I was sold a bill of goods as a youth on the nature of women. I always thought that they were pretty much faithful and that IF she cheated, it was because the man of her life was doing her wrong. Like really wrong. This led me to believe that all one simply had to do was to treat her right.
Based on my experiences and stories of other men have led me to conclude that that was a lie. It’s so much more complicated than that. I believe that the old adage “nice guys finish last” holds way more truth in today’s society than ever before.
The truth is that treating a woman….right, isn’t exactly what I thought it was. The equivocation is in the word “right”. “Right” needs to be more clearly defined…. that is if you want to get the results of having your heart ripped out of your chest. Call me bitter, but hear me out. It might save you from a world of soul crushing pain.
There are two ways you can look at the word “right”. The standard definition that me and many blue pilled men looked at was that if we treated her “like a queen”…. put her first. compromise. spoil her. Give her her wishes and desires. Make her feel special. Basically treat her how we’d like to be treated. With fairness, equity, and honesty. Be her best friend, provider, counselor, protector, and lover. Be faithful and be in a US vs the World mentality….she’d be happy and stay faithful.
And on paper, many of them say that this is what they want. In fact, i’d go so far as to say that it still is. But, there is another side to this. Once she gets this from you. It doesn’t fulfill, nor complete her. Once she has that from you….your loyalty, dedication, and heart, she becomes, bored with the relationship. THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.
I’ve seen it happen to too many “good” men that once they give her all these things, she becomes, dissatisfied, bored, and unhappy. Something in her seems to crave the unpredictability of the “bad boy”. You see, most modern women are primarily concerned about “her happiness” above ALL THINGS. This includes friendships, relationships, family. Loyalty is not something most of them really have an internal grasp upon. Her personal happiness is a precondition of loyalty. And if she thinks she can be happier somewhere else, then it’s perfectly reasonable for her to break the conditions of loyalty.
That is to say that they can be loyal, but only if all of her current needs, emotions, and feelings point her into being happy. It’s not a choice, but more like based on her view of the external factors in her life. She isn’t guided by principle, but by more by her feelings and emotions.
Right should be more clearly defined as keeping her on her toes. She has to know that you have options and can and will walk away. It’s not enough to have her believe it, she has to know it. Even that is no guarantee she’ll remain faithful due to the dozens of thirsty simps in her dm, at work, or in the streets.
Infidelity and hurting her isn’t the biggest deal breaker when it comes to them. Her getting bored with you is. Added to the thirsty simps who will say and anything regardless of who it hurts (your family /kids included) in order to get sex and attention from her, you’re in for a real shit show. They will promise her greener grass, tell her how much more she deserves, and some believe they can make her happier. Many are so thirsty and never think that if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you. Do you really want to “compete” for an unfaithful/disloyal chick. You’ll be fighting forever.
As unpopular of a sentiment this may be, the REAL deal is that if you want to stand a chance on keeping her, you must hurt her. You gotta take a page from the bad boys book. You must cheat on her. She has to chase you. Then you can treat her well for a little while.
There has to be a cycle of function/dysfunction/function. You must introduce the “toxicity” into the relationship sometimes. There really is no such thing as being her friend. You have to take an active part in regulating the ups and downs if you want to maintain attraction. It’s a lot of work if you’re a “nice guy” who cherishes peace and “doing the right thing”
They are primarily driven by their feelings. Being in love is actually more important than actually loving someone. And there is a huge difference. One is intentional and the other isn’t quite in our control. One is based on principle where as the other is based on the superficial. One tends to be more boring and stable, while the other puts her on a rollercoaster of emotions. In order to keep from getting bored, she has to “trauma” bond with you….and the best time to do this is during the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship. Even then, you have to occasionally do something unpredictably fucked up. Relationships are not for the even keel, live and let live type of guy.
Ever wonder why so many women stay down for the bad boy? This is pretty much why.
While both men and women are subsceptible to “falling in love” or having a “crush” on someone while in a relationship with a s/o. I believe that some people are able to place the principle of love over the feeling of being in love. That is to say that real love is enduring and it does sometimes require sacrifice and letting things go that goes against one’s own selfish desires.
Today, most people are willing to do anything….especially for the sake of lust in order to fulfill their personal desires. These desires are not necessarily “needs”. But given that many believe that they deserve maximum happiness in all aspects of their lives, they are willing to sacrifice principles of love in order to get it. This is why there is such a proliferation of cheating and infidelity in today’s society.
I don’t recommend that men fall in love today. It’s truly a curse to find someone you believe is “the one.” Because odds are if one chooses to believe the statistics as well as the anecdotal stories told by men from all walks of life, a very large number of these women cheat. In fact, I’d believe it’s much larger than the stats suggest.
Forget all of this if you are a guy who has dark triad features already ingrained into your personality. You’re golden when it comes to sexual relationships. This is more or less for the “good guys” out there.
If I am correct, and I am open to more information….from a seasoned “good guy’s”, you only have a few options.
1)Take a chance, get in a relationship, but be willing to accept that at some point in time, that your girl will most likely cheat on you someday and possibly leave for the other guy. *she WILL lie and gaslight if discovered. It doesn’t matter how well you think the relationship is going. Always be willing to walk away if this is a deal breaker, because she will NOT stop no matter “how sorry” she says she is.
2)Don’t get into clearly defined relationships. Love and play the game as you see fit. With this though, be aware that you can never truly give your heart to her. It doesn’t mean that you have to lie or see other people behind her back, but be aware that most times, if something is off or changes, the writing is usually on the wall. ACT accordingly. Titles will not keep her faithful and the lack of one will not make her disloyal if she really likes you. Maybe her trying to get the title can keep her entertained long enough to not get bored. But always be in a space where you are able to walk away at any given time.
3)Go MGTOW and not deal with women all together….or only in a sexual context with pump and dump as a guiding principle.
4)Simply just turn a blind eye to it and don’t let it bother you. Many times, we get hurt because of the expectations we put on her.
All of these options still fall under the premise that you won’t be the last guy she ever sleeps with. It doesn’t matter how well you think that your relationship is going. The question is, are you willing to take her back?
I am aware that this view of love and relationships seem fatalistic. But again, given the stats and times we live in, it is realistic. That view of keeping a woman faithful is pretty much dead these days. If you’re basing your love on fidelity, then I’m sorry to tell you that you’re fucking up.
I’m not saying that ALL women cheat, but most of them do and many times you really can’t tell a faithful woman from a cheater until you catch her in the act. Again (keeping in mind) most have no problem with lying and gaslighting upon suspicion. Talk is cheap. Hell, it’s free.
This day in age, it’s probably best to acknowledge that she will cheat and set your expectations accordingly. I don’t think it is wise to tell her this for a few reasons. 1)she will see you as bitter 2)most live in a world of cognitive dissonance on this particular issue 3)even if she promises she would never do it, she will, and will lie and gaslight upon discovery. There really is no point. and 4)it is seen as insecurity to acknowledge this out loud.
Save yourself a ton of heartbreak and disappointment and simply expect that she will cheat and gaslight and lie upon discovery. No matter how “good” she seems in other aspects of her life. It’s up to you do decide what you want to do with it from there.
Personally, i just recommend have fun, enjoy the moment. But don’t set expectations and most importantly, don’t get too attached. Love yourself enough not to put yourself though it if you can’t handle it.