Unsent letter to stbxw

   Yeah,  just came home and thinking about everything.   My body and mind was hurt.  Still is.   It wants get back.   It wants revenge.   It wants u to feel remorse for hurting it.
   Just my karma that you just cannot…..at least in a way that’s satisfying to my personal ego….ever fix. 
 And truth be told, even if … u eventually came around…  fate has chosen that it’s my destiny to experience and learn from this hurt.
The truth is…I am selfish…
Perhaps I deserved all of this.
I don’t want you back, nor can I honestly say that we should be together. 

wishing I was more or less me, but I can’t honestly say which….the genuine connection just isn’t there! Though in my heart I wish that soul-mates were created and not found.

That love could have saved us…but perhaps I was wrong. Maybe it wasnt even love…just fear of not being worthy enough.

Perhaps u were here to teach me this painful lesson.  I am humbled…and perhaps will continue to be so 
But as I am learning….on this rocky road of LIFE….I am hopeful that all of this pain will temper me to be better.
I still have much to learn.
Lately I have had these moments of drunken clarity .
How can I love u when I don’t know how to love myself?  How could YOU love me in this case? 
So I forgive….tho I suspect that forgiveness isn’t the lesson nor the path out of this…..
Emotional pain is just a guide, but not necessarily the path either.

Just wishing to stop the pain, but again, u cannot stop it no matter what. Lies or honesty….I honestly don’t know…nor can see the way back….my knees hurt from praying….my heart too jaded to desire THIS…. and my ego too damaged to accept it any longer.

I dunno what lies ahead in the future. 
But as they say… when times get heavy,  don’t pray for relief….but pray for stronger shoulders. 
I am weak and weary, but my back is strong…AMEN   

Do YOU!!!( as if u weren’t already)…its my burden to bear…. until it isn’t

I’m just looking forward to the day that I can have the wisdom of understanding and forgiveness….the days of peace

This letter is spun from my damaged ego. Miraculously( and quite telling tbh) u will never see it….

As for me… a soldier at war (against the devil within)…I keep marching forward

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