Yall Crazy

I’m not understanding why dudes out here are still trying to fall in love. I fear it and maybe it makes me unavailable, but man why on earth would you want to subject yourself to so much potential pain. It would be like taking a drug that is known to create euphoria, but you have at least a 50% chance of becoming totally addicted to and powerlessly consumed by it.

And the withdrawals rival that of heroin or crack. Who in the fuck wants to take that chance? Is experiencing good ‘feelings’ worth the downsides? I personally don’t think so, having been there. Society however seems to think that guys like me who had claw my way back to recovery are damaged goods. They call us ’emotionally unavailable’ or commitment phobic.

These days, it sounds like the women telling themselves that they want a man to be ‘head over heels’ in love are like narcs. Why do they want this type of power over a man? Do they want a gotdamned man servant or somthing? Will they give a fuck if you fall hard and they suddenly don’t want you anymore. It seems to me that they want you hooked so that they can control you. But what’s worse, they can discard you for any reason if you fail to meet up to their expectations or if they feel that someone can offer them ‘greener grass’ over there. And if you’re discarded while being deep “in love.” Do you think she gives a fuck about how you feel? It’s all about her happiness and her fulfillment. You’re just a disposable tool or a means to an end in their eyes. Your objectives aren’t her primary concern.

And they want me to take a chance on giving someone that much power over me? Man fuck that. I am not a utility and my heart isn’t a disposable object for her to play with until she gets bored. So yeah, they can spread that bullshit advice all they want, but I’ve waken up to the reality.

While I don’t want to ‘fall in love’, it’s proving to be a bit difficult to deal with a woman because I actually do care about how I make them feel in the end. It seems that the run with my lover and I is almost over…. I feel bad in a way that perhaps she wasted her time with me insofar as not achieving the end goal of ‘marriage’ after so much time. But if I’m honest, I really never thought I could make her “happy” if I were her man. I can’t afford the nice things that she “says” don’t matter to her. I cannot afford to take the risk of falling deep in love with a woman that I don’t feel that I can appease. I’m not going back to that blue pilled “happy wife, happy life” way of thinking.

I’d rather be alone than to serve a broad who can and will replace my ass if I no longer make her happy. What about me? I don’t ask for much from her, yet she requires the world from me. Perhaps it is man’s fate to serve women to this capacity, but I’m resisting. I did my time. Served my bid and ended up in the trash. Noone cared. The men who have that “it” factor and who don’t care seem to have it easiest out here. Sure I can be that man servant to her, but if a guy comes along who has that “it” factor and makes the grass seem greener elsewhere, she is sure to leave me desolate and down in the dumps. She’d throw everything away just for a chance to get with that guy. Meanwhile, you’re left, stuck, hurt, humiliated, mad…..stuck in withdrawals. Been there done there, got stuck and I’m still recovering. Why on earth would I risk it again?

It’s not a good place to be. I have the protect my heart, she won’t. I can’t rely on her to.

My homegirl is so blind to her selfishness in this and desires that type of ‘love’ from a man so bad. It comes across to me as she’s needy and a control freak. She wants to control a man. When asked about commitment and marriage, her main thing is that it’s about happiness. So she wants a man to fall head over in heels in love with her. She wants the wedding and the spectacle and if a man is foolish enough to come along and actually fall in love like she wants him to, I can’t but help feel sorry for him.

Dude is committed to being a sucker to her for life and anytime she’s ready to relieve him of his services, and will fire his ass. It comes down to keeping her happy and keeping her happy involves pretty much doing as she says. If he fails to comply with her wishes, then she has no problems with holding the cookie and intimacy hostage, and if it goes on for too long, she’ll probably cheat with a guy who “listens” to her. If he does always ‘give’ in, she’s bound to end up losing respect for him. It’s a no win situation where you have to walk the fine line of being assertive and just making her happy in order to keep her around.

Who wants such a 1 sided relationship…..and the way I see it, the only way a man is going to deal with a woman’s bullshit is if he “falls in love.” or if he is so desperate for the cookie, he’ll do anything to get and keep it. She wants complete dominance over him.

Yeah, I’ll pass. I just gotta learn how to be loving while not caring so much about a woman’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt my lover, but I can’t be with her. I don’t think she has really thought this thing out because, as with most women, they only care about their happiness without regarding how it can actually play out. Being in “love” does that. Hopefully she has enough love for me to understand that it was never my intention to waste her time…..who knows.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s