It’s a hard to thing to accept that my stbxw is a whole ho out here.
Whenever I think the bar is low, she comes back and sets it even lower. What the fuck could possess a woman to be so damned, disgraceful? Like how doesn’t she find her actions reprehensible. Like how can one be aware of morals and values, act offended when they see others “doing wrong”, and yet not bat an eye or lose sleep over sinking so low herself. Does she not know that her value is lowered? Does she not feel bad about lying to people like that? How could she respect herself? I mean even if others don’t know ( i still haven’t told her that I know)….she does. Women generally don’t sleep with a bunch of guys like that unless there is something going on upstairs…. i don’t think.
Is this some sort of mental illness. Is she possessed? Is she on drugs? Early onset of some sort of degenerative brain disease? Did she fall and bump her head? Or maybe this is just another strange condition of the human psyche. What’s obvious is that she really doesn’t give a fuck. It’s easy to judge her, but I really don’t understand what the fuck in going on in her head. Like lady, you’re losing it. Like that thing that makes us decent human beings is lost. That light that she once had is replaced by darkness and she can’t even see it. Am I tripping? Is this just a case of a woman ‘claiming’ her sexuality?
How many women are out here like this, but like her, hides it. My cousin once told me that she is moving like a “dude”. He doesn’t know how right he is. She’s moving like a fuck boy. I don’t know who this woman is. I haven’t known her in a while. But it seems that as time progresses she’s moving further and further from the woman I once knew.
I don’t know what happened to her. I know that people change over time, but this seems drastic. I wonder if she’ll ever wake up some day and regret this time period in her life. Or will she continue to suppress it and continue on as if nothing even mattered. This can’t be normal. It seems unhealthy. She’s too damned old to be going through a ho phase. She’s losing her mind. It appears that she’s lost her soul. She is actually for the streets!!! She’s a demon inside of a human body. Lust has completely overtaken her it seems. Her morals and values….gone. The real things that once made her ‘worth it’ totally destroyed. It’s really sad to see her go out like that.
It would appear that she’s headed down a path of self destruction. Only time will tell though. If she ever does come back to the light, will she able to look at herself in the mirror without regret? Or perhaps she’s on the path of becoming (if not already become) a full fledged demon.
I need a divorce and some holy water ASAP.
I’m just trying to make sense of it all.