Unfaithful

     I am convinced that most women are not faithful and that falling in love with one is a trap that has sent many men into mental and psychological prison.

      Ive heard and uncovered way too many stories online about the phenomenon of cheating women.   It’s at the point where it’s unsurprising when i hear of stories about women cheating.

      The thing is that is seems that most are either ignorant or uncaring of how deeply this injures a man/husband.  

       It’s so tempting to fall and they can make is so easy….but these days, as men, we must protect our hearts at all costs.    

While being emotionally unavailable seems to be effective in maintaining attraction to a woman…despite their protests…..it is essential if a guy wants to maintain his sanity.

      I’m generally happy for the married men that i know with good(or so it seems) marriages.     They absolutely love and adore their wives.  Yet in a way,  i pity them.   I know that the pain they could potentially get from these relationships should their wives decide to “go rogue” is almost unbearable.

         It’s a precarious position to be in when someone has that much power over you.  we often dont even realize it until it’s too late.   I never thought in a million years that the pain i experienced from my stbxw’s affairs would be that bad.

         Although it’s been four years and I’ve been able to get through it for the most part….i fear that it has affected my ability to love anyone else from such a pure state.   I think I have been damaged in a way that prevents me from wanting to experience that level of deep intimacy with anyone.  

     I fear falling in love like that again.   Im unsure if i can trust anyone like that.    It doesn’t matter what a woman tells me, or how well things go….it’s like a part of me just cannot let go of the idea that she could do what stbxw did to me.

       As an imperfect being,  i know that it would in part be my fault.    So there is a sort of bitterness and jadedness that i feel whenever it would seem that I might be falling for someone. Maybe it’s just me, but if I love someone, I love them….part of love is accepting their flaws while working together. You just dont abandon or hurt them. If you must leave, then it should be handled with as much grace and respect as possible. Commitment requires that you look after their heart if u convinced them to give it to you. Part of that commitment may require a bit of self sacrifice. In essence loyalty. And loyalty isn’t always easy. It’s easy to love someone especially during the honeymoonphase of a relationship…but loyalty is when you choose to love someone in the face of temptation or during hard times.

         I wish I had the personality of a player so that i could easily have/get women. I’d love the ability to make them laugh themselves into the honeymoon phase with me.    Not that im a womanizer, i truly want monogamy…..but only to protect myself from falling so deep.

     It’s been said that the reason why previously permiscuos women aren’t good choices for long term significant others is that they lose their ability to “pair bond” long term.

        Ironically, i find myself in that position right now.   I am double minded in that I truly want to find my “one”, but yet, i fear it so much.    As the scriptures accurately explains it….”a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.”  

    I don’t hate the stbxw as a person.   She did what she felt like she needed to do….but i do hate this effect on me.   I know that im responsible for my life, but yet i don’t know how to get myself out of this current mindset

       It seems so unfair that she gets to mess me up so bad mentally,  destroy our family unit, and walk away either ignorant or apathetic to the pain and trauma she caused.   

We don’t have to get back together. I see no way back nor do i believe she can truly understand the damage she did…..but i wish that she could somehow someday truly understand it.

I fear that life doesn’t work like that though.

This is why i think that the best action is prevention. You can’t be out here loving these women like that. Im not suggesting to be evil, do them dirty, or take it out on them. But i do believe that the risk of falling that hard for someone is not in a man’s best self interests. It’s just too risky.

Perhaps i just don’t have the personality to have love like that. Maybe it’s not in the cards for me in this lifetime. Im still fairly young, so there is still plenty of fun to be had.

But i dont know if i could every truly forgive stbxw for stealing that innocence away from me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s