It really does take all of that

My homegirl loves to say….”if he don’t want me, he don’t want my kat”. It’s a pretty nonsensical statement to me because a man could definitely want to have sex with her, but not want to be her man.

But what does it even mean to “want her”. I’m at a loss with that. What would ‘wanting a woman’ entail. I mean technically, if her “kat” is attached to her, he does want her if he wants sex.

But Does that mean he likes to hang out with her? Perhaps it means that he wants to marry her someday. He wants to bask in her presence or something.

I don’t understand. Perhaps the simping has been beaten out of me at this point. I don’t know what it means to want a woman. Like, I love my family and friends, but what does ‘wanting’ them mean.

When I think of “being her man” it’s like asking to be her slave. Like I was trying to convey to her, it seems that the requirement to keep a woman “happy” is so high whereas men generally ask for very little. We pretty much just ask for loyalty, cooperation (not necessarily ‘submission’), sex, and maybe a sandwich here and there.

To keep a woman “happy” however, he needs to keep her from being “bored”. He needs to damn near be a therapist. He has to keep things “spicy”. He has to wine and dine her. He has to give her a lot of attention. He has to take her on vacations. He has to buy the ocassional expensive gift. He has to constantly show how much he appreciates her. He has to be responsible for leading her somewhere. He has to make sure he’s ambitious enough, but needs to be able to figure out how to give her enough time. He has find that balance between being supportive and not being a pushover. He has to occassionally “put her in her place.” He has to deal with swaying emotions. He has to be the protector. He has to be the provider. Be The voice of reason. He has to keep her laughing. He has to “change” on her schedule.

Failure to do any of this….Or if she finds a guy who is willing to do some of what you may not be doing, then she feels that she deserves better or justified in cheating. Or she may just stop putting out because she is no longer attracted. But he still better not cheat or he’s the worst thing since the first coming of Hitler.

A man truly has to be in love to want to sign up for this risky one sided proposition. Many will try and often times succeed at many of the tasks. But she never looks at the hits, but will often highight and even exaggerate the misses. He puts himself on a perpetual treadmill of moving goalposts trying to keep her happy in order to make sure she either doesn’t leave or will continue letting him get the same pussy he’s gotten a million times before.

The “love” is so conditional and many of the women are selfish as fuck these days. They feel entitled to a man doing all of that, yet will do the bare minimum themselves (which again, there wasn’t much we were asking for in the first place). We are willing to take on the financial burden and if necessary, even take on a lifestyle cut to support her and the family…..Yet most women ‘feel’ that they are settling if the shoe were on the other foot.

And despite the one sided nature of this relationship …. even if you do love, adore, cherish, respect, and honor her, it’s not enough. She feels entitled to more and more and more. Failure to give her above and beyond is met with either threats or action on her behalf to leave. She feels that she has either “outgrown” the relationship….or she needs to “grow” and experience more.

They love from a place of “feeling” which is so fickle…..whereas i believe most men love more from a place of “principle” which his more fixed.

To me it’s just not worth the effort. I mean if all of that comes with “wanting” a woman….my homegirl is right kind of right. If it takes all of that just to get her “kat” than I’d rather handle my sexual needs with my hand. Intimacy is cool and all, but seriously, what kind of fool wants to jump through all of those hoops only to be appreciated for “what have you done for me lately”. A fool “in love” that’s who.

Despite the one sided nature of these relationships, I’d almost be willing to do it, but it’s lack of acknowledgment and appreciation that kills me. Once they are done with you, they don’t give a fuck about how you feel in the end. You’re easily discarded like a piece of trash and they rarely if ever feel remorse for losing you. Until they figure out the grass wasn’t actually greener out there and they see you’ve moved on to someone else.

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