Big Deal

Just when you think that a person can’t get any lower, they prove to you that they can. I am starting to get uneasy when around her. I’ve given up the bedroom and started sleeping on the couch. Last night, after a pretty heated debate. Perhaps some might call it an argument even though there was no yelling involved. I woke up to find that the bedroom door was locked. When asked why she locked it, she said that she was afraid that I might do something to her. ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS? I have never not once even jumped at her. Now she is playing victim in all this.

Yes, I do talk my shit so to speak as far as asking her to justify how in the hell she thinks that what she’s doing is remotely ok. I tell her that she cannot be transparent with others. Though she claims that certain people know what she’s doing. Her current affair, her old affairs, etc. Sadly, these people also know me and yet they still don’t talk her out of it. From her testimony, they are sorry we are going through this and wants her to be happy. As if she isn’t responsible for cheating and putting us in this situation to begin with.

Yet, she won’t leave given that the apartment is considered marriage property and she has the right to be there. She claims to want to want be there with kiddo until she gets a travel assignment. It’s been a few months and still nothing though. Any day can be the day.

I just cannot believe that she’s on that time even though she has shown me over and over again that she is. Now she wants to claim that she’s afraid of me. I’m pretty sure she’s playing victim for her friends and lover. This is dangerous because as a man, and as a black one at that, the police and law enforcement would have no problems locking my black ass up first and asking questions later.

I have nowhere else to go. I moved back into that apartment as favor to her and now I’m paying for being so got damned nice. There is a lesson in that, and I suppose that I am learning it the hard way. She is NOT my friend. She doesn’t have my best interest at heart, and now it seems that she’s evolving to be even more sinister and evil (to me anyway) than before. I have no clue what she’s willing or capable of doing to me, but this episode has opened my eyes to realize that I cannot take her lightly.

How did i end up with a woman like that? Is she crazy? Is she possessed? Was she always like that and I just missed the red flags? Or is it me? Am I delusional? Am I wrong? Am I missing something? I know people out here in the world are dealing with much worse situations. Unemployment, poverty, health issues, actual abuse, taking care of sick / disabled loved ones, major depression….etc. I should be thankful that things are as good as they are as in actuality, things could be much worse.

I guess I just gotta do what I gotta to do deal with it and cope until she leaves. Acceptance is understanding that she is who she is.

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