell a woman over 33 anything? Yes and you did exactly that…. ‘TRY’. These modern middle aged women are extremely stubborn can’t learn anything new. They won’t take accountability and are NEVER wrong about anything. I’ve heard so many black women say that they’re never wrong about anything that it’s not even funny anymore. I thought they were joking at first, but no, keep prying and you’ll eventually discover they are serious. You can give them examples, tell stories, give analogies, show facts….. it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t line up to ‘her truth’. With such fragile ego’s it’s really just best a lot of times to give up and let it go if it isn’t worth the argument. Ad hominems, deflection, and blame shifting are their responses of choice. As they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, the same can be said for middle aged women.

9)Being in love is only temporary. When a woman is in love with you….she LOVES you. You can’t do wrong. But it’s pretty much over when she falls out. Her loyalty is based on how much she is IN LOVE with you. But once the sparks disappear, she’s liable to do anything, including check out, stop giving you sex, give you the pity pussy. … and that’s if you’re lucky. Many will just cheat on your goofy ass until they find someone else to take her on. It’s like she doesn’t have the ability to love on her own free accord. It must be based on emotions and attraction only. Lose that then, you’re in for a shitty ride….especially if you aren’t the primary breadwinner who is providing the LIFESTYLE she thinks she deserves. This is one reason I cannot condone marriage this day in age. They will check out emotionally and even if you try to straighten up, it’s usually too late by then. They cannot bring themselves to love you on their own. You can think that she’s your ‘best friend’ and that your relationship is deeper than the superficial, but I have a million stories out here of men warning you otherwise. Redpill theology says it best. “She’s never yours, it’s just your turn.” It is one thing they definetely get right.

10) These women have too many gotdamn bodies. It’s already pretty gross that you have to have to acknowledge that she’s most likely has a history of sleeping with many men. Do you know how many dicks have been in her mouth, gallons of nut that’s been pumped into her body and down her throat. All the nasty freaky shit she did with other men before you? And you still want to kiss her in the mouth or eat her out? How disrespectful is it to have her cheat on you after accepting her past and have her do it while you’re with her. Imagine kissing her in the mouth just a few hours after having her lips wrapped around another man’s member. Or eating her out days after some douchebag ejaculated inside of her. It’s disgusting. Like wearing another man’s underwear or something. You think that sex is special somehow just because she screams your name during sex? How many other men made her moan with pleasure? Spit in her mouth, and poked every hole in her body. Stuck a finger or two in her butt while she was bent over. Yeah. That’s your WIFE now. How many men did she lead to believe that the sex with them was the most incredible or special thing she’s ever experienced? Newsflash dummy, you weren’t the first and most likely won’t be the last. Sex really isn’t that special to her my guy, no matter how she pretends yours the best thing since sliced bread. If sex is the bond or glue that ties you two together as something more than just friends, today it is the elmer’s kindergarten class project glue. Maybe it’s more like used scotch tape if we’re honest.

All of this said, relationships aren’t really special. Love is just temporary lust and biochemicals mixing in your brain. A drug. Women don’t love you, they just lust you sometimes temporarily. They don’t need you these days and even if they do, they usually grow resentful or ungrateful over time. Love doesn’t necessarily mean loyalty and is usually temporary. It’s not about what you actually do, but how can make her feel. She may love you for a season or two, but it’s just temporary. They’d rather be in love (lust) which is usually outside of their of control and are mostly incapable of loving someone for real (choosing it). For these reasons, I’m not sure if I’m just jaded and bitter of I’ve finally waken to the fact that Santa ain’t real.