There seems to be something delightfully wicked about the fact that one is able to say and do things to captivate a person’s heart. At the same time, disgustingly immoral. It’s scary and sad that in order to play the game of “love” in the most effective way is to tell people that you have feelings for them that aren’t authentic to how you really feel. And the rub is that if you actually feel that way, then it really doesn’t work.
It’s as if it’s a catch-22. You can either love a woman and lose her. Or pretend to love her and keep her in love with you. And often times, that line can get blurred.
Women seem to prefer to be told what they want to hear….even if it does conflict with truth. I can see why they fall for a certain type of guy (low level narcisstic/psyopathic/sociapathic spectrum types) so many times. They have no problem with lying or massaging the truth to them. Perhaps it intrigues them on a certain level that his words and actions don’t seem to align.
From a guy’s perspective, it’s so much easier to lie and fake feelings in the hopes of captivating her as opposed to putting it all out there and actually having feelings. In the former, it really doesn’t matter if she rejects you or not, so it’s much easier to be playful and not take it seriously. This makes you more internally consistent with your confidence and much easier to “play the game” of love so to speak. On the other hand, if you really do love her like that, you’re bound to make the mistake of taking it too seriously and becoming, boring and predictable.
Actually falling in love to the point where you can’t walk away is what women say they want. But in reality, that’s when they lose attraction to a man.
But if you can fake it and have them fall in love while you fake the feelings on your side….they’ll have the experience, but it’s just not authentic in a mutual way.
When it comes to romance, it’s almost as if you can either have love or admiration……but not both at the same time. And when it comes to heartbreak, the former guarantees you’ll feel it, but the latter isn’t as deep.
So perhaps the best thing to do is to love sacrificially (superficially). But be a good person with it. In other words, just get someone to fall in love with you while not falling in love with them. This doesn’t mean that you should treat them bad. In fact, love them through action and words, just not with your heart. Give them the opportunity to actually feel the love and admiration while you may not necessarily feel it…. and understand that just because you do this for them, they don’t owe you anything.
Like, I love seeing you in love. I’m glad I can give you that. But I’m not IN LOVE with you like that back.
Perhaps they can fall out for any number of reasons, but at least you won’t take it personally and can truly wish them better.
Perhaps the reality is that a Narc’s inability to fall in love can teach an empath how to love without attachment. The love given is voluntary and never compulsively. Though a Narc’s love is often opportunistic.
Perhaps the key to love without attachment lies in this space somewhere. Maybe the pain I went through with my soon to be ex wife can teach me how to do this, just in a more ethical way.
I don’t want to fall in love again anyway so perhaps I can take this as a lesson on how to love in the future in a more ego less way. While at the same time, somewhat placating the ego minus the attachments. Perhaps this is what i had to learn. Never fall in love.
It’s a drug, it’s a trap, in fact, for a man, we shouldn’t even call infatuation love. It truly is a form of madness for us. It should ONLY be voluntary and never compulsive. In fact a man being “in love” with a woman isn’t really love at all.
So when i say, i love her, it’s not say that i’m “in love with her”. I just love to see her love and I’m glad that I can help her feel that way. Love without attachment is the way to go. As the love is voluntary, should she violate and disrespect, just walk away, no harm no foul. My love must have stopped being enough. You can’t cheat on a person you’re in love with. My principles dictate that you shouldn’t cheat on a person you love either….so that’s that part.
It’s ok to be alone until i can find someone else to fall in love with the way I love them.
Perhaps it is ok, to say things you don’t really mean in the game of romance. You’re just giving them what they want. The gift of being in love with someone who truly (not compulsively) loves them back.