The worst aspect about having to co-parent with a spouse who cheated on and betrayed you is the fact that you have to remain in communication with them. That’s a special sort of hell. It’s sort of like having to remain on a speaking level with a person who raped you in the past and got away with it. Sure, you may forgive them eventually, but you don’t want to be their friend.

STBEXw. has been calling me over the last week or so with nothing to talk about. I normally ignore the call or either ask her to text me back if it’s important. A few times, I decided to indulge and let her do most of the talking. Those phone conversations are awkard as fuck because she tries to be funny or friendly and I’m just “listening” mostly. I usually get back to business and cut it off as soon as possible.

I’ve told her that outside of kiddo and finances, we really don’t have anything to talk about. I would have cut her off COMPLETELY if it wasn’t for those things. What kind of sucker/fool remains friends with a person who completely betrayed them several times? I don’t care to know about her life, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with, if it’s going good, bad, indifferent. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want to know.

We cannot be friends after this. Does she really think that she can just fuck other people over like that and they should just be ok? Family, friends, whomever can deal with her however they want. But as for me….I’m not fucking with her. She may be the only person on earth I feel that way about right now. I’m not a hateful person. I don’t even really hate Donald Trump.

Like there isn’t any keykeying or laughs between us after what you willfully and intentionally did. Do I look like a bitch to you? Do I look like a weak, pathetic, emotional little creature that you can just play with like that? And maybe she doesn’t actually feel that way, but she did treat like that before and so I’m suspect of pretty much all of her antics now. I think the only reason I’m typing this is because she tried to pull that shit this morning.

She decided to burn the bridge of a possibility of friendship with the way she acted during her multiple affairs. I wonder if cheaters know how terrible they are acting while in the act. It’s not uncommon to hear people say that their cheating spouse treated them like complete garbage. I mean come on, they have to know. You KNOW when you’re treating someone shitty. There is no excuse when they tell you it repeatedly. Sorry, but a half apologetic “I’m sorry” just ain’t gonna cut it. She knew she was burning that bridge behind her. She had to know that all the water (she was raining) under the bridge along with burning it down means that there is NO coming back. Whatsoever.

So fuck her. I gave her dozens, if not a hundred chances to turn around. To at least respect me. And she knows the only reason I gave her that many is because I wanted to fight for our family and try to keep our son’s home in tact. She wouldn’t even work with me since chasing new dick was her priority. She completely destroyed our home, with no regards to our feelings, and basically gave herself completely over to men who didn’t do a fraction of what I had done for her. She betrayed us for them. She knows noone else on earth loves kiddo as much as I do. I am her son’s father. A man who was always there for him. He looks up to me as a man. Yet she decides that I’m worth being cucked and humiliated for men who weren’t even there. She tried to sell out my due respect because these men felt more manly than me since they could fuck someone’s wife. Men who simply wanted some ass and wouldn’t tell her the truth (assuming she told them all the real truth). These men didn’t give a fuck about her family, our kid, or his future like that.

I was a man who proved to be there for her time and time again. Her husband who treated her as she “deserved”. I wasn’t too jealous or insecure, yet SHE was the one who abused that trust. And yet I wasn’t worth respect in the end?

That said, I’m not fucking with her. She didn’t do it to anyone else, so I could probably understand why others might want to deal with her. But she’s dead to me. I just see the shell of the woman she once was. She’s like a ghost. The memory of a nightmare I once had.

I know forgiveness has to come into play at some point. But as of now, I cannot bring myself to do it. I don’t respect her. It’s not even based on her not wanting to remain married. But it is about the unnecessarily dishonorable and disrespectful way she decided to throw me under the bus.