It’s come to this

The latest incarnation of the de-evolution of the stbxw has me realizing that there is no coming back for her. I can only assume that she is only going to get worse.

She is becoming a caricature of the evil antagonist in my story.

I’ve often been intrugued at how the the ‘bad’ guy of the film became the way that he was. Villians like ‘The Joker’, Lex Luthor, Dr. Octopus of comic book lore all have some sort of background that somewhat explains why they are hell bent on destroying the earth or some bullshit. Even Satan himself has some back story where one could say, “well, I kind of get it.”

Yet I see no / have no apparent explanation as to why the STBXW has chosen to act in such an evil way. It’s as if she’s possessed by a demon or someting. She’s not the same person. Her moral / ethical compass appears to have just broken.

I don’ know who this new person is, perhaps it’s been there the whole time. Personally, I don’t like her. Maybe I should have expected this. I’ve never seen intelligence as a moral attribute, however, it does appear that one has to have some level of emotional intelligence in order to understand the ‘evils’ that they do.

Yet she seems completely and utterly ignorant and incapable of understanding how fucked up she behaves and treats me. It’s as if she can’t really grasp how selfish she really is. And this ignnorance of her selfishness will prevent her from ever being trustworty as a friend….let alone a significant other.

I’ve tried to send her articles, videos, and media in hopes that it could jog something inside her mind….yet she refuses to read or watch them. If she truly felt the need to self improve, self reflect, or even defend her actions, one would think that she’d at least look at them…if not superficially to prove me wrong or correct my ‘inaccurate’ assessment.

Yet she refuses to defend herself or her actions. She is the woman who the scripture warns us men about. “She doesn’t consider the ways of life.” She’s like a zombie… a little bit above an animal.

Proverbs 5:6 “She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it”

This verse pretty much sums her up as succicently as anything I could say about her.

I have to really have keep this in mind when dealing with her. It’s probably generally a good idea to avoid these types of people whenever possible. They can fuck your life up with little thought into what they do. Yet I have to co-parent with her.

Hopefully rememberance of this verse will come in handy in times when I get frustrated with her being a cunt for no apparent reason. Allowing her to upset me is like allowing a special needs person (one without common sense anyway) to get under my skin.

She’ll get her karma. Most likey, it will come in the form of her doing something stupid. Though she probably won’t see it as ‘karma’ per se, tbh, i think she’s too stupid to see correspondence between her outcomes and her actions. Most likey, she’ll try to keep it a secret and /or rug sweep it as if it didn’t happen as long as she thinks noone knows about it.

This is what happens when people are never held accountable….but at this point, holding her accountable isn’t likely to teach her anything anyway.

She is a black-blonde. At one time i thought that her naivety was endearing….and in ways it is. However, it is dangerous as it it likely activated my ‘protector’ instinct when it came to her. But now I see that this is actually a liability as well as a danger as she lacks the moral integrity and emotional intelligence to not throw you under the bus as an instictive reflex should temptation come her way.

Perhaps I was bit naive myself when it came to her. I do wonder if others can see it in her. But we as men can be really stupid and selfish as well when it comes to ‘beautiful’ women at times it seems. Though her looks are fading quickly as she hits the wall, there will probably be no shortage of ‘wolves’ willing to take advantage of her lack of common sense and sense of moral integrity.

The thing I have to accept that there will most likely never be a “come to Jesus” moment with her. Though I’ve pretty much given up on us being a ‘family’ like we once were, I always expected that she’d someday look back and actually sincerely apologize for her role in the destruction of our family and friendship. I was actually hoping that perhaps this could give me some sort of closure and we could co-parent in somewhat a satisfactory manor.

I am starting to realize that this cannot happen due to the way her mind works. I am going to have to accept that something is missing in her. I cannot make her be a ‘decent’ person. I have to learn how to create boundaries with someone who cannot truly understand the need for them. I’m fighting with a domestic terrorist who doesn’t care about collateral damage, reasoning, nor standard conventions of war. Unfortuately, without any way/power to enfornce these boundaries, and with limited means of reasoning…..this is going to be hard.

I can’t believe that I actually once believed that this woman was special. She is a standard issue narc who thinks she’s special. I was such a fool.

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