Marriage isn’t about Happiness

Around the time and right after my marriage fell apart, I was an emotional wreck.  I’m not the type who keeps things bottled in and I’d often find myself telling strangers about my issues.   Keep in mind, I felt that these people were actually safer to talk to than people I know as I’d never see them again.   One thing exclusive to women was that they often said that I deserved happiness.

I just read an article titled, “Why do women cheat.” and the primary reason one gave was that she was unhappy, even though she had a stable marriage.   She felt justified.    Another article I read was titled “Why I want to divorce my good husband.”   In it, many women in the comments section were feeling that they were in decent marriages, but were unhappy and felt that they should either divorce or were using it as justification to have affairs.     My wife even told me that she was “unhappy” so she felt it was ok to cheat.

This has led me to a crossroads of wondering if all women are like this or only some.   Now if you asked these women on their wedding days, if they thought that affairs or divorce was an option, given their husbands treated them well and didn’t cheat, I’m pretty sure most would have said ‘NO’.

I find it so strange that some people know the right thing to do, yet they choose to do the wrong thing and are willing to lie, humiliate, and hurt a person who dedicated their life to them.   They’re willing to destroy and hurt the closest people around them in order to fulfill a sexual desire.   They break the golden rule that I’d think governs most normal people.  Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.  They seem normal, rational, and seem to be able to tell the difference between right and wrong.

I’m starting to wonder if these women were raised in a nuclear family home.   My wife wasn’t and so I don’t think that she values it as much as I do.   Before we got married, she said it was important to her, but I’m now I’m thinking that she doesn’t value it as she has no clue how hurtful divorce is on the kid.   She wasn’t raised in one, so maybe she is underestimating the toll it can take.   Her parents were never married.   Perhaps if they were, she would have experienced first hand how painful it was and tried harder to make things work.  Perhaps she would have valued me and our relationship and home.

As it stands, perhaps her frame to gauge her success in life is how happy she is.   Others are secondary.   Some women actually think that if they’re happy, everyone else around them should also be happy.   Many use it as an excuse for affairs or breaking up a family.   In my opinion, while happiness is preferable over unhappiness, raising our kids in a stable home is more important.   As long as there is stability and structure, we can seek happiness within the relationship.

There are deal breakers of course, but my optimal happiness isn’t one of them when it comes to the family (at least for me).   I just hate the idea that a home can just be broken, one can hurt or disrespect their SO, and let so many people down because they’re not as happy as could “possibly”(and that’s questionable) be.   True love often requires some sacrifice and it raises the question of whether they ever really truly loved their family unit or not.

I don’t know if I ever want to love that deeply again.  It’s too hurtful.   They say that men never recover from being broken that deeply.  I understand it.  While I won’t go so far as to say that I’ll never love again.  I will say that I’ll never love that deeply again.   It’s sort of sad because if there is a woman out there for me, I don’t know if I could love her in the same way.   Sure I’ll do my best to treat her as right as I know how, but in the back of my mind, I’ll always remember that completely giving her my heart, isn’t on the table.    That innocent part and naive part of love has been broken.    Unfortunately by someone who didn’t deserve it.    Perhaps we’re all broken in a way, but should I find someone worth taking a chance over…..what am I saying?…..AWALT.

 

 

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