STBXW came back for a while and we’ve been having on and off disucssions of what divorce looks like. As expected, it’s not easy for me. Her new plan is to move to N.Y. from Atlanta and she wants to take kiddo with her. Her idea is to allow me custody during spring, winter, and summer breaks while she has full custody over him during the school months.
This isn’t appealing to me at all. Originally, she had mentioned moving back down here. I would at least be within driving distance from him. Although she is originally from there, she has close family that also lives here. This includes her mother, a few cousins, aunts and uncles. Most of my family lives here so to me, it would seem that living here would be in his best interests. Him moving would mean that I would miss out on a lot of what he does.
It’s bad enough that she gets to cheat on me, betray me, disrespect me, leave our family, split our home, and not even give a chance to try and fix it. Now she wants to move our son 14 hours away (by car). She claims because she is making more money up there, but she can still make a decent living here. She would have no problem getting a pretty decent paying job here. She’d be closer to her mom. Moving to N.Y. is not an option for me due to the high cost of living, plus, my mother is getting older and I don’t like the idea of being so far away from her. Atlanta is a pretty good city overall compared to many others and there are opportunites here. It all just seems unfair and selfish on her behalf.
Then I think about how so many women complain that there are no “good men” out here. Black women especially complain that black men aren’t there for their kids. Or we don’t want to marry them. Or that we don’t treat them right. Or that we’re lazy and controlling. I’m none of those things and yet I lose my family in the most disrespectful of ways. It’s bad enough that she did it the way she did, but to add insult to terrible injury, she wants to just take my son out of my life. Bad enough that he can’t live under my roof full time, but even worse that she wants to move him so far away. We have a good relationship. My father and I had a terrible relationship and I always wanted to be better for my own son. So far, it’s good. But now, she wants to come between it for her own selfish reasons.
I really can’t believe how selfish this woman is. What’s worse, she walks around like she has the moral high ground. Saying things like we should co-parent responsibly. And that kids are adaptable. And that it will be ok. As if I should just be ok with her and all the bullshit she put me through. Like I’m the one tripping when she stabbed me in the back, twisted the knife, and now feels that she deserves some sort of fresh start. She even said that is pushing for this divorce so she will no longer feel guilty. As if destroying your home, cheating on your husband with a bunch of users and losers, disrespecting your kid’s father, and then taking his son away from him is somehow a thing that divorce that will take away her accountability.
She lacks morals and character….I’ve shown her videos of women doing similar things, and while she agrees with the commentary of people saying that these women are wrong…..she’s doing the very similar things and can’t seem to see it. It just sucks to know that you can walk into a situation with the best intentions…..act upon those intentions…..get fucked over and that person just gets away with it.
This is why I don’t do marriage nor put stock into what a woman tells me about relationships, how she would act, or how she feels about me at any given time. I never in a million years would have thought that she would be capable of such things. Let alone be unrepentant about it. She said all the right things in the beginning. She didn’t put on the persona of a hood rachet. She seemed to have a moral code. There weren’t red flags in the beginning. Even looking back, there were some things that my have be a lil sus….but not enough to think that she’d ever get to this level. I know that people change, but to me, certain morals and values….the things that define you as a good/bad person generally don’t unless under dire circumstances. Family values are important to me….especially within your own home.
But regardless of this….I can’t really be surprised given her previous betrayals. Though she claims that she’ll handle everything financially right now….should I decided to allow her to do this. (including paying for private school, transportation back and forth, and the financial logistics)…. There is no way that I can believe that she’ll keep good on her word. She unrepentantly and mostly unapologetically broke our vows just for her own pleasure. She has shown no empathy towards how this affects me and will ultimately affect our son. If I decide, it must be on paper and legitimized by some court official or something. I don’t trust her word one bit.
This is happening. I can’t bury my head in the sand. It sucks and it hurts. I wish that I never met her. She has caused me more pain and suffering than anything in my life. Yet, I have to deal with it as it was my choice to marry her. Though I feel like she destroyed this thing I cared so much for, I have to survive and move on. I don’t know how that looks though.
I’m trying my best to be cordial. Be understanding. And not give in to the pettiness of it all. I’ve tried to cope. So far, I’ve been doing pretty good. But I feel like a doormat where I’m doing all of the compromising after getting kicked in the face over and over again. If I were to become more toxic….I don’t see how that would help the situation for kiddo. What can I really do? Lawyer up and fight….an expensive endeavor that I can’t afford. Going into debt to fight this thing doesn’t seem to be beneficial either. I’d spend more time trying to get another job, trying to play single father, and I wouldn’t be able to be there for him anyway.
I could just let it happen. I mean there doesn’t seem any way of winning without taking heavy losses either way. Who knows, maybe things will turn out ok. Maybe my pride and fear is what’s making the future seem so terrible. It just sucks right now.