Boxing with kiddie gloves

      I beleive that my lover is just with me because she hasn’t found a man yet.   I know that my time is limited and has known that for a while.   Shit, I’m surprised we’re still hanging in there.   Yet strangely, the longer we deal with each other, the more attached I get to her.  It’s to the point where I’m beginning to fear losing her.   Scary thought indeed.

         I’ve always loved her.  But from an appreciation pov.   I always knew that our time is limited.   Though I do appreciate her.  The intimacy, the ‘loyalty’, and honesty.  But honestly, I always beleived that I’m cool from a friends with benefits aspect.   Relationship wise though, I don’t see how we could make it.   We’re cool as long as we can keep controversial conversations light.   To be honest, I don’t agree with her on a LOT of issues.   So in a way, she’s right when not wanting to discuss ‘deeper’ issues.   Yet, I’m trying to gain understanding and it seems that she takes disagreements to heart.  In typical black woman fashion.

       Perhaps I’m spoiled by younger sisters.   They seem to be able have a legit debate without taking disagreements personally.   Am I just an asshole?  Like why do most women tend to take disagreements so personally.   I swear it’s like they want dudes (me anyway) to be a “yes” man. 

    Fuck that tho.  I’m going to talk my shit.  Even if it risks fallout.  Perhaps these types of debates are a way of better vetting out who’s good for me or not.  

      It’s not about me being right or wrong.  If I’m honest,  I lose debates with my younger sisters more frequently than I’d like.  For me tho.  Yeah,  I try to win, but it’s not personal if I lose.

   And with them, even when I win, there seems to be no love lost. 

   Or if we come to a stalemate it’s….I respectfully disagree. To be fair though, we’ve been doing this our whole lives pretty much. We know that no matter how much we disagree on a particular issue… we got each other…its a sparring match, not a death battle

    Not with my lover or most other black woman I engage with though.  It’s like keep it ‘fun’, agree with me, or fuck you.

     It’s like they take shit so personally…as if any disagreement is an attack on EVERY THING they stand for.   Their whole soul be hurt.   

     We could be having a great evening,  but God forbid we stumble upon and I disagree on a topic they have an opinion about.   Suddenly,  I’m their worst enemy…unless I shut the fuck up and let them just have it.   

      Now I feel like an asshole for having a different opinion.   Even if I back it with facts.    it’s  like, how are you supposedly so ‘confident’ yet once controversy happens, you shut the fuck down and get so got damned emotional.

      What the fuck is wrong with them?  Or is it just me?  Maybe I’m just an insensitive asshole…yet they have no problems with telling me what’s wrong with my opinion.

        Shit….I truly listen.   I usually get it and even if I disagree,  I can acknowledge the ‘truthiness’ in their rebuttal. 

    I know it sounds arrogant,  but I swear, most of these chick’s are not really THAT intelligent.    Not in a common sense, idealistic sense.   nah, they just get way too emotional. I find it disrespectful bcuz the scorched earth response usually doesn’t warrant the issue of dispute

   Apparently bitches don’t like nuances or real conversations.   It’s like they are too attached to their ideas.  And half of these ideas aren’t well thought out….or oversimplifications of complex issues.

        I’m starting to lose a lot of respect intellectually for many of them.    Sure, they can do their JOBS, but apparently education and salary are not indicators of intelligence.  

       It’s OK, and they don’t have to agree.   I disagree with my male friends a lot….but it doesn’t devolve to … shut the fuck up I don’t want to talk about it…. condescending…. this conversation is beneath me

But the occasional male that does, I mentally consider them a “bitch ass nigga”….not for having a dissenting POV…but based on how they get so emotional and fuck logic and reasoning as they shut the conversation down with ad hominems, threats, and claims of how much money they have  or their street reputation.

      I’m not intimidated usually as I can take an ass whooping but it ain’t gonna be easy gangsta. Respect but u bitch for that type vibe

Either way. Fuck that happy wife happy life shit. Bitch u want equality….u can get this work too…it’s never personal

perhaps this ‘not taking it personal ‘ is one good thing about being a ‘nice guy’ tho it is frustrating as fuck

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