God knew what he was doing when he decided not to give this one the gift of Gab. I’m sort of a quiet guy, but I can keep up with conversations. I’m good at ‘listening’, understanding, and evaluating points of views. I’m an empathic sort of guy. But I’m not a storytelling, impromptu speech, joke telling life of the party type. I do get frustrated at times with people who talk too damned much and have no problem with telling stories about what they know all the time.

Some long winded people have a problem with just shutting it off. They can stretch a 30 second message out to 10 minutes with no pauses with no problems. For me, with most people, its a bit of a struggle to shut off my brain and just talk. If I don’t have any business or an agenda, it’s a bit problematic to start a conversation. Once started, I can generally flow, but as far as pulling a flowing conversation out of my ass, it’s a bit of a struggle sometimes.

In certain ways, I envy those who can just do that. Even though I can understand humor and get it it when I hear it. I could write out a joke if I sat there and thought about it for long enough. But being funny and telling jokes tend to happen like hiccups with some people. I don’t know how their minds are geared towards that type of thinking. It doesn’t even seem like they are thinking about it. It’s like how as I type this now, it sort of just happens.

I can do this with a few people. But it’s very few and far between when I meet someone where the vibe is like that. If there is a such thing as a soul mate, I’d think that I could do it with her. I met this girl once on a dating app and we had that type of connection. For some reason, our conversations were like a improv show and even though we had no idea how we got there, we just ended up saying a lot of funny things to each other. We had that sort of vibe. I realize that there is more to a relationship than just that, it didn’t work out between us because we were both busy and really shouldn’t have been trying to date. Plus she gave off a few red flags. But I’m thinking that if I found someone like that with mutual attraction, it might be worth exploring.

That said though, one of the greatest minds I know….. The late, great, comedian Patrice O’Neil…. one of the godfathers of the redpill community once said that in order to keep a woman, you gotta be able to 1)make her laugh and 2)care more about yourself more than her. I can sort of do both with my lover, but not as much as I’d like to. It’s easier to fake the latter and the former is hit or miss with her. I do have a lot of hits, but not as much as I’d like to feel secure with her.

I will say though, that when a woman is attracted to you for whetever reason, she laughs at a lot of shit you might say even if you personally don’t find it “that funny”.

I agree with Patrice though. Being funny (in a smart way) is key in attracting women. It’s a necessary ingredient in game, sales, and human interactions in general. Unfortunately, my funny bone appears to be sprained. I can’t even think of the last time I said anything funny to STBXW. I don’t try, but still, even though I don’t want her back, it would be great to be able to do that. If I could combine who I am now with a better sense of humor and with the gift of gab….I’d be killing it out here. I think.

For the most part, I am pretty happy with myself. I could stand to make a little more money, but in the scheme of things I can take care of myself financially. I think I look pretty decent, I’m a decent height, I feel like I’m pretty decent in the sack, and I’m fairly intelligent. I also think I have a good heart and I am pretty loyal. So not a bad catch….. but just an average guy. If i could increase two attributes about myself it would be to increase how funny I am and being able to small talk myself into some pussy more.

What’s frustrating is that it seems that it’s not an impossible task, but yet it eludes me. It’s like walking, seeing people being able to run, but being unable to do so myself.

My talents are more kinetic. Like boxing or taekwondo or kickboxing. I’m just good at it. Even though everyone can punch and kick, I just get and understand “how” to do it right. I’m a pretty good teacher at it even though I’m not a pro. I just “get it”. Once someone shows me how to do it, I can just do it and it “feels” right. I can’t seem to get that “feeling” when it comes to being funny. The worst part is that I can “feel” it with certain people, so I’ve felt it before, but I just can’t seem to generate it with most people. I can just ‘feel’ the ‘how’ in a lot of things like cooking, art, dancing, sex, and with practice, I can get really good. But with humor, I can’t quite feel the “how”. Like I find it frustratingly difficult to tap into it on the fly. I almost got it, but something isn’t quite…..

It’s like something just isn’t clicking. Like when you start a car and the battery is almost dead, and it just won’t turn over. It’s like almost….but not quite. It feels like a certain “spark” is missing. I’ve often felt that if I could just get that ‘spark’. Or that connection to whatever it is, I could feel, do it, and be pretty damned good at it.

It’ s like right there in front of my face, just right out of grip. I can touch it with my fingertips, but instead of grabbing it, it sort of just bobbles away.

I dont have to be Bill Burr, Dave Chapelle or anyone….just like I don’t have to be a Floyd Mayweather or Vasyly Lomachenko. I’d be good with being me at whatever level or capacity that I do it at. I don’t have to be the best that ever did it, just competent enough to do it when I wanted to without relying on vibing with ‘the right’ people or drugs or alcohol.

In fact, I probably wouldn’t drink as much if I could just do that. I don’t really feel nervous around people. I don’t hate people. I’m not an extrovert, but my introversion isn’t affected too much as I’m not around the same people all day very often. I wonder if there is anything I can do to just get it to click. I’ve been struggling with this issue since college and it’s no need to beleive that i can figure it out, but it seems like such a trivial or tiny thing that needs to click and I’d have it.

For me, I don’t think this is a matter of practice, which is why I don’t really care to study canned aspects of “the game”. I think it’s a matter of just having the right feeling to access that creativity. Again, I can do it, I’ve ‘felt’ it. I’ve done it. I just need to be able to do it when I feel like it.

What is it?