One of my good friends tells me that I need therapy because I choose not to trust women. It’s not that I don’t trust them. I might trust one to get my laundry, I might trust her to not steal if I leave my wallet out, I might trust them to get a job done or even in a business deal. I just don’t trust that they will be faithful.
For that reason, I prefer not to be a boyfriend or husband anymore. We can be friends or friends with benefits if the attraction is there. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ll damn near treat her like I was her boyfriend in a fwb situation. But I don’t want the title. If she decides to cheat, then at least spare me the humiliation and disrespect. Plus the way I see it, if I’m not her “man”, then she has no reason to lie to me about her dalliances. I’ve gone through enough and seen enough infidelity and cheating stories to know that husbands and boyfriends are out here losing….big time…..in 2022…..if one of the measures of success is loyalty.
A lot (probably the majority) of these modern women aren’t loyal and will lie to your face about it. They’ll go out and suck a dick, get nutted in and on….then the only options left for them is to come home to you and kiss you with the dick breath or best case scenario….not let you get any. Let that sink in….not give you any because she just got her back blown out by someone else….and that’s in the BEST case scenario.
I’m not saying that ALL women do this. I’m just saying that 1)she could start at any time and 2)she could just be lying. How could you ever tell the difference? Sometimes there are tell tale signs that she’s fooling around with someone else, but just as often as not….there aren’t any. And again, due to the fact that she’ll lie in your face about it with no remorse…. even going so far as getting upset with you for ‘accusing’ her…. even if she is guilty…. there is no way to know unless u catch her in the act.
I’d rather not be in a position to have to play detective or ask those types of questions. I’m not a side guy type as I don’t like to intentionally share women. Plus I think it’s dishonorable to do this to another person. But I do envy the fact that ‘side guys’ at least have the option decide to keep dealing with her in light of the truth as opposed to not knowing what she’s on. She’s more honest in that respect to the “side dude.”
At this point, I really don’t know if women just be believing the lies they tell or if they are really just that hell bent on denying the truth. But either way, it’s not something I want to ever have to deal with again.
People lie. The reason I choose to single out women is because I don’t have those types of things to worry about with men as I don’t deal with them on a sexual/emotional level like that. I don’t think that women should trust me like that. Not because I think I’d be unfaithful, but because she doesn’t know that I wouldn’t be. Just because she doesn’t trust me like that doesn’t give me a right to be dishonorable prick though. I think it’s really stupid when people say, stupid shit like “well, he/she’s doesn’t trust me anyway, I might as well do it.” As if what I eat can make you shit.
How the fuck can she KNOW me even though I know me. How could she tell the difference between me and the last person who lied to her. The bottom line is that liars lie and many times they lie convincingly well. Even to the point where they seem to believe their own lies. So nah, I don’t trust nobody like that. In order to avoid this I’d rather not do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. People swear they want it, but then go right behind your back and be on that bullshit. STBXW promised me that she’d never do me like that. I believed her becasue she said she had it done to her before. I was convinced. There were no signs that she could really be that deceptive. As a result of trusting her, I had my heart crushed into a million pieces. All of this could have been avoided if we were just fwb’s and weren’t bound by the constraints and expectations of a ‘relationship’. These expectations lead to people lying in order to pretend to hold up their end of the agreement. Maybe we could have salvaged some sort of friendship in the end….instead of now, me hating the sight of her because of getting betrayed.
I prefer honesty and respect over “love” and “titles” all day. Let me live in an uncomfortable truth than a “soothing” lie. At least I still have my agency. People are going to people and part of that for most of them is lying and being deceitful. They like to have their cake and eat it too if they believe they can get away with it. There is little if any self accountability. As the saying goes….”all is fair in love and war.” This includes deception, dishonor, and all sorts of necessary evils.
Again, not saying that ALL women cheat, but with no way of being able to tell the difference between someone you can trust and someone you can’t…..I’d rather just not put myself into that situation unnecessarily. If a woman LOVES you she won’t go out ‘exploring options’. Even if you don’t have a title. But a title isn’t going to stop her from doing so if she chooses to. She does have incentive however to lie about it if she does have the title. Without it, she has no reason to lie about it. So if you don’t ‘claim’ her, you can get the side dude honesty without actually being a side dude.
I also advocate on doing the bare minimum or at the most, no more than you WANT to do for her to keep her around. I’d say compromise as little as possible because if you start doing too much, she may want to keep you around for the benefits….so she’ll lie to you while exploring options so she can keep getting that out of you.
The FWB option seems logical, reasonable, and practical to me. I’m not treating her bad, nor am Iying to her. So no harm no foul. If she wants to leave, she can….the door is open. She doesn’t have to worry about ‘sparing my feelings’ or holding on to some stupid vows to “fight” for something she doesn’t want. She doesn’t have to lie. I just want honesty. That’s it. Leave if u must, do what u gotta do. I might not be here when u return, but either way, no hard feelings because she kept it real with me and all I can do is respect it….even if i am hurt over it.
I think this is much healthier than feeling like….I gotta get her b4 she gets me. Or I gotta test her loyalty….. I just assume across the board that they aren’t / can’t be loyal and I’m not going to give her the opportunity to go out like that….bcuz in the end, if I’m wrong for trusting her…..I’m the one mostly hurt by it. Not her. I’m the one left feeling like shit while she continues to “live her best life” unconcerned about me.
I don’t know her her like that, no matter what she says….but I do know me. I am or at least try to be truthful and honest. And that’s all I can trust.
Maybe I do have trust issues. But these hoes do be lying A LOT.