Becoming Colder

So my lover has been acting colder recently and we’ve had the talk about not seeing each other anymore starting in the beginning of the year. We’ve ‘broken’ up a few times over the years and the whole time I knew that sooner or later, we’d have to end this. I’m really surprised we made it this far. But as the saying goes “she’s never yours, it’s just your turn.” Even though I do believe this is best….probably for both of us. I still can’t help but feel twinges of sadness or something whenever I think about her.

She doesn’t return my calls nor initiate texts. And if she does respond, they are short and straight to the point. I’m not worried nor panicking, as these are usually either signs that she’s in her feelings about something, she’s busy at work, or is trying to emotionally distance herself. Maybe someone else is in the picture.

Either way, I’m not worried or tripping on it. Again, I know that I’m not the right guy for her nor is she the right woman for me. Perhaps the emotional toll is greater than the sex at this point. Logically, I know that even if this is the end, it’s probably for the best. We had some good times, but life is transitory and TBH, i wasn’t really in love with her like that even though I did and still do have a lot of love for her.

The best thing to do is to stay cool, not panic, and let her either come back around, or move on with her life. I already called twice and she didn’t call me back. I texted regular good morning only to be met with “gm”. So it appears that she’s distancing herself. Basically just do nothing….even though at times, I wonder if she wants me to chase or pursue to show that I care. Or it could be that she’s telling me that she wants space. Women man!!! Who knows?

Writing this proves that she’s on my mind. And oddly, I don’t know why she is taking up so much mental real estate in my head. Maybe I’m just subconsciously trying to figure it all out and those thoughts occasionally bubble up into my conscious through emotions or feelings. Emotionally, I’m not that invested and I can’t take it personally, she wants a husband and a family or at the very least a boyfriend. Nothing doing. Maybe a baby daddy, but of course that’s not gonna fly with the image she has for herself. If i were extremely wealthy at the time, perhaps. But damn, I kind of miss her.

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