Crossroads

I think that because of how things with STBXW went down, i may be blaming all women for her behavior and in a way, it’s not fair. I am pretty good a generalizing them and this is illogical on my behalf since women (like all groups of people who may share certain superficial characteristics) aren’t really a monolith. I don’t like it when people say ALL men do this or that…..or if ALL black people do this or that. So it’s definitely wrong that I should do so with ALL women.

Perhaps women are like the english language in that there is an exception to every rule. The problem with redpill and manosphere spaces is that they do a pretty good job at interviewing or showcasing a specific type of woman and then presenting it as if ALL women are like them. This is easily echoed back because we have all experienced that type of woman somewhere in our lives. It’s what brought many of us to the manosphere in the first place.

It’s no denial that the top content creators in the genre are making money hand over fist. This can lead to an echo chamber of sorts where people come to try and explain away their failed relationships or why they are having difficulty in the dating market place.

If I am honest about two things….

1)in my real life/in the real world, I don’t know of too many women who behaved/behaves like STBXW…..not saying they don’t exist and I that I haven’t heard of them from close sources, but the majority of them don’t. Online would make you think that almost all women cheat, are hypergamous, users, superficial, combative, and moronic. Though I know a few that might fall into that category, they seem to be the minority from what I can tell. Outside of having a tendency to foolishly fall for Romeo’s and player types, most seem pretty normal to me.

2)I really don’t put myself out there to talk to a lot of women to really make that determination. Between not wanting to potentially hurt my lover (by seeing other women)…..though I know it’s a matter of time before she starts seeing someone else…. not having much time to date (as we haven’t discussed our breakup with kiddo and I’m like a single father)… and being somewhat introverted when it comes to approaching women in a romantic sense…..

I really can’t say for sure that most or all women are like that. How can I even determine if women will give me a chance if I don’t play the numbers game anyway?

What if they are like me…..they like who shows interest in them.

If I don’t show any interest, then why should they even give me a second thought. In my daily life, I see a ton of women I might give a chance to even if they aren’t the most “attractive” in the world. But if they don’t show me any interest, I’m not really motivated to try and get to know them….unless, I find them “my type” physically. I can count on one hand the number of women I’ve felt was ‘my type’ physically in the last 5 years or so. I do see exceptionally pretty women fairly often, but most often, they still don’t fall into the category of “my type”. STBXW did and I think maybe this is another reason I found it so hard to let it go. She isn’t a an IG 10, but i don’t know what to tell you….I like petite brown skinned women who look a certain way…..thank god she doesn’t have dreads.

I wouldn’t classify my lover as “my type” physically, although I do think she’s attractive. It’s debatable who is actually prettier on the open market. However, If we hadn’t met that day under those circumstances, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to go over and talk to her if I saw her randomly out and about. We just so happened to talk, exchange information, got to know each other, and the rest is history.

This other woman I work with is showing me a lot interest. Again, I normally wouldn’t have paid much attention to her, but she seems to go out of her way to remind me that she’s around and does nice things for me. It makes me interested, but I’m not trying to pursue because of the aforementioned reasons.

This does still lead me back to….do I want a relationship in the first place. It might be superficial, but the way I see things now, I really have no use for a woman for anything outside of sex and intimacy. But I also beleive that women just love you until something better comes along or they get bored….so i guess we’re even….(maybe I need to rethink this idea, but for now, it at least protects me from ‘falling in love’)

In the case of my lover, she’s so successful that I don’t really feel that I can be meaningful to her. I mean I like to try and make her happy, but I also think that over simping is one thing that ultimately killed the attraction between me and STBXW. In the case of my co worker, I make quite a bit more money than her, even though I don’t believe she likes me for money…..but if we were to ever get serious or something, I might feel a bit more secure because I’d feel that I could make a difference in her life.

But the truth is I don’t think that I need either one. It’s like relationships only work if one person wants the other and if that want wears off, then you’re discarded like a used plastic cup. These days, it’s hard for me to commit because I think that I’m disposable to a woman, so it’s hard to put my heart into it beyond appreciating, adoring, and loving (as a friend). Besides, putting your heart into it seems to be how you actually KILL the attraction. I need to be able to fully walk away without the ‘need’ to hold on.

If I am honest though, I do want to fall in love and try again. It’s just that, I don’t know if I can. What that would look like or how I should even act. It is the simp in me that’s dying hard. I do want to make a woman happy. It makes me feel good to buy flowers or a thoughtful gift for my lover. It actually turns me on to go down on her. It makes me want to bust when I feel her orgasm. But on the flip side, I hate when she’s angry or hurt even though I know it’s not my JOB to fix her emotions. I’m still a bit codependent. To remedy this, I just play it cool, knowing that someday she’s gonna move on. I’m not jumping off another gotdamned cliff even though I know it’s unfair to compare her to STBXW.

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