Cold Hearted

I was watching a video about narcissists by a self proclaimed “self aware” narcissist. He described how narc’s don’t think about things the way other people do. According to him, they see people as tools to get what they want. “Good” or “bad” doesn’t really exist to them anymore than a lion sees a gazelle as good or bad. It’s just food.

In their minds, the “good” things you do to them don’t have any bearing on whether or not you deserve any specific kind of treatment they may give to you. Relationships are more about utility(as in do you meet their needs, expectations, desires) than about love.

I do think STBXW definitely exhibits narcissistic traits. I think she lacks self awareness and real sympathy. I think she can sort of act it out, but I think everything goes back in relation to her. I don’t think that she feels things deeply and sort of objectifies the people in her life. I really shouldn’t take what she did/does as personal because she doesn’t really look at things from a good or bad perspective. It’s more like, what is the best means to get me what I want.

Because she always made decent money and bought generally whatever she wanted, I used to go out of my way to find thoughtful gifts for her. As an example, I bought her a pandora charm bracelet once for mother’s day and the goal was to put new charm on it every mother’s day. Each charm would represent something significant that happened that year. One year, During her affair, for mother’s day, we (kiddo and I) brought her a charm with a globe on it…..because this is when she first told us of her love of ‘travel.’ She seemed to swoon over it. She loved it. “Or so she said”. Because she was knee deep up her affair parnter’s ass. She left it home and rarely spoke on it. She never even put the charm on the bracelet. One year later, kiddo and and I decided to play a prank and give the same charm. It was still in the same box. When she got it….once again she was was like “awww, this so beautiful”….” l love it!”….. she didn’t even notice or realize that it was the same one we got for her a year ago. We got a good laugh out of it and gave her another charm….. but this is just one example of how i think that she can really fake it, but not really feel it….as far as I know that charm is still in the box all these years later.

I used to write her heartfelt emails and letters when we were in honeymoon phase love. Never got one back in return. That should have been a red flag. Our wedding was a beautiful day for me at the time. I thought she also actually felt it in a deep way as well. But now, based on the way she handled the charm and other thoughtful gifts I got her. And the way she so carelessly and easily discarded our family with little to no remorse or guilt…..despite us not having any REAL maritial problems. Without even fighting for it…… Along with several conversations we’ve had about love, life, family….etc. Plus she never bought me anything very ‘thoughtful’ except maybe a pack of socks (which tbh I was grateful because I needed some at the time). I am starting to see that she truly does NOT think about things in a way that I would. It appears that her mentality is very much self serving.

It’s small things like if she’s in bed and I come into the room, I’ll turn on the closet light as to disturb her as little as possible….on the other hand, if I’m in the bed and she comes in, she turns on the main light…..and my even leave it on when she leaves back out of the room. If I ask her to get me my favorite bag of chips, she’ll return with something else….on the other hand, I took note of her favorite items or snacks and would get them for her if I made a store run.

That said, it’s really no wonder that the small, yet significant times we’ve had meant so little to her. This could explain how she is/was so easy to throw everything away without a second thought. I thought that my thoughtfulness in the ways I treated her would mean something to her. I didn’t keep score as I knew she had a selfish streak in her…..i chalked it up to her being an “only child”. But I’ve come to realize that she doesn’t place much significance on those types of things. Whereas I think I do….at least when it came to our family. To me it was OURS to make the best and most of it. It was truly a blessing in my eyes. I think she just saw it as an accomplishment to wear like a badge or something. To put it in martial arts terms…..I’d think that if she got a McDojo black belt by paying for it over the couse of 2 years, but learned little or nothing, she’d really treasure it…..but I probably wouldn’t place much merit in it. ( Maybe our “love languages” are just too different.

That said, perhaps it is best that we do split. Even though she doesn’t have to experience things as deeply as I did…..i would think that it would be beneficial if we both did. I’d think that it would be a type of glue to keep us bound….even in hard times or in the face of temptation. I think that because she didn’t /doesn’t feel that way, then we cannot overcome the storms that life throws our way.

In the end, i think that I would like to find someone who can actually experience life on a deeper level. STBXW’s way seems much more superficial. It just cannot work for me as she’d never really appreciate me nor treat me in a way that I’d like to actually be treated. If not for her infidelities and desire to leave, I think that I would have been content to deal with it. I’m not a person who believes in ‘deserves’ as in I’d trade my loved one in for a “better” model. I do have my limits though and she unceremoniosly crossed both of them. So given the opportunity for a fresh start, I think that if I ever do the relationship thing again, one of my desires is to be with someone who can actually….ya know….feel something.

Make it make sense

Lately I’ve had this idea that modern day relationships are usually very 1 sided. Especially if you’re a simp. As a recovering simp on the road of becoming a ‘normal human’. I’m starting to see how society is really set up to make relationships one sided in favor of a woman.

As men, we are expected to protect, provide, be a porn star, make her laugh, keep her entertained, help around the house, spend time with her, anticipate her needs, figure out when to help and when to just listen, find the balance between being strong and emotional, deal with her changing needs, be patient with her. Give her freedom, yet also put your foot down. We have to be the leader, be ambitious, be giving and self sacrificing. Like it’s a lot having to deal with a woman if you want to keep her happy. In many ways (and I know women aren’t animals) but it’s like having a needy pet.

As for us (me anyway), we usually only require faithfulness, agreeableness, and just be a good person overall. Beauty is great, but she doesn’t have to be a model. Just be a good person overall. Not perfect, just good. Do the basics, be honest, help keep the house clean, give consistent sex (not even all the time) and don’t be a bitch. Like….why is that so hard?

We are expected to take a lifestyle cut in order to support our family. If we make more money, we are expected to cover the bills based on income percentage at the very least. If she makes more money, you’re lucky if she’s goes 50/50 with you. And you better be on the path of meeting or exceeding her income level very very soon. How is that for reciprocity in this age of women’s rights?

Think about it. What do we get in return for all of this…….pussy and for her to treat us like a decent person. An argument can be made that she ‘sacrifices her body’ in order to have kids. Still though, in this day in age, while she does actually carry the baby, most modern men (that I know) still stay up all night and split the responsibility once the baby is here while still maintianing the house, their jobs, and responsibilities.

Apparently though, this is simpish behavior. Ironically, despite a man doing ALL of this shit they say they want, while requiring the bare minimum in return….many women still find themselves unhappy, bored, and unfulfilled a lot of times in marriage. They seem to be attracted more to the men who put themselves first and put them (women) through hell. If you don’t trauma bond her, she probably ends up cheating or leaving. You can’t be a “good” man for real for real. It’s boring.

Then if you happen to meet those expectations, the bar gets set higher. It’s like you’re first and goal, but the line of scrimmage suddenly moves back 10 yards every time you make some forward progress. And while you’re out there pushing, grinding, and doing whatever it takes to get one more yard…they sit back on the sidelines and complain to their work husband or object of lust about how much you suck as a man…..before lustfully sucking him off in a parking lot on a random Tuesday. Meanwhile, you’re lucky if you can even get some lazy head on your birthday.

The sick thing is that we sign up for this bullshit. We actually get down on one knee in a submissive position and beg her to be with us. We spend this money on a gotdamned overpriced ring. Pay for an overpriced celebration (wedding)…. Pay for a honeymoon vacation just to get the same pussy we’ve probably already been fucking…..Just to work for her in hopes that she won’t cheat, keep us sexually satisfied, and not leave. However given that 80% of all divorces are filed by women, a good percentage of us fail. Then she takes our kids, break our homes, or ends up fucking the neighbor with the excuse of she just wasn’t happy. If we are the primary breadwinner, then she takes half our shit….regardless of if she was the one who fucked up the marriage or not.

Listen man, marriage is probably one of the dumbest things we as men can do in the 21st century. The only thing women really bring to the table is sex. I mean seriously. Women typically don’t enjoy our hobbies and usually aren’t even interested in learning to like them. They want too much shit. They are materialistic. They have mental issues a lot times. They are emotionally needy. And got forbid they don’t get what they want, they act like spoiled children with entitlement issues. ANY excuse will do as justification if they feel like cheating on you.

They want the big house, the fancy trips, the expensive date nights. We can cook, we can clean, we can pay our own bills. TBH, I’m happy going to work, coming home, working out and chilling. Maybe drinking, visiting family and friends, and playing video games on the weekend. I’m good. I’m grateful. The bills are paid. I don’t need an expensive ass house full of expensive ass furniture. I don’t need for her to entertain me. I don’t bask in her glow or anything.

Seriously, what the fuck are we doing? Outside of raising a family together in a stable home. Why put yourself though all that bullshit and put your life on hard mode. The worst part is, they be acting like they are doing you a favor. Like you’re somehow indebted to them just because they give you increasingly lazier pussy. Like they are the prize. What do you get for your birthday, holidays, or special events…..the same pussy you always get maybe this time in some new lingerie (which might i add is usually there to make HER feel sexier). Maybe you’ll get some socks or another tie for that suit you only wear to interviews, weddings, and funerals.

I don’t know man, the juice don’t seem worth the squeeze. I mean yeah the sex is good and all but still…’re also expected to keep them sexually satisfied… that’s a wash. It’s even I mean assuming they actually tell you the truth about how good you’re hitting it.

Another point is that if you’re the guy they actually feel physical lust for, they don’t require any of that other shit from you.

The best case scenario for a man to have with a woman in 2022 is the to be the guy she’s attracted to who is fucking her the best. You aren’t required to do shit… worst she may want commitment from you, but you really don’t have to give it to her.

I never liked being a side dude, because I don’t like sharing women, but for real, given the alternatives and the work required to keep that woman… may just best to try to find a friend with benefits or either go monk mode. Side dude is 3rd on the list. I find it the idea deplorable though…’s dishonorable as well as gross. But given the choice of being the poor smuck who is playing that unwinnable game and still getting cheated on or being the side dude, the latter is definitely the preferred option.

To most women, a “good” man isn’t good enough. Doing the basics isn’t good enough because she believes she ‘deserves’ the best. Asking to be her man is basically saying you’re the best……and guess what….she’s gonna hold u to that. Impossible task because over time, your validation isn’t enough for her. Your compliments no longer have the same effect. That youngin at the store who called her gorgoeous will have her swooning while u give her same compliment, it’s almost like saying “nice weather we’re having today.”

I think women really don’t understand how much they complicate men’s lives and don’t appreciate the sacrifices we make for them because they feel ‘entitled’ to it. As simps, we make them feel ‘entitled’ to it……and that shit gotta stop. The thirst and simpin is strong in this era, so I doubt that happen anytime soon.

Simps are gonna keep simping and their women are gonna just keep oppressing them while fucking the ladies men behind their backs. Lust is love to most of these women and good luck with maintainng that over time while doing ‘real’ life over time with her. Unless you’re the type of dude who can trauma bond her, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Unpopular opinion, but moving forward, if (and that’s a big IF) i were to ever get married again. She needs to ask me. I am required to sacrifice and risk way too much while getting so little in return to be seen as less than a prize. I’ll be damned if I get on one knee and beg a woman to be with me who isn’t reciprocating half of what I’m giving to her. She wants to hold sex as a carrot and stick type of deal. I gotta keep stepping it up if she see’s me every day. She wants me to attempt to do the impossible which is to satiate the unsatiable. And…. I gotta regulate her emotions which she herself can’t even seem to control?

If money can’t keep rich people together. Porn stars don’t have good marriages. Celebrities get divorced all the time. Comedians usually end up alone……what chance does an average guy out here have to make it out of marriage to the other side. This system isn’t working. It’s stupid and it really has no benefit for a man this day in age. It’s too much work, too little reward, and too much risk.