Fighting the Beta Demon

Despite my understanding of women’s nature and wanting to overcome this need/desire to want a wife…. in fact fearing falling in love again. Something deep down wants someone to love on and have that “forever” person. I know it’s a myth or either I’m going to have to concede the fact that she’ll probably cheat on me someday…..she’ll lie about it, gaslight me, and I’ll have to forgive her.

But i don’t want to be a cuck who just accepts that she’s sleeping around and is willing to break her side of the trust as long as she thinks she can get away with it. Like, I want a certain type of love that has at it, trust, and selfless enough as not to humiliate, emasculate, and embarass me even though it’s within her wheelhouse of happiness to be able to have sex with other men while we are together. Even if she could “get away” with it.

I don’t want the type of love where she isn’t sacrificial in that sense. But I also understand most of them cannot be honest on such matters either out of fear of losing me, fear of my judgment on the issue, or simply fear of breaking the trust we have in the relationship.

Simply put, I don’t want to fall victim of loving someone who is incapable of loving me the way I need them to. Mostly with truth, honesty, and in a way where she loves me for me as I would love her for her. With a little willful sacrifice knowing that things won’t always be easy. Where she holds me in enough regard where she wouldn’t allow another man to debase and devalue me as her man, by sleeping with him.

And I know that what I want, while seeming simple on the surface. Probably isn’t possible and at the very least not worth risking my heart over. I just can’t give her my all.

And without that, there is no real point of love/relationships. And i am trying to just be ok with that. Like I want to find someone who I can’t walk away from, but I also fear finding it as it takes so much out of you if they decided to switch up on you later.

The heights of the good feelings of thinking you found “your person” isn’t worth the lows of realizing that she wasn’t at all. Especially if she realizes it first. And while I know that you can know if you never try, I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

So i have to overcome this “beta” instinct to want to be in that type of relationship. I have to be always on my guard and ready and able to walk away with as little emotional damage to myself as possible.

Perhaps I’m a love addict and I need to avoid it all together, as an alcoholic must avoid alcohol for life. It aint easy but hopefully this will get better over time. I really can’t go through something like my marriage, ever again.

I have to change this ‘beta’ heart and until I do, I must avoid “love” at all costs.

Change Your Expectations of Women for a Happier Life

I was sold a bill of goods as a youth on the nature of women. I always thought that they were pretty much faithful and that IF she cheated, it was because the man of her life was doing her wrong. Like really wrong. This led me to believe that all one simply had to do was to treat her right.

Based on my experiences and stories of other men have led me to conclude that that was a lie. It’s so much more complicated than that. I believe that the old adage “nice guys finish last” holds way more truth in today’s society than ever before.

The truth is that treating a woman….right, isn’t exactly what I thought it was. The equivocation is in the word “right”. “Right” needs to be more clearly defined…. that is if you want to get the results of having your heart ripped out of your chest. Call me bitter, but hear me out. It might save you from a world of soul crushing pain.

There are two ways you can look at the word “right”. The standard definition that me and many blue pilled men looked at was that if we treated her “like a queen”…. put her first. compromise. spoil her. Give her her wishes and desires. Make her feel special. Basically treat her how we’d like to be treated. With fairness, equity, and honesty. Be her best friend, provider, counselor, protector, and lover. Be faithful and be in a US vs the World mentality….she’d be happy and stay faithful.

And on paper, many of them say that this is what they want. In fact, i’d go so far as to say that it still is. But, there is another side to this. Once she gets this from you. It doesn’t fulfill, nor complete her. Once she has that from you….your loyalty, dedication, and heart, she becomes, bored with the relationship. THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

I’ve seen it happen to too many “good” men that once they give her all these things, she becomes, dissatisfied, bored, and unhappy. Something in her seems to crave the unpredictability of the “bad boy”. You see, most modern women are primarily concerned about “her happiness” above ALL THINGS. This includes friendships, relationships, family. Loyalty is not something most of them really have an internal grasp upon. Her personal happiness is a precondition of loyalty. And if she thinks she can be happier somewhere else, then it’s perfectly reasonable for her to break the conditions of loyalty.

That is to say that they can be loyal, but only if all of her current needs, emotions, and feelings point her into being happy. It’s not a choice, but more like based on her view of the external factors in her life. She isn’t guided by principle, but by more by her feelings and emotions.

Right should be more clearly defined as keeping her on her toes. She has to know that you have options and can and will walk away. It’s not enough to have her believe it, she has to know it. Even that is no guarantee she’ll remain faithful due to the dozens of thirsty simps in her dm, at work, or in the streets.

Infidelity and hurting her isn’t the biggest deal breaker when it comes to them. Her getting bored with you is. Added to the thirsty simps who will say and anything regardless of who it hurts (your family /kids included) in order to get sex and attention from her, you’re in for a real shit show. They will promise her greener grass, tell her how much more she deserves, and some believe they can make her happier. Many are so thirsty and never think that if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you. Do you really want to “compete” for an unfaithful/disloyal chick. You’ll be fighting forever.

As unpopular of a sentiment this may be, the REAL deal is that if you want to stand a chance on keeping her, you must hurt her. You gotta take a page from the bad boys book. You must cheat on her. She has to chase you. Then you can treat her well for a little while.

There has to be a cycle of function/dysfunction/function. You must introduce the “toxicity” into the relationship sometimes. There really is no such thing as being her friend. You have to take an active part in regulating the ups and downs if you want to maintain attraction. It’s a lot of work if you’re a “nice guy” who cherishes peace and “doing the right thing”

They are primarily driven by their feelings. Being in love is actually more important than actually loving someone. And there is a huge difference. One is intentional and the other isn’t quite in our control. One is based on principle where as the other is based on the superficial. One tends to be more boring and stable, while the other puts her on a rollercoaster of emotions. In order to keep from getting bored, she has to “trauma” bond with you….and the best time to do this is during the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship. Even then, you have to occasionally do something unpredictably fucked up. Relationships are not for the even keel, live and let live type of guy.

Ever wonder why so many women stay down for the bad boy? This is pretty much why.

While both men and women are subsceptible to “falling in love” or having a “crush” on someone while in a relationship with a s/o. I believe that some people are able to place the principle of love over the feeling of being in love. That is to say that real love is enduring and it does sometimes require sacrifice and letting things go that goes against one’s own selfish desires.

Today, most people are willing to do anything….especially for the sake of lust in order to fulfill their personal desires. These desires are not necessarily “needs”. But given that many believe that they deserve maximum happiness in all aspects of their lives, they are willing to sacrifice principles of love in order to get it. This is why there is such a proliferation of cheating and infidelity in today’s society.

I don’t recommend that men fall in love today. It’s truly a curse to find someone you believe is “the one.” Because odds are if one chooses to believe the statistics as well as the anecdotal stories told by men from all walks of life, a very large number of these women cheat. In fact, I’d believe it’s much larger than the stats suggest.

Forget all of this if you are a guy who has dark triad features already ingrained into your personality. You’re golden when it comes to sexual relationships. This is more or less for the “good guys” out there.

If I am correct, and I am open to more information….from a seasoned “good guy’s”, you only have a few options.

1)Take a chance, get in a relationship, but be willing to accept that at some point in time, that your girl will most likely cheat on you someday and possibly leave for the other guy. *she WILL lie and gaslight if discovered. It doesn’t matter how well you think the relationship is going. Always be willing to walk away if this is a deal breaker, because she will NOT stop no matter “how sorry” she says she is.

2)Don’t get into clearly defined relationships. Love and play the game as you see fit. With this though, be aware that you can never truly give your heart to her. It doesn’t mean that you have to lie or see other people behind her back, but be aware that most times, if something is off or changes, the writing is usually on the wall. ACT accordingly. Titles will not keep her faithful and the lack of one will not make her disloyal if she really likes you. Maybe her trying to get the title can keep her entertained long enough to not get bored. But always be in a space where you are able to walk away at any given time.

3)Go MGTOW and not deal with women all together….or only in a sexual context with pump and dump as a guiding principle.

4)Simply just turn a blind eye to it and don’t let it bother you. Many times, we get hurt because of the expectations we put on her.

All of these options still fall under the premise that you won’t be the last guy she ever sleeps with. It doesn’t matter how well you think that your relationship is going. The question is, are you willing to take her back?

I am aware that this view of love and relationships seem fatalistic. But again, given the stats and times we live in, it is realistic. That view of keeping a woman faithful is pretty much dead these days. If you’re basing your love on fidelity, then I’m sorry to tell you that you’re fucking up.

I’m not saying that ALL women cheat, but most of them do and many times you really can’t tell a faithful woman from a cheater until you catch her in the act. Again (keeping in mind) most have no problem with lying and gaslighting upon suspicion. Talk is cheap. Hell, it’s free.

This day in age, it’s probably best to acknowledge that she will cheat and set your expectations accordingly. I don’t think it is wise to tell her this for a few reasons. 1)she will see you as bitter 2)most live in a world of cognitive dissonance on this particular issue 3)even if she promises she would never do it, she will, and will lie and gaslight upon discovery. There really is no point. and 4)it is seen as insecurity to acknowledge this out loud.

Save yourself a ton of heartbreak and disappointment and simply expect that she will cheat and gaslight and lie upon discovery. No matter how “good” she seems in other aspects of her life. It’s up to you do decide what you want to do with it from there.

Personally, i just recommend have fun, enjoy the moment. But don’t set expectations and most importantly, don’t get too attached. Love yourself enough not to put yourself though it if you can’t handle it.

Out of Control

Thot culture and the acceptance of woman promiscuity is quite disturbing to me. I don’t know if it’s just me….maybe I suffer from toxic masculinity or male chauvinism, but I’m sort of repulsed by women who flaunt their sexuality out in public.

It turns me off in a way. While I do like a nice body in a sundress, curves through distress jeans, and what not, there is something about actually seeing real women engaging in sexual acts outside the context of porn that somewhat turns me off about them. The line between classy and trashy is often crossed and lands on the trashy side of things.

There was a difference between playboy and hustler magazines back in the day. Many modern day females are straight out of hustler magazines.

I really despise the Cardi B’s, Meg the Stallions, and Nicki Minaj’s of the world. I think it comes down to the fact that I still see sex as a private thing. I think that it encourages women to not only be thots, but also unfaithful.

I hear a lot of women say that it’s their sexuality and it parading it around ’empowers’ them on some level. To me, it causes me to lose a certain level of respect for her. It’s sort of like the difference between a fighter who is humble about his abilities outside the ring (save selling tickets to a main event fight) and one who is cocky and always ready to talk about how badass he is.

I think it’s the vanity and arrogance that turns me off. If u got it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to flaunt it. Looks, especially if genetically or artificially obtained seems to be too easy. And the thirsty simps who fall for the thirst traps also disgust me.

I’ll admit that I am judgmental when it comes to that. But for some reason, I don’t like arrogance and self boasting. It’s just a character trait that I’m somewhat turned off by.

It’s kind of like people who flaunt their money in order to get people to like them. And the people who like someone because they have money. Like those people suck to me. And while I know that I don’t have to deal with them and I’m not exactly a saint either. I just don’t dig that type of behavior.

It seems shallow and superficial. In the same token, it’s like women who do this seem shallow and superficial.

Many women seem to think that sexual liberation is the same thing as being a hoe. And that men should just accept them for being a hoe. The thing is (an I suspect many men also feel this way), I can accept a woman for being a hoe, I’m just not feeling her for anything other than sex. I just don’t respect her. Or rather, I respect her about as much as I respect hoes.

Not saying that I don’t respect them as people, I just don’t respect them as someone I’d want to interact with outside of sex. There seems to be a lack of humility that is a turn off.

Plus a certain degree of toxicity that comes along with dealing with certain people for too long. A hoe doesn’t appear to be the faithful type. She seems like she’d be manipulative and a liar. She doesn’t seem that she’d have a real conscious preventing her from doing any wicked/evil thing that would promote her own self interests, regardless of the consequences of her actions on those around her.

They are only out for themselves and their money. It’s just not attractive in terms of looking for a mate or partner. Selfish people suck at being mates and partners. They tend to create toxic environments. Yet today, ladies are encouraged to be selfish and permiscous. And they wonder why men don’t really want relationships or take them seriously.

Girls just wanna have fun is as much an indictment as it is an observable fact. Many of these modern females take nothing seriously, not even themselves, only relying on the thirst of these simps to give them validation. They see men as only ATMs or sources of validation reminding them of how superficially beautiful they are.

They are like the woman in proverbs who wipes her mouth and says she did nothing wrong. She actually believes that she is entitled to immoral behavior

They objectify men as if we are work horses designed to meet their every whim and desire. And many feel that the only thing they have to bring to the table is sex. They take this whole women are goddesses or princesses way too damn far. And these simps who subscribe to this, either truthfully, or simply as a means of getting sex are really just terrible.

I’m losing faith in humanity at this point. I’m really losing a lot of respect for the thotty woman and the simp man at this point. And it seems the problem is getting worse. Sex, superficiality, and thot culture is just as bad / if not worse than too much religion.

I’m about over it.

Not even Friends

I have never met another person whom i really dislike more than my wife. It’s terrible and it’s a strange feeling to have such a repulsive/antagonistic view of someone. Like, if she fell off the earth tomorrow, I wouldn’t even care.

Not to say that I want anything bad to happen to her. I just don’t like the chick. Like it’s a certain level of contempt that I feel for her. Like, I think she’s stupid, superficial, and selfish. To be fair, maybe I judge her way too harshly.

TBH, there are a lot of people I’d probably feel that way about if I were stuck around them. We definitely need space. Even though I feel justified in my feelings about her. I’m thinking that the majority of the ill will I feel against her is based on the sense of powerlessness of having to live under the same roof as her….. with the betrayals, lies, gaslighting and her failure to own up to the broken condition of our relationship, marriage, and family as a whole. Having to constantly deal with the humiliation of knowing that my “wife” is out here cheating is something she could care less about. And having to stay in a condition where it seems that what she knows what she’s doing is wrong (she admitted she wouldn’t want someone doing it to our son), having the power to stop, but not caring enough about me to just do the right thing.

It feels disrespectful at this point. I feel powerless to stop the disrespect without needlessly dragging our son into the situation (possibly creating a rift between them) or creating a condition where I might go to jail. and she seems to be taking advantage….as if I’m doing this for me or her. it again shows her lack of regard for anyone else in this whole situation except her and her new “interests”.

I know that I’m not perfect. But the way she operates seems unreasonable and selfish. I mean who breaks up a family based on unreasonable and (self admitted) selfish reasons. Who actually feels that it’s justified to ‘cheat’ because they are unhappy when it was them who waited until getting into a full affair to say that they were unhappy.

As a few more examples, she wants the kid to go to a private school. We both have student loans and yet she still wants to pay the tuition for it. Yet, we already live in one of the most sought after public school districts in the nation. She uses that as an example of how we are both on “different pages”. She can’t articulate “why” private school is worth the money either. Plus, with these private schools, they expect a much higher level of parent participation in the school. She barely does anything now.

Another is that she wants to move back to NYC, her hometown. Yet our kid was born and raised here, we have close family on both sides here, this area has a lot of growth, job opportunities, diversity, it’s a great place to raise a child, relatively low crime, and amazing schools. I also have a pretty respectable job with the county with good benefits. I’ve spoken to many transplants from New York who also agree that this would be a better place to raise a child.

Her argument is that she feels stuck and that I’m closed minded. She wanted to move to a place to buy a house we could barely afford, in a much worse school district, pay for private school over there, while at the same time wanting to take international vacations more often, eat out pretty much whenever she feels like it, and drive a luxury car…. all the while saying, she’s willing to work an extra job or two for those things…..and suggesting that I should be willing to do the same. Or if we were on the same page, I’d be wanting those goals as well.

All this, she wants me to do …. after cheating, having an affair, currently engaged in another (emotional possibly physical) one. And while I can concede that her “unhappiness” may have contributed to the cheating/affair. I cannot excuse her for it…..especially given she didn’t communicate that she wanted those things before she started cheating. Never showed any remorse, and tbh, though things might have “ended” with the other guys, she is still “entertaining” other guys.

Her smug attitude as if she’s doing nothing wrong really pisses me off. As if simply having a sense of “general unhappiness” is legitimate to warrant breaking up our home without trying to fix it…..and even worse, justification for lying, gaslighting and cheating.

It really pisses me off and I am no longer in love with her for that reason….in fact, I can’t say i even love her at all at this point. She may fool other men….she confessed that she simply tells them that she’s “unhappy”. Alluding to the idea that I’m not “ambitious” enough for her.

And apparently, that’s satisfactory to these thirsty simps. Did they ask her “why”….or “what she did to try and fix it”…. or even ask why, if she was so “unhappy” if she ever asked for a divorce or separation.

She even said that she’s willing to lawyer up in order to move our son from here to NY if she decides to move up there. Who in the hell takes a kid out of their parent’s life(especially knowing how important our relationship is to him and me)…..after already breaking up the home, without any attempt to fix it…..away from where he was born and raised simply because it what she thinks will make “her” happy.

Who does she think she is? She’s cute, but her character is all out of sorts. Her laid back persona hides the selfishness of her true nature. Here you have a pretty good looking woman (physically), laid back personality, well educated and gainfully employed woman with a sort of a naivety that can easily fool a man into thinking that she’s a “good” one. IMHO, this chick isn’t even decent.

I suppose that i can’t be mad at dudes for falling for it. Hell i did. The only difference is that she wasn’t married at the time I met her. Maybe i would have too. But despite all of her good attributes, all of those are worthless in the end. It’s definitely not enough to lose self respect over. In fact, all of the positive are neutralized by the way she handles the situation. And given what’s at stake, she’s completely blown it with me. Perhaps she can fool them, but she and I know the truth.

We didn’t have to stay married if she wanted out that bad. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want nor respect me back. I loved her enough to let go if the marriage was that bad for her,all she had to do was communicate with me, all I would have asked was for a chance…. ….not just for me, but our family….. perhaps we could have salvaged at least a friendship out of the situation.

I mean damn, I had always been there for her. It doesn’t mean we had to stay together if I made her unhappy, but shit, didn’t our relationship and friendship at least deserve some level of respect. Did i really deserve to be betrayed and crushed as if 12 years and a family meant nothing? I’m a pretty reasonable guy, I really try to see things from all sides before passing judgment. She knew that about me. She had to. She saw how I handled difficult multi-faceted situations.

I’m not perfect, but I know that I’m not a bad catch for the right woman. I am patient, understanding, confident and secure in myself, trustworthy, loving, and generally have control over my emotions. Yet, even if she fell out, she acts as if I’m completely valueless. As if I didn’t bring any value to her life. And even if my “ambition” to get the “next level” didn’t match hers, does that make it so that I deserved this kind of treatment from her?

Yet perhaps we’re not right for each other other and like I said, if she told me she felt that way, then sure, I would have tried to find counseling, taken trips, tried to figure out if whatever her issues were with me were in my power to change (of if I’d even be willing to)…..but at least we could have been cordial. I didn’t need her outside of keeping our family together for our son’s sake. I did love her, but again, why keep someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

She didn’t owe it to me to stay, but she did owe me respect. I earned that shit. She owed our family respect. Our son didn’t deserve this and she doesn’t want to take any responsibility at all. To me, she’s disloyal, dishonorable, and disrespectful (to herself, me, our family and so by proxy, our son).

Education doesn’t equal intelligence. Charm isn’t a substitute for character. Salary doesn’t equal ambition. I’m thinking that someday she’s going to have to look back and see how bad she treated me, disregarded our marriage (and friendship), and family, and be ashamed (perhaps not necessarily wanting the marriage back)…..that’s karma enough for me.

I’ll be in a place of apathy by then. She’s not going to stop me from living my best life. Or she’ll never feel ashamed nor truly remorseful which also works because it does prove that she lacks a conscious.. I don’t need an apology or closure on this either way.

Either way, our friendship is done. We’re like Israel/Palestine, living in the same place, out of necessity and trying to be cordial until we can figure out how to separate (again). Hopefully, it won’t be too long from now as she alleges she’s trying to take a travel assignment to NYC ASAP.

I really didn’t want this thing to become contentious. But how else can it be when she’s so unreasonable and selfish. I know there are two sides to every story and I wish she had the wherewithall to articulate hers.

Unfortunately, it seems that people engaged in this type of behavior rarely, if ever give any insight into their motifs.