Relationships Suck

It’s funny how everyone wants a significant relationship where there is no cheating, honesty, and the person to have their back. On the other hand, everyone seems to be cheating, lying, and on some petty stuff. It really makes you not want to fall in love. Yet and it seems like something is missing without that someone in your life.

I’ve been following a few popular instagram influencers (kas facts, changing lanes, bitchproblems) and they are constantly posting memes about side dude this, side chick that and it makes me wonder if there are any faithful people left. It’s as if we live in a society where cheating and dysfunction is the norm.

Given the toxic situation with my wife and affair as a result, I should be the last one to point fingers. It’s odd, but even though I haven’t defined the terms of relationship with my partner, I still feel the need to be faithful (fidelity wise) to her. I know this is dangerous and probably a bit toxic to her as she has no way of knowing if I’m actually sleeping with my wife other than my word. This also leads me to believe that she could possibly lie to me about her extra curricular activities. Obviously I’d prefer for her to be honest, I’d understand why she might not feel the need to be transparent or either seize any opportunity to find a normal relationship.

Society’s attitude about marriage renders the whole point of it moot. From a practical standpoint, there is no reason to get emotionally involved with anyone, let alone get married. People are all about their personal happiness and it increasingly seems that it’s acceptable to break up families and homes simply because one person has a general sense of unhappiness.

In addition, it seems that a lot of men out there don’t respect other men’s marriages. They don’t mind getting sex from a married woman if she puts herself out there like that.

I started watching videos of men who were dating married women on YouTube yesterday and I was disgusted. Some of these men fell in love and were heartbroken over the fact that she ended up choosing her husband and families over them.

I had no sympathy for them at all. I have no sympathy for people who interfere with marriages, especially when kids are involved. They are the worst, allowing their thirst, lust, and feelings to potentially emotionally damage and destroy a child’s home.

One guy sat and claimed that he didn’t deserve the heartbreak because he felt like he was a “good person”.

Dude, you were willing to break up another man’s family just for sexual attention. You intentionally made plans and went along with violating another man’s wife….(even if she was complicit)….potentially destroying his home, psychologically damaging his kids, and decimating his finances.

The thing is that what if she did the exact same thing to you? Would you want to be the husband in that situation? What if you marry her, she gives you kids, them a home, and she does the exact same thing to you?  As much as you “love” her, how do you think the husband feels.   In my opinion you deserved it plus much worse.

In fact, I hope it works out for you and her and she does the exact same thing to you.  Or I hope that you find some other chick who does the exact same thing to you and justify it with, “she’s unhappy.”   I really hate men like that.   To violate a man’s family, children, and finances is about as scummy and grimy as it gets.

Many people say that you shouldn’t take your anger out on the affair partner, but the unfaithful partner instead.  I say the anger should be directed towards both.   If my wife is negligent and leaves the door to the house unlocked and a thief breaks in, I’m not just going to be angry at the wife, I’m also angry at the thief.

It seems that people these days are stupid and narcs beyond belief.   It’s all about them.   Having a good/decent heart and proclivity to honesty is a weakness.   People have no qualms with taking your good faith in them and using it against you.    The thing is, they all put up a good show and act as if they are so good.   Or they act hypocritically and bitch and moan when they know they’re dead wrong.

Perhaps I’m bitter and cynical after what happened.   But i’m really not feeling this relationship thing even though deep down I want to find a decent person (moral wise) to deal with on a real level.   The assholes don’t realize how damaging it is to hurt someone’s heart….as if it’s some trivial thing.   Their advice is just suck it up and move on while the other person gets away scott free it seems.

I hate my wife sometimes.   Not dislike, but actually hate her for what she did/ is doing to me and our family.   I hate that I hate her.   But it’s so personal.   She seems so oblivious.   As if it’s a game.   She relishes in the power of being able to fully destroy someone.   And she still thinks she is a good woman who deserves some guy to come in and make her happy.   There is a pretty good chance that she’ll eventually get it and has no problem with how she goes about getting it.  She’ll probably never fully comprehend or grasp the amount of pain she put me through and will probably remain ignorant of truly how much abuse she inflicted on me.

Sure, I may be a hypocrite for going out and doing “me” so to speak instead of ending it.    This isn’t easy nor is the path straightforward.   It’s easy to say to just divorce her and move, but divorce isn’t easy, add to the fact that we have a little one, add to the fact that I probably am emotionally traumatized and feel forced to make a huge decision that will likely hurt the kid.

I know I sound like a damn victim here, but I’ll say that there is an element of victim shaming at play from people not in the situation.    It’s like if one boxer cheated and kept getting away with hitting his opponent with low blows.   The ref and and crowd then tells the violated boxer that he must continue and criticizes him for complaining or not being able to perform at his best ability.  So called “alpha” men would say that I deserve this because, we as the man are always to blame.  I didin’t handle her correctly or I was too blue pilled.   Dunno, maybe?

I’m just tired man.   I know people in history and in the world have gone through/are going through much worse.   Add that to the fact that I do have my health, a stable career, family and friends who are also healthy (overall), and potential for a better future, I should focus on being grateful for the things that I do have going for me.  I’m living in a time where technology affords me all sorts of luxuries that previous generations could only dream of.    We don’t live under threat of imminent war in my area and food and opportunities seem quite abundant for now.

As bad as my marriage and relationships in general seem these days,  I suppose that things could be much worse and in fact overall, life is much better than I could have ever hoped for.    Perhaps the key is redirecting my attention towards the things I’m grateful for instead of focusing on the few problems.

 

 

 

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