I’ve come to the conclusion that my stbxw is probably better off as someone’s side girl or a possible FWB. Not for me as I really don’t believe in cheating, and it’s too late for her to be a fwb. But just in general. For the streets as they say. Ya know, like a chick who gets captivated by a guy, he has fun with her, maybe take her out a few times (I heard dudes still be doing this in 2021), and smash on the weekend or late night tip.
She’s not relationship material. Unless you’re looking for a trophy (she looks pretty decent at her age), but even still though, one could probably get a better looking and younger trophy.
She’s doesn’t have a terrible personality, but her character and mindset is fucked as far as relationships and loyalty goes.
I say this because it seems that her loyalty only goes as far as honeymoon phase, infatuation phase. She was able to betray me and our family so easily because she wasn’t really that connected to us. Her communication skills suck and she has a ‘cut throat’ mindset. Meaning that she’ll throw you under the bus with no hesitation or regards to you if it is advantageous to her. You won’t even see it coming as she doesn’t argue/tell you that she has a problem. If that ain’t side chick/ fwb/ creep material only, I don’t know what is.
Once she has you locked into a relationship, you have to either keep playing the ‘unavailable’ game with her to keep her on her toes or figure out how to manufacture some level of instability. Once she figures that she has you, she gets bored. I’m thinking that I jumped head first into the redpill because they generally describe this type of woman of which she happens to be.
Maybe I jumped to conclusions. Maybe she shares the characteristics with those type of women that guys tend to get burned by, it’s not to say that ALL women are like this. The scary part is figuring out which ones are and which ones aren’t.
I know it sounds like I’m claiming that she’s somehow inferior as a human being for being like that. But it’s not true. Everyone has a role and hers is that of a side chick or a person to have fun with, but not to take seriously as far as being a wife. She lacks a certain level of self reflection and depth necessary to have a mutual bond/ serious relationship with. Her lack of character, ethics, and morality when it comes to relationships in general pretty much dooms anyone who truly falls in love with her to a hard time. The fact that she’s a (self admittedly) poor communicator along with the other things are a recipe for disaster.
Perhaps she’s more suited for an equally superficially shallow guy. I really don’t think that she feels emotions on a deep level. I wouldn’t quite call her a narc or a psychopath, but she’s definitely high on the spectrum. We never really talked about deep things (or rather, I’d talk and she’d listen), but in retrospect, she never had much to say about philosophical “why’s” or what not.
Again, I’d like to emphasize that she does perhaps bring something to the table as far as being somewhat funny (well she tries), she’s not stupid academically as she has an advanced degree. She has the potential to make decent money. She can ACT in a loving manner and she isn’t really socially awkard.
But she is selfish, secretive, and aloof. She thinks everything has to be joke or something. She is ok, just not a good wifey type and my stupid ass married her. In retrospect, it’s no surprise that things are the way that they are between us. You can’t emotionally hurt this chick and that’s a bit scary as the only leverage I’ve ever had would be to get physically abusive or something. I’ve never done it, but if you can’t ‘correct’ bad behavior through reasoning or communication, then there isn’t really much you can do when a person acts in a fucked up manner. The only other leverage you have is to walk away and give up on them. Deal breakers, boundaries and lines were crossed. I should have walked a long time ago.
It wouldn’t have punished her at all. It would have been strictly for my personal benefit. She is too shallow to hurt in that manner. Her lack of character gives her power over me in ways that I cannot fight without severely hurting myself or our son. But it seems that she is acutely unaware of what she’s missing.
It’s like she’s fully aware of her hypocrisy and the fucked up nature of what she does, but she just doesn’t give a fuck. She doesn’t give a fuck because her character isn’t important to her. Only her image to others. She lacks personal conviction or empathy to feel bad about what she does to others. She knows it’s bad intellectually, but it’s like she can’t feel/imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of that type of behavior. It doesn’t motivate her treat others better.
She literally told me with a serious face that it’s better and more respectful for her to cheat behind my back than to cheat in my face. And no she was not joking. … As if this is some sort of consolation prize or something.
Like seriously? How about not cheating at all? That’s like saying it’s better to rape someone with lube than to do it without. But i left it alone. I already knew the metaphor would go way over her head and she’d take the rape part literally instead of getting the principle.
On one hand, i’d rather her keep comments like that to herself, but on the other it gives insight into the way she actually thinks…..so i didn’t really tear into the stupid statement as I once would have.
That said, I cannot take what she does personally. She is who she is. I can’t put expectations on to her that I already know (and she’s proven) that she can’t live up to. It was a huge mistake to put her in that position in my life. It’s not a position for her. Though I didn’t recognize this in her at first, I do now. So i have to figure out how to undo this mess and given her nature, it’s going to have to be without her help.
It’s as if we operate on different frequencies or wave lengths. We have different guiding principles and the ones that motivate me the most would cause me to come out on the ‘losing’ end with her if take her too seriously.
How to go to war with someone who doesn’t care about conventional rules nor care about collateral damage? How do i fight this monster without becoming one myself? In most cases, i’d walk away from that person and either deal with them from a far distance or not at all. But for now, it seems that I have to be a lot more strategic in how I fight this battle.
I should have just fucked and ducked.