I think that the more you think about a person, the less they think about you. And vice versa. This is some spooky woo stuff so it’s not backed by hard science. I won’t go into detail about energy fields, quantum mechanics (quantum entanglement), mind sciences (neville goddard, claude bristol,and the like). But they all attempt to offer an explaination of how mind manifests reality. I am also tying in how Narcissists (we all are on the spectrum, just some way more than others) also feed off of your emotion.
Anyway, all that said, I’m thinking that even though no contact is an effective way of getting someone to start wondering/thinking about you…..i admit it is manipulative and should only be used for good. If you really want to ramp up the effect, you have to actually STOP THINKING about that person. This is effective because they will subconsiously stop getting the psychic energy you’re feeding them and then wonder why their energy is off.
Even though they won’t know why, they will subconsiously start notice that they aren’t getting your emotional psychic energy and will start to miss/crave it. Even if they are with someone else. It’s like, they will only miss it if you’re not thinking about them, but they will not miss it if you are.
Ever notice how many guys say that their girls come back once they’ve moved on. They moved on in the sense that she is no longer on his mind. She noticed it subconsciously and felt the urge to reach back out to see if he’s OK or to check on him. This was done at a subconscious level. At the same time, even if you go no contact (but still obsess over them, you’re dampening the effect) and it takes longer to work. Depending on how much you think about them and what they have going on at the time, they may never get the full effect.
No contact is intended for YOU to detach. Not to get them back. Otherwise, it’s ‘black magic’ so to speak. If the intent is to control/ manipulate them, I really don’t recommend using it. It will probably end up biting you in the ass in the end if you use it for that purpose and it works. It’s supposed to be a time for you to remove an unhealthy attachment or walk away from a bad situation. However, if you have to do all of this to keep them or get them back, you’re sort of interfering with their free will. Just saying. The difference is subtle, but it’s all about intent even though the effect may bring them back around.
However, the next level, higher level is to actually try to stop ruminating, obsessing, or thinking about them. It’s about detachment. If you have been in no contact, yet social media stalking, spying, or otherwise keeping an eye on them, your psychic energy is still feeding them and they won’t miss your energy as much. Narc’s especially NEED this energy. Even if they have a new supply. Think about it, when they are cheating or triangulating, they get the intense psychic energy of two (or more) people thinking about them.
The more people they can have emotional about them (good or bad), the more psychic energy they get. Often, they get greedy and used to having more than one source. This is pretty much why once a cheater, always a cheater rings true. One person cannot give them enough psychic energy to satiate them. They need the psychic validation. So if they are cheating or have ‘moved’ on, and the more you ruminate and obsess, the more energy they get on that subconscious/psychic energy field. Take that energy away, and they will have a desire or need to get it back.
Even if this is just a bunch of bullshit, I can understand how this can assist with the next level of healing. I have to let it go. Rumination is ruining me and my mental peace while at the same time feeding them and giving them free energy.
The point isn’t to get them back, the point is to detach to the point where you don’t have to have them back. Once you let go, they’ll be back. But then hopefully by that time, you wouldn’t want them back. At the very least be truly in a position where you could take it or leave it. In other words,
Trauma bonding and emotional abuse is effective because it keeps a person’s mind focused on the damage and pain caused by that person. The offender, (often times a NARC or one of those types of people) know that they could help you get over it, but they will get bigger hit of psychic energy if they never choose to give you closure. They want you ruminating. The don’t want you to talk about it about it with them. This causes you to think about them and give them that psychic energy they crave. I can’t say for sure if it’s a conscious thing that they do or if they know why they do it. But in the end, the result is the same. They crave your energy.
In order to ensure that you keep giving them energy, they set your brain up so that it ties itself up into knots trying to figure things out. You replay ideas, what they said and did, trying to figure out how they could do what they do, how you could fix it, and so forth. Empathetic overthinking people with low self confidence make for a great supply.
It also works in reverse. The reason why you’re feeling bad is because they are no longer giving YOU their psychic energy. You’re sort of a junkie for it. When they remove it, you’re feeling shitty because you don’t have it anymore. You crave it like a crack head craves a crack rock. Why else would you want someone back who doesn’t want you? Why else would you want to go back to that abusive or toxic relationship? The energy is unbalanced. You give them too much energy as they essentially starve you for from theirs. Any little bit of attention from them gives you relief, BUT here’s the kicker, it keeps you hooked. Quitting cold turkey is the best way to go. Letting go is quitting cold turkey. It’s easier to let go and detach when you can forgive, forget, and move on. The ego makes this harder because it wants revenge, closure, or some sort of justice in the case of someone doing you wrong. Or your mind remembers and crave the days of that validation. Again, it’s a dopamine high, it’s brain chemicals, it’s magic, it’s spiritual.
Be careful of falling for those who you have great chemistry with. Some people know how to manufacture that artificially in order to get you hooked. Narcs and sociopaths love bomb you for that reason in the beginning. They know that they get bored fairly quickly (subconsiously) and want to get their hooks deep into you before they leave. They put us under a spell and we think it’s love. Once secured though, they get the psychic validation necessary from you even after leaving.
Once you identify a person is like this, and they cheat, you can never take these people back, at least seriously because they will always need /miss / crave validation from the other person. Once they move on, best believe ‘your’ person will be secretly hitting them with the “hey stranger” text…. maybe even desiring to want them as a “friend”. It’s a no win. Many of these types have the ability to ‘cast a spell’ on their victims and are very dangerous to co-dependents or people with low self esteem issues. Ironcially, they are codependents as well in the sense of not having a real identity. They are chameleons and shape shifters adept at adapting in order to lure in their next source.
I observed this with the STBXW. She seems to take on the characteristics and interests of whover she’s dealing with at the time.
They are just who they are. I wouldn’t call them evil….no more than a wild animal who might eat you if you get too close…. but understand that a real level of connection, empathy, or what have you isn’t there. They don’t make for good life partners, but if you can withstand falling under their spell….maybe a good time….and if you learn how to control the energy, you can have a lot of fun with them. Women like this are, as they say “for the streets”. I believe that my stbxw if is one of those people.
So again, this is another reason to stop ruminating over all of this is because my pain becomes her nourishment in a sense. Not only am I hurting myself, I am also feeding her. The less I care/hold on/stress over it, the less supply she gets. While I am inviting myself to a possible hoover, I should be strong enough to withstand. The hoover is just a test after all. So, no thoughts about her, positive or negative. No contact is actually the easy part (easier said than done for sure) of this process. The next step is no longer thinking about her, what she did, what she’s doing, what she’s thinking, or how she’s feeling. Once my emotions are disengaged, I should be able to fully detach.
I have to break the spell she put on me and the only way is through radical detachment (apathy) and forgiveness. Just because I forgive her, I don’t have to take her back. Knowing what I know now, I could never take her back…. But before i even consider allowing her back into my life at all…I need to be completely sure I’m healed and over this. I’m not ready yet. Right now, it would be like a heroin junkie fresh out of rehab going to the trap house to hang out. I’m getting better, but no need to tempt fate. Besides, i still do experience pain and anxiety when my mind happens to be reminded or thinks about her. I’m still weak, but I am feeling a lot stronger.