I’m starting to think that my home girl is lost cause. But I like talking to her because she has the mentality of many modern women. After reconnecting after many years, we’ve been talking/texting for a few months now. We decided to friendzone each other and tbh, I’m cool with that. They say that a man and a woman can’t be friends, but I disagree. I’d smash, but it’s not like I’m going out of my way to and she’d have to hit me up and ask me. Even then though….at this point, I don’t think so.
That said, I like talking to her because we can discuss men/woman relationships in a way where we don’t have to worry about offending or scaring the other person off. I think it’s a good idea to have a female friend like this because she can offer insights into how many modern women think.
She tells me about her dating frustrations with men and tbh, I can see how she’s fucking up. She’s not a terrible person, but her views on men and relationships are completely off the wall. I try to offer her insight from a man’s perspective, but she just won’t listen. It’s frustrating at times because she likes to tell me how things should be and I tell her how things are.
I told her about the redpill and the frustrations that men have with modern black women. However, instead of listening, taking it in, and considering my points of view, she likes to poke holes into what I’m saying. It’s hilariously frustrating to see her do exactly what I tell her that many women do in real time as she denies that she’s doing it.
I once told her that one frustration that men have is that women tend to deflect when men have complaints about women. She immediately responds with, well men don’t listen. I figured maybe she didn’t understand what I meant by deflect so I said that deflection means that when I tell you an issue that I have, instead of addressing that issue, you immediately counter with an issue you have with me. “You’re literally doing it right now”.
We can talk about the problems you have with me (men) later, but that isn’t the topic right now. Despite having that conversation about 20 times, she still does it….like it’s just an instinct and she can’t help herself. Often times, when trying to make a point, I’ll cut her off before she responds and say “before u say us men do x,y,z. Think about what I just said.”
Another one is that even though she wants to be in a relationship with a man, she absolutely refuses to try to gain an understanding of what men’s problems with modern women are. No matter how much I’ve tried to put her on to red pill content creators, she seems completely incapable of understanding why it would be important to at least ‘understand’ men’s frustrations. I tell her that she doesn’t have to agree with it, but just gain an understanding. Instead she refuses and just dismisses it as men just being sheep and following trends.
If I wanted a relationship with a woman and I was frustrated with my results, I think I’d like to understand where women were coming from….even if I didn’t agree… I really don’t know how she doesn’t see this as beneficial….
Another example, she often tells me of an ex who verbally abused her by yelling and screaming at her. I took it at face value and didn’t ask what she did to provoke him to get to that point…..but later she tells me that she does have a sharp tongue and had a problem with speaking to people in a cutting/disrespectful way. When I tell her about accountability, she immediately jumps in the “well men…..”
She also triggers my mistrust of women by saying that she believes that marriage is about happiness and if she isn’t happy then she isn’t going to be in a relationship. To me, that’s a red flag that if things go wrong in a marriage, she’s going to stop giving sex (as she says she would). I tell her that this is what men mean when we say that women weaponize sex. Her response, men thinks that sex will fix everything. Me, no we don’t, but it keeps us bonded….Her: well it just makes a woman resentful. Me: So it seems that refusing to have sex isn’t going to help and it makes us feel rejected and worse, it increases the temptation for us to cheat. Her: Yall just sex crazed.
Another issue we can’t seem to resolve is the whole friends with benefits is wasting a woman’s time debate. Even more, she says that I am using women for sex if I don’t plan on getting into a real “relationship” with her. To me that’s rediculous. She might have a point if I was future faking or promising a relationship…..but just because I like to do relationship ish type things doesn’t mean that I want a relationship. Especially if I make it clear that I don’t want one.
If a woman wants to keep dealing with me after I’ve told her that I don’t do the relationship thing, then that’s on her. I don’t treat her bad, but I avoid relationships like the plague because women once your status changes, their expectations change. I don’t mind doing things to try to make a woman happy, but I do not want to make it my job or responsibility. Big difference.
Besides, what’s a bigger waste of time, being married for 10 years and leaving it because you’re unhappy or simply never getting in one in the first place. I asked her how did her past failed relationships benefit her any more than if they were just ‘friends’ the whole time. She got insulted and took it to mean that she can’t keep a man. I wasn’t going there, but….now that she mentions it…..
Her favorite line is “if he don’t want me, he don’t want my kitty kat.” I’m thinking he must don’t want yo that kitty kat then because if all that comes with it, then I’ll pass. She seems to think that a man should just like hanging out with a woman for some reason. I tried to hip her to the idea that men generally tolerate women outside of business or family in hopes that we’ll get some, but for the most part, we aren’t just hanging out to be buddy buddy.
But, of course she wants a man who she can leverage sex into getting her way. She’s so used to it that she probably doesn’t even realize it’s happening.
Now that i’m older, i realize that’s a sucker move, but to her it’s how men should act. In my personal experience and by watching men with girlfriends/women, the woman tends to do what she wants to do and the man follows along like a puppy dog catering to her in order to keep her happy. I’m like wtf am I doing just hanging out with a woman….. “spilling the tea” and getting petticures or something. Watching hgtv, reality tv, and the cooking network. Watching her shop for clothes and gossiping about people’s relationships?
Most women don’t like to do the activities that I like to do….and it’s like pulling teeth to get them to do anything they don’t want to do. What does she want me do….. unless we’re laid up, about to lay up, or just got through laying up…..I’d be faking it by saying I want to just hang out. I find it a bit narcisisstic to think that a woman wants to bask in her glory or something. I don’t know if all men feel like this, but being a bit of an introvert, I don’t really hang around with anyone like that.
If do hang around male friends, we’re doing activities, working out and/or drinking, freestyling, talking shit, playing video games or watching anime or something. Women just aren’t that fun to hang around simply for the fuck of it to me. It’s ok ocassionally, but not like something I just like to do.
She seems to think that men should just like being around her. She’s cool I guess, but ….no. She wants a man servant and not man. I don’t think she realizes how emotionally draining it is just hanging out with a woman and trying to keep her entertained. It’s already hard talking to her as much as I do sometimes because she likes to argue and be right all the time. Most of my male friends listen to understand first and we can agree on a lot of shit before we get the part where we start disagreeing. She’s combative from the gate and picks apart every little detail (often going on tangents that have little to do with the overall topic) in order “be right.” It can get frustrating.
Despite this and never apologizing for admitting she may be wrong about something in our thousands of texts between each other, she says that she doesn’t have a “need to be right”. Again, “the need to be right” is not considering that you could be wrong about something and being open to new information. She just doesn’t seem to get this. I tell her that I’m not just flinging insults and accusations at her, but I really need her to see/ or at least consider what I’m saying. She usually never does. I don’t know why try sometimes. But i do see how she would need simp as a man in her life to tell her what she wants to hear and just let her feel right and be wrong.