It’s amazing how one person can have such an impact on another person’s mental health. STBXW is fucking crazy. The cognitive dissonance in her drives me up the wall and I can’t wait until this page of my life has turned over for good. This chick has the unmitigated audacity to go out and hire are ‘psychic’ in order to break the “spell” that she believes that her new boyfriend is under. Apparently, dude has stopped communicating with her as much and is choosing the mother of his kids over her. From what I gather, she’s worried about him and can’t believe that he’d start treating her that way. I was able to see some of the texts back and forth between them where he tells her to stop texting him so much. Like chick….isn’t this almost exactly what you did to me. Yet it seems that she isn’t adding 2 + 2 together and getting 4. I jokingly once told her that I thought her first affair partner put a voodoo spell on her because she started acting so differently. Dude was hatian and I meant it as a joke mostly. She got offended and told me it was “offensive” to the Hatian people for me to say such a thing. I even saw a text between them where he laughed about it.

It’s pretty sad and pathetic that she’s willing to not only cheat on her husband…again, but also play side chick …again to a guy who is living in the home with his kids and their mother. She’s willing to take my son out of my life (essentially playing russian roulette with his mental health by splitting up his nuclear family), but also willing to split up another household. Where might I add, this guy has daughters who need their father.

How crazy is she in the head? I mean people frown on stuff like that for a reason. Yet she has no problem with being the catalyst in all of this. Let’s say that even IF she is successful and they end up together. Look at how much pain and suffering from kids and betrayed others she caused for her own selfishness. How about the dishonorable way they got together. What if some chick did the same thing to her, should they get together…..and he leaves her for the other chick. In the case of both her and the guy, if they were to succeed, wouldn’t either question if they were capable of showing such disloyalty to their own families, that they weren’t trustworthy in that regard.

As mentioned, in previous posts, I’ve lost all respect for her. I used to want to sleep with her, but she’s disgusting to me. While somewhat appealing on the outside. She is rotten, stupid, evil, sinister, diabolical, and disloyal on the inside. I mean who separates their kid from their parent, break up other families, knowingly play a side chick role, and desperately begs a ‘taken’ man to be with her….especially when she’s already married. Meanwhile, she’s entertaining other men through text messages. Her simp ass ‘best friend’. Despite knowing all of this is still asking her to go on trips with him and despite her not showing much interest in him for now….and the fact that she not only chose Me over him….she also chose her ex (before me), last, and now her current boyfriend over him…. He’s constantly in her dm’s still pursuing her. He knows that the is a cheater. I just found out last week that she was still with her ex boyfriend /fiance when she got with me. I thought that they were done, but now I can see how she was probably blowing smoke up my ass when she said that. She essentially monkey branched to me. She tried to throw it in my face that they were still together when we got together. I had to remind her that she told me that they were not together anymore.

Say what you want about me snooping through her phone at times, I wouldn’t know that she was on the bullshit like that if I didn’t. I’m slowly saving my money up for a divorce attorney and hopefully will have enough by September. Though we have be talking about getting a mediator, I really don’t want her raising my son alone if she has such a loose set of morals. Who knows what sort of code she lives by. For now it seems that she is selfish AF. But the thing that really irks me is how she just walks around like she’s doing nothing wrong. Sure, I mean she does help split the bills and this go round, she hasn’t been texting directly in my face as she once did with her last ‘boyfriend’.

But i gotta get this woman out of my house. There is no peace. The thing irks me is that she walks around like she’s a ‘good person.’ Like she sees nothing wrong. Like sacrificing for your child is only ‘optional’. Then she had the nerve to tell me that she’s not happy in this relationship. What relationship? You mean the one that you burned to the ground and pissed on the ashes? She’s really got me twisted with her simp ass male friend who is desperate for her. I was only suggesting she stay in Atlanta so that I’m not too far away from our son when we split custody. I could NEVER take her back after all of that. The only reasons dudes might consider her is because of her ‘looks’, but IF they knew what I knew about her, they’d never give her a second thought insofar as getting serious about her.

Well I gotta take that back. Some dudes really are that desperate, thirsty, alone, and stupid. Plus, in reality, she’ll never admit to the things she’s done so they’ll be ignorant of her actions. It’s their problem, she’s getting older and maybe she’ll change.

I know it’s wrong to say, but I really wish that karma would come back at ruthlessly kick her right in the teeth. But do so in a way where she can 1)directly see how bad her actions were 2)learn her lesson 3)make her suffer in the way she has made me suffer for the past few years. Humiliate her and affect her mentally in a way that she can now SEE how her actions are that bad. It just seems unfair that she is walking around destroying so many people for her own selfish desires with no regard to how it affects anyone else. How can she not understand that her actions are just wrong. Can she really be telling her ‘friends’ the truth. Or are they also so caught up in darkness that they live in an entirely different world where this type of behavior is acceptable.

I have realized that I cannot judge all women based on my experience with this one. I need to move on. As simpish or bluepilled as it seems, it really do want a significant other, possibly a wife, and a family. I want start over and take the lessons I’ve learned and the mistakes I made and do better next time. I know that I have to be a great father to kiddo and I will be. His mother destroyed our home and unfortunately for him, that was beyond my control. Noone is perfect, I was a good husband, but I could have done things a bit better insofar as being a better leader and having a vision and direction….but I didn’t know that at the time. But I did treat her well and once I figured that out, I would have made adjustments as needed. But she destroyed the relationship completely through her betrayals, lies, unrepentance. I don’t and cannot respect her for how she moves now. I could never trust her as her moral code (or lack therof) is completely different than mine. She’s for the streets and she can’t see it despite her willful actions prove otherwise. I really can’t understand how she thinks she’s a good woman or would be to someone given how she is handling all of this.

I can’t help but wonder if she were the type of woman who really was supportive, really invested into our family, and unselfish…. if we would be better off as a family unit. Maybe if she actually communicated her needs, wasn’t so secretive and didn’t lie to herself so much, she could have given me that push that I needed to ‘step it up.’ , if not for me, but for our family. Perhaps I am not taking responsibility, but I do think that a good woman/wife has the power to inspire and push a man to be greater than he ever thought he could be. That is if the love is true. However, she can also destroy or cripple his potential if she is a bad or selfish woman.

I have to choose more wisely next time and take my time. I can’t solely go off the ‘in love’ feeling that either of may have for one another. Physical attraction cannot be the only metric to judge her by. I really need to see how she processes the world and not rely on her simply parroting back to me what I say. Chemistry is cool, but it can be fabricated and sometimes it is possible to ‘fall in love’ with a bad person…..as evidenced by how I fell for STBXW. There has to be more there. My biggest fear is finding a woman who has all of things I want, but she doesn’t want me back. I mean that’s how it seems to work anyway, so I’d probably have to end up settling in one way or another. As we all usually do in some ways. But the most important aspects must be there which include communication, honesty, chemistry, and shared values.