Same ish new day

The problem with cheaters and liars is that they don’t always lie to you.   In fact, I’d say that they probably speak mostly the truth about most things unless they are pathological.  But for the most part, they speak the truth except in cases where it really matters.

Being on the fence this long has gotten me to realize that I don’t really want things to work out with my wife anymore.   I’ve heard enough lies that I really can’t trust her.  I’ve watched enough videos online to know that cheaters will continue to lie, even though they promise you the truth.   And even in the face of evidence, they will justify, rationalize or outright deny unless you catch them in the act.   Even then, from what I’ve seen over and over it’s “wait….it’s not what it looks like.”

My lover is pulling away and I don’t know if it’s because she’s going through something, simply wants to distance herself, or has potentially found someone else.  I’m ok with it.  At least rationally as I really can’t see how our differences could keep us together for long.  There has to be much more to a relationship than great sex.   I’m hoping that my emotions won’t get the best of me.   We’ll see how it works out, but for now, I’ll fall back and let her reach out if she feels like it.

My therapist  says that kids tend to bounce back as long as the parents aren’t bitter.  I’m hoping that he’s right.   He asked if i had thought about what life would be like if we divorced.   I hadn’t, I just get to the point in my mind where i see the awful conversation and think about other things.   But now, I’m thinking, I’m going to have to rip the band-aid off as this thing could become a festering wound if i don’t take action.

The truth is that me and her are not good for each other.   While I hate to be just another divorce statistic, I really can’t trust her in fidelity.  This causes me to pull away from her.  I’m not in love with her, and this isn’t about happiness….it’s about being in a situation that’s beneficial for both of us.   She can’t be happy, even though from my eyes, she keeps shooting herself in the foot through the lies.

She’s really just like most of the women out here that men be complaining about.

She’s emotionally vapid and i’m too empathic.   This is a toxic combination where I end up worse off.    My pride and ego is obviously greater than my love for her and possibly the love i have for our family unit.

So at this point all talk of buying a house after this leasing term is up is out of the picture and I need to start figuring out where I’m going to stay.   Logistics on custody and after school care and finally how to actually get the divorce.

This does require that I face certain truths head on.  If I tell her my plan now, I have to accept the fact that she may double down on dealing with whomever it is that she’s entertaining now.   I have to accept the idea that she may and likely will begin to start lining up / more aggressively begin the campaign of getting with him.   Strangely enough, while I don’t really want her like that, i don’t want to be living with her while she dates another man.

He probably doesn’t care.  I’ve come to the conclusion that most men put thirst before honor.   A large number of men are simps and never consider that if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll probably cheat on you….or, they simply say that these women are for the streets and tell her whatever she wants to hear in order to get into her panties.   Not sure where he lies on that spectrum, but I suppose it really has nothing to do with me at this point.

Eventually though, I will move on and perhaps this short term disgrace will turn itself around when I finally regain my independence.



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