I downloaded the custody forms and took them home to go over with STBXW. This chick actually sat there and went to sleep on around the 3rd question. Like bruh. It’s 6pm. Seriously, why is she like this? I grant that it does take time to go through the questions and think these things out, but come on, this is kind of important. Midway through, I got frustrated with her non participation, playing on her phone, and dozing off. I’m going to have to get a mediator. It’s impossible to fill out scheduling and custody arrangements if I don’t know where she’s going to be living and she’s barely helping me out with the questions.

Why is she like this? Because she is. The only conclusion is that she’s for the streets. This isn’t an just an insult. It’s a fact. I married a wanna be party girl. The only thing she takes seriously is her job. She wants everything to be fun….like all the time. She doesn’t contemplate life. I don’t really know what or even if thoughts run across her mind. Neither one of us are what you’d call long term planners. We’re both kind of fly by the seat of our pants, go with the flow kind of people. Therefore we don’t balance each other out. We’re not really good for each other.

The difference is that I’m a bit more self reflective. I accept this about myself and understand that I have to deal with the consequences. I know that if I want certain results, I have to put in the work, deny myself, or whatever it takes it get it. If things don’t work out, I generally know why and it falls on me. Her on the other hand doesn’t acknowledge this about herself and therefore she lacks accountability.

I generally care about how I treat others and my rule of thumb is the golden rule of treating others the way I’d like to be treated. Her biggest issue is that she just doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll hide things to protect her so called image. But in her head, if she didn’t get caught, it didn’t happen. And if she does get caught… deny, lie, or gaslight. If successful, it didn’t happen in her mind. This makes her for the streets. If u can’t trust someone to at the very least take ownership of their shit, then forget about honesty, open communication, and trust. She’s cool, but not as a wife or reliable friend.

The dudes fucking with her probably just want some pussy, head, and money from her. They are probably just using her to get the most, while giving as little as possible to get it. I’d be a hypocrite to say that I wouldn’t do the same thing. I can’t be mad at them….. because if we weren’t married, I’d do the same damned thing. I wouldn’t consider wifing her. She’s the fun girl. The escape. I’d milk that shit till the wheels fell off or she walked away. Especially if she made it so damned easy.

In the south, we used to call a naive person a ‘lick’. I recall thinking to myself when I was getting to know her that a lot of dudes would see her as a ‘lick’. As in, they could easily use her. At the time, I thought it was endearing. Like she needed protection. But now I realize that even though she is a ‘lick’…. she’s selfish, immoral, and easily corrupted.

Her levels of manipulation are crude, but effective in the sense of she just doesn’t give a fuck. She doesn’t respect herself, doesn’t realize it, so how could she ever really respect a significant other? Perhaps I was the ‘lick’ in this instance in that I completely underestimated her. She love bombed the fuck out of me in the beginning and I fell hard for it. If I didn’t know her like I do, and she gave me that sort of attention….. in short, she can be dangerous to a good hearted person.

I was drinking last night and told her that IF she treated the guys she’s talking to the way she treated me AND they were stuck in a marriage with her, they probably wouldn’t like her either.

I’d guess that those guys would be shocked to know that he isn’t the only Good Morning handsome and I want to suck your d texts that she sends out. She’s love bombing them too with the texts, gifts, and almost effortless pussy. I wonder if they are hip to it or if they are falling for it.

I actually saw a text exchange between her and one of women of one of the guys. In it she told the girl that she was still going to deal with him anyway so it was no point in complaining to her about it. This is the level of savagery I’m currently tied to. She’s a side chick, knows it and doesn’t give a fuck and still deals with other dudes on the side. None seem to have ‘fallen’ for her so far, but again, who’s going to turn down free pussy, a free room, free liquor, and a chick telling them how much she wants to have sex with them.

Knowing this about her, like I said, she is who she is. Why is she like this? Who the fuck knows, and it’s not really a question worth answering at this point because she doesn’t seem to care enough to want to change. She’s a demon and has been dragging my soul through hell because I was foolish enough to start a family with her.

But, understanding this, I realize that the reason I’m so upset isn’t because she’s like this. It’s because she’s like this and I’m MARRIED to her. I probably would have been upset had she changed in the middle of a relationship, but I could have easily just walked away. If she was a fling, side chick, friend with benefits/ situationship….. I could walk away once I found out how far in the streets she was. I’m not into sharing women so that side dude thing wouldn’t cut it with me. I’d just have wished her a good life and kept it moving.

Even if she was just my kid’s mother, I could deal with it because it ain’t on me what the hell she’s out there doing. Just make sure kiddo is safe. As of now though, it’s disrespectful because I’m placed in a cuckhold position against my will. It’s humiliating and an embarrasing. She can walk around in this degraded / low value position all she wants, but now, I’m attached to it. Some dude(s) actually get off more knowing that some guy’s wife is sucking him off. He gets more pleasure based on my pain and suffering. His ego is stroked at the cost of my self respect as a man. Ultimately, the desire to want to keep my family together and he gets more pleasure from it. It’s sick and disgusting. And to that end, she doesn’t give a fuck….and in fact it goes to further her agenda of providing maximum pleasure in her attempts to love bomb these guys.

What kills me most is that she claims to love our child, but yet doesn’t even consider how disrespectful it is to allow for his father to be humiliated like that. It doesn’t even bother her one bit to allow the one guy he looks up to the most, the one who loves and cares about him the most, the one who takes care of him, teaches, guides, and mentors him to be disrespected like that. All on behalf of her wicked twisted sense of pleasure. She has us all out here looking like some damned idiots. This is another reason why I’m gonna have to rip the band aid off. Though kiddo doesn’t know all of this, there are principles involved.

She’s for the streets for sure and I don’t have a problem with women like that per se. But when the cost of you not respecting yourself also brings shame and humiliation upon your family (more specifically, my family) that’s when I have to draw the line.

I need this divorce ASAP and it’s on me to get it knowing that she’s not going to help….AT ALL.

I think am going to stop typing and complaining on here and start doing something.

It has been a good outlet to vent, but I think i’ve said everything I needed to say about this issue.