STBXW called last night and was asking if I thought if traveling for kiddo is important for his well development. Instead of answering directly, I asked if she thought so and why. She says that she thinks it gives people more culture and perspective on the world. She believes that it makes a person more well rounded.
While I agree with her that travel can be a great for the development of a person. I think her idea of traveling is actually vacationing. Maybe I’m making it more complicated than necessary, but the distinction between the two in my opinion is pretty significant. It’s not to say that one is ‘better’ than the other from a preferences perspective. But from the perspective of well roundedness or becoming more cultured, I think the difference is night and day.
I don’t think the benefits of vacationing are as important as learning life skills…..for example, I’d think that boyscouts or learning an instrument or playing sports is more beneficial to a child. It’s not that I’m opposed to vacationing. I’m actually all for it. But it sort of irks me when people….especially wanna be bougie class people confuse the two.
She seems to think that going to Dubai, staying in luxury hotels, and doing a few excursions counts as travel. In certain ways perhaps. Maybe vacationing is a subset of traveling. A type of travel. But to me, traveling is actually immersing yourself in the culture. It’s going off the well beaten tourist path. It’s going into a city and getting lost, taking public transportation, and mixing it up with the locals. It’s meeting other people in hostels or speaking with Air Bnb hosts about their perspectives and experiences. It’s living and experiencing life as a common person in a foreign land.
How does going to Cabo mexico and staying on a resort, maybe taking an excursion on the boat really compare to going to Mexico City and walking around downtown, living in somoene’s house and seeing how they actually live. What are their views and perspectives? What’s a normal day like for them? What kind of festivals are around? What kinds of food do regular people eat around here? What specialties is this place known for? Who are the local artists? What is the music scene like? What do people say when they toast? What are the most popular sports? Things like that. On most vacations, you don’t even have to learn the native language to get around. As I saw in an article, the difference between traveling and vacationing is that with one you come back with pictures where as with the other, you come back with stories.
I think the thing that bothers me about bougie people who mistake vacationing for traveling is that they see it as sort of a virtue signaling flex. It’s like ‘look at me’, I’m more cultured now because I was on a sandals resort in Jamaica which i needed my passport to get. It’s the whole pretentious, I’m better/smarter/more cultured than you because I went there type of vibe. Tbh, I’d be more impressed with someone who came back from the local art museum being able to explain what impressionist art really is and how it influenced something important. Many vacationers act like just because they took another picture of the grand canyon and slapped a filter on it, they’re somehow more knowledgeable on plate tectonics and erosion.
You smelled the air at the grand canyon….Congratulations. I’ll be sure to reach out to you when I have geological questions about the earth or about the politics that concern the people who live around there.
It’s sort of like how poor people finally get some money and buy tacky luxury brand items to feel more important about themselves. It’s materialism and egocentrism at it’s finest. Ironically, I’d think if you actually Traveled and not vacationed, you’d appreciate the simplicity of how most people live and be more grateful, thus more humble about your travels. I think that these types of vacationers suffer from the kruger dunning effect where they think they are more ‘cultured’ than they actually are. I know quite a few bougie people who have vacationed and they seem just as ignorant insofar as their mentalities as people who don’t. I think this partially why a lot of American tourists have bad reps in many other nations.
Not that I’m totally dumping on people who vacation…..or who like to vacation. But it seems to almost be an insult to people who actually travel. The difference between the two is like going to a football game in person and watching from the nosebleed section versus being on the actual field. Sure, going to the game is an experience, but I don’t see how it could make you a better football player in real life.
The thing that really irks me about her is that she is acting so concerned about his well being and overall development, but still somehow thinks it’s a good idea to live so far apart. I’d go so far as to say even live in different households. I’d think that if his well being was so important to her, she would have at least tried to work on our marriage before having an affair and leaving. And even if our efforts failed, then at least attempt to live close enough where we could both play an active role in his life at the same time.
Of course the living together thing just can’t happen now. She’s crossed the line in ways that are unforgivable insofar as making things work for us. And she’s still unrepentant about it. I don’t know if she’ll ever get it. I don’t think I will ever understand how she thought that what she did was justifiable in any conventional sense of ethics, morality, and well….just plain common sense….at least if the goal is use what we know about life to make kiddo’s life better.
She is the epitome of everything I think is backwards with posers and fakers. She wants black excellence and to be a power couple, yet doesn’t do anything….besides work at her job which (admittedly) makes decent money. However, she doesn’t do anything to make changes and differences in the community. She doesn’t mentor anyone nor does she volunteer. She doesn’t organize anything. Doesn’t research issues affecting the community. Ok, fine, I get it’s not for everyone (maybe it should be, but that’s another subject). But just saying, most of black excellence thing is the DOING…..not just the desire for the title. Confusing vacationing with traveling is another example of this poser complex.
It would be like saying you’re a health guru despite eating McDonalds all the time and never working out because being a health guru is what ‘cultured’ people do. She blames me for my “lack of ambition”, yet the only difference between us is that she went one step further and got a master’s degree. This degree happens to be in a good field and I won’t take away from the fact that she got it…..but now what? It isn’t like she went back to continuing education courses, did any extra research or use her degree in order to be anything other than a rank and file nurse practitioner.
It just seems fake to me. It’s superficial. I know teachers who make much less money who seem way more engaged in changing the lives of others. If she was the type of person who volunteered or actually did real research and took action on say (the medical field, stock market or real estate or politics, or hell….anything) she endeavors to do, then I could respect it more.
As of now, she sees what other people are doing on tic tok and claims that is what she’s into now. Like ma’am tic tok and instagram probably shouldn’t be your primary tools of ‘research’.
I realize that I don’t do it either, but just saying, you don’t see me out here blaming my lack of ambition on anyone other than my own personal decisions. Just saying, if you want to build an empire….go build it and stop complaining that you want one. Noone is stopping her and I always supported her in her decisions to do whatever.
It just reminds me of how selfish she is. I mean seriously. I never prevented her, but on the contrary always supported her and her dreams/ambitions. In fact, I’d go so far to say that IF she did find something she was interested in doing, I’d also help (as in do most so we could talk about it) her research what she was trying to do. When she wanted to go to doctors school in the carribean, who did research on the different schools and options. ME. In the process, I even learned what steps it took to actually become a doctor. So she can’t say that I ever held her back from anything. Her desire to split our family came imo solely from the fact that she wanted to go out there and ride some new dicks. I was supportive of everything else. Though she’ll never admit it….facts are facts.
If she wanted to travel more, I was always open it…even alone if she desired it. When she wanted a specific car I thought we couldn’t afford…..i went and did the research on the best interests rates and prices for it. I even set up appointments for her to speak with the banker at the credit union…..when time for action, she didn’t show up.
The dudes she cheated with were not out here changing the world exactly. The were regular ass dudes, jsut like me trying to survive. In some cases worse off financially and making matters even worse, cheaters who seemed more focused getting her to suck dick than being honorable men to their wives and families. I won’t even get started on her so called best male friend who went along wtih sleeping with her during our marriage….what a low life dirtbag…..but I digress….
TBH, I’d say that a pre requisite to black excellence is making sure your black family is good first. (financially, healthwise, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually) That should be the first and foremost priority imo.
I texted her this morning asking if she thought that traveling was more important than having an intact household. Of course, based on her actions, I already know the answer, but I am wondering if she ever thought about it that way.